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4 year Ethylphenidate withdrawal
Hi all, I started drug use due to being prescribed dihydrocodeine for a bad bad after my 3rd child, that was 8years ago, I was made to stop the painkillers after about a year, and due to the struggle and withdrawals my husband got some herbal highs, with went on to be be a continuous use because of the extra energy and basically get up and go that i got from them. This made life so much easier, now for the last 3-4 years ive has been taking ethylphenidate about 28 out 31 days a month, but on the occasion when i can't get any for those 3 days, i feel totally unable to even function, it is a struggle to sit up. And feel so tired that im barely able to get out of bed, even though i can't sleep on these occassions . Anyway ive just run out again and cant get any for only 1 or 2 days so im really wanting to stop but dont know how long till i might be able to function properly and feel OK, i know ill have withdrawals but how long theyll last worries me, im also agoraphobic and borderline personality disorder so these make more difficulties dealing with routine change etc, and at the moment i spend most of the time on the bathroom floor, which has also become a habit. I cant stand the way things are and the way i am as i know my lack of being around for my children is having an effect on them, im afraid to see my doctor incase he may involve social services or worse, as i couldnt live with doing that to my children on top of everything else.i just want to be the mother they.once had and not miss anymore.time.of them growing up as ive already missed to much. If someone could please offer some advice as to how long withdrawals can be or lessen the effects i would be so grateful.
Hi all I haven’t been on here for a long time but am happy to say I came off everything when the ban on legal highs was placed and thank god they did that, it wasn’t easy but I’ve had worse times so was thrilled it didn’t hit me to hard, the thing what helped me was taking 5htp that helped relax etc and sleep at night, also I took caffeine tablets short term for about a week till I started to feel normal again. I’m just so thankful for everyone’s help and so pleased I came through this <3
Hi IcyElemental, thank you so much for your reply, I haven't been on the forum for a little while, but I'm so glad I did. You wouldn't believe what a huge relief your post is to me, you really seem to know what your talking about, and to just have some concrete answers, is the biggest weight off my shoulders, I will admit I am no longer on Ethylphenidate but am taking 3fpm, which I hope is slightly similar to the Ethulphenidate, and the only reason I've been taking this since the ban of Ethylphenidate was due to my worry and anxieties about withdrawal symptoms, I'm just about to give up on the 3fpm as it doesn't do much for me, apart from tensing me up without realising I'm tense, I only recognise this when my back, neck and shoulders start to hurt bad which doesn't help my bad back. I think if it wasn't for my husband still using I think I would have quit long ago, not that I'm putting any blame on him, but I'm sure you can understand how hard it can be if someone is trying to quit whilst living with someone using. The thing is the way I see how it's affected him in becoming more isolated and not as tolerable etc as he used to be helps me see how detrimental it actually is, and as I'm not getting from it what I used to is my incentive for quitting as well. It will be tough and very difficult to change my routine as well as extremely scary as this is what I've been used to now for quite a few years, those years that have seemed to pass over night, they just gone so quickly and I don't want to lose anymore.
Yes it's so easy to talk about quitting with all positivity and hope, but it's a lot harder putting it into practice, though I will, and. I will certainly keep you informed of my situation, and hopefully drug free life.
Thank you so much you have been such an inspiration.
X
Yes it's so easy to talk about quitting with all positivity and hope, but it's a lot harder putting it into practice, though I will, and. I will certainly keep you informed of my situation, and hopefully drug free life.
Thank you so much you have been such an inspiration.
X
Hi gemsta, I've just read this thread and was wondering how you're getting on? As others have said, the withdrawal will not be nice, but it also won't last very long either! You'll likely have 3 or 4 days of feeling absolutely awful, without the energy to do anything, possibly feeling sick, and you'll feel depressed. In case you're interested, I'll try my best to explain the science behind what you'll experience, because you seemed worried not a lot is known about the drug, so hopefully this will help you :) Warning, it will be quite long as there are a few things I need to explain - if you are not interested about how dopamine and noradrenaline work, miss out the paragraph after this one, but it does help explain it :)
Signals are sent from your brain, and these are what control most of what you do (some signals come from the spinal cord too, but we are not interested in those). The way signals are sent to the part of the body they are required at is via nerve cells, also called neurons. The signal has to pass along a number of different neurons on its way to its target. However, neurons aren't in direct contact with each other, so neurotransmitters are used to transmit the signal from one neuron to the next. The gap in between two neurons is called the synapse, the neuron the signal is coming from is called the presynaptic neuron, and the neuron the signal is passing to is called the postsynaptic neuron. The presynaptic neuron contains things called vesicles which are enclosed sacs that contain neurotransmitters. Dopamine, serotonin and noradrenaline are all examples of neurotransmitters. When the signal approaches the end of the presynaptic neuron, it stimulates the release of calcium ions which break open the vesicles and allow the neurotransmitters to be released. These then diffuse across the synapse towards the postsynaptic neuron. The postsynaptic neuron has receptors on it which the neurotransmitters can bind to. This binding causes a change in relative electrical voltage at the start of the postsynaptic neuron (the difference between the voltage inside the membrane and outside the membrane changes). This causes a change in the relative voltage a little further along the neuron, and this propagates all the way along the neuron to the end where there are vesicles, just as detailed above. The strength of the signal is dependent on the extent to which the relative voltage changes in the postsynaptic neuron, and this is dependent on the proportion of the receptors on the postsynaptic membrane with which the neurotransmitter binded. The stronger a signal along the presynaptic neuron, the more calcium ions are released, so more vesicles are broken and more neurotransmitter is released. The more neurotransmitter released, the more with which to bind to the receptors on the postsynaptic neuron. When a signal is propagated along the postsynaptic neuron adequately, the neurotransmitters binding to the receptors must be eliminated, or else the signal will keep being propagated. There are a few ways the neurotransmitters can be eliminated, but only two are relevant to us at the moment. They are either broken down by enzymes and metabolised, or transporter proteins return them to the presynaptic neuron and they are once again surrounded by vesicles and may be used again.
