10 days clean and relapsed!!!

[Norcodude39]

I was almost feeling better and went through 10 days of hell after a 4 year addiction of norcos 10-20 a day. I found 3 in my car and popped them the second I saw them. I cant believe I did that I felt good for about 1 hour and then guilty ashamed embarassed crying and all I wanted was more and more but I didnt. I stopped. I want to be clean I really want it. I want to feel like I used to and workout and do things and not just stay home and get high. I really need encouragement and help. Please no negativity I already feel like a failure and Im trying to stay positive!

[Bkitty]

Sometimes it happens so fast that you dont realize its happening!! Dont beat yourself up over this. Sh*t happens,,right? all that matters is that you get back up and dust yourself off and keep moving forward. Hang in there ((hugs))~Bkitty All is not lost either. ;)

[fpvfembacktobreakfree]

hey brother im right thre with ya we gotta keep pushin everyday we can do this its up to us (BIGGEST HUGS N LOVE from aj xoxoxox

[Pat1956100]

I relapsed on day 10 my first attempt at quitting too.  The important thing is to not take anymore and continue with your recovery.  Nobody here is going to judge you.  Most of us have relapsed at least once.
Stay strong.

[Norcodude39]

Thank you all so much. I remember how hard it was for me to quit drinking and that was almost 5 years ago. I TOTALLY know Im an addict and hate myself for being one. But Im not going to let this **** kill me anymore. Its sucking my soul right out of me and I become a monster. All my money has gone to these pills I cant do it anymore!!!! Everyones input helps thanks for being suooprtive!!!!!

[Sonrissa]

I think most all of us have relapsed at least once! I know I have! I think the most important thing is that you dont ever give up trying! You can't lose, if you never give up! Just make sure that this time there won't be any accidental surprises! Set yourself up for success! The good news is that hopefully you shouldn't have bad withdrawals! Take care and best wishes! You will make it this time!!

[Norcodude39]

Thank you all so much for the support I am moving forward and I thank you all for your kind words!!!

[kyle505]

If you haven't yet, you should read conhall's post. She was offered pills at work and actually experienced a mini panic attack. They have a very strong hold on us.
So, you can either beat yourself up (we've all done that and I really can't think of anything productive that's resulted from it) or you can use this as a lesson to help in the future. However, there is a concern - you need to ask yourself if you are really ready. I can guarantee that you'll have these kinds of situations pop up everywhere. Maybe with more days clean you wouldn't have taken the pills you found - no one can say. But, in order for you to be successful, you have to be ready for these things, otherwise you'll have 20 days clean, relapse, 34 days clean, relapse, and on and on. Think about it.  

[Norcodude39]

I know what your saying Kyle and I did read that post. It took me over a year to quit drinking 5 years ago. I would get months at a time and then go out one night. I honestly dont know whats in me that wants to feel high? Im obviously an addict and alcoholic I just thought getting them legal was a difference? Even though alcohol is legal as well I will not drink. Maybe Im just trying to feel something different? I have been trying to quit these damn pills for quite some time now and Im actually proud of myself for what Im doing. I know I need after care and will attend meetings soon. I work for the next 4 days streight 10 hr shifts so Im going to look for a meeting sometime next monday. Even though I relapsed I am continuing forward wich is something that is new for me Id get a couple days and start again and not stop. I will not gorget how I felt after having those 10 days and then relapsing and the guilt and shame I felt. All I know Is in the last 12 days Ive had 3 pills so to me thats a really good thing as i was taking about 10-20 a day sometimes more sometimes less but always around 10.

[kyle505]

Believe me, I understand. As I've written on your thread before, I too am a recovering boozer - I haven't drank in 30 years, but 15 years in to those 30 I started using pills. So, not really sober for 30 years.
When I was younger my nickname was OD - Over dose. I'm an ex-musicinan, and lead that life to the hilt. But, while my peers were using and drinking, I always went over and above what they did, thus the nickname.
I have the same urges - I love the feeling the pills give; plus they are legal, no smell, and a mellow high. I'm always chasing something.
I'm bumping up on 6 months clean, and although everyday hasn't been perfect, the natural high from everyday life is awesome. I find it hard to believe that I have that in me.
You have made progress, and that's something to hold on to. In the months to come you'll know if you're able to pull this off. It took me 15 years; I hope that you don't drag it out as long as I did. The older you get, the worse the detox gets; the body just doesn't spring back as fast. And the longer you use, the more you have to lose. I'll be checking in. I really would like you to do this. We have a lot in common. I did it; so can you.

[lulu747]

Hey Dude,

Beating yourself up really is an exercise in futility and will only strengthen the hold of your addictive behaviour.  The aftercare is REALLY important.  You need to identify your triggers and the emotional voids that you are filling with substance.  Addiction is NOTHING to be ashamed of, it is a human condition.  You are not a bad person or unworthy of love because you are an addict.  Once you start in some form of aftercare and begin to gain acceptance of yourself, you will be able to work through the shame and let it go.  Ultimately, you gotta love yourself and believe that you are worth it- because you ARE.  
You can't change the past, you can't control the future, all you have is this moment right now and the choices that you make.  One of my favourite quotes that I repeat to myself daily is
"We make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong....The amount of work is the same."  Carlos Castenada.  
Learn from your past choices and keep moving forward, one moment at a time.
Sending support...
Lu

[dominosarah]

I have this on my FB page and it is so fitting........

We stopped checking for monsters under our bed when we realized they were inside us~~

Think about this as it says alot~sara

[selfinduced]

Sending support and strength to you. Your worth the effort. I believe in you. xx

[Norcodude39]

I just want to thank everyone for their support. Im still doing well and still clean after the relapse. Things seem to be getting better everyday and things are becoming a bit more clear. Hope everyone is doing well and Im praying for everyone.

[Norcodude39]

Hopeing everyone is doing well. Im at day 6 now and still feeling urges to get some pills. I cant believe how much money Ive been able to save but I know that I owe people so they are first on my list. I owe no dealers or anything just family who has no clue about my little secret.

[lulu747]

Dude,

Have you looked into any aftercare yet?  You need to set yourself up for success here by making strong choices to protect your sobriety at all costs.  Relapses are tough on our self esteem and can make us feel hopeless- so why not just use?  Aaaah the tricky addicted brain.  Using can't be an option.  Ever.  Take it off the table.  You can't change the past or control the future, all you have is this moment and the choices you make.  Secrets, I'm sad to say, often keep us sick.  Coming clean with a family member would be a HUGE step forward in your recovery.  Think about it.

Lu

[gnarly_1]

hey dude hang in there you might want to give N/A a try to help with the mental end of addiction there is more to it then just quitting the pills it works for me good luck and God bless........Gnarly

[kyle505]

I have to strongly agree with lulu and gnarly - you need aftercare. You're already writing about feeling the urge to use, and if you don't lay a foundation for recovery, you WILL use again. When you detox you are putting your body through hell. How many times do you want to do that?  As as see it, at this point your head is in control, which doesn't bode well.

[Norcodude39]

Thanks so much people. I agree aftercare for me Is key. Its my first night off and I found an NA meeting Im going to go to and will post when I get home. 8 days clean after the relapse and still standing strong so In the last 18 days only 3 pills is how I look at it. Any more advice would be so much appreciated as I come home and look forward to everyones responses and am trying to add my lil 2 cents in others posts as well. Im praying for eveyone. Godbless you all!!!!!

[kyle505]

Here's some advice - keep doing what you're doing! Excellent; I'm happy to hear about the meeting. You are standing strong, and have been doing so ever since you hit the forum. We all slip (I certainly did), but you stay honest and thus are an inspiration. Good job.

[Norcodude39]

Thanks Kyle I went to an NA meeting last night and It really wasnt like my AA meetings It just seemed like everyone there was really young and no one really seemed to want to quit. There was one older guy who I talked to who had over 10 years but the second longest was 2 months. It was a different format but It just seemed like all the kids that were there were made to go there and didnt seem like they really wanted to quit.

[quitinoxys]

Is there another NA meeting in your area? I know what you mean I sort of 5uck5 when you are at a meeting with people who are only putting in their time to get there papers signed off for there probation officers or whomever. Keep it up your **** great your attitude will take you a long way. God Bless---Rick

[Norcodude39]

Day 16 and doing better. Thinking about getting a gym membership with all the money Ive saved..