mary, kyle, ibkleen THANKS so much for your great words i actually laughed out loud!!!! i really do feel great i feel so proud of myself and i really thank you all on here because i have been reading on this site daily and even if i don't comment it is really a inspiration to me and to many others on here!! i believe this site is really helping people and that is a awsome thing!!! great job everyone and keep pushing forward being clean there is nothing better!!! Catuf thanks for sharing that story it was really good... i totally understand the one day at a time... but i agree until u REALLY get that it can be a relapse waiting to happen for any of us i think!!!! thanks again everyone and many blessings to everyone:)
congrats on hitting double-digits!!
it is my experience that when i quit keeping each day as my focus, i end up back on day-1. i see the same thing with others in recovery -- those who do it one-day-at-a-time, just keep doing it and their days turn into weeks, then months, then years, then decades.
more importantly, once they get past early recovery, they don't struggle one-day-at-a-time, they live a free and abundant life one-day-at-a-time.
in the first month of my last rehab i was talking to a counselor about life-after-rehab. she asked me "why are you so afraid of relapsing?"
that was easy . . . i told her "because i always do . . . sooner or later i always relapse" (and that was the truth, i always relapsed -- i'd quit with the most sincere and heart-felt desire to quit forever, but there i'd be a few days, a few weeks, or a couple of months down the road back to using and stuck in the same rut as before).
she asked me "are you going to use today?"
i remember being unable to stifle an audible sigh, because i was worried about something serious and here she was starting up with this one-day-at-a-time nonsense (a solution for idiots if i had ever heard one). but i told her "no, i'm not going to use today . . ."
she cut me off before i could explain why today wasn't the issue, "how do you know? how do you know you won't use today?"
again i answered her honestly, if impatiently: "i don't know how i know, but i know . . . i'm going to make to bed without using . . . ."
"are you sure? are you sure you're not going to use today, no matter what?"
"yes, i'm sure, but you don't understand . . . today's not the issue -- sooner or later . . ."
"NO," she interrupted, YOU don't understand. all you have is TODAY and if you're not going to use TODAY, then you're doing everything that recovery requires."
i had a history of failed recovery and i had heard "one-day-at-a-time" a thousand time, but this time it hit me like a ton of bricks. suddenly i GOT IT and i saw that it wasn't some meaningless nothing, it was everything. i was just stunned and i said "oh my god, do you mean that when you guys say 'one day at a time,' you really mean one-day-at-a-time?"
she knew i got it, and smiling, she said "yeah, we really mean it."
that moment made all the difference for me. prior to that moment i was a relapse wating to happen. a hope to stay clean, dipped in the fear of failure that never failed to appear. i was failure.
suddenly, i was success . . . i was doing everything that recovery required. with my focus entirely on today, i was a success as long as i didn't use today. it didn't matter what i would or wouldn't do tomorrow, today was the ticket and i was not going to use today.
becoming a success instead of a failure-waiting-to-happen was a game changer. i became dedicated to today. "stay clean today, no matter what," that was the goal . . . make it through the day and get to bed without using at all. if i felt like i might break down tomorrow or next week, so what -- that didn't count and it didn't matter. my only job was to not-use today.
these days, my job is to work on my recovery one-day-at-a-time. i can't work on my recovery tomorrow, or next week, i can only work on my recovery today.
if i keep doing that, i can stay in the light, which is a good place to be.
CATUF
2626
From me too...very proud of you!
WHOOP WHOOP - heck yeah! I can't express how proud I am of you. Happy for you. Everything. Words escape me (unusual). You are an inspiration. Enjoy your accomplishment. Many, many congratulations.
WHOOP back ya. Congratulations and keep on trucking forward!!!