Ok, now that's the main part of the explanation, sorry it was so long, but now it's quite straightforward how ethylphenidate has effected you :) There are three ways in which drugs can cause an effect by changing brain chemistry:
1) They can cause more of the neurotransmitter to be released from the vesicles on the presynaptic neuron (MDMA, cocaine, etc)
2) They can inhibit the reuptake of the neurotransmitter from the receptors on the postsynaptic neuron (ethylphenidate, SSRIs, etc), or,
3) They can inhibit the release of the chemical responsible for limiting the amount of the neurotransmitter produced (opiates).
Some drugs such as MDMA are both releasers and reuptake inhibitors. Now, the only ones that can cause a physical withdrawal are those that fall in the third section. This is because your brain determines that it is producing too much of the neurotransmitters because there are higher than normal levels, so it slows down production. If you continue taking a drug that causes this, your brain will soon stop producing the neurotransmitter at all. If you then stop taking the drug, your brain takes time to relearn how to produce the neurotransmitters, so you're left going a while with very little to no serotonin or dopamine available - this is why opiate withdrawal is so awful!
However, the good news for you is you don't have to worry about having a physical withdrawal, because reuptake inhibitors don't cause your brain to alter the amount of neurotransmitter it produces. Your brain chemistry has not physically changed. Why then do you feel bad when you withdraw? I'll try my best to explain.
So, we know ethylphenidate is a dopamine reuptake inhibitor and a noradrenaline reuptake inhibitor. You have been experiencing exactly the same strength of signals from your brain as if you had never taken ethylphenidate, so the same amount of neurotransmitter is getting released from the vesicles on your presynaptic neurons. However, as ethylphenidate is inhibiting the reuptake of the neurotransmitters that are bound to the receptors on the postsynaptic neuron, you do have a higher proportion of those receptors being occupied by the neurotransmitter than you had not taken a reuptake inhibitor. This means the signal that gets propagated along that neuron is greater than what you would normally experience - this is what causes the high when you first start using the drug. However, as you use more and more frequently, due to more neurotransmitter being released by the signals from your brain, eventually all of the receptors are filled with the neurotransmitter. This is why continuing to use the drug at this point no longer makes you feel high - you are already experiencing the maximum signal it is possible for the neurotransmitters to generate.
As you keep using, you grow used to feeling this way. It isn't special any more. However, if you stop taking the reuptake inhibitor, some neurotransmitter is removed from the receptors, and as such, you go through withdrawal. This will feel worse the longer you have been on the drug, but the important thing to remember is that things will only get worse while there are still traces of the ethylphenidate in your body. Once the ethylphenidate is completely eliminated, the proportion of your receptors occupied by the neurotransmitter will be at a normal level, and you will gradually start to feel better as you grow more used to this level. It will be tough, but after about 48-72 hours, things will start to improve, you just need to have faith in that, because everything you'll experience is just the result of lower dopamine and noradrenaline levels.
Dopamine causes you to feel happy, and also causes you to feel more awake and alert - your feelings of tiredness and depression are just caused by a weaker signal of happiness and awakeness than you are used to.
Noradrenaline as a neurotransmitter causes you to be vigilant and focused - your lack of energy is due to the weaker signal from noradrenaline than you are used to.
Signals are sent from your brain, and these are what control most of what you do (some signals come from the spinal cord too, but we are not interested in those). The way signals are sent to the part of the body they are required at is via nerve cells, also called neurons. The signal has to pass along a number of different neurons on its way to its target. However, neurons aren't in direct contact with each other, so neurotransmitters are used to transmit the signal from one neuron to the next. The gap in between two neurons is called the synapse, the neuron the signal is coming from is called the presynaptic neuron, and the neuron the signal is passing to is called the postsynaptic neuron. The presynaptic neuron contains things called vesicles which are enclosed sacs that contain neurotransmitters. Dopamine, serotonin and noradrenaline are all examples of neurotransmitters. When the signal approaches the end of the presynaptic neuron, it stimulates the release of calcium ions which break open the vesicles and allow the neurotransmitters to be released. These then diffuse across the synapse towards the postsynaptic neuron. The postsynaptic neuron has receptors on it which the neurotransmitters can bind to. This binding causes a change in relative electrical voltage at the start of the postsynaptic neuron (the difference between the voltage inside the membrane and outside the membrane changes). This causes a change in the relative voltage a little further along the neuron, and this propagates all the way along the neuron to the end where there are vesicles, just as detailed above. The strength of the signal is dependent on the extent to which the relative voltage changes in the postsynaptic neuron, and this is dependent on the proportion of the receptors on the postsynaptic membrane with which the neurotransmitter binded. The stronger a signal along the presynaptic neuron, the more calcium ions are released, so more vesicles are broken and more neurotransmitter is released. The more neurotransmitter released, the more with which to bind to the receptors on the postsynaptic neuron. When a signal is propagated along the postsynaptic neuron adequately, the neurotransmitters binding to the receptors must be eliminated, or else the signal will keep being propagated. There are a few ways the neurotransmitters can be eliminated, but only two are relevant to us at the moment. They are either broken down by enzymes and metabolised, or transporter proteins return them to the presynaptic neuron and they are once again surrounded by vesicles and may be used again.
