Aa
Please help me if you have an alternative to me leaving my husband
Where to start..... For those of you that don't know me my husband is on oxycontin for severe back pain. He was on 640mg a day, and is currently tapering this down. He has managed to taper to down to 440mg in the last month which the doc says is very good.
However, the problem is with his sleeping (or lack of it). He has always had problems sleeping but since being on oxycontin it has got much much worse. We have both mentioned it to the doc who tells us that it is because of the oxy, however, since tapering it has just got worse.
Since xmas day there has been three separate occassions when he has become so tired that he has literally fallen asleep round peoples houses, eating, on the floor etc etc. Not only this but he hallucinates, he talks a load of nonsense and treats me like **** (which is soooo different to the "normal" him). I love him so much and have tried so so hard to help him but it just keeps happening over and over again despite him saying it won't. It has now happened two nights in a row, which is odd because he (after several hours of confusion etc) did finally crash and actually sleep last night. I have now reached the end of my tether and really cannot take any more, I have now ran out of options and the doc just won't help us. My husband is falling apart before my very eyes and our marriage is crumbling. Please if anyone can help us I am desperate!!!
Thanks for listening guys.
Karen
However, the problem is with his sleeping (or lack of it). He has always had problems sleeping but since being on oxycontin it has got much much worse. We have both mentioned it to the doc who tells us that it is because of the oxy, however, since tapering it has just got worse.
Since xmas day there has been three separate occassions when he has become so tired that he has literally fallen asleep round peoples houses, eating, on the floor etc etc. Not only this but he hallucinates, he talks a load of nonsense and treats me like **** (which is soooo different to the "normal" him). I love him so much and have tried so so hard to help him but it just keeps happening over and over again despite him saying it won't. It has now happened two nights in a row, which is odd because he (after several hours of confusion etc) did finally crash and actually sleep last night. I have now reached the end of my tether and really cannot take any more, I have now ran out of options and the doc just won't help us. My husband is falling apart before my very eyes and our marriage is crumbling. Please if anyone can help us I am desperate!!!
Thanks for listening guys.
Karen
Its simple... Either you'll suck it up and stick with him, for better or worse. OR you'll leave him when he needs you most. Maybe try a nother Dr. Maybe a state-run rehab.
He does have REAL pain, yes?
He does have REAL pain, yes?
I want to help him I really do, but I just don't know how. Everything I try he just throws back at me and treats me like dirt. I just don't understand anything about why he is doing this. I also have my own business to run, and a daughter to cope with on top of this and I just don't feel I can cope anymore.
Yes he does have real pain, severe back pain, which is getting worse as he's tapering from Oxy
Yes he does have real pain, severe back pain, which is getting worse as he's tapering from Oxy
Yes, I know he has done very well to taper 200mg a day and I am so proud of him for doing it.
I guess I am just looking fo answers as to how I can help him, and how best to cope with this for me.
I guess I am just looking fo answers as to how I can help him, and how best to cope with this for me.
Its TOUGH!!!!! It will not be easy.
Its very easy for me give my opinion on your situation. I have been in your situation. Except my husband was using illegal, drugs and needle's and I did leave him. He was dead within a year from Methadone & Xanax overdoes.
No one can tell you what to do. Only you know the right thing to do and how much your willing to invest in him.
Its very easy for me give my opinion on your situation. I have been in your situation. Except my husband was using illegal, drugs and needle's and I did leave him. He was dead within a year from Methadone & Xanax overdoes.
No one can tell you what to do. Only you know the right thing to do and how much your willing to invest in him.
It just takes time...keep your faith, talk to friends, talk to us anytime...if you guys really love each other, ANY obstacle can be overcome...I've been there.
Thanks so much for just listening to me. I do love him very much and really don't want to leave him, and as I said if I could help in any way I would but I feel that he doesn't want my help.
I am so sorry to hear about your husband, that must have been so tough. Its makes me wonder what I am whining about! It's just so hard seeing the person that you love more than life itself in that state and being totally helpless. I guess leaving him would be the easy option just so that I don't have to sit back and watch him in constant pain, and so confused that come the next morning he doesn't actually remember anything at all.
I am so sorry to hear about your husband, that must have been so tough. Its makes me wonder what I am whining about! It's just so hard seeing the person that you love more than life itself in that state and being totally helpless. I guess leaving him would be the easy option just so that I don't have to sit back and watch him in constant pain, and so confused that come the next morning he doesn't actually remember anything at all.
Thank you. Yes we do love each other very very much, theres no doubt about that.
I have just been upstairs and he is currently asleep on the floor (again) crouched up in a ball), this is despite me actually physically getting him into bed twice tonight already! So I'm afraid I now give up he will just have to sleep like that, at least he's sleeping which is more than I will get tonight.
