It has been said......

[clean_in_ks]

It has been said by quite a few forum members that our forum is "dead" or that it is not what it used to be~

I've been thinking about this a lot.  Here's an analogy:  our forum is a savings account.....those of us that read the forum draw from it.  But if we don't contribute or post, we aren't making a deposit into that savings account.  So what happens eventually?  It's EMPTY, right?

So what if everyone that reads the forum chose to post once a week, or every other day, or every day...at least ONCE....to help ONE person?  It would GROW and BUILD and FLOURISH, right?

Another thing I've been thinking about......sometimes I will post my heart out to someone and my post is totally ignored as if I never said/typed a word.  Does that hurt?  Yep, for a little bit....but then I have to ask myself this question.  Was I posting to HELP that person or for recognition?  The answer to that is, no, I wasn't looking for recognition, I was just hoping and praying at least one sentence helped the OP (original poster).  So when we post to another, are we posting with an expectation of some kind or just because we truly wanted to help that person?
  
Lastly, I know my husband will testify, that addicts can be overly sensitive....and that means that sometimes we take another person's words incorrectly.  We have no idea what some people are dealing with in their daily lives.  We can only post from our own personal perspective.....and we GOT that perspective from the road we have walked in this life.  If EVERYONE that is reading this forum could commit to post just once a week???  Or even post once every day?  Can you even imagine the activity we would see?

Lastly, I always try to pray for the right words before I post to someone and remember what I learned as a child, "If you don't have anything nice to say....then just don't say anything at all, Connie"

Hope all of you reading this will receive my words with open minds.....and even better, open hearts♥♥.

[jifmoc]

Smart words, chickadee...smart words:)

[momof41999]

I'm guilty at not replying but please don't take it to heart, I'm so overwhelmed and so full of anxiety that I forget. Always know I personally read everything wrote to me even if I don't respond:)
Thank you all for helping all of us new people.

[VICourageous]

Amen Sister!!!

We all are only speaking from our own Experiences and our Hope for a better future. No one is better then the next. Each and EVERYONE of us have something to share. We might have Addiction in common but we have our REAL LIFE issues too!

Many people are out there living there life too..or maybe some went back out..however, Everyone is Welcomed!

So come on down and stick around.
Bless u ALL!

[Cricketk92]

What a great post!
I just responded to something you wrote to me and kind of said the same thing in my response!  But I'll say some of it again...  I believe, at least for me, that one of the biggest purposes in my life now that I am in recovery is to help others.  And in helping others we too are blessed.  So it all comes full circle.  Getting clean and staying clean and helping others is a gift we have been given.  We have been given a second chance at life and if we don't give some of that blessing away then in time we will have to struggle to keep it!  
Just my thoughts on it....
I like the savings account analogy too!!!
You are awesome and I appreciate all you do here!!!!
Thank you!!!  <3

[clean_in_ks]

This post wasn't really about the new forum members that are struggling and just getting through acute withdrawals, ok?
There are a lot of people that read here frequently and aren't posting....those are the ones I hoped to encourage☺  

[clean_in_ks]

Hahahaha!!  I just read your other post.....I couldn't agree MORE!!

[Jerry198]

This site has help so many!! hard to say that its " Dead" this forum comes like waves some are big and others are small but still waves none the less.  Many of us come and go depending on our own lives many times we are busy and many times not and during those times we can devote more or less time to those that are here and in need of help ... But to say this forum is "DEAD" no way..

[dominosarah]

Just as the seasons change so does the forum.

You bring up good points about posting.  We speak from the heart with honesty and compassion.  Our goal is to show the members that recovery is a wonderful thing and try to spare others from making the same mistakes we made, all the while continue in our own recovery~

[Frogger76]

Very encouraging post Kansas. Thank you!!!

Take care,
Sherry

[Madmax88]

Right on this was a great post!

[refills]

I have been away from MH and I will recommit to helping others while helping myself.

clean in ks you are a beautiful person and I owe it to myself and others to carry on your thoughts. It's the posters on here that saved my life.

