How do I make my recovery successful this time?

[recovering_unicorn]

Hi guys, I'm new here and could use some advice.
I had an appointment with the community addiction team this morning. I was under them for benzo abuse and then discharged when that was under control but I've been sent back as I'm having problems with codeine and paracetamol. I'm clean and have got it under control, at least I think I have. I've been here before. Substances have been a problem for me since I was a teenager. I've tried quite a few different ones.
Today I had a urine screening and I'll be having L.F.T. and a blood test for HIV, hep c, etc. I also have to have regular drug screening as a preventative measure as much as to make sure I'm staying clean.
I was honest with the nurse earlier about my drug history and that I've been trying to source again. I've been messing about with my meds on top of the codeine. Not smart, I know, coz of the high doses of painkillers and AD and beta blockers I take. It doesn't even make me feel that good.
But my real problem atm is how do I stay clean? It's not been long (I refuse to count) and I'm already feeling like s**t. My meds are restricted and I have to be watched to make sure that I take them properly. I don't want to relapse again but I feel like I will so easily.
Help!!

[crystaljoyb]

I'm not fully sure how an addict can take addictive medications and not respond like an addict, but my only idea is for you to be in recovery. If you don't deal with the issues that led you to addiction in the first place, I would say you have no chance of learning not to abuse your medications.

You said NA isn't an option for you because you are at a risk for sourcing? I'm assuming you mean buying drugs? Every addict that attends NA is at a risk for that, they are addicts. If you go to NA and truly work it, your risk for sourcing would be less and less. If you truly want to stop abusing your meds, you have to make a firm and honest commitment to so that. You can't do it on your own, and it isn't going to magically just happen without work on your part.

I'm also an alcoholic. I quit for two years on my own, but since I didn't get into recovery, didn't work on the problems that led me into alcoholism, my addiction resurfaced with opiates and I resumed the downward spiral right where I left off.

I'm only just a shy of a month clean, but this time I've made a plan to stay that way. I found a doctor, I found a counselor, I joined as many online support groups as possible, I came clean with my loved one's and the doctors supplying me meds, and I'm learning as much about addiction as possible.

I've been reading about a method called AVRT and it's been very helpful for me and it's made me look at addiction in a way I never have before. It's taught me that my addiction will tell me any lie possible to keep me using. My addiction is evil and self serving and cares nothing for me. The pills I thought were my best friend, the ones I loved so much and couldn't make it through a day without were actually my evil worst enemy and I was only using them to numb all the parts of me or my life that I wasn't happy with. I am finally learning to know when my addiction is deceiving me and know that I don't have to listen to it. I don't have to be a slave to a pill that promises false happiness. I can stay clean as long as I don't believe any lie that involves me ever using again. I've learned that it's a lie that I can't quit, I won't be happy without it, it's too hard, I'll never be able to do it. ALL LIES told by my evil monster of addiction told to keep it happy and me miserable.

If you truly want to stop, you can't do it without getting into recovery. If NA won't work for you, find another source that will, but don't let your addiction lie to you and make excuses why you can't.

[jifmoc]

Hi, welcome. I'm a little confused. Are you saying you need to be on pain meds and are wondering how to take them like a person who is not an addict? If that's the case, sorry, we can't do that. If we could control our using, we wouldn't be addicts. Why are you on pain meds? Is it something that can be helped by other methods?

The only way that I know of to be successful in recovery is to BE in recovery. That means a program like AA or NA etc. (That's what works for me.) It also means abstinence from drugs and alcohol.

Tell us more specifically and we can try and help.

[recovering_unicorn]

I have MS so I'm on painkillers for that. I have to take them, it's not a choice. NA isn't an option because I'm at a risk of sourcing. I'm going to be put forward for one-to-one counselling and to see an addiction Dr in the new year. It's just that seems like a very long time away. There is also a drop-in session once a week I can go to if I want.

Apparently I'm not known as a straight-forward case. Too many things working against me. I can never be drug free, just on as little as possible. Everything I'm on is necessary.

I guess I'm worried that 'll never be in control. I know I'll always be an addict but it would be good to know that I won't relapse every single time. I need to know if that's possible? My life isn't my own and I hate that.

Sorry if I can't explain myself properly. Cognitive problems are a ***** :/