Anyway, thanks for the support.
I have just been upstairs and he is currently asleep on the floor (again) crouched up in a ball), this is despite me actually physically getting him into bed twice tonight already! So I'm afraid I now give up he will just have to sleep like that, at least he's sleeping which is more than I will get tonight.
Anyway, thanks for the support.
you need to step back and look at the over all picture this is what I am thinking from what you have said:
One he is going through WD from the tapper even though he maynot feel them that is 6.5 mg dailly of a tapper good but fast so deppression due to lack of sleep, feeling that he is not holding up his part of the marriage, not able to control anger can be part of him feeling like he failed you in some way. My anger spiked in the middle of my tapper and W/D's. he needs your support and help but maybe needs mental support from professional. He is also searching to find his true self hince the anger. the hallucinations can come from lack of sleep. he is in a downword spirial you are his only constant in life right now you most likly give him the strength to keep moving forward. You can be and is his strength. when he blows up you can remove yourself from the situation and should do that but return when he calms you can get the man you ounce had back it will take time and it will be hard but can happen hold on to that thought. and remember you have gone this far not to turn and run even though you have gone threw alot and feel you are at ends. just tell your self when this is all said and done you get pampered by him for along time
Anyone can hit a wall. The anguish felt then is proof of one's desire to move forward. But all is for naught if you falter at that moment. Action-that is the key to breaking through an impasse.
There is a saying that the earth upon which we fall is the same ground which enables us to push ourselves up again. There's another which maintains that barley grows better after it has been trampled on. Human relationships are sometimes painful, but there is no such pain from which we cannot recover. It is up to us to decide to live a life free from self-doubt and despair in spite of our failures. Indeed, it is during our most humbling moments that we should show greatest poise and grace. Then the dignity of our lives will truly shine.
One he is going through WD from the tapper even though he maynot feel them that is 6.5 mg dailly of a tapper good but fast so deppression due to lack of sleep, feeling that he is not holding up his part of the marriage, not able to control anger can be part of him feeling like he failed you in some way. My anger spiked in the middle of my tapper and W/D's. he needs your support and help but maybe needs mental support from professional. He is also searching to find his true self hince the anger. the hallucinations can come from lack of sleep. he is in a downword spirial you are his only constant in life right now you most likly give him the strength to keep moving forward. You can be and is his strength. when he blows up you can remove yourself from the situation and should do that but return when he calms you can get the man you ounce had back it will take time and it will be hard but can happen hold on to that thought. and remember you have gone this far not to turn and run even though you have gone threw alot and feel you are at ends. just tell your self when this is all said and done you get pampered by him for along time
Anyone can hit a wall. The anguish felt then is proof of one's desire to move forward. But all is for naught if you falter at that moment. Action-that is the key to breaking through an impasse.
There is a saying that the earth upon which we fall is the same ground which enables us to push ourselves up again. There's another which maintains that barley grows better after it has been trampled on. Human relationships are sometimes painful, but there is no such pain from which we cannot recover. It is up to us to decide to live a life free from self-doubt and despair in spite of our failures. Indeed, it is during our most humbling moments that we should show greatest poise and grace. Then the dignity of our lives will truly shine.
I am so thankful that I had and have my boyfriend by my side. We've been together for 12 years and I will say, having him just there even though he didn't understand my dependency helped me get and want to stay clean! Be strong for him! Tapering is HARD for an addict! I didn't go to rehab but if I couldve I wouldve! Stay on this site... This site and the love and support from my loved ones is what keeps me going!
Thank you so much for those words. You are so right. I guess the hard part is leaving him alone when he gets in one of these states. I love him so much that the instinct is to try and help him but I know that in doing so I just make the situation worse! I don't mean to, and I know that when he is like that it is not really him, he always apologises and always promises to make it up to me. I need to be strong, which is really tough.
I have left him alone now because everytime I try and help him into bed he just gets angry with me. Do you think that is the best way? My only fear in doing that is that he could hurt himself.
Thanks a lot for your help.
I have left him alone now because everytime I try and help him into bed he just gets angry with me. Do you think that is the best way? My only fear in doing that is that he could hurt himself.
Thanks a lot for your help.
Think of the worst possible thing that could happen to you.... And think of what your husband would or would not do to support you.
I can tell you he's going through hell. He doesn't want your advice or lectures. He needs to be consoled.
Listen to him, pet him, hold him, tell him it's going to be okay.
That's what my husband has done for me these past few days of detox, and I love him more for it. He hasn't lectured, or tried to even understand.. He's just held and petted me and asked me what he could do. That's all you can do right now.