Ok, now that's the main part of the explanation, sorry it was so long, but now it's quite straightforward how ethylphenidate has effected you :) There are three ways in which drugs can cause an effect by changing brain chemistry:
1) They can cause more of the neurotransmitter to be released from the vesicles on the presynaptic neuron (MDMA, cocaine, etc)
2) They can inhibit the reuptake of the neurotransmitter from the receptors on the postsynaptic neuron (ethylphenidate, SSRIs, etc), or,
3) They can inhibit the release of the chemical responsible for limiting the amount of the neurotransmitter produced (opiates).
Some drugs such as MDMA are both releasers and reuptake inhibitors. Now, the only ones that can cause a physical withdrawal are those that fall in the third section. This is because your brain determines that it is producing too much of the neurotransmitters because there are higher than normal levels, so it slows down production. If you continue taking a drug that causes this, your brain will soon stop producing the neurotransmitter at all. If you then stop taking the drug, your brain takes time to relearn how to produce the neurotransmitters, so you're left going a while with very little to no serotonin or dopamine available - this is why opiate withdrawal is so awful!
However, the good news for you is you don't have to worry about having a physical withdrawal, because reuptake inhibitors don't cause your brain to alter the amount of neurotransmitter it produces. Your brain chemistry has not physically changed. Why then do you feel bad when you withdraw? I'll try my best to explain.
So, we know ethylphenidate is a dopamine reuptake inhibitor and a noradrenaline reuptake inhibitor. You have been experiencing exactly the same strength of signals from your brain as if you had never taken ethylphenidate, so the same amount of neurotransmitter is getting released from the vesicles on your presynaptic neurons. However, as ethylphenidate is inhibiting the reuptake of the neurotransmitters that are bound to the receptors on the postsynaptic neuron, you do have a higher proportion of those receptors being occupied by the neurotransmitter than you had not taken a reuptake inhibitor. This means the signal that gets propagated along that neuron is greater than what you would normally experience - this is what causes the high when you first start using the drug. However, as you use more and more frequently, due to more neurotransmitter being released by the signals from your brain, eventually all of the receptors are filled with the neurotransmitter. This is why continuing to use the drug at this point no longer makes you feel high - you are already experiencing the maximum signal it is possible for the neurotransmitters to generate.
As you keep using, you grow used to feeling this way. It isn't special any more. However, if you stop taking the reuptake inhibitor, some neurotransmitter is removed from the receptors, and as such, you go through withdrawal. This will feel worse the longer you have been on the drug, but the important thing to remember is that things will only get worse while there are still traces of the ethylphenidate in your body. Once the ethylphenidate is completely eliminated, the proportion of your receptors occupied by the neurotransmitter will be at a normal level, and you will gradually start to feel better as you grow more used to this level. It will be tough, but after about 48-72 hours, things will start to improve, you just need to have faith in that, because everything you'll experience is just the result of lower dopamine and noradrenaline levels.
Dopamine causes you to feel happy, and also causes you to feel more awake and alert - your feelings of tiredness and depression are just caused by a weaker signal of happiness and awakeness than you are used to.
Noradrenaline as a neurotransmitter causes you to be vigilant and focused - your lack of energy is due to the weaker signal from noradrenaline than you are used to.
Thank you so much mlajl you really touched a nerve with me there, I am just in bits now since your post can't say why , I guess a few things just make me think and because I'm feeling pretty scared at the moment I'm also feeling very fragile emotionally, as I've said in my post I let you know how I come on over the next couple of weeks.
Thank you so much for replying to my post and well done yourself for withdrawing, you are a huge inspiration.
Thank you so much for replying to my post and well done yourself for withdrawing, you are a huge inspiration.
Krispy my kids are now 10, 12 and 13 this has gone on since my youngest was about 4 or 5. When I met my husband he was never like this and i couldn't believe how perfect he was and how perfect my like was, I remember telling my mam that I didn't think it was even possible for me to be any happier, I just wish I could have them days back so badly.
Thanks so much for your support.
Gemma
Thanks so much for your support.
Gemma
I do actually cook the kids meals etc, I try so hard to keep everyone happy but trying to split myself in 4 if you know what I mean. Anyway the time has finally come to having to change something because as of Friday Ethylphenidate is being put on a ban, so I guess that's it even though My husbands looking at other stuff, I guess I'm in shock s little at the day finally coming, reality setting in a very fearful of the coming days.
Vicky 595 I can't confide in family and don't have a social worker so again I have to go through it with no help so worry myself sick at how on earth I'll be able to do anything for my kids with such extreme lack of energy that will come, it affects me to the point I feel barely able to even sit or stand or even tie my hair back is too much. So I'm sure you can see my worry. I'll keep you updated to how I come on over the next couple of weeks.
Thanks
Vicky 595 I can't confide in family and don't have a social worker so again I have to go through it with no help so worry myself sick at how on earth I'll be able to do anything for my kids with such extreme lack of energy that will come, it affects me to the point I feel barely able to even sit or stand or even tie my hair back is too much. So I'm sure you can see my worry. I'll keep you updated to how I come on over the next couple of weeks.
Thanks
Yes I have to agree with Vicki. Your husband doesn't sound like he will be much help! BUT that doesn't mean you can't do this without him! There is so much help out there,you need to get it. You need to get better! I know you love your babies,but do you think the way they are living right now is right? You say you barely come out of the bathroom. You have to stop being scared and ask for help because ANYTHING is better than what's going on right now. Try an. NA meeting. Or even a AA meeting. You NEED to see a doc though. You're going to lose your precious life!! Please come back and keep posting. We will help you the best we can here,but you have to get outside help! Can I ask,was your husband like this before the drugs? If not and he's changed this much,you must realize you have as well! I don't know how old your kids are,but there's going to be a day they will know what's going on in that bathroom! You don't want that.
