Everybody was Kung fu fighting

[APB_for_the_old_me]

Well I made it through the first night. Was thrashing around so that my husband slept on the couch. I felt so bad for him. I got a few hours decent sleep with the help of 2 ambien and a muscle relaxer or 2.  I HAVE to sleep. I find that if I can sleep I can deal with the rest. He's been SO sweet to me and I feel like a heel getting sympathy over something I brought on myself. All the more reason for this to be the LAST of the w/d. He deserves a wife that is present. So do my kids. This'll be the last day of work I can take, although I do have to take my mom to dr to see if cancer is back so that'll be really fun with no pills. Gotta change my mindset or I will not make it. I'm ready to end this.

[jifmoc]

Girl- you make me laugh! You obviously have a great sense of humor and are very honest...boy will that help!

Yes, it blows, it BLOWS, the beginning of detox. But, as said above, it will pass. It will pass. It will pass.

Did I mention it will pass?

And when you feel more "human", start looking into aftercare as said above. We have to. It's scary to think about, I know. But, it's not scary to do it!

You got this, girrrrrl.

[EvolverU]

Hi there, :)

Like my sister, ariley13 above, I too chuckled over both your thread title & your 'handle'. ;)

Congrats on Day 2!! [& Of Course it sux!] The important thing is that you're hanging in there. Right now all the 'giving a da*n' is flooding back into you. You're on an emotional tire swing right now. Your clarity of thought & emotional equilibrium will slowly start to return as you get some time under your belt. Try to think of this whole process as an unpleasant but necessary initiation into a life of True possibility & self-respect -- a rebirth. Like birth, itself, it's a painful, life-changing & wondrous process. I hear you on how the Oxy's subsumed your will & left you apathetic. We think we can't live without them while all the while they've actually been s*cking the life right out of us. (How's that for insidious?;)

Glad to hear you're thinking of ways to put safe-guards into place in order to protect the reborn you! It's never too early to realize that that staying  clean is the real challenge. You're right, we've got to change our ways of thinking, of reacting & doing -- it's the work of a lifetime. For now, though, let's get you through the 'actues', one moment, one breath at a time.

Keep fighting the good fight & keep your eye on the prize, my friend :)

We're here :)

[APB_for_the_old_me]

Thank y'all... Day 2 sux a$$ but I just forced myself to clean the bathtub which was gross, thanks Oxy for making me not give a dam, and I actually feel better! Makes me feel like I am part of the human race and not some withdrawal ridden, Kung Fu alien at home alone on this beautiful day. I am ready to start LIVING, people!! I can't tell you the outings and activities I've missed cuz I was happy enough getting fatter and fatter sitting right at home watching tv. This is NOT ME.  I'm ready.  And I am thinking of aftercare, Lu. No plan, but I'm thinking as best I can, today.

[pasquisha]

Aww man,  the description you gave is so spot on. I, too, feel like a ninja when I try to sleep.
Hang in there. It gets better. I'm on day 3 of no meds. Still not feeling 100% but getting there.
Hugs.... You'll be a great wife and mommy very soon. Sounds like you already are and maybe don't give yourself enough credit. You're doing this for them. That's a good woman in my book!

[lulu747]

I agree my dear- given your long history of addiction and the strong family gene of addiction, you really need to get a plan in place for how you are going to achieve long term sobriety.  Once detox is through you are gonna be in the mental battle of your life.  It never works to white knuckle it.  My Uncle, hard core alcoholic got sober nearly 25 years ago.  He relapses often and has almost killed himself drinking and driving.  He refused and still refuses to do aftercare.  He is miserable and mean all the time- even to his wife and my beautiful cousin.
My other uncle, also an alcoholic has been sober for 35 years,  he attends AA meetings every day.  And he is very happy (:
So think about it okay?  To quote IBK- Clean is not a 'me' thing it's a 'we' thing.
Congrats on your clean time.  Now get some safeguards in place to protect it at all costs.
Hugs,
Lu

[ariley13]

The title to your thread made me smile. I know the thrashing feeling very well! This will all pass. It is a very temporary situation, even though when in the midst of it time seems to crawl. Please be very careful taking sleeping pills. I know they are necessary at times, but the last thing you need is to become dependent on them.

Have you considered any sort of after care? I only ask because you said that you had to change your mindset or you would not make it. So very true for all of us. Many folks find support and that attitude/outlook change through NA/AA, or other addiction support groups. Just something to think about.

Please stick around here and continue posting. We are here for you cheering you along! You are doing great! Just keep kung fu fighting your way through this.  ;)