Hate my mother

[coconuts27]

So I had a plan to get clean starting today. I get up this am and call my mom to say I was coming for the baby. Apparently she had a meeting with DCFS today and I am not allow to be with my kids unsupervised. I gave her temporary custody of them while I was fighting this. She doesnt know I'm using, but thinks it's mental illness. I guess she went thru my things one day and found coke. I AM SO PI$$ed. SHe had no right! She is a recovering crack addict. I dont even use coke around my kids. I have never abused or neglected my kids. They have everything. Who cares what I do when the kids are gone??? She only did this because we had a fight the other day. I havent spoke to dcfs worker yet, so I dont know what she told them. I cant see anyone until tomorrow. The paper says only supervised visits with my mom, and I have to comply with drug screens and any treatment programs they reccomend. So I planned on quitting today, but will I look horrible w/ding at dcfs in the morning??? Should I wait to stop the pills??? Are they gonna keep me from moving in 5 weeks? This is so screwed up. After this is all done, I swear, I dont even have a mom. She'll never see us again.

[NautyOne]

Great Post...........^^^^^5555

Nauty.........

[J_friend]

If your mom has problems with drugs, I find it puzzling that you would give her temporary custody of your OWN kids.  Either you know she's a pretty good person, or you were using VERY bad judgment.  Again, coconuts,  (and I think I can speak for Sportsguy) I am actually trying to provide you with sound feedback.  However, I notice all too often, that many people on this forum seem to think that support and help are synonymous with feeling sorry for people and supporting people's drama, as opposed to telling people to "WAKE UP".  My heart goes out to you - drugs can be a HEAVY problem, and it's not easy getting clean.  In fact, I have relapsed and am on pain pills once again.  However, the bottom line is that I'm being  selfish, wimpy, and definitely NOT being a good dad.  Being a good father would mean dealing with my pain and not using ... and currently, I'm not doing the right thing.  Often, we need STRAIGHT truth - and often ... straight truth is NOT what we want to hear.

[coconuts27]

Thanks you guys for your insight. I am going to go forward with my plan to detox. I'm just really upset. And I dont really think my mom did this for the kids. It was out of anger towards me. Even though I do drugs, I dont think I'm a bad parent. I love my kids very much, this just got out of hand. I thought it was best that my kids were with my mom during this hard time. I wanted to clean myself up, not get my kids caught up in the system. Hopefully everything will go well tomorrow at dcfs and my kids will come home. Being that my mom has her own problems with drugs, I just dont think she had the right to put me thru this. It just makes everything I'm trying to do so much harder.

[Sportsguy86]

Jfriend is right.  No good parent does drugs.  It always leads to a lack of trust and dysfunction in the family.  And it seems as the consequences have already began surfacing--you gave up custody of your kids! Think of how big of a deal that is.  It is not normal in any way.

I'm not saying this to put you down--I'm trying to help you.  Look at what youre doing to yourself and your family and change your ways.  It will save your life and relationships down the line.

[J_friend]

As a father, the whole "I don't even use coke around my kids" doesn't really make much sense.  If you're a drug abuser, in ANY way, your kids are affected.  I'm sure you have reason to be angry and upset; however, did it occur to you that maybe your mom is actually looking our for her grandkids?  I mean, since you DID give her temporary custody, I think she has a right to be concerned about them.

I'm not putting you down, but I can't help but think twice about some of the supposed "support" on this forum.  I'm sure everyone is coming from a place of love, but sometimes love isn't always soft and tender.  Sometimes we REALLY need to let people know what's up.  Being straight with someone is much more crucial (in my opinion) to their well being and recovery than always being in their corner.

As a parent, you're a parent even when your kids ARE gone.  And, if you're being self destructive in ANY way, and your mother has been given temporary custody, then it seems like this IS her business.

[catmagnet]

i sent you a pm...

[gustaria]

If you have a real and deep lovre for your children, contact the DCF and tell them that you have had some problems and that you are willing to do whatever they ask and then do it. otherwise you will end up where you do not want to be.

[LONESOME]

I'm sorry you are going through this problems with your mom at the same time that you are trying to bit this horrible problem, I'm glad you are still going foward into recovery and just remember that your mom has your kids right now and you just have to look at thing from that prospective. I really hope that everything works out for you and your kids and that at the end you and your mom find peace.
Good luck and yes you can do it!!

[coconuts27]

Sorry you guys. Im just so mad and emotional right now. I keep trying to call and talk to her, but she wont answer my calls. I'm still gonna try to quit. I flushed my coke and threw out all my blades and stuff. Didnt mean to bring so much negativity.