Okay then, I'm imagining you're taking this rectally... Again, this is a disturbing situation.
A huge problem here is your husband; very controlling and sick. Equal to that is the entire situation with your children. If you weren't so ill from using eph, you'd have the judgment to realize what you're doing to the kids! Show them how important you say they are. Get out of that bathroom! Cook a meal and be with them! Call your social worker and get a decent plan going and call your family to ask for help. You have to. It's now a life or death decision.
A huge problem here is your husband; very controlling and sick. Equal to that is the entire situation with your children. If you weren't so ill from using eph, you'd have the judgment to realize what you're doing to the kids! Show them how important you say they are. Get out of that bathroom! Cook a meal and be with them! Call your social worker and get a decent plan going and call your family to ask for help. You have to. It's now a life or death decision.
Im prescribed ritalin. Is this ethylphenidate simalar? I only take what I'm prescribed and no more, but I do come off a week every few months to help me from getting use to it.. I am extremely tired at first.. only a few days.. and that's pretty much it.. but have heard others have a horrid time coming off.. shaking, vomiting, migraines.. Sweating etc.. but it usually doesn't last long about two weeks for them.. one good thing about the absolute misery u suffer from withdrawals, is u will think twice before u use again. Tell ur kids u have the flu.. i told my 15 year old finally why mommy has been sick.. hardest conversation I ever had to have.. my husband has had a nervous breakdown and I'm unable to lean on him for support. So I have kept him unaware of my vicoden addiction.. are any of ur kids old enough to help mommy while she is sick? Maybe ur husband can help u while u are down? I know he struggles to, but he may help u while u detox.. at home. .it's worth asking him.. where there's a will there's a way.. I see ur delemia.. u r on ur own.. so am i.. but I have these people on here to talk to.. and they help tons!!! Ask ur husband to get out of the bathroom and help u detox.. if he chooses to later, u can help him.. it wont be easy.. and it will majorly suck.. but u can do it.. u sound like a good loving mom who managed to get in a mess, just like the rest of us.. we all understand.. we all have the guilt.. but guilt serves no purpose. We all make mistakes.. u are no different from anyone else on this planet.. the jump his hard to take.. the suffering from withdrawals are even worse.. but it is worth it.. I'm feeling much better on day 5 clean.. u will get there.. kids would rather mommy be down a few weeks.. then for years.. u can do this.. we all have been in your shoes.. we birth nations for crying out loud!!! And we do it while we cook, clean and work! We are tough as nails! U Also Sound Like u Need Something for your anxiety.. do what u need to do.. I know the anxiety is the worst. With your agoraphobia and personality disorder it amplifies ur anxiety.. this may be your problem during withdrawals. . I don't have any anxiety problems and the 1st 3 day where truly awful for me.. I cried most of the time.. just keep coming here.. keep seeking the time to quit. But don't just give up.. we rant and whine here alot.. well, i do lol I know what it's like to be married, and all alone.. like I said.. my husband had a nervous breakdown recently. I've watched him the last few months crack apart. I can tell u, u don't want ur kids to watch u fall apart from this drug. It is no fun to watch someone u love fall.. it's extremely stressful and heart wrenching. Do what I need to do sweets..
So sorry I didn't get straight back to your posts, I don't come on the forum that often but I have to say I couldn't help but fill up when I read your posts. I think withdrawal is being made harder because of the fact my husband is on it as well and if I mention withdrawal he starts to change and more or less he won't withdraw unless he decides, also I so much with I could tell my family but the are also more or less out of my live now as my husband won't let them see our children but they do come on birthdays, they've since been told they can come anytime but they never do now so the kids don't even have grandparents really and their relationship is totally ruined as that started about 5 year ago when they didn't come for a whole year as my husband was upset at them about something which I won't go into but nothing regarding the kids so I totally disagreed with this, though because I love him stood by his decision for them not to be allowed to see them. I've tried to change all that round but with no luck, I've said at least if it was the way it used to be with my parents seeing the kids at least that would be a bit of normality back for the kids, but all I get in reply to that is " what's normal?" So he doesn't really see it my way, and because I still don't go out I don't feel I have much say with regards to the kids, and this kills me as they are my life believe it or not, I would literally die for them, that's why the whole situation kills me and I'm basically hiding behind the drug, even though it's ruining my relationship with my kids. I just wish I was guaranteed that if I told my doctor I would get help with it all but when I've talked about telling the doctor before, my husband just talks me out of it, saying this'll happen and that'll happen, he very clever the way he words things.
Krissey_123 I have to say you have really touched me and inspired me so much, thank you so much for your post, it is appreciated so much more than you could know. Thank you
Vicki595 thank you so much for your post, I think I just try to pretend to myself and put to the back of me mind how dangerous it is, which I know is stupid. It's a bit embarrassing the way u take it so I'll just leave it to your imagination but it's because it's so caustic I have to take it this way which is what's causing me medical problems. Thank you so much to both of you for replying to my post, I will definitely keep logging in to check my posts, I'm certainly org inking of withdrawal more and these posts definitely push me further towards it, thank you so much.
Gemma
Krissey_123 I have to say you have really touched me and inspired me so much, thank you so much for your post, it is appreciated so much more than you could know. Thank you
Vicki595 thank you so much for your post, I think I just try to pretend to myself and put to the back of me mind how dangerous it is, which I know is stupid. It's a bit embarrassing the way u take it so I'll just leave it to your imagination but it's because it's so caustic I have to take it this way which is what's causing me medical problems. Thank you so much to both of you for replying to my post, I will definitely keep logging in to check my posts, I'm certainly org inking of withdrawal more and these posts definitely push me further towards it, thank you so much.
Gemma
This is a disturbing story to read and I'm wondering if you realize how dangerous a situation you're in; along with your husband. What can we do or say to get you out of this mess? How can we help?
How are you administering eph? It would help greatly if you stayed in touch-
How are you administering eph? It would help greatly if you stayed in touch-
I'm sad to see you didn't come back after posting! I hope you make the right choice sooner rather than later...
Ok I just reread my post and it's sounds a bit harsh. But sometimes that's what we need to hear. I'm an addict and people coddling me did me no good. We need to hear the truth not lies. It's not going to be ok if you keep up this life style. And yes it's only going to get worse. I know how you feel. I lived it. I wanted to just die because I was terrified of quitting I was terrified of the unknown and I was terrified of withdrawls. But even in my drug induced stupor I didn't want to leave my babies behind to be raised by someone else!! I HAD THEM!! They are mine to care for...so that's what I did. I cleaned up and now I'm being the best fking mum I can be!! So don't come back in 6 months and say "well nothing's changed" come back in a few hours and say "I quit,will you people be here for me well I withdrawl" and we will say "YES!! Every step of the way"!!
It's been a year and a half since you first posted,it's time to leave the bathroom and just do it!! Get them couple weeks done and over with. It's just going to get worse and worse until eventually your kids are grown up and gone! I know I missed 11 years of my daughters life! You say quitting will give you a heart attack!? What do you think this drug is doing to your body? W/D suckks, but it does end. And then you can work on getting your life back. There's only one way this drug use is going to end,and it won't be a happily ever after. I came off of one the strongest opioids after 11 years and thought I'd never be able to do it. You can do this....you just really have to want too. Cut your sources for the drug look into an aftercare program and do it for you and do it for your kids!!
Just thought I'd update, unfortunately I'm still in the same boat, and fear big time now that if I stop, it'll be too much for my body to cope with, I keep thinking I'll probably have a heart attack or something just as fatal. I just wish I could just sleep for a week or2 to avoid all the big withdrawals, as I could probably cope with the psychological, the physical withdrawals are the thing I fear more than anything, more than anyone can imagine. I am having a few physical medical problems now because of using the ethylphenidate and because of the way I have to take it. I have become very suspicious and paranoid, mostly of my husband and thinking he up to stuff, especially when his answers don't add up or are very strange, because of him I've lost all confidence I ever had now, and though he says he bothered and will pay more attention etc, well put it this way I've had the same discussion with him I've lack of interest etc on about 6 occasions now over about 2-3 years and things are exactly the same. We used to be so close, I thought nobody in the world could ever be as close as us, and now I've lost so much trust in him and he just doesn't seem the same with me as he used to be, and I'm always coming across Internet activity by him which he always says isn't him and makes strange excuses. I basically just feel no good anymore.
And I've wasted my children's upbringing by not being the mother I've wanted to be, now they're getting older, and will notice things and what's going on thigh I do think it's strange that they never question our lengthy time in the bathroom or the case with the eph in it as I'm sure they must have seen it as my husbands left it open on many occasions, which worrys me sick. Anyway thanks again and any suggestions are very welcome.
And I've wasted my children's upbringing by not being the mother I've wanted to be, now they're getting older, and will notice things and what's going on thigh I do think it's strange that they never question our lengthy time in the bathroom or the case with the eph in it as I'm sure they must have seen it as my husbands left it open on many occasions, which worrys me sick. Anyway thanks again and any suggestions are very welcome.
Thank you so much for your encouraging words, unfortunately I'm still in the same boat, kids getting older and barely seeing me because I find it tough to break my routine of being stuck in the bathroom, even when I do go downstairs to the kids my husbands shouting me backup to see him. In the bathroom again. I feel so gutted for doing this to my children's life and am so fearful of having to withdraw from the ethylphenidate, if I could stop without any side effects I could probably do it easily but from past experience, the side effects are so traumatic, it makes me so weak I can barely move to even go to the toilet and this in the past has lasted weeks, I just don't know if I can even do that to my kids or how would I, as I become so unable to even look after myself, I know in the long term it's the best thing and would solve more issues than you could even imagine, but in the short term I haven't got anyone able to look after my children whilst I did this. My husband keeps telling me how ad it'll be if I tell anyone so he kind if puts fear into me there, otherwise I may have already told my mother but don't because of him + my mother and husband don't get on so she barely ever comes now only on their birthday, I'm also afraid of telling her as well because of how. She'll feel about me, I know she'll hate me, so I'm at such a lose end. I've been referred to the local mental health tea and will be seeing the psychiatric nurse tomorrows I know that last time I was in the mental health I almost gave in and told the but it stopped before i did.
Anyway just want to say thanks
Anyway just want to say thanks
I read what you are going through with a lot of interest,cos I am a bit like yourself.I never thought I would get addicted,but I admit I have,and it gets worse and worse.
I understand that going to the Doctors is a big step,try not to mention the EPH, I just don't think it is ever a good idea to have stuff like that on record,even if it is never used against you,its there for all the medics to see....and judge.Like they could ever understand.
Do you think you could handle taper withdrawal?The drugs are still there and you need tremendous will power not to over-indulge.I do think the 'cold turkey' method is a better approach with this particular drug because of the fiendish nature it calls you back for more.There are at least no physical symptoms like shaking/vomiting etc,nothing that,to others,a bad case of flu
can explain things if needed.
There are lots of vitamins that are supposed to ease the mental problems that come with stopping,try looking up vitamins B complex,B6 and C,magnesium,5-HTP and glutamine and see if any suit.I think anything that helps you nod off,or have proper sleep is worth a try,but research first,don't take anything you are unsure of.These you CAN ask the Dr about,explaining that you are feeling extra low.
Your frame of mind is obviously delicate,the experience will be not the easiest time of life,but you will look back and survive.
Us Mums just somehow manage it.
I really hope you are doing OK,maybe you have not posted cos you are just way too tired/lethargic/busy/hiding under the duvet, so to speak,so I hope you at least read this,and are in an OK place.
Just think how great you will feel,in the long run,to be able to say 'I did control myself,wow,I AM in control' and the money,lack of worry about your next delivery,getting it found by someone etc.The stress of that alone must be pretty bad,it is for me.
Just take it in little baby steps.One tiny thing at a time.Break big jobs into smaller tasks.So what if it takes longer,you are doing it!
Lastly,WHEN you get off this stuff,never go anywhere near it or anything like it again.Don't do what I did and say you can control it,you wont.All substances like this have a very strong and stubborn hold on people like us.
Good luck,stop feeling guilty,just do your baby steps,and try and think in a positive way (I know,I know,but remember,if you think things are bad now,what will they be like this time next year if you carry on feeling so bad about what you are doing)Don't compare yourself to other mums,their lives are different to yours in many ways,good or bad.
All the best,post when you can,a couple of words is fine if you are not in a typing mood,we all have days like that!
I understand that going to the Doctors is a big step,try not to mention the EPH, I just don't think it is ever a good idea to have stuff like that on record,even if it is never used against you,its there for all the medics to see....and judge.Like they could ever understand.
Do you think you could handle taper withdrawal?The drugs are still there and you need tremendous will power not to over-indulge.I do think the 'cold turkey' method is a better approach with this particular drug because of the fiendish nature it calls you back for more.There are at least no physical symptoms like shaking/vomiting etc,nothing that,to others,a bad case of flu
can explain things if needed.
There are lots of vitamins that are supposed to ease the mental problems that come with stopping,try looking up vitamins B complex,B6 and C,magnesium,5-HTP and glutamine and see if any suit.I think anything that helps you nod off,or have proper sleep is worth a try,but research first,don't take anything you are unsure of.These you CAN ask the Dr about,explaining that you are feeling extra low.
Your frame of mind is obviously delicate,the experience will be not the easiest time of life,but you will look back and survive.
Us Mums just somehow manage it.
I really hope you are doing OK,maybe you have not posted cos you are just way too tired/lethargic/busy/hiding under the duvet, so to speak,so I hope you at least read this,and are in an OK place.
Just think how great you will feel,in the long run,to be able to say 'I did control myself,wow,I AM in control' and the money,lack of worry about your next delivery,getting it found by someone etc.The stress of that alone must be pretty bad,it is for me.
Just take it in little baby steps.One tiny thing at a time.Break big jobs into smaller tasks.So what if it takes longer,you are doing it!
Lastly,WHEN you get off this stuff,never go anywhere near it or anything like it again.Don't do what I did and say you can control it,you wont.All substances like this have a very strong and stubborn hold on people like us.
Good luck,stop feeling guilty,just do your baby steps,and try and think in a positive way (I know,I know,but remember,if you think things are bad now,what will they be like this time next year if you carry on feeling so bad about what you are doing)Don't compare yourself to other mums,their lives are different to yours in many ways,good or bad.
All the best,post when you can,a couple of words is fine if you are not in a typing mood,we all have days like that!
If you love your kids it doesn't matter.
You have a 4 year dependency, not 4 year withdrawal. Stimulants do not have acute withdrawals like opiods and alcohol/benzos (gabagerics) in the same sense of the word.
There is no physical pain, merely psychological longing and fatigue and depression. For stimulants this is generally a far shorter time (a matter of days) IE the crash and fatigue and depression (days) so stop for a good week before you consider my next advice and see how you feel. The psychological cravings will continue, this is true of anything that can be addictive, particularly powerful because dopamine is the brains positive reinforcer.
There is an antidepressant with the EXACT same pharmacological method of action as ethylphenidate - bupropion is it's generic name, or wellbutrin/zyban. As far as antidepressants go it has a very atypical mode of action very similar to psychostimulants. It would certainly help you with fatigue and depression. The fatigue is from down-regulation of acetylcholine and depression from the same effect with dopamine receptors.
Your doctor will not do anything about your kids if you're a responsible adult (not living in the hood with multiple convictions and so on). There is a huge difference between being an addict, and reaching the point where you endanger your children.
Honestly I would ask for wellbutrin without mentioning the ethylphenidate, or if you must say that you had been taking methylphenidate daily that a friend gave you for a week or two. If prescribed wellbutrin ONLY TAKE IF YOU HAVE DISCONTINUE USE OF PSYCHOSTIMULANTS COMPLETELY.
Combining dopamine/norepinephrine re-uptake inhibitors (DNRI as opposed to SSRI) is not a great idea.
You have a 4 year dependency, not 4 year withdrawal. Stimulants do not have acute withdrawals like opiods and alcohol/benzos (gabagerics) in the same sense of the word.
There is no physical pain, merely psychological longing and fatigue and depression. For stimulants this is generally a far shorter time (a matter of days) IE the crash and fatigue and depression (days) so stop for a good week before you consider my next advice and see how you feel. The psychological cravings will continue, this is true of anything that can be addictive, particularly powerful because dopamine is the brains positive reinforcer.
There is an antidepressant with the EXACT same pharmacological method of action as ethylphenidate - bupropion is it's generic name, or wellbutrin/zyban. As far as antidepressants go it has a very atypical mode of action very similar to psychostimulants. It would certainly help you with fatigue and depression. The fatigue is from down-regulation of acetylcholine and depression from the same effect with dopamine receptors.
Your doctor will not do anything about your kids if you're a responsible adult (not living in the hood with multiple convictions and so on). There is a huge difference between being an addict, and reaching the point where you endanger your children.
Honestly I would ask for wellbutrin without mentioning the ethylphenidate, or if you must say that you had been taking methylphenidate daily that a friend gave you for a week or two. If prescribed wellbutrin ONLY TAKE IF YOU HAVE DISCONTINUE USE OF PSYCHOSTIMULANTS COMPLETELY.
Combining dopamine/norepinephrine re-uptake inhibitors (DNRI as opposed to SSRI) is not a great idea.
If you love your kids it doesn't matter.
You have a 4 year dependency, not 4 year withdrawal. Stimulants do not have acute withdrawals like opiods and alcohol/benzos (gabagerics) in the same sense of the word.
There is no physical pain, merely psychological longing and fatigue and depression. For stimulants this is generally a far shorter time (a matter of days) IE the crash and fatigue and depression (days) so stop for a good week before you consider my next advice and see how you feel. The psychological cravings will continue, this is true of anything that can be addictive, particularly powerful because dopamine is the brains positive reinforcer.
There is an antidepressant with the EXACT same pharmacological method of action as ethylphenidate - bupropion is it's generic name, or wellbutrin/zyban. As far as antidepressants go it has a very atypical mode of action very similar to psychostimulants. It would certainly help you with fatigue and depression. The fatigue is from down-regulation of acetylcholine and depression from the same effect with dopamine receptors.
Your doctor will not do anything about your kids if you're a responsible adult (not living in the hood with multiple convictions and so on). There is a huge difference between being an addict, and reaching the point where you endanger your children.
Honestly I would ask for wellbutrin without mentioning the ethylphenidate, or if you must say that you had been taking methylphenidate daily that a friend gave you for a week or two. If prescribed wellbutrin ONLY TAKE IF YOU HAVE DISCONTINUE USE OF PSYCHOSTIMULANTS COMPLETELY.
Combining dopamine/norepinephrine re-uptake inhibitors (DNRI as opposed to SSRI) is not a great idea.
You have a 4 year dependency, not 4 year withdrawal. Stimulants do not have acute withdrawals like opiods and alcohol/benzos (gabagerics) in the same sense of the word.
There is no physical pain, merely psychological longing and fatigue and depression. For stimulants this is generally a far shorter time (a matter of days) IE the crash and fatigue and depression (days) so stop for a good week before you consider my next advice and see how you feel. The psychological cravings will continue, this is true of anything that can be addictive, particularly powerful because dopamine is the brains positive reinforcer.
There is an antidepressant with the EXACT same pharmacological method of action as ethylphenidate - bupropion is it's generic name, or wellbutrin/zyban. As far as antidepressants go it has a very atypical mode of action very similar to psychostimulants. It would certainly help you with fatigue and depression. The fatigue is from down-regulation of acetylcholine and depression from the same effect with dopamine receptors.
Your doctor will not do anything about your kids if you're a responsible adult (not living in the hood with multiple convictions and so on). There is a huge difference between being an addict, and reaching the point where you endanger your children.
Honestly I would ask for wellbutrin without mentioning the ethylphenidate, or if you must say that you had been taking methylphenidate daily that a friend gave you for a week or two. If prescribed wellbutrin ONLY TAKE IF YOU HAVE DISCONTINUE USE OF PSYCHOSTIMULANTS COMPLETELY.
Combining dopamine/norepinephrine re-uptake inhibitors (DNRI as opposed to SSRI) is not a great idea.
You still have so much life ahead of you and can be the mom you want to be, everything is subject to change. You gotta make up your mind..Do you want this like really want this to end...journal and write down how much you hate it..and do whatever it takes to take the days you need away from the drug...kids ,people ..and have a good friend there to hold you back from the drug..you are in a very vulnerable place and I sense in my heart your really crying out and hurting and lost. Praying for you!
Hi Pam, sorry I haven't logged in for a while, just seem to be avoiding the inevitable. Things are just the same,but getting very emotional each day due to guilt and missing most of my kids lives, iI just feel hardly able to stand myself for taking this stuff as I know if be different if I wasn't on it, um locked up in the bathroom most of the time. My kids keep getting frustrated asking when I'll be downstairs, and even though I want to so badly its also become a real habit staying in the bathroom so u feel at a right loose end not knowing where to put myself when I'm downstairs so don't staydown that long, and I'm so ashamed of myself. I wish I could go to the doctors but would be frightened as to what he might do regarding my children, also my husband doesn't like the idea of me going as he also takes the ethylphenidate and basically does everything I do so thats 2 of us the kids have locked away anxiously waiting for us, my other thing stopping me is being agoraphobic, but I know if I was guaranteed help in a good way I could get there. I do thing all of this has had quite a strong emotional effect on my children and I'm sure they feel very deprived of attention and the way I used to be, I was always very attentive and nurturing, now I'm so forgetful, sometimes if they've sallen or something they tell me through thekbathroomdoor, and I'll say just wait a minute till I come out, which I never would do a while back I would have seen to them straight away, then by the time I come out of the bathroom I've forgotten all about it till they remind me. My memory is so bad due to the ethylphenidate, I don't know if it'll ever get back to normal. I'm finding it so hard to think about waiting as it feels like my only pleasure at the moment, as I don't do anything else due to being agoraphobic, so the times that I haven't had it I spend in bed, as I feel so I'lland weal iI can barely sit but can't even sleep to just lie there, I really fear quitting as I can't bare just lying there, with all my thoughts and guilt just getting twisted in my mind, and not knowing how long I'll be like that. I've searched and searched on the internet and can hardly find a thing about withdrawals etc, only the odd 1 or 2 posts of people just saying how the withdrawals are certainly no joke, but they don't go into any detail at all.
