I have an elderly mother as well. She was always on my arse about the methadone. At some point I told her and wish I hadn't put that on her. Sounds like you have a good relationship with your mom which is good. :)
I'm still here. Still clean, still fighting the good fight. Just overwhelmed with hospital visits and stress. My mom will finally be moving to a rehab center for her hip soon. The Surgeon found a 80-90% blockage in her coronary artery and put in a stent to open it up. She's feeling more energetic than she has in years. She's a tough woman. I can't wait to drive her back to her house when this is finally over.
What a wild ride.
I couldn't have done it while using.
Day90
11:40am.
Unfortunately shortly after I wrote my last post, my mother went into full cardiac arrest. I got the phone call at midnight Friday evening and was told they were trying to resuscitate her and that it didn't look good. What followed was 5 hours of pandemonium as life flights were scheduled and subsequently cancelled as they desperately tried to get her stable enough to travel . At the same time that all this was happening the hospital's incoming phone lines had some sort of failure and every time you called it was busy. They could call us with updates but we had no way of reaching them to see how things were going . We were two and a half hours away by car and with them continuing to talk about life lighting her we didn't want to get all the way up there only to find out they had flown her somewhere else. We were forced to stay put, hope for the best, and wait it out.
It was possibly the most emotionally grueling thing that I've ever been through in such a short period of time.
Finally they did life flight her to a large city that had an excellent Heart Center. The new hospital was about 30 minutes away and we raced there to be with her.
When I walked in the Intensive Care Unit and saw her with tubes down her throat, on a ventilator, and pale as a ghost, I really feared for the worst. The room was a blinding mess of various machines whirling and twirling, beeping and blipping. I just stood there, completely stunned, I felt broken...
Over the past 4 days my mother has made a miraculous recovery. It has stunned everyone. She spent one day on the ventilator and then demanded it be removed. The doctors assumed that she had thrown a blood clot from the hip surgery but that has been subsequently ruled out. They're inclined to believe that it may have been a heart attack triggered by stress. My mother is now fully alert and appears to have suffered no permanent damage. The ICU doctors are not allowing my aunt to visit and I'm in full agreement with that decision.
When we're all doped up on opiates we think the world revolves around us and we say and do things that we may live to regret forever.
I am thankful that I had enough clean time under my belt to shoulder this type of Burden and remain Unbroken. The stress of it all has caused some of the withdrawal symptoms to kick back in but I've powered through. I'm so grateful that I'm clean and can deal with these types of situations without feeling the need to use.
And in closing, I want to say that whether you're a good vibes type person or a praying type person, send something out towards my mother Judy in hopes that she's completely out of the woods soon.
Peace and love,
Dave
Day86
5:30pm.
For 15 years my life revolved around opiate use. For the first 60 days of my recovery, life revolved around freeing myself from that usage. But as of late, I'm realizing my life is beginning to revolve around other things. Life is incredibly complicated and immensely diverse and it involves much more than pills, