I can't do this

[Avalancheblanche]

This is my worst night. ( I cant spell, sorry.)  I want to know why this happens to us.  Why?  Someone needs to tell me that it is going to be ok.  I feel like I can't do this.  

[runt316]

I just found this site and finally feel like I've found people who know what I've been going thru. I've been so scared and alone and feeling desperate. The worse part is that I'm now pregnant and addicted to pain pills & have no idea who to turn to for help. My OB sent me to a pain clinic, but they don't even treat the addiction. I'm terrified right now & so filled w/ anxiety I feel like its killing me. I'm scared of w/d. All of you who are posting, did you get help to stop, wean off, or go cold turkey? I need help in the worst way.

[lostsoul2]

Don't feel selfish.  I'm pretty new here and have found that people want to help.  We have felt the pain and it is our pleasure to help someone through something we thought we could never do.  You have every right to feel bad for yourself.  Cry if you must.  Everybody thought I was such a "tough guy."  Carried that rebellious image.  Angry a lot.  A little unapproachable.  But through all this I have cried so much and I'm not afraid to admit it.  I've learned a lot of painful lessons that have changed me and humbled me greatly.  I know you want to make evrything better, but remember, in order for you to be strong for others, you must fix yourself first.  I know the pills make life seem so much better, easier to deal with.  But someday the well will run dry, and the longer you push the pain away, the stronger it builds, and when the pills are gone, it will that much harder.  Trust me.  

[Avalancheblanche]

I have not gone out to the mailbox in 6 days. The tramadol was going to arrive any day.  My husband came in with the card that said 'signature required'  He knew, from me that it would be arriving soon.  He will be returning to sender, or flushing them.  I am so glad that I told him about my problem.  I would have accepted and probably taken them again.  Now, I can't.....and that is good

[troubleinohio]

if i quit pills, you can do it too. I thought i was pretty much a hopeless case and would fail...but i havent. I thought I was weak and would stumble. I didnt stumble this time. I thought i never would see 23 days clean yet here I am. And you can do it too. Im sorry you are having a very hard time emotionally right now. Ive been there, doen that. All of our personal situations (problems) are different and vary, but in the end they all cause us pain and distress. You just have to find a way to cope as best you can without pills. It isnt easy, its very hard infact but its possible honey. Hang in there. I am sorry your mom is sick with cancer. That is a very hard thing for all to go through. We went through this with my husbands dad too. He lived with us the entire time we were together, and died at 93 years old from cancer. It was so hard to go through. But we have to go on.
I will pray that your mom has alot of time left and a successful treatment honey.
Hang in there and please dont go back to the pills to tyr and deal. you will regret it horribly.

[Avalancheblanche]

I read your posts and feel so selfish.  You are all suffering so much and still are willing to give and be there for people that you don't even know.  Your stories move me and make me realize that I am not alone, or unique.  I am going to pick myself up off my pitty party and get healthy.
Thank you so very much

[lostsoul2]

I read your bio.  So sorry about your issues right now.  I lost an older sister, more like my mother, to diabetes when she was 29.  Had a distant relationship with my father for most of my life(divorced parents), until he developed lung cancer, which then spread to his brain.  For about a year we tried to recapture something, and then he went downhill quickly and I had to be the one to tell the ICU staff to let him go, so  I watched him take his last breath and the reality that those demons that haunted me forever about him will always remain.  That's when my addiction increased drastically.  All to numb the pain.  But now I have to face it.  The pain won't go away.  After the pills are gone it will still be there waiting.  I have taken everything under the sun to numb myself on a daily basis for ten years now.  Now, I'm hoping to be done with it all.  Hydro is my last master.  I'm done with all the other stuff.  Focus on your children and allow yourself to be sad.  By denying yourself emotion you are denying yourself of being human.  Grab those kids and never let go.  I have three young kids and they are my life now.  Sure they drive me so f'ing nuts sometimes, but when I think about the hell my dad put me through, I promise to God that I will do my best to see my kids never feel what I have felt all my life.  If I can do that, my life will be a success.