I will post at the very least once a week. I do have some things I want to say but have withdrawn for not being ready. The love I feel here is truly incredible and uplifting. Thank You ...ike

[10356]

I also have thought a lot about this and have heard this said before.. I have to agree with Jerry. It is not dead. a lot of peps get close in the time that they spend here as we share some personal stuff as Humans we have a tendency to form attachments Sometimes it is easier for a person to walk away from something then it is for others. Our there lives get busy, complicated, they are sick our going thru a long illness.. In the time that I have been here I have seen many changes but the 1 thing that has always remained the same is the kindness and sincerity in the peps that do offer support. I for one have leaned on this kindness while remaining very quiet as I did not have it in me to support someone as I was holding on for myself. I'm sure this is many of us, Anxiety can stop one from helping I know this and many here have anxiety.. I think the forum is just as it has always been New names but the same goal. Just my humble opinion. lesa

[BearsFan1966]

Amen! This is some thing to think about....I read every day but do not post and I suppose I am guilty...so Here is to a new start! If it were not for the people on here I would not be where I am today so I need to be there for others!
love you all!
Kari

[TramadolTrap]

Does anyone know what happened to Ashley? Dedicated to stop? I'm so worried she won't come back

[brownvelvet]

hi
I try to post and I write many but then delete them because I am afraid I will say something to upset someone...I never post anything negative because who needs that? I am not about tough love but support and understanding....im a newbie here but I know a lot about addiction from the medical/scientific side....im not so good with the interpersonal stuff....but I try to offer some encouragement because it meant a lot to me when  things were really bad.....but I still worry and dont post all I could....I never want to assume I know what is best for someone else...I can only offer what  I know about me...and I post often because my withdrawal was different than most I read and I wanted to share it in case someone was like me..
I hope I never hurt anyone here...you all have been great and I like to see how my fellow "newbie class" is doing...

[spider6]

Hey all.  Connie, great post chickie!

Funny how things happen at the times they do.  I have been struggling with this myself for.....months?!?  I'm an old timer now, over two years and I still come here practically every day,...I have not been contributing much for a long time now. I am sorry for that.  I really am.  It's been weighing on me.

The major reason I hadn't been posting much these last few months is that I've been struggling terribly with depression and marriage issues.  It's uber difficult for me to write when I'm depressed...I just can't make myself move.  If I do find the strength, I'll try and cover my own emotional state, i feel "Stupid" when I'm depressed so I just "hole-up" Usually.

.....now when I'm ANGRY! ....hahaha...that's a different sitch all together ....ahem......expletives flying hither and yonder ............not to mention flying "Corelle"!!!!!!!! Lol.....omg I remember that so well .....I threw a plate off our top floor bridge and it smashed into a million shards in my kitchen sitting area....so bizarre....I SAW it smash a millisecond before I HEARD it smash. ...science eh?, ..so cool!  (I'm a geek)....I digress.....

My fear of posting got to be that I couldn't relate to most of the newbies, because I didn't do the same drugs......called myself out on that one tonight.  I can still support, no matter what freakin chemical peeps be throwin down their throats, up their noses, in their veins or up their fluffer factory, I can still say "hey", I'm listening, or you're not alone, or hang on....etc. ....so, ya I feel bad as I have been feeling much better these last few weeks just wobblin on the focusing issue.  

My other fear of posting is the biggy.....I fear the newbies will see that I'm still struggling with some things, or that I've only conquered some of the issues they soooo desperately want to hear will be over in a couple of months, or ASAP ...they don't want to hear that I've just started sleeping like a normal person the last couple months......WHAT?!?!.....almost 2 years!!  I wouldn't want to hear that either.....(I did though, from a lot of you even more seasoned oldsters........I blocked it out. Le stubborn sigh.

So......I vow to make an earnest effort to give at least as much as I get.  The goal is to give more.....so I'm gonna be a work in progress.  This group of awesome peeps saved my life.  No doubt.  I love you all. I am grateful for you all. Thank you all.

........hear that?!?......million Angels fist bumpin and high fivin each other for bringing us all together!!!!  ...awesome job Angels!...rock on wichyobadself Cheese!!  

Spidey out.  (Holds arm out and drops "spout" to floor), hehehe,

((((8)))). Peace, strength, hope, hugs.

[Krissy_123]

Christmas,wait till Christmas. I was fairly new here last December but it must be something about that time of year that makes ppl want to quit or "have" to quit. But there were dozens and dozens of new ppl weekly asking for help. Sadly not many stay. Great post btw!

[meegWpaw]

HELLS YA!!!!!

ty Connie!

Meegy

[dominosarah]

Noone should have to apologize for saying how they feel unless the comments made were meant to be rude.  If someone gets hurt then that is on them.  Usually the comments made hit a nerve.  Usually in time they come around.

Spider.....you mentioned the sleep thing.  I would much rather have you tell them the truth than not say anything at all.   Different drugs affect us differently so what the norm is for you may not be the norm for someone else.  Just letting them know you are thinking about them can be very comforting.  Ya we all worry about scaring someone off but the bottom line is we really dont have that much power over someone.  That rests on their shoulders.  We have to stay true to ourselves and worry about our own shoulders.

[nonights]

Wow you hit my nerve cik. I quit posting because I felt like because I dont have as much time clean as others, people thought I had nothing to offer. Several comments were made, or rather several comments were interpreted by me  and yes just perhaps I was overly sensitive. So in my crazy head I took this as a sign that I need to be by myself........WRONG! Cause my head just makes it worse.  M h saved my life and I want to help anyone I can. I just dont have much confidence I have anything to offer. There have been so many times I have done the write a long post and deleted it thing because I did not want to hurt someone with my comments. I have been praying about this, seeking Gods guidance and my dear cik in the middle of the night (still not sleeping spider) here is your post. I am working thru my hurt FEELINGS and will try to post more. I will say I do see the tone has gone back to the say it was when I first joined 20 months ago. I hope this makes sense since I can only write two words per line in my comment box. Thank you CIK. I am going to wipe my tears away now.

[gettingmylifeback1964]

I'm on day 9 now, but started on the forum when I was tapering down, so I've been about three weeks on here.  I have tried to post something everyday.  If not it was the days I was to sick.  I tried to cheer people on but I'm not a rare kinda gal.  Just not in my nature.  I like posting my findings, what worked for me and what doesn't and how I feel on day 1,2,3... When I ask for opinions I always say thanks for the input.  However I do find many of my posts don't get much traction.  It's like people don't want to see facts, they just like to answer to the encouragement posts.  I've posted a couple of those too.  When I came on her it was to look for what would help me get through this.  These were the type of posts I was looking for.  Perhaps there should be two separate forums, one for active withdrawal remedies and expectations and another for mental support. Just a thought. Oh and one more observation.  Certain people have made templates.  They are quiet long and I suppose it's needed if you want to answer everyone, but you can tell they are templates and a place like this is not the place for them.  A couple of genuine sentences would be better.

[Cricketk92]

I just read through all the comments and a few things struck a chord with me.  I a LOT of times feel like since I don't have years of clean time that I don't have much to offer.... but then I remember that I have had 44 years of experience being a drunk and a druggie and have used just about everything that is out there!  44 out of 55 years is a lot of time to have been destroying my body and I need to remind myself that maybe just one thing I have to offer will help someone else!  
When I first came on here almost every single reply to my posts helped me tremendously!  A lot of that help just came from knowing that someone cared enough to respond...many times it wasn't even the words that were said... just knowing someone understood and that I mattered enough to them to take time to talk to me!!!
We all have something to say....we all have a story and experience and wisdom and at the same time we all have lives too....sometimes I don't come on here for a week because of life....and that's OK for all of us!!!  But I always come back and and I need to not be afraid of saying something because it might just be the life raft for someone who is drowning!!!  
We are all awesome!!!
Im so thankful for everyone here!!!!

[Deb179]

GREAT post ...awesome responses !!!
This forum has alot of love and experience to share,  NO ONE would be here, if we didn't care. ..right ?
The kindest of words can be mistaken.  All new people come here shattered, I see amazing support !!!
I'm a mom of a recoving addict, I've also become extremely close to other moms that left.  I try to encourage them to come back, to share their experiences  :)  
The reason they cant...they have finally found peace in their life, some of us have to let the past go to move on.
The people that stay here, even though we may tick some off, its never intentional.  The "Fine Line" is ALWAYS walked with love and encouragement.  In the end, we understand :)
I'm involved with several forums,  this is the forum I return to for my comfort.
don't ever believe your not changing lives...you are in BIG ways...including mine !!!

[dominosarah]

After reading some more of the comments i feel the need to vent........First off,EVERYONE here has something valuable to say even if it is to say hi, how are you today, yes it can be that basic of a response.  There isnt a one of us that have all the answers.  Some of us have been in recovery longer but that sure as he!! doesnt make us any better.  We are still one pill away from relapse.  I have some clean time in but let me tell you i have to work my recovery the minute my feet hit the ground.  Us "old timers" or whatever other names we are called are bashed at times too and is that fair to us?  I dont think so.  We have found something that works, just for today.  We are all equals in this addiction.  I struggle at times, i cry, i yell, scream, swear, eat grandma's molasses etc.  I have emotions just like everyone else.  I should be dead with all the drugs and drinking i did but for some reason i am still here.  I will continue to do what i do here everyday as this is my passion.  Vent over.