Relapse after 18 days

[Cassie415]

Hi guys,
I have relapsed after 18 days sober, the longest I have ever lasted. I relapsed one week ago and have been using pretty heavily ever since. I am having major trouble stopping again and getting back mentally to the place I was at when I was sober. I feel like just giving up on everything but I know  I can't. I am just so tired of being "strong" and doing it all on my own, but I really don't want to tell my parents. I feel like I am just running in circles. What have you guys done to get back up when you've relapsed?

[Cassie415]

Thank you,
And thank you for the advice. It was nice that you actually brought this post back because it reminded me of where I was then and how bad i wanted to stop...good timing.

[CATUF]

OH, it is an old post, isn't it.

Well, glad you're doing better.

CATUF

[Cassie415]

Hi guys,
I appreciate you commenting on this. I just want to let you know though, that this is a pretty old post of mine. It is from July 19th. I just want to make it clear  I HAVE NOT RELAPSED AGAIN!!!!! I do appreciate all the advice and support though. I am doing better now than I was then. Thank you!!

[CATUF]

hello, cassie,

it just so happens that i have a 19 year old daughter named cassie (so i'm used to saying "hello, cassie," with a smile on my face and in my voice).

as the father of a cassie, i have to say that i agree completely with peaceinknowing's advice about telling your parents.

it's a perfect time for you to do this, because you're tired of being strong and you feel like giving up.  i know it doesn't feel like it, but that's the perfect jumping off point.

for so very long i felt like i had to fight through the horrible mess i'd gotten myself into.  i thought i had to fix it myself, and i thought i had to keep it a secret.  i finally got to the point where i was too tired, too beaten up emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually to fight anymore.  i didn't just want to give up, i had to give up because i simply couldn't do it anymore.

i fully expected that giving up meant that it was over for me.  literally.  it seemed like whatever "good fight" i thought i was fighting was all that stood between me and nothingness.  it felt like giving up would mean nothing short of my life being over.

that seemed a bit sad, almost tragic (i never thought "it" would end like that), but that didn't matter, i had no choice but to give up -- i was played out.  there was nothing left.

no one was more surprised than me to find out that giving up did not mean the end of me.  quite the opposite, giving up meant the beginning of me.  giving up finally started a recovery that was sustainable and a life that was far better than just "my old life back."

my experience is far from unique. it seems to be the common denominator for most folks who make it out of the black hole of addiction and into the light of recovery.

addiction is bigger than i am, it's bigger than anyone i know, and i promise you that it's bigger than you are.  we can't beat it with our strength.   but with the help of others, we can turn and walk away from addiction.

go ahead, give up, be honest about the trouble you're in and ask for help.

good luck, cassie! (i'm used to saying that, too)

CATUF
1566

[peaceinknowing]

I forgot to mention one last thing...

I think it's about that time you sat down and had a conversation with your parents about what all is going on. I know it isn't the easiest thing in the world that you're going to have to go through -- but it's something you're going to have to go through if you truly wish to get clean from all the medications you've been taking. The ONLY way I got clean was finally fessing up to my husband about everything. I know you think that they're going to kick you in the rear over and over again if you go to them with this, but you're their daughter. They will not see it this way, I promise... If anything, they will respect you for coming to them about what is going on.

You are loved by them, and me.. If you need to talk, I am here. You know I love you like a little sister.

[peaceinknowing]

You didn't say anything before now? You can do this. You went EIGHTEEN whole days without using and made a mistake. There's nothing more and nothing less to it sweety, it was just a mistake. Just pick up the pieces and get back on the bus to recovery. You know that I will be here for you through it all! Keep your head up!

[tweetypie89]

HI Cassie i have been on a script 3-4 times,i found it was always crack thaa got me bk there i beleive. I am now 47 have been clean 3yrs but sadly after yrs pressure i relapsed.But that day has gone and reassured i wont do it again.I beleive the more attempts the more failiure at the end it will make you so stong you wont even want to do
it .I may sound like a hypecrit as i relapsed 1 day but as i said its gone and done,i got
the feeling but the problems still here.you take care dont beat yourself up and take each day at a time.

[Tallullah73]

Hey Cassie, I felt so sorry to hear about your relapse.  I remember what it felt like relapsing after two weeks.  I've done it often enough.  A lot of advice above to tell your parents.  How old are you?  How involved are your parents in your life?  I am 36 & was suffering with a major heroin addiction and I told my parents through the advice of friends even though I desperately didn't want to.  It was good advice.  I ended up moving countries to live close to my family & I am now over 100 days clean-clean (NA clean) and close to clean from November last year.  Keep on trying, no matter what, don't give up, no matter how often you relapse.  Telling my parents saved my life.  I really feel for you and wish you well.

[SophieShine]

Hey there Cassie! I am so very sorry....:(
I think it's time for you to have a serious talk with your parents, I know it's not gonna be easy but this might be a wake up call for them too and they definitely need a good one if you know what I mean... Tell them Sweetie, you'd be amazed of the reaction.
I told you already that sometimes I had the impression you are the adult in your family, well that doesn't make the situation right, it's time for both of them to take their responsibilities as parents.
Don't beat yourself up about the relapse, make a new list and start again from there. Remember that woman you saw living in the street when you got stopped by the cops, That's how addicts end up!!!
You know you have my unconditional support and love Sweetie.
xoxoxox. sophie.

[corey411]

Hi Hon, Like Gizzy said.you can't beat yourself up. The thing that I did after many relapses is that I promised myself that I would change something major if it happened again....each time .I told my family once , I started na once and promised myself I would do the 90 meetings in 90 days...I went 4 1/2 months and only missed 2 meetings. There is a wise saying that you can not keep trying to solve the same problem with the same solution if it isn't working. I know that this is not what you want to hear but will keep tellin ya...Tell your parents. You will feel so relieved and they will help you. They may need to even change a few things themselves to help you:o)) Sorry that you relapsed. I know it's hard. Corey

[gizzy32]

Oh Cassie:( Please don't beat yourself up. Relapses are devasting to us most times and make us feel hopeless. The guilt alone makes it so hard. You said it all in your post. "I am so tired of being strong and doing this on my own, but i don't really want to tell my parents". We can't do this on our own hun, maybe for a few days or a couple weeks, but getting support is key to stay clean. Try going to N/A like mentioned above, ive told you from day one talk to your parents even if you don't like them, it will save you.

To answer your question, what have we done when we relapsed? Well before i learned the tools to stay clean, after a relapse i would use so so much more drugs and fall deeper into my addiction like your doing. Getting back up after a relapse is hard, but with support and making a better plan it does not have to last.  A relapse does not mean failure, giving up does!!! I am still proud of you, you have always been honest about your use and that is so important. Don't give up, you have support here. Your too young for this life girl and can fix this:) Send me a pm ok.

[GA Guy]

I went to an inpatient rehab and started AA/NA. I kept relapsing until I would try anything in the world. Thank God I did.