Aa
Jumping off methadone
First let me tell you a little bit about me. I'm 50 years old, male and have been on methadone for the last 10 years. I'm an alcoholic who quit drinking 29 years ago. I don't do any other recreational drugs whatsoever as opiates have scratched that itch quite well. A few months back after tapering down from 80 mg a day to 20 mg per day , I signed out of the clinic and walked away. I was determined that with the small stockpile I had at home I could continue to wean myself off. I called a good friend of mine who has also been on methadone for over 10 years , although not at any particular Clinic and told her I was done. She happened to be horribly dope sick that day and begged me for a few wafers. I personally have great empathy for other Junkies who are sick and trying to keep it together, hold a job, pay a mortgage Etc ...
To make a long story short I picked the wrong time and the wrong parking lot to meet my lifelong friend in and soon I was in jail. I didn't stay in jail long as I do have some savings and means to post bond. I hired the best attorneys that I could and continued to cut my dose down as my court date approached. Last Wednesday was my court date and my attorneys worked out a no felony deal that knocked the drug charge down to a misdemeanor and more importantly the gun charge down to a misdemeanor (I live in a state that allows registered guns in your car) I also got 12 months of drug tested probation and it's because of this that I decided to jump off and go clean from 10mg of methadone a day. I've been doing opiates for 17 years and I've went the same route that a lot of you guys have. A bad back injury led to a prescription of Lortabs then to Percocet to Roxy's, oxy's, lollipops, pain patches and smack if nothing else was around. My last dose was Wednesday morning(10mg) a week ago. I was drug tested the day after I went to court , called in at random they said.. what they really wanted was a Baseline so that they could see if the numbers went down nanograms/ decaliter wise. Therefore I don't have the luxury of taking benzos to sleep or even the most innocuous of prescription meds if they're not prescribed to me, it would be a violation Of course and I'd end up further entwined with the justice system. Here is how it's went:
I noticed nothing Thursday except for anxiety.
Friday was a bit worse but still nothing I couldn't work through.
Saturday I could tell I was going into the beginnings of a somewhat serious withdrawal. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night and the joint pain centered itself in both ankles. Sunday I knew I was in trouble, the nausea started , digestive troubles bubbled away painfully in my gut and sleep escaped me no matter what I tried. I was sweating like a w**** in church and more anxious than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was a very rough day.
Monday it appeared, at first at least , was going to be a great day . Somehow Sunday night I had managed to sleep four and a half hours and my mind had tricked itself into thinking the worst was over . I Knew by noon that it was certainly not over. The mystery sleep had simply been one of those strange gifts that happened from time to time and not anything more. I decided instead of being crestfallen about the situation I would instead be grateful that somehow, somewhere, someone had allowed me that rest. No matter how rough Monday was I resolved myself to be in a grateful State of Mind for the nearly five hours of blissful sleep that I'd received. It's currently Tuesday evening and I'm feeling pretty rough. my face is so flushed , my body stinks , my ankles feel like they've been run over by semi truck, I am utterly exhausted but it's the small things that keep me moving. I want to be clean. I want to put this hellish chapter behind me. I no longer want to be a Slave to the Grind of this disease The constant Hustle and Flow of opiate addiction has left me exhausted emotionally, spiritually and financially. Wish me luck, say a prayer and hopefully you'll hear from me again
Regards , Dave
To make a long story short I picked the wrong time and the wrong parking lot to meet my lifelong friend in and soon I was in jail. I didn't stay in jail long as I do have some savings and means to post bond. I hired the best attorneys that I could and continued to cut my dose down as my court date approached. Last Wednesday was my court date and my attorneys worked out a no felony deal that knocked the drug charge down to a misdemeanor and more importantly the gun charge down to a misdemeanor (I live in a state that allows registered guns in your car) I also got 12 months of drug tested probation and it's because of this that I decided to jump off and go clean from 10mg of methadone a day. I've been doing opiates for 17 years and I've went the same route that a lot of you guys have. A bad back injury led to a prescription of Lortabs then to Percocet to Roxy's, oxy's, lollipops, pain patches and smack if nothing else was around. My last dose was Wednesday morning(10mg) a week ago. I was drug tested the day after I went to court , called in at random they said.. what they really wanted was a Baseline so that they could see if the numbers went down nanograms/ decaliter wise. Therefore I don't have the luxury of taking benzos to sleep or even the most innocuous of prescription meds if they're not prescribed to me, it would be a violation Of course and I'd end up further entwined with the justice system. Here is how it's went:
I noticed nothing Thursday except for anxiety.
