New and ready to move on!

[CleaningUp]

Hello everyone, I am new to this forum. I have been using prescription pain killers for about 3 years now. My everyday pill was tramadol, about 5-12 50mg pills a day. Then about once a month or so I was using liquid morphine, and the pill form, as well as vicodin, heroin, and some others. Today is my 8th day being completely sober. It is such a weird feeling, like even though I am sober, I still don't feel "normal". What I am wondering is if everyone feels this way, or if it is just me.
I get really bad anxiety and panic attacks. Almost like every once in a while I'm not even in my own body. Please let me know if I am still going to be OK!

[kmb22]

i am really trying to look at this as punishment.  i mean i did abuse and onslaught of pills for a year, which was my choice.  

it is also my choice to not go down the path of complete and total failure and destruction (i was always able to function on them although i did once fall asleep at the wheel, not cool at all and i did projectile vomit a time or two or three or four).....

as much as a grapple with this decision every minute of everyday and ask myself why i quit when they made me feel so good so right, i am starting to understand it was a false sense of good and right.

what i am feeling now, is good and right even though it's hard.

it won't always be like this, it's just gonna take time.

[CleaningUp]

I know what you mean when you say you're jealous. That's how it was for a while with us as well. Thats why I finally just had to give him an ultimatum, because it is too stressful to keep going through this life like this when you are in a realationship. And for a while it's like you are each others enablers, which is also difficult. I pretty much hit rock bottom with the drugs and my depression about the situation. But it's still hard because the only reason he is going through this is because of me, and it's like he doesn't even want to for himself. GAH! I just want to scream and wish this was over!

[broadindaylight]

Although it's difficult to imagine kicking pills with an addicted fiance, you sound committed to sobriety. I wish you the very best of luck on your journey.

[kmb22]

my boyfriend has the same problem that i did.  it is putting a huge strain on our relationship.  i cannot be around him right now knowing he is high...i am jealous and he doesn't understand.  i am hoping we can make it through this but he just wont understand until he stops taking the pills.

[CleaningUp]

Another reason for why I came to my parents is because my fiance is also addicted to trams and anything else. Its VERY difficult when they are right there, and even though I'm not there, it's taking all that I have in me to stay away. Even though I love him, it just makes it that much harder. It's not just the addiction I am battling ya know.
I think our bodies are just going through so much, I mean think of how much you took and then all of a sudden your body is just like "what the heck?". Plus it took some time getting used to taking the pills, so it has to take time getting used to being sober again.
I love that I can come on here and vent and talk about this with people that are going through the same thing. We aren't alone in this battle!

[kmb22]

and i cannot believe i got in to this either...same thing the last year has been a blur i cannot even remember.

[kmb22]

i actually really appreciate that.  that's a good way to think of it, getting used to your emotions again.  instead of just feeling like i am a straight up nut job.  ya, i pretty much took any pill i could get my hands on, which was not hard, seeing how all i would have to do (and all i would still have to do) is go upstairs to my roomate.  it is so hard knowing they are just 20 feet away...but i am staying super strong.  but ya, my mind combo was the oxi/xani combo both of which make you numb, like you said.  i just didn't realize xani's were dangerous too...until 2 days ago when i stopped taking them.

[CleaningUp]

I know what you are saying, I was also on anxiety medicine (Klonopin and Ativan), but i think it makes it worse because then along with the pain killers the panic attack medicine makes you numb to the world as well. I think we just need to get used to our emotions again, I feel like the last 3 years are a blurr and just so strange that I even got into something like this.
But we can do it, just stay strong!!!

[kmb22]

i am 11 days in to sobriety from roxicotten/roxicodone.  although i am just 2 days off of zanex (and i CANNOT sleep at all).  

i understand exactly what you are going through.  i feel confused and disconnected from everything.  same with the out of body experiences like i feel like i am looking in on my own life from outside.  the weird part is this started after stopping the zanex not the roxi's and here i thought zanex was completely harmless.  i have actually gotten mentally worse in the last 2 days.   i started to cry in my car because i was so happy and then i cried when i got home because i was so sad.  i feel completely nuts.  

i also can not get rid of the chills and i spend a good portion of time in the bathroom.  

hang in there, i don't have the answers but i hope it gets better than this.  it feels so good to be healthy and be taking care of myself without relying on any substance but at the same time....i just want to feel normal again (which the pills made me feel)....

i don't know i'm losing it.

[CleaningUp]

Thank you for the support everyone, I really need it in this trying time.

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

When I was still detoxing....I had those "out of body experiences"  I just didn't feel connected... Freaked me out at first until I realized that it was just the drugs trying to work there way out of my body...thus.. the "out of body experience"  

Hang in there... as EVERYDAY will get BETTER... it justs takes a little bit of time...
Do as Gizzy says and checkout the Health pages...as the protocols that they have listed have there have helped many.. myself included..

You are on your road to recovery.. Yipee YaHoo for you!

Much love and support your way
NorcoQueen

[Calamity2]

congradulations on your decision and for sucking it up and getting this far !!  YOU are absolutly OK  it is perfectly normal to get intense feelings of all sorts, highs , lows  all sorts of racing thoughts too.  I have been there so many times. Give yourself time .  say this too shall pass. give yourself praise, give God praise, post,.  It will get better

[gizzy32]

Welcome to the forum and congrats on those 8 days. Although 8 days clean is great, it's still so early and it takes time to recover and heal, it does not happen overnight. It took me a month before I felt human, not to say it takes everyone that long though, sometimes it depends on what and how long we used too. For the first time after quitting, I started to have anxiety also, but I think most of it was due to cravings. Are you craving a lot right now? After w/d's comes the part where we start adjusting to a clean life and it's very tough at first, but it does get better.

Look in the health pages here in the top right. You will find the amino acid protocal in there which can help. Stay strong, many positive changes are on the way:)

[CleaningUp]

for about 3 months now i have been trying to ween, i was down to 2 or 3 a day, but it just got so disgusting to me that i just said "i'm done" and decided to confide in my parents about my drug addiction. I am a week into sobriety and staying with my parents instead of going to treatment.

[dominosarah]

Did you taper off the tramadol?