What kind of aftercare did you have during that year of clean time? What will you do different this time?
I so relate to the insanity you speak of, I can't even express it. The only part of the Big Book of AA/NA that talks about drugs or alcohol is The Doctors Opinion and CH. 1, the rest is all about character building, coping skills, and seeing thing for how they really are. There was a time when drugs made all the bad things go away and made me feel good, I always held onto to that brief period like it would return. It never did. I went so deep I was just short of 6 ft under. So I feel your pain. I have the same brand of insanity that you do, your not alone. It took every resource and ounce of strength to get clean, but 12 step meetings, addiction counseling, and listening to the advice here is what has kept me clean.
I also want to remind you that you are a good person, or you wouldn't keep trying to pull the real you out. You said you know what to do, I'm here to say you CAN do it.
I just feel sooooo hopeless right now, Im confused, my mind is messed up, and Im still putting on the brave face, still trying to show up at work, just faking the whole thing, but feeling absolutely like I need to be admitted to a mental hospital or somewhere similar. i am sweating all the time, hot flashing, no energy, and Im still taking at least 3-4 percocets a day. i did have major shoulder suregery 4 yrs. ago, thats what started the insanity. I have quit at least 3 major times, one time lasted about a year clean. Now some how I keep ending up here. I need encouragement, and help. I dont know if I am going to make it another day.
Well I have a loooooong history of relapsing. Now where im at with it, makes me feel like I dont know how, or where to begin to try to stop again. Actually i definitely know what i need to do, I just remember the last time i stopped, the battle lasted longer than me! I just got so weiry fighting, and the depression got the best of me. I know I have to try again, Im just trying to get the courage to do it again.
Why are you so messed up? Talk to us.
Hydrocodone 10mg and acetaminophine 325mg, why do you ask?