Friday was a bit worse but still nothing I couldn't work through.
Saturday I could tell I was going into the beginnings of a somewhat serious withdrawal. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night and the joint pain centered itself in both ankles. Sunday I knew I was in trouble, the nausea started , digestive troubles bubbled away painfully in my gut and sleep escaped me no matter what I tried. I was sweating like a w**** in church and more anxious than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was a very rough day.
Monday it appeared, at first at least , was going to be a great day . Somehow Sunday night I had managed to sleep four and a half hours and my mind had tricked itself into thinking the worst was over . I Knew by noon that it was certainly not over. The mystery sleep had simply been one of those strange gifts that happened from time to time and not anything more. I decided instead of being crestfallen about the situation I would instead be grateful that somehow, somewhere, someone had allowed me that rest. No matter how rough Monday was I resolved myself to be in a grateful State of Mind for the nearly five hours of blissful sleep that I'd received. It's currently Tuesday evening and I'm feeling pretty rough. my face is so flushed , my body stinks , my ankles feel like they've been run over by semi truck, I am utterly exhausted but it's the small things that keep me moving. I want to be clean. I want to put this hellish chapter behind me. I no longer want to be a Slave to the Grind of this disease The constant Hustle and Flow of opiate addiction has left me exhausted emotionally, spiritually and financially. Wish me luck, say a prayer and hopefully you'll hear from me again
Regards , Dave
hi Dave.....well I have been folowing your story from the begging....a big congrats on 55 days clean!!!!....I dont think annyone will argue that hands down methadone is the hardest to quit...with that said your making good progress as you can see this is going to take a wile to recover.....just know that every day clean is a victory and it is best to mention that recovery is painfully slow...this is why I recamend journaling....your progress can be tracked in baby steps.....but if you take the time to do it you can go back and see your progress on those days it seams hopeless.....also reading your post from the beginning is a great idea ...although your recovery may not be where you expect it to be by now.....just know you will recover...the real thing here that can be hard to do is to keep a positve attitude and your head is in the right place since the begining...this is critical....I always say you can be uncomfortable... but suffering is a choice and it is all about attitude.. I do remember sitting with my substance abuse counselor at 60 days....telling him I should be a whole lot better by now...it seamed hopeless and I started to belive what the clinic said when they told me I was going to be on methadone the rest of my life...but I am a stubborn SOB and if nothing else I was going to prove they where wrong... Dave you got this... and for most your more then 1/2 way there...it was around 90 days b/4 I started to get better...being this far along the worst is behind you and it seamed that things started to happen a lot faster...that the idea of recovery was much faster and a whole lot more measurable then the first 90 days... you just got to hang in there...if this post does no more then encourage you...I hope is gives you the idea that with time this will be all but a distant memory....keep posting for support where all here for you........Gnarly.................
1 Comments
Thank you Gnarly. Your post really addressed alot of thoughts I've been having actually. I DID think I'd be much further along than I currently am. It is kind of a bummer that it's so slow but hey, 10 years on the juice takes its toll I guess. I'm willing to pay the piper whatever it takes. I just want my life back in return..
Again, thanks for taking the time to post and double thx for the thoughtfulness of your advice.
Dave
Again, thanks for taking the time to post and double thx for the thoughtfulness of your advice.
Dave
Day55
7:40am.
Yesterday was a reminder that things aren't always as they seem.
I had to go downtown for some business before I picked my wife up from work. I pulled into a parking garage that was adjacent to my destination and proceeded to take care of my affairs. When I was done I went back to the garage, a giant, circular, monstrosity and attempted to locate my truck. Mind you I'd had a bad headache for two days and was on all the O.T.C meds I could stand..
I was certain I'd parked fairly far up the spiral structure and I was sure it was on level 4.
My idea, since I felt so weak, was to take the elevator to level 5 and walk DOWN to my truck instead of having to walk UP if I'd gotten off at the level 4 stop. I got off at 5 and ended up walking all the way down to level 1 and No Truck. I then took the elevator to 7 and walked down to 5, No truck..
Then I decided to just cut to the chase and go all the way to the top, level 11, and walk down til I located my ride. No luck. By this time I'd been trapped in this horrifically hot Parking garage for an hour.
My wife called wondering why I was late and I told her that I thought someone had stolen the truck. She got a co-worker to give her a ride to my location and said she'd be there in 30 minutes. In the interim, I attempted to ride the elevator back to floor 11 for a last minute do-over but because it was so slow to arrive I took the stairs. This is when I noticed an odd detail. Every other floor alternated between Red Markings and Yellow markings. It turns out that this parking garage is actually two garages in one. Odd number floors are red, even are yellow. One street entrance puts you solely on the Red ramp, the other the Yellow...
I was completely unaware of this new fangled, Parking garage wizardry.
I'd bumbled around for an hour in a red got garage trying to sneeze my way out of a massive sinus headache.
I felt silly, stupid and small. When my wife arrived she pointed out that stealing a car from a p.garage would be tough being as you had to have a ticket to pay and depart...
Of course she was correct, I was completely humbled. I'd been completely befuddled by a simple, two-color coded system and then assumed magical bandits had teleported my truck to an undisclosed location.
Uggg...
Still embarrassed by this incident but I'm going to look at it in a positive light.
It's the simplest of things that can trip us up.
The most innocuous of events that can leave us completely confused and The punches you don't see coming that will leave you the most disconcerted.
Today I'll be grateful for a dose of humility. I must have needed it...
7:40am.
Yesterday was a reminder that things aren't always as they seem.
I had to go downtown for some business before I picked my wife up from work. I pulled into a parking garage that was adjacent to my destination and proceeded to take care of my affairs. When I was done I went back to the garage, a giant, circular, monstrosity and attempted to locate my truck. Mind you I'd had a bad headache for two days and was on all the O.T.C meds I could stand..
I was certain I'd parked fairly far up the spiral structure and I was sure it was on level 4.
My idea, since I felt so weak, was to take the elevator to level 5 and walk DOWN to my truck instead of having to walk UP if I'd gotten off at the level 4 stop. I got off at 5 and ended up walking all the way down to level 1 and No Truck. I then took the elevator to 7 and walked down to 5, No truck..
Then I decided to just cut to the chase and go all the way to the top, level 11, and walk down til I located my ride. No luck. By this time I'd been trapped in this horrifically hot Parking garage for an hour.
My wife called wondering why I was late and I told her that I thought someone had stolen the truck. She got a co-worker to give her a ride to my location and said she'd be there in 30 minutes. In the interim, I attempted to ride the elevator back to floor 11 for a last minute do-over but because it was so slow to arrive I took the stairs. This is when I noticed an odd detail. Every other floor alternated between Red Markings and Yellow markings. It turns out that this parking garage is actually two garages in one. Odd number floors are red, even are yellow. One street entrance puts you solely on the Red ramp, the other the Yellow...
I was completely unaware of this new fangled, Parking garage wizardry.
I'd bumbled around for an hour in a red got garage trying to sneeze my way out of a massive sinus headache.
I felt silly, stupid and small. When my wife arrived she pointed out that stealing a car from a p.garage would be tough being as you had to have a ticket to pay and depart...
Of course she was correct, I was completely humbled. I'd been completely befuddled by a simple, two-color coded system and then assumed magical bandits had teleported my truck to an undisclosed location.
Uggg...
Still embarrassed by this incident but I'm going to look at it in a positive light.
It's the simplest of things that can trip us up.
The most innocuous of events that can leave us completely confused and The punches you don't see coming that will leave you the most disconcerted.
Today I'll be grateful for a dose of humility. I must have needed it...
1 Comments
Hilarious - I couldn't change the plugs on my car.. literally...
Ďay43
11:00am.
Well, I went to turn myself in for 4 day as required and the Jail did not have my paperwork. The Sheriff said they couldn't take me unless he had my documents. So, standing outside the jailhouse, I called my wife who had arrived home, and told her the news. She in turn called an old friend at the courthouse who was able to get the clerk to Fax the documents over with five minutes to spare...
I then called the Sheriff back and was explaining the situation to him when, at that exact moment the new order came in over their system.