If you don't love him, then screw it, leave him. If you do? You'll do the right thing and suck it up and work it out. We're human and that makes us imperfect. Love your husband. He NEEDS YOU! He needs you more than he ever has in his life.
I can tell you he's going through hell. He doesn't want your advice or lectures. He needs to be consoled.
Listen to him, pet him, hold him, tell him it's going to be okay.
That's what my husband has done for me these past few days of detox, and I love him more for it. He hasn't lectured, or tried to even understand.. He's just held and petted me and asked me what he could do. That's all you can do right now.
If you don't love him, then screw it, leave him. If you do? You'll do the right thing and suck it up and work it out. We're human and that makes us imperfect. Love your husband. He NEEDS YOU! He needs you more than he ever has in his life.
by walking away you are defusing the anger or the out burst even if it is walking into another room a defferant part of the house defuse his actions by not reacting. during my time with combat stress unit in the army I learned that sleep, food and shower is the 123 of copeing with a bad situation just remember he is haveing a normal reaction to an abnormal situation ie the withdrawals support but do not let your self be abused or your daughter it sounds like he won't do that but keep it on the side and when he falls asleep let him sleep were ever he is at in the house and that is the time for you to do somthing for yourself hot shower long bubble bath somthing to bring up your spirit
I have been with my husband for 6 years and he has had health problems for about 2 1/2 years of that. During this time I have been with him to every hospital appointment (which is not easy as I run my own business and hence any time off is unpaid). I do try and support him in any way I can but I know that sometimes I just mess this up. I have a temper (due to a previous relationship) and hence I do tend to fly off the handle uneccessarily sometimes. I know that a lot of the problem is in the way that I handle the situation. Any views on how best to cope with him in this situation would be appreciated.
Many thanks.
Many thanks.
Thank you so much for the advice. I will certainly try and walk away, it certainly won;t be easy but I will give it a go. However, what if I feel he is in any danger where he is at?
step back and look walk away to another room even for you same thing think to yourself normal reaction to abnormal situation think about that saying you will understand what it means and aply it. best way is to make sure you make time for yourself even if it is an hour a day to unwind. or get a punching bag sounds funny but you get mad you start to fly off the handle go hit the bag 10- 15 min you will feel 100% better
He'll be okay.. Walk away to another room if you cannot handle it. My mother is not as supportive as my husband, and she tends to offer advice, which makes me lash out at her.
Just get away for a while. You're going through a tough time too. Our hearts go out to you. However, he really does need you right now. Business be damned. When you die, do you want your husband next to you or your business?
It's all a matter of perspective.
Just get away for a while. You're going through a tough time too. Our hearts go out to you. However, he really does need you right now. Business be damned. When you die, do you want your husband next to you or your business?
It's all a matter of perspective.
than remove you and hin into a room with out danger. and if he is threatening self harm 911 not just for after it happens EMT's have to know behavieral issues also
Walking away does seem the best option and I'll try. Thank u so much for your assistance. However smartyetstupid you say "business be damned", trouble is without the business, theres no income (hubby doesn't walk due to his health problems), and no income we are all out on the streets, so I feel I am in catch22 here. Trying so hard to juggle my husbands needs and the needs of my business and income etc.
ok guys its' now 4am here so gonna try and get a few hours sleep if I can. Will check again tomorrow.
Thanks to you all for listening.
Karen
Thanks to you all for listening.
Karen
It's true torture going threw withdrawals and the desperation for sleep is the worst. If I had fallen asleep on a bed of nails, I would have been thrilled. And if anyone had woke me from that sleep, I would have gone for their throat...literally. Let him sleep. Walk away. Just let him know you're there for him and when he needs your help, he'll let you know. Just be there when he needs the support or something to drink or just a smile. He's going threw this torture and heII for a reason, I'm guessing the reason is you and your daughter.
Good luck to you and him.
Good luck to you and him.
Just be there for him!! They gave support groups much like this that you can physically go to the offer help to family members of addicts! I used to get soooo angry and moody on drugs and my other half which is the calmer half would walk away for a bit re group and finally after coming clean to him did he finally realize why I was the way I was! They say that certain situations in life either tear a couple apart or bring you closer together! I support you in whatever decision is best for you and you family!! Hang in there sister! With the right support and will to get clean I know it will be amazing in the long run! Xoxo
hi sounds like your both struggling with this he is detoxing but also making you miserable and feeling helpless anxious etc.. i put my wife through the same i dragged her into my opiate dependant life made her miserable thankfully she stayed with me. i am free from all drugs and its her turn for me to make it up to completely which i am i will never forget how she helped me- i could not have done it without her- its hard but stick with it you will EVENTUALLY reep the rewards im sure. good luck, peace.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