I'm so at a loss, just know I don't want to be this way, I don't think I'd mind so much if I didn't have kids but they are my life believe it or not, only this drug has such a powerful hold that even the way I am and want to be for my children don't help me stop, I know it has to come from me but I just don't feel strong enough to battle withdrawals or the unknown, and am afraid of my children having to see me in a state if I withdraw, even though sometimes I don't feel they look strangely at me when I'm tensed up and twitching with it, it seems the twitching tends to start ifni either haven't drank enough or haven't slept for a couple of nights, I still can't figure out which it is, or it could even be a combination, it does intensify when I'm really concentrating on doing something , but this is the bit I don't like as the tensness makes my back and neck start to really hurt and ache for days sometimes. I will have another search on the net to see if I can fund anything else. I hope your doing okay Pam and look forward to hearing how your getting on, I know I haven't replied in a while but just knowing you and others are here is the hugest comfort, so thank you so much for that.
Gemma
I'm so at a loss, just know I don't want to be this way, I don't think I'd mind so much if I didn't have kids but they are my life believe it or not, only this drug has such a powerful hold that even the way I am and want to be for my children don't help me stop, I know it has to come from me but I just don't feel strong enough to battle withdrawals or the unknown, and am afraid of my children having to see me in a state if I withdraw, even though sometimes I don't feel they look strangely at me when I'm tensed up and twitching with it, it seems the twitching tends to start ifni either haven't drank enough or haven't slept for a couple of nights, I still can't figure out which it is, or it could even be a combination, it does intensify when I'm really concentrating on doing something , but this is the bit I don't like as the tensness makes my back and neck start to really hurt and ache for days sometimes. I will have another search on the net to see if I can fund anything else. I hope your doing okay Pam and look forward to hearing how your getting on, I know I haven't replied in a while but just knowing you and others are here is the hugest comfort, so thank you so much for that.
Gemma
Hi Gem, lets concern ourselves with the present moment. Bringing guilt into the scene will drain you of your energy. ( you know worrying about how much money you've spent in the past)
Keep the focus on when you're off the drug, you'll be able to get nice things for the kids. Now. I need you to google this drug & find out the best way to withdrawal from it. Read everything you can find.
Then we will come up with a plan. I'm going to taper off Norco & another gal is going to the Dr Tues, to get her taper plan.
I need you to research this EP & find out if cold turkey withdrawals or a Taper is the best way to quit this drug.
Some depends on your mental health too. Pamela
Keep the focus on when you're off the drug, you'll be able to get nice things for the kids. Now. I need you to google this drug & find out the best way to withdrawal from it. Read everything you can find.
Then we will come up with a plan. I'm going to taper off Norco & another gal is going to the Dr Tues, to get her taper plan.
I need you to research this EP & find out if cold turkey withdrawals or a Taper is the best way to quit this drug.
Some depends on your mental health too. Pamela
Thanks so much for your reply, the fact it not a very well known drug is another of my worries.
I did manage to get some more fornow, but still really want to quite. Sometimes it maked me twitchy and my head go to the right side with such tension i end up with such an achy neck. I dont really unerstand this part as sometimes it happens then other times it doesnt, seems to be more when i either dont drink enough or am tired.
I wishi could have time to myself just to stop but i dont have anyone that can look after my children so theres my other dilemma, i dont.want them seeing me in a state. My husband also takes it, so wed both be withdrawing if either of us did, i just wish icould be better, and the money i must have spent which could hsve gone on numerous things the kids have needed, i just canthelp but feel so ashamed of myself. Will just have to see how it goes. Its good to be able totalk about it though. Thanks Pamela
I did manage to get some more fornow, but still really want to quite. Sometimes it maked me twitchy and my head go to the right side with such tension i end up with such an achy neck. I dont really unerstand this part as sometimes it happens then other times it doesnt, seems to be more when i either dont drink enough or am tired.
I wishi could have time to myself just to stop but i dont have anyone that can look after my children so theres my other dilemma, i dont.want them seeing me in a state. My husband also takes it, so wed both be withdrawing if either of us did, i just wish icould be better, and the money i must have spent which could hsve gone on numerous things the kids have needed, i just canthelp but feel so ashamed of myself. Will just have to see how it goes. Its good to be able totalk about it though. Thanks Pamela
Thanks so much for your reply, the fact it not a very well known drug is another of my worries.
I did manage to get some more fornow, but still really want to quite. Sometimes it maked me twitchy and my head go to the right side with such tension i end up with such an achy neck. I dont really unerstand this part as sometimes it happens then other times it doesnt, seems to be more when i either dont drink enough or am tired.
I wishi could have time to myself just to stop but i dont have anyone that can look after my children so theres my other dilemma, i dont.want them seeing me in a state. My husband also takes it, so wed both be withdrawing if either of us did, i just wish icould be better, and the money i must have spent which could hsve gone on numerous things the kids have needed, i just canthelp but feel so ashamed of myself. Will just have to see how it goes. Its good to be able totalk about it though. Thanks Pamela
I did manage to get some more fornow, but still really want to quite. Sometimes it maked me twitchy and my head go to the right side with such tension i end up with such an achy neck. I dont really unerstand this part as sometimes it happens then other times it doesnt, seems to be more when i either dont drink enough or am tired.
I wishi could have time to myself just to stop but i dont have anyone that can look after my children so theres my other dilemma, i dont.want them seeing me in a state. My husband also takes it, so wed both be withdrawing if either of us did, i just wish icould be better, and the money i must have spent which could hsve gone on numerous things the kids have needed, i just canthelp but feel so ashamed of myself. Will just have to see how it goes. Its good to be able totalk about it though. Thanks Pamela
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