He told me that he was going to give me the maximum credit he could due to the fact that I'd diligently worked hard to try and resolve the matter and take care of my business.
Here is what the Good Sheriff did.
He gave me a days credit for good behavior.
He gave me a days credit for the 4 hours when I was originally arrested.
He gave me a days credit for turning myself in yesterday at 5pm (although I got there at 2:50)
And he gave me a days credit for 12pm - 8am today.
So I got credit for 4 full days by staying 15 hrs in jail.
AMAZING
God is good and things work out well if you put your all into it. I feel blessed.
When I got home I had an email from my probation officer. She had come in to work and found out about all the paperwork drama and dropped me a line to say she was impressed. She said I'm doing what so very few actually do and to keep up the good work..
Nice to have her on my side when I go back in April to have this incident expunged from my record.
Lastly, I must mention that as I sat in a Giant classification area I literally saw two dozen people, mostly females, come in opioided out of their minds. The classification area offers little sandwiches to eat since you may stay in that area for awhile (I sat there 9hrs) Many of the severely stoned nodded out, half eaten sandwiches firmly in hand..
It was heartbreaking to witness. This is truly an epidemic and those people were more than just junkies, They are mothers and daughters and sisters and fathers. I said a prayer for them all and ended it by stating, "there but for the grace of god go I."
The whole ordeal has left me slightly sick. I was very stressed plus It was extremely hot yesterday and standing in the sun begging to get into jail drained me.
But IT'S OVER NOW.
Onward and upwards.
Thanks for all the support.
Dave.
11:00am.
Well, I went to turn myself in for 4 day as required and the Jail did not have my paperwork. The Sheriff said they couldn't take me unless he had my documents. So, standing outside the jailhouse, I called my wife who had arrived home, and told her the news. She in turn called an old friend at the courthouse who was able to get the clerk to Fax the documents over with five minutes to spare...
I then called the Sheriff back and was explaining the situation to him when, at that exact moment the new order came in over their system.
He told me that he was going to give me the maximum credit he could due to the fact that I'd diligently worked hard to try and resolve the matter and take care of my business.
Here is what the Good Sheriff did.
He gave me a days credit for good behavior.
He gave me a days credit for the 4 hours when I was originally arrested.
He gave me a days credit for turning myself in yesterday at 5pm (although I got there at 2:50)
And he gave me a days credit for 12pm - 8am today.
So I got credit for 4 full days by staying 15 hrs in jail.
AMAZING
God is good and things work out well if you put your all into it. I feel blessed.
When I got home I had an email from my probation officer. She had come in to work and found out about all the paperwork drama and dropped me a line to say she was impressed. She said I'm doing what so very few actually do and to keep up the good work..
Nice to have her on my side when I go back in April to have this incident expunged from my record.
Lastly, I must mention that as I sat in a Giant classification area I literally saw two dozen people, mostly females, come in opioided out of their minds. The classification area offers little sandwiches to eat since you may stay in that area for awhile (I sat there 9hrs) Many of the severely stoned nodded out, half eaten sandwiches firmly in hand..
It was heartbreaking to witness. This is truly an epidemic and those people were more than just junkies, They are mothers and daughters and sisters and fathers. I said a prayer for them all and ended it by stating, "there but for the grace of god go I."
The whole ordeal has left me slightly sick. I was very stressed plus It was extremely hot yesterday and standing in the sun begging to get into jail drained me.
But IT'S OVER NOW.
Onward and upwards.
Thanks for all the support.
Dave.
Hi Dave! I'm also still feeling low energy although I'm getting hints of it here and there! I'm down to 6 sneezes in a row instead of 7! I'm able to fall asleep although it takes a lil I'm also able to sleep most nights for a few hours. My mind feels so much better my memory is coming back as well as finding words when speaking. My laughter is returning although I still have mood swing not as severe but still there.. I' do not like to say it is over for it always surprises me so I will just say I'm getting better!! I'm glad you are also and that some of the better Joys in life are returning:)) Hope today is a very Good day for you!! warmly, lesa
A big thanks to everyone who's offered advice and support. I'm getting my 30 day chip tonight. I can't remember the last time I had 30 days completely clean. I'm very happy to be here and I don't think I could have done this without my wife and some very special online friends.
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