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Jumping off methadone
First let me tell you a little bit about me. I'm 50 years old, male and have been on methadone for the last 10 years. I'm an alcoholic who quit drinking 29 years ago. I don't do any other recreational drugs whatsoever as opiates have scratched that itch quite well. A few months back after tapering down from 80 mg a day to 20 mg per day , I signed out of the clinic and walked away. I was determined that with the small stockpile I had at home I could continue to wean myself off. I called a good friend of mine who has also been on methadone for over 10 years , although not at any particular Clinic and told her I was done. She happened to be horribly dope sick that day and begged me for a few wafers. I personally have great empathy for other Junkies who are sick and trying to keep it together, hold a job, pay a mortgage Etc ...
To make a long story short I picked the wrong time and the wrong parking lot to meet my lifelong friend in and soon I was in jail. I didn't stay in jail long as I do have some savings and means to post bond. I hired the best attorneys that I could and continued to cut my dose down as my court date approached. Last Wednesday was my court date and my attorneys worked out a no felony deal that knocked the drug charge down to a misdemeanor and more importantly the gun charge down to a misdemeanor (I live in a state that allows registered guns in your car) I also got 12 months of drug tested probation and it's because of this that I decided to jump off and go clean from 10mg of methadone a day. I've been doing opiates for 17 years and I've went the same route that a lot of you guys have. A bad back injury led to a prescription of Lortabs then to Percocet to Roxy's, oxy's, lollipops, pain patches and smack if nothing else was around. My last dose was Wednesday morning(10mg) a week ago. I was drug tested the day after I went to court , called in at random they said.. what they really wanted was a Baseline so that they could see if the numbers went down nanograms/ decaliter wise. Therefore I don't have the luxury of taking benzos to sleep or even the most innocuous of prescription meds if they're not prescribed to me, it would be a violation Of course and I'd end up further entwined with the justice system. Here is how it's went:
I noticed nothing Thursday except for anxiety.
Friday was a bit worse but still nothing I couldn't work through.
Saturday I could tell I was going into the beginnings of a somewhat serious withdrawal. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night and the joint pain centered itself in both ankles. Sunday I knew I was in trouble, the nausea started , digestive troubles bubbled away painfully in my gut and sleep escaped me no matter what I tried. I was sweating like a w**** in church and more anxious than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was a very rough day.
Monday it appeared, at first at least , was going to be a great day . Somehow Sunday night I had managed to sleep four and a half hours and my mind had tricked itself into thinking the worst was over . I Knew by noon that it was certainly not over. The mystery sleep had simply been one of those strange gifts that happened from time to time and not anything more. I decided instead of being crestfallen about the situation I would instead be grateful that somehow, somewhere, someone had allowed me that rest. No matter how rough Monday was I resolved myself to be in a grateful State of Mind for the nearly five hours of blissful sleep that I'd received. It's currently Tuesday evening and I'm feeling pretty rough. my face is so flushed , my body stinks , my ankles feel like they've been run over by semi truck, I am utterly exhausted but it's the small things that keep me moving. I want to be clean. I want to put this hellish chapter behind me. I no longer want to be a Slave to the Grind of this disease The constant Hustle and Flow of opiate addiction has left me exhausted emotionally, spiritually and financially. Wish me luck, say a prayer and hopefully you'll hear from me again
Regards , Dave
To make a long story short I picked the wrong time and the wrong parking lot to meet my lifelong friend in and soon I was in jail. I didn't stay in jail long as I do have some savings and means to post bond. I hired the best attorneys that I could and continued to cut my dose down as my court date approached. Last Wednesday was my court date and my attorneys worked out a no felony deal that knocked the drug charge down to a misdemeanor and more importantly the gun charge down to a misdemeanor (I live in a state that allows registered guns in your car) I also got 12 months of drug tested probation and it's because of this that I decided to jump off and go clean from 10mg of methadone a day. I've been doing opiates for 17 years and I've went the same route that a lot of you guys have. A bad back injury led to a prescription of Lortabs then to Percocet to Roxy's, oxy's, lollipops, pain patches and smack if nothing else was around. My last dose was Wednesday morning(10mg) a week ago. I was drug tested the day after I went to court , called in at random they said.. what they really wanted was a Baseline so that they could see if the numbers went down nanograms/ decaliter wise. Therefore I don't have the luxury of taking benzos to sleep or even the most innocuous of prescription meds if they're not prescribed to me, it would be a violation Of course and I'd end up further entwined with the justice system. Here is how it's went:
I noticed nothing Thursday except for anxiety.
Friday was a bit worse but still nothing I couldn't work through.
Saturday I could tell I was going into the beginnings of a somewhat serious withdrawal. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night and the joint pain centered itself in both ankles. Sunday I knew I was in trouble, the nausea started , digestive troubles bubbled away painfully in my gut and sleep escaped me no matter what I tried. I was sweating like a w**** in church and more anxious than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was a very rough day.
Monday it appeared, at first at least , was going to be a great day . Somehow Sunday night I had managed to sleep four and a half hours and my mind had tricked itself into thinking the worst was over . I Knew by noon that it was certainly not over. The mystery sleep had simply been one of those strange gifts that happened from time to time and not anything more. I decided instead of being crestfallen about the situation I would instead be grateful that somehow, somewhere, someone had allowed me that rest. No matter how rough Monday was I resolved myself to be in a grateful State of Mind for the nearly five hours of blissful sleep that I'd received. It's currently Tuesday evening and I'm feeling pretty rough. my face is so flushed , my body stinks , my ankles feel like they've been run over by semi truck, I am utterly exhausted but it's the small things that keep me moving. I want to be clean. I want to put this hellish chapter behind me. I no longer want to be a Slave to the Grind of this disease The constant Hustle and Flow of opiate addiction has left me exhausted emotionally, spiritually and financially. Wish me luck, say a prayer and hopefully you'll hear from me again
Regards , Dave
Day74
12:55pm.
I worked hard again yesterday. Almost 4hrs. Mostly finishing drywall but lots of stop and go fixing what other volunteers had done incorrectly. I left fatigued as usual but I took note that the heat seemed to take the most out of me. I was sweating WAY more than anyone else. Granted, I used to sweat profusely for almost no reason so there's that'.
I suppose my system is still confused. I sure wish the overheating issue would stop. When I'd take an 80mg. dose of methadone I'd have to turn the air down and put all the fans on high. It was an issue then and continues to be, albeit to a smaller degree.
My headaches appear to be disappearing. No aspirin Or Tylenol at all today and I just have a tiny, background type headache.
I have to go do a small job at an office complex today. I'm dreading it. The major expenditure of energy yesterday has left me with the predictable energy hangover. I feel exhausted and I haven't done a thing yet.
Still hanging in there though. Still unafraid.
Still resolute.
Everybody have a great Sunday.
12:55pm.
I worked hard again yesterday. Almost 4hrs. Mostly finishing drywall but lots of stop and go fixing what other volunteers had done incorrectly. I left fatigued as usual but I took note that the heat seemed to take the most out of me. I was sweating WAY more than anyone else. Granted, I used to sweat profusely for almost no reason so there's that'.
I suppose my system is still confused. I sure wish the overheating issue would stop. When I'd take an 80mg. dose of methadone I'd have to turn the air down and put all the fans on high. It was an issue then and continues to be, albeit to a smaller degree.
My headaches appear to be disappearing. No aspirin Or Tylenol at all today and I just have a tiny, background type headache.
I have to go do a small job at an office complex today. I'm dreading it. The major expenditure of energy yesterday has left me with the predictable energy hangover. I feel exhausted and I haven't done a thing yet.
Still hanging in there though. Still unafraid.
Still resolute.
Everybody have a great Sunday.
1 Comments
Have you tried amino acid supplements? I took up competitive swimming when I quit 5 years ago. Dealt with all the same energy problems. I take aminos before workouts and ~25 grams of protein daily. This regimen really helps with energy and muscle recovery. Don't forget that past 40 it's normal to slow down a bit. I know I masked that slowdown in my 30s with opiates. So it did take some time to rediscover my own limits.
Wish I had your wisdom as I too have entered an area unexpected. keep laying down the positive swag.. needed....
2 Comments
Day70
6:50pm.
Headaches are getting better but my lack of motivation seems to be increasing. I'm either not feeling good and don't want to do anything or I'm feeling ok but don't want to upset the apple cart. I've got to find a way to keep myself moving no matter what.
I feel better when I move. It just gets tough when week after week the symptoms won't fully relent. I'll survive it but I don't have to like it. I think I'd prefer a full blown battle royale rather than constant potshots from the cheap seats.
I guess I should be grateful that the headaches are subsiding. If I can get them under control a bit more I'll be much happier. I'm already happier than I was when I was on 80 mg of methadone a day. I was an emotional zombie after a few years of that. And like any decent zombie, I didn't even realize I'd become a part of the walking dead. I just shuffled around in an emotionally constricted state, all creative horizons obstructed and told myself everything was fine.
Yeah, today my life is definitely better than it was before. It just seems that complaining about today is much easier than a good and proper reflection about how bad things were before.
I need to work on being grateful and I need to stay thankful for the progress I've made.
I'll add it to the 2-do list...
6:50pm.
Headaches are getting better but my lack of motivation seems to be increasing. I'm either not feeling good and don't want to do anything or I'm feeling ok but don't want to upset the apple cart. I've got to find a way to keep myself moving no matter what.
I feel better when I move. It just gets tough when week after week the symptoms won't fully relent. I'll survive it but I don't have to like it. I think I'd prefer a full blown battle royale rather than constant potshots from the cheap seats.
I guess I should be grateful that the headaches are subsiding. If I can get them under control a bit more I'll be much happier. I'm already happier than I was when I was on 80 mg of methadone a day. I was an emotional zombie after a few years of that. And like any decent zombie, I didn't even realize I'd become a part of the walking dead. I just shuffled around in an emotionally constricted state, all creative horizons obstructed and told myself everything was fine.
Yeah, today my life is definitely better than it was before. It just seems that complaining about today is much easier than a good and proper reflection about how bad things were before.
I need to work on being grateful and I need to stay thankful for the progress I've made.
I'll add it to the 2-do list...
Day69
8:25am.
I struggled with that pesky headache all day yesterday. It seems better this morning. I'm grateful for that. The headaches have been a bummer for sure. All throughout the acute phase of my withdrawal I took buffered baby aspirin to reduce the possibility of nausea but for these headaches I've been taking full-size adult aspirin. And even then it has just barely kept it in check.
I sure hope that one day I'll be able to sleep 8 hours again. I've had some brief periods where I've slept 7 or 7.5 hours but on average I'm sleeping about five and a half hours a night and I wake up two to three times during that cycle. Also two to three times a week I'll wake up with night sweats. I had to remind myself of how bad it was in the beginning when I was getting zero sleep and just flipping and flopping. So I'm not complaining necessarily, I'm just saying that the sleep still isn't right.
I'm grateful that I decided to keep this journal because it makes it very convenient to drift back in time and accurately remember exactly how tough things were during that first three weeks. It's still tough but I am improving. I'm not 100% by any means , but I am definitely better.
Today I'll be grateful that I'm better..
8:25am.
I struggled with that pesky headache all day yesterday. It seems better this morning. I'm grateful for that. The headaches have been a bummer for sure. All throughout the acute phase of my withdrawal I took buffered baby aspirin to reduce the possibility of nausea but for these headaches I've been taking full-size adult aspirin. And even then it has just barely kept it in check.
I sure hope that one day I'll be able to sleep 8 hours again. I've had some brief periods where I've slept 7 or 7.5 hours but on average I'm sleeping about five and a half hours a night and I wake up two to three times during that cycle. Also two to three times a week I'll wake up with night sweats. I had to remind myself of how bad it was in the beginning when I was getting zero sleep and just flipping and flopping. So I'm not complaining necessarily, I'm just saying that the sleep still isn't right.
I'm grateful that I decided to keep this journal because it makes it very convenient to drift back in time and accurately remember exactly how tough things were during that first three weeks. It's still tough but I am improving. I'm not 100% by any means , but I am definitely better.
Today I'll be grateful that I'm better..
1 Comments
...headache is first sign of dehydration...drink plenty of water from morning til bed time...b4 you get the headaches...
Day59
5:40pm.
Well I managed to go 3 hard hours hanging drywall and then after lunch and a small break, another 1.5 hrs helping an elderly couple move furniture out of storage and into their new home.
I AM BEAT.
but satisfied.
Also, a guy I meet last weekend, who I thought was kind of a jerk, turned out to be a pretty decent dude. He was my co-worker today. I really need to start reading the book before offering a review. You'd think I'd of learned that lesson by now..
Oy vey'
At any rate I'm having a good weekend and all is well. I hope everyone else's weekend is equally as satisfying.
- Dave -
5:40pm.
Well I managed to go 3 hard hours hanging drywall and then after lunch and a small break, another 1.5 hrs helping an elderly couple move furniture out of storage and into their new home.
I AM BEAT.
but satisfied.
Also, a guy I meet last weekend, who I thought was kind of a jerk, turned out to be a pretty decent dude. He was my co-worker today. I really need to start reading the book before offering a review. You'd think I'd of learned that lesson by now..
Oy vey'
At any rate I'm having a good weekend and all is well. I hope everyone else's weekend is equally as satisfying.
- Dave -
Day56
Im hanging in there. Still clean, still happy to be that way. I'm feeling a bit haggard from all the little crap that keeps popping up. Headaches, night sweats, lead suit syndrome, etc...
But I'm staying the course.
Im hanging in there. Still clean, still happy to be that way. I'm feeling a bit haggard from all the little crap that keeps popping up. Headaches, night sweats, lead suit syndrome, etc...
But I'm staying the course.
1 Comments
Me too bro, day 40 and I REALLY thought I'd be on the other side. Sleeping really sucks still... My Dr. tells me to *eat* 4-5 times a day to "heal" my brain. Trying healthy stuff but not much appetite-- Rock ON!
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