Aa
I just want to give up! And give in!
My life seemed so "normal" when I was on the percocets, I was able to attend all my children's functions, NEVER missed a game, which there is one everyday, and yesterday for the first time, I missed my son's phenomenal game. Then the more I read on this forum, the more discouraged I feel because just hearing the stories about how long it will take me to get my energy back scares the living **** out of me. I was up at 4 everyday, drop my husband off at work, come back get my children ready and off to school, get myself through my 8 1/2 hr wrk day, come home, beep the horn for the kids to get into the car and head straight to the field. I don't get to step foot back into my home until about 8pm. How am I supposed to wait for at least a month to get my energy back? I'm on day 2 and the only symptoms I'm having now is the lack of energy, mental breakdown, back pain(original reason I started n these things) and a craving that is killing me. I just really want to give up. It's not the physical aspect It's the mental aspect and the energy factor that is driving me insane. I truly hate myself right now.
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My children are literally my everything. My world revolves around them and unfortunately those damn pills. My mood was always better, my energy to do things was better. I just don't know what to do with myself right now. I made this decision on my own to quit, and now my husband is not being understanding, I know he is trying to "help" me through it and not give up, but coming from a person who has never experienced this, it infuriates me because his suggestions are just stupid or very non sympathetic. I hate this world I'm stuck in right now. I just dont know anything anymore.
I hear ya, the lack of energy is really really hard. I'm having a hard time mentally right now. My emotions are all over the place and I feel really lonely right now and just feel down. I can't wait for work to be done so I can go home and be with my husband. I bought calmsupport and DLPA and L-Tyrosine. I did not use the L-Tyrosine though, wish I didn't buy it because DLPA is suppose to be similar and give you more energy and better your mood but I don't feel like these pills have been helping me. Unless they are and I just don't know it. Honestly, it's just going to take time for all of us. Which I know is hard but we don't have a choice. Hang in there, it gets better!! I sent you an email if you want to respond....
I am pretty sure 90% of opiate addicts get hooked because of the energy and motivation they give us, its by far the hardest thing to get used to. I know that no one wants to classify themselves as an addict and attend any type of therapy but NA meetings do boost the confidence. We all hide our addictions and at least there you don't need to hide, even if you don't share.
As far as energy, once your physical withdrawals go away and you can sleep semi-normal I would suggest caffeine and you should be taking B12 right now. Clondine works well with anxiety and even sleep, as far as motivation that is really dependent on your own will power. Withdrawal is such a mind game, we tend to read all these horrible things online which then only makes it worse. The cool thing is after you get a few days clean you really start to feel great about yourself every new day you make it. You start to feel like a contributing person in society, not someone that is always medicated and fake. Its a whole lot easier to stop when you toss your stash as well, its too easy to have a weak moment and relapse otherwise. SSRI's (anti-depressants) can help as well.
As far as energy, once your physical withdrawals go away and you can sleep semi-normal I would suggest caffeine and you should be taking B12 right now. Clondine works well with anxiety and even sleep, as far as motivation that is really dependent on your own will power. Withdrawal is such a mind game, we tend to read all these horrible things online which then only makes it worse. The cool thing is after you get a few days clean you really start to feel great about yourself every new day you make it. You start to feel like a contributing person in society, not someone that is always medicated and fake. Its a whole lot easier to stop when you toss your stash as well, its too easy to have a weak moment and relapse otherwise. SSRI's (anti-depressants) can help as well.
Yes, I can understand why, not only did it help tremendously with my backpain, the surge of energy kept me going. What scares me most is that even before the pills I was a person with low energy. I'll be honest, if it wasn't about the money spent on it, I would never have made the real decision to quit. Instead of using one of the two week offs I get from work to be miserable. I don't know, is really all I can say.
I was actually the opposite, I functioned very highly while on the meds. Which really doesn't say much because I was already on it when I got my job a year ago. I just got a major raise and they told me how surprised they were at how well I was excelling in my 5 positions...yes 5. Ughhh, my fear is will I function as well without it? You want to talk embarrassment? Between my husband and I we bring home about $850 a week and with my addiction, we've been barely surving just to pay our rent, feed my children, gas to get to work, and other bills. All this is my fault because we could have been much further in our lives if it hadn't been for my addiction. If I could go back to the day I was first handed the script, I'd rip it to shreds just as it's shredded my life.
It's true about work. I started a new job in Feb, a job where I have to have attention to detail and cant make any mistakes but boy was I. There would be days that I ran out of pills and would be spending all day on my phone trying to figure out when and where and how i'm going to get them and I would screw up at work, it was so embarrassing. I am still so new and trying to learn everything so having a clear head is so important!!
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As far as money goes, I know what you mean about how much it can drain the bank account. Not even counting the money spent on pills, I used to buy stuff with zero discretion, stuff I wouldn't even want if I wasn't high on pills. Its like you try to fill a void. I made horrible decisions while on them that seemed like such a great idea at the time. Its embarrassing to even think about.