Day 19 Personal Enemy

[neveragainplease]

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for your posts and sharing no matter where you're at and who you are...I have so much love for all of you. I wish we could all have a reunion and cookout!!

I have ADHD, with an emphasis on the Hyperactive part. No joke. I think I was maybe self medicating. Uh, needless to say, it was not the right thing to do. I'm working with a qualified counselor on dealing with life management techniques, and every time we discuss a method, I think, I've done that before!! I just forgot, in the purple haze I was in.

There are two terms I've seen on here that I think are so creative. One is that someone referred to his drugs as his "dark passenger" in a PM to me. The other was on a thread posted a few days ago where another man refers to his addiction as  "liquid handcuffs"....

In the past when the hyperactivity came on like this I would feel like "Oh here we go again...dang...I hate this part of me. I'm my own worst enemy."

No longer. I have found Personal Enemy #1: Drugs. The handcuffs, the dark passenger... I am opening the car door of life and kicking them to the curb! When the longing comes to mind, I think about something one of my girls says when she's dealing with a difficult person. She puts her hand up and says, "Talk to the hand!" In my mind, as long as that hand is up, I've made a boundary. The insanity of drugs will stay outside of me, along with the rest of the insanity of the world.

I am still having stomach issues from the withdrawal, and having trouble learning to "maintain"...Sleep, eat, exercise, etc.; the daily routine of self care still is challenging to put into place. They say it takes 2 weeks to establish a good habit so it's probably going to take a long time to add these things one or two at a time. What's ironic is that my kids always had regular meals, sleep times, etc. all during my addiction, but I did not?!

I would so love to hear from you all about your feelings toward your DOC. Personally I hate mine. Never in my life have I allowed myself to actually even use the word "hate". I had like a thing about not saying it. Now I realize I should hate my DOC out of self defense. I would also love to hear about emotional growth coming from kicking addictions. I'm so new at this and I know you all can help with ideas and thoughts.

Love you all!
xoxo

[neveragainplease]

I saw that in your journal! 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover! I should write a new line for it ... he doesn't mention opening the car door and pushing it out while going 80mph. lol

[clean_in_ks]

Here's a letter I found early on in my detox that I TOTALLY related to....maybe you will too.

http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/564106/POWERFULLetter-to-me-from-my-AddictionNever-Forget

I also just posted a new journal the other day about a song I always used to sing (many yrs ago), but now have heard it in a "new light" since becoming addicted to opiates and am now in recovery.  I think it's called breaking up with "my lover".

Keep em comin.....19 Days is FANTASTIC!!!!!