I think I screwed myself...

[Sosadinny]

I have been posting here a lot and I apologize in advance. I have been extremely sick the past week and not understanding how since I have been trying to stabalize on the 40mg of hydro for a week...  Could the reason why I am having trouble stabalizing is because I jumped from about 3mg of Subutex to 40mg of Vic? In my previous thread someone mentioned this and it makes sense.... I assume I am withdrawing off the subs and that is what is killing me. I know 3mg Sub is a hgiher opiate dose than 40mg hydro but im a week and the 40mg is not even stopping the diahrea.  could this be why I am feeling so bad? I want to taper down the hydro but was hoping to get stabalized on it first.

[Sosadinny]

Yes you are right, at least for me... I know others have done I'm not strong enough. I have to make exercize a priority... I know it will be easier if I'm healthier. Ty

[Czezcky]

Subutex is way stronger and lasts longer. By going on hydro you were not weaning off subs. Instead you were ct the sub while starting a new hydro addiction. The worst move ever. Stick to the sub and taper by 1/4 tab per week. But you need to exercize a lot while you are back on it. I mean run for 30 minutes a day and build to an hour a day by the time you reach 1 mg. this will make the recovery smooth sailing. Don't wait till you're off the sub before you decide to exercise as you will not be able to by then. You need to do it as soon as you get your first dose and start to feel better.

[Sosadinny]

Wow I am in tears as to how supportive you all are!! It's so incredible!! Thank you!!! I  need to go to a meeting... I'm not sure which one ... I don't want to go in my town so I have to seek out meetings elsewhere. I have been praying a lot lately and reading spiritual books... I even started reading the bible... I at night it calms me down a bit. Knowing I have this forum though  gives me the most comfort. I will start subutex tomorrow again at 2mg split and see how it goes...  Lots of hugs to everyone

[atthebeach]

hun you aren't a let down. you have to do what is best for you and your family. yes you need to make yourself healthy. please take care of yourself. laying around is not helping your detox or your mental state.
is the psychiatrist the only specialist you see?
do you have a counselor/therapist?
I would also suggest substance abuse support groups, NA/AA,
celebrate recovery, overcomers outreach, smart recovery, cognitive behavior therapy. you need as much support as you can get.
if you know you cant control your hydro taper, then yes consider starting back at suboxone on a lower dose. just enough to stabilize you.
you and your recovery are the most important right now.
how old are your children?
do you attend church? do you have any friends you can confide in that can help you until your mom gets here?
sending encouragement,
keep the faith,
you will get through this.
praying for you,
Debbie

[IBKleen]

I am so sorry that you are going through this hun. So you are back on the Hydro and wanting to do a quick taper with Subutex? Because of your other issues and the medication you are taking for depression I do not recommend a quick taper from the Subutex. Talk to your doctor and tell him how you feel and what is going on. He seems like a reasonable and knowledgeable guy so follow what he thinks is best. You need to stop trying to be in control of this. We are never in control when we have pills. Keep posting lady and hang in there.

[Amandag78]

Hey there, just giving you my support and letting you know im thinking of you : )

[Sosadinny]

I think ive been surviving on crackers and green tea.... im so unhealthy right now its disgusting... I NEED TO make myself healthy.... I have to. I need to get motivated.... I just lay on the couch and dwell in how miserable I am. I went for a little walk, I mean little, and I felt good that I got out.  

So I feel ashamed as to what I decided on today .... I went to my psych and he suggested to try the Subs at a lower dose 2mg split in half.... then taper.
He suggested that because of my mental state..... I kind of agreed but
I am sleeping on it....I know for certain I can't control my taper on the hydro.
Once I get someone to watch my kids for a week I am CT off.  I feel like a let down. I dont want to pop pills all day....I am so sick of this!

[clean_in_ks]

You've decided NOT to go back on subs, right?  And stablize on the hydro until your Mom arrives?

[Sosadinny]

Ty guys! This forum is so amazing, i feel so grateful to have found it!

[lulu747]

It's not stopping probably because of the subs.
You gotta be patient.  I'd say it's probably going to take a few more days to stabilize.  But I maintain my above advice.  I say jump when your mom comes.
I really want you to feel better.  You deserve it.
Oh, and maybe just explain to your psych doc you were being a little dramatic and you aren't ACTUALLY gonna drive your car into a pole (:

You're gonna be okay sweetie.  I know it doesn't feel like it right now.  But you will be.
xo
Lu

[Sosadinny]

I'm on 20mg Paxil ... I should up it prob although it does crap!  Was up all night sweating... Wtf why isn't this stopping!

[vicki595]

HAHAHAHA !   Maybe you should skip the psych APPTS until you're feeling stronger/better/happier?  lol.    Are you sleeping?

I've never taken Subs but I've talked with a lot of people who have and the majority needed to taper down to crumbs...literally...that's how rough it gets. So, you're really doing about average for the process and I think you were smart to try a switch to hydros, then taper from that...worth a try...

Also, good nutrition plays a huge role in detoxing/tapering so I hope you're getting enough protein, minerals, and amino acids. It makes an enormous difference in how you feel.  

[atthebeach]

Oh boy.glad you don't feel that bad any more.
You are on Paxil right? What dosage?
Anything else?

[Sosadinny]

Btw it probably didn't help that I told my psych I felt like driving my car into a telephone pole... That was day 3 off of sub so at least that passed.. Lol

[Sosadinny]

Ty both for the quick reply... Yes that's how I feel just a little sick and depressed everyday.  That's a good idea to show her some posts... She is very supportive but really has no idea about how to handle this. I never had any issues as a teen with drugs and now at 41 I'm calling my mom to ask her to help me get off drugs... Incredible!
I'd imagine the 3rd and 4th day off the subs would be the worse since I felt like I was in full wd the most those days.. I should have taken nothing and I'd be almost done, but I couldn't take the leap from 3mg subs and landed on another pill, albeit a lower dose but still a crutch... All to not be in full wd. So maybe I will try to wean off these hydros ...  I'll give it a bit longer if I can't ease the depression I'll maybe start on an equiv dose of the sub which is about 1.5mg then do as you suggested a slower taper.

I want to apologize for my vents as I know I am just rambling and all over the place... Ty so much for your support.

[lulu747]

Yuck sweetie you are in a tough position.  Your mom has to understand that your depression will probably be better WITHOUT the drugs (eventually once your brain heals)  Opiates do not treat depression- there are many other options for that.
You need a doctor on board here.
You need someone to support your choice.
I agree with Debbie but I am hesitant to give that advice because my gut tells me that you would be SO much better off if you did c/t and got that crap out of your body.
I know I did.  Tapering was pure torture for me because I just felt so crappy every day- nauseous and head achey and depressed.  After acute detox I felt amazing!!!
But that's me.  I don't know 100% if it will be the same for you- I can only share my experience.
I know that once you have decided YOU WANT OFF then that is the best thing to do.
See if you can talk to your mom again- maybe show her some posts on here and the research that backs it up okay?
Whatever you decide I am here to support...
Hugs
Lu

[vicki595]

Hi- I just want to mention that there's no such thing as a quick taper from Subs. It needs to be slow and steady for you to stay comfortable so you need to drop tiny amounts over a period of time.   It's up to you but I might give it a few more days to level out from the Sub withdrawal and stick with the hydro. Hydro is, I think, much easier to detox from than the long acting opiate in Sub.   Hang in there!

[Sosadinny]

She's coming beginning of Aug. But will only be here two weeks. My Dr will rx me subs again if I want to go back to that route. If I did that I would start at no more than 2mg. Just feel like either way it still has a hold on me. My IBS is so bad right now I could barely stand from the pain.  I took 45 mg hydro today 5 mg less than yesterday...I'm all over the place w it just want to be done.

[atthebeach]

When is your mom coming? Do you have more subs?
Starting back on a lower dose is an option.
Then taper.
Or go a bit higher on the hydros and have someone hold the pills so you can't take extra. Then taper once  You stabilize.

[Sosadinny]

Again got cut off... Was saying I don't think tapering off the hydros is going to work. .. I tried to explain this too her, that the ups and downs are killing me and I'm just prolonging the sickness. So she suggests going back to a lower dose of subs and doing a quick taper. I JUST WANT OFF ... the one thing about the subs was at least I didn't have the mood swings and pill popping all day... But either way it just ***** and no one wants to support my ct idea ... I can't do it w out their help since I have two kids.  

[Sosadinny]

Spoke to my husband about just going ct off of the hydros since they are not helping me w the sub wd and actually irritating my stomach more. He tells me he doesn't think he can get off of work... So I ask my mom and she begs me not to because of my depression. I d

[Sosadinny]

TY all! That is so powerful.... Im on a crawl and yesterday took more than I should have. Couldnt sleep... stomach aches etc... hate these F'n pills. I really do. Im trying to eat but barely, which is probably worse since the pills are eating my stomach away.  One day at a time...
I will keep repeating

One day at a time  
Some days are leaps  
Some days are crawls  
But everyday is victory  

I want done by end of August... God please help me!!

[atthebeach]

Checking on you.
Stay at the 40mgs for a bit to get stabilized dont go up and down that is worse.
Are you eating small bland meals?
Stay hydrated?
Moving around as much as possible?
Keep the faith.
Debbie