Here.....Again!!

[struggling_college_student]

So after about another year and a half of using I finally hit the bottom......again....this time I got all the way up to 240mg or so of oxy a day plus any other meds I could get.  I'm on day 1 right now and feel like caca....why did I do this to myself yet again?? Wasn't the last time reason enough to stay sober?? I just hate that I'm back here and do the whole WD thing and ugghhhh.....but this site always helped during my wd periods.....good luck everyone

[jerry4664]

well Im 250 miles south of you and feel like **** to and this RAIN is not helping

[struggling_college_student]

Yeah I hear ya man....I actually like rain tho lol anyways I am on about 17 hrs clean right now.....feelin fine one sec then hot the cold then panic attack!! It's drivin me nuts!! I am determined to do this tho! I have wasted so much of my life due to these pills....I just want it back....hang in there!! We can do it!!

[livngr8ful]

I would grab my stuff and take off to the Sierra Nevada's.  Go camping in some of the greatest mountains on earth.  Clear your head and resume life.  You have done it before and you can do it again.  Wow I wish I could go spend a day or two hiking up to Clouds Rest and really enjoy what our mother earth has given us.  Good luck, and all will be fine.

[shiningstar500]

You will start to feel better soon and feel much better!!! I hated having to worry about the pills and if I had enough. Such a relief not to have to worry about them anymore!

[gnarly_1]

HI......welcome back....wish it was under different circumstances but if you need to detox again then so be it....you know what to expect try to go into this with a positive attitude it will do more then anything else to keep you motivated...dont forget about the hot baths its the best therapy I know it will releave a lot of the symptoms....get out will you can and rent some movies so you have something to to wile your up all night....I use to lay on the couch with my eyes closed and some soft music playing in the background it may be the closest thing to sleep you get...I know we beet this drum a lot but hook up into some form of aftercare...
addiction just doesn't go away because we detox you need to learn the skills and tools to
train your brain how rethink...our best thinking got us here its time for some meetings to learn how to retrain our minds...its the only long term solution both N/A and A/A offer free programs and it works if you work it....I tell everybody here to put as much effort in your aftercare as you did in your active addiction and you will come out clean and sober and enjoy your new lifestyle....good luck and God bless......Gnarly    

[struggling_college_student]

Yay I made it to 24 hrs without a pill.....will except for any narcotics I guess!!! Lol anyway I've just been laying around and when I get the hot flashes i just go outside where it's pretty chilly....then I come back in when I'm cold and snuggle under a blanket.  It's working out ok so far.....my mom brought me some herbs and vitamins to help me relax......thank god I have a supportive family....I just hate when I have to put them thru this....keep positive every and I'll try and do the same

[dominosarah]

Using is just a symptom of this addiction.  I would really check into some sort of recovery care.  You dont have to keep doing this to yourself.  There is help out there but you have to be the one to reach out.....

Congrats on 24 hrs!!  Keep it going now.  Glad to hear you have a supportive family too.  That is always a big help......sara

[Punkinhead75]

Good job on the 24hrs.  The question is what are you going to do different this time?  There are places to go to learn how to live a clean lifestyle.  Are you willing to put the effort in?  Wishing you the best of luck!!!

[struggling_college_student]

Ufggghhh I just want to close my eyes and lay still for a min or two but the wds won't let me!! I really hope this passes soon!! If I remember right it took me til about the end of day 4 to start seeing a dramatic improvement.....I can't wait to get there!!!

[sky_is_the_limit]

Don't feel bad man this is my second time back and it makes me feel like an idiot for going right back to pills. I have totallly seperated myself from anyone who even associates with them thangs. Hang in there bro. YOU CAN DO IT. Just don't go back to them OC's. THEY ARE EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rooster002]

Hey Bro. I'm back after 9 months of being clean. I wasnt sober but I wasnt using. I just finished day 3  and am working on 5 interupted hrs of sleep the last 2 and half days. Looking back on the past 7 months since my relapse I now know that it was gonna happen just a matter of when. I stopped going to meetings after about 5 weeks and stopped hanging out with my 1 sober friend who brought me to my 1st meeting. I'm shocked I lasted aslong as I did. Hang in there as you know it gets easier and being clean from those OCs feels great.  I not only put my supportive family thru this but my Wife and 2 kids.  Its those long sleepless nights during WD that when we reflect on how we screwed the people who love us that should stick with us and fight each day to not use. Cause we have a nasty disease thats itching to come out.   Good Luck

[struggling_college_student]

Thanks everyone for the support.....I'm determined to do this but geez I hate these feelings of anxiety, hot then cold, restlessness, and NO SLEEP!!! I got maybe a total of 2 hrs since last night....the hot baths have been helping along with sum benadryl and vitamin supps.  I just wish I could fast forward thru this!! Haha yea right!

[jstntime]

Hi,

You're doing great,

It sounds like you have a good attitude about this and that is good, it helps tremendously.  I always found that the best thing for the anxiety and restlessness was a good book or movie or SOME sort of distraction.  Try and keep your mind busy so you aren't thinking about pills.  

Don't lie around and stare at the clock!!!  You know it will get better, just keep hanging in there until it does.

Wishing you the best and looking forward to you getting through this!!!

bob

[struggling_college_student]

Well it's morning time....last night was pretty rough!! I only caught like 15 min of sleep here and there:-( starting to get a little diarrhea too:-( oh well such is the price we addicts pay!  I've been taking a lot of hot baths.  For the past few hrs I have been watching intervention.....god it's amazing what we do to destroy ourselves.....I wish I could go to an inpatient detox!! That would be nice;-) well good luck everyone!!!

[gnarly_1]

HEY dude just wanted to encourage you to hang in there and keep going with this thing
you got a couple of days yet so work on your attitude a positive attitude goes a long way
in doing this you got the right idea with the hot baths I took several a day when I detoxed
keep up the good work and keep posting for support we all want to see you make it
good luck and God bless....Gnarly  

[gizzy32]

Welcome back, I remember you from before. I want to wish you luck and hope you do something different this time to stay clean. The w/ds are the easiest part for an addict, they go away. Stick around this time and keep getting support and hope you look into some type of aftercare this time to STAY clean. Good luck man.

P.S. May I ask what triggered this relapse?

[feohmoon]

Your story is eerily similar - and I am a struggling college student who is ashamed to be here for a second time. (not that there is anything to be ashamed of) - but pills have impacted my life so severely I wonder how I could continue doing something so destructive, that is not typical of my behavior.  But I am not myself at this time as you are not.  This forum is a great outlet and an excellent source of imformation and support.  
This time will be the last time because we all want control of our lives and we will get there one day at a time.  I never realized the power of that phrase.  Are you using vitamins and supplements and doing all you can to help repair your mind and body.  The Thomas Recipe was a lifesaver in detoxing from methadone - along with Natural Calm, CalMag, a healthy diet and exercise along with plenty of water.  My fiance and I also ordered some injectable B-12 and it helped with energy as well.  It sounds simple but it makes a world of difference.
Best of luck and keep posting.

[struggling_college_student]

Yeah these pills have a way of getting a hold of us....I took 1 pill thinking it wouldn't hurt but yea now here I am again!!! Hey gizzie about aftercare.....I'm actually moving to Georgia on the 20 of this month....I just have too many connections around here and feel moving to a new area will def help!! I have recommited my life to Christ and fully intend to seek help through a church in that area:-( I'm so sad but excited at the same time for this move

[struggling_college_student]

Yay!!! Made it past 48 hrs!  Still haven't slept at all but a hot shower helps me to be able to lay down and close my eyes for a lil bit

[gnarly_1]

Hey....dude just roll up on the couch with some soft music playing and lay there with your eyes closed...you can go into deep rest....its not sleep but its probably the closest thing your going to get for the next few days.............Gnarly

[struggling_college_student]

Hey everyone!! Just a little update....almost thru day 3!! Yippee....not feeling to bad physically except for the insane lack of sleep!! 1 hr since I started wds! I'm so lookin forward to getting clean and STAYING clean this time!  I hope every is well.....good luck and god bless!! Jeff

[struggling_college_student]

So I'm feeling ok right now but just really wishing I could get at least 45min-1hr of sleep!! I really want to sleep for like 24 hrs straight!! Lol yea right!! Well in 2nd 15 min I'll be at 72 hrs without of pill!!

[struggling_college_student]

Oh btw for sum reason I was at the store gettin cigs today and I got this idea in my head that maybe drinking sum liquor will help me sleep....so I buy sum brandy and coke...walk hm get inside and make a drink....took 2 sips and then was like what am I doing this is so dangerous!! If I got drink I would prolly use...so I instantly poured the drink and the rest of the brandy down the toilet!! Geez addicts minds work in such mysterious ways:-(

[feohmoon]

Good for you...that is liberating.  Besides, you would have felt bad from that tomorrow because our bodies recognize alcohol as just another drug and it would have interfered with your progress.
The lack of sleep is brutal, I am suffering from that as well.  Sleep deprivation makes you feel so rough regardless of whether or not you are withdrawing...then it is 100x as rough.
Stay strong, you are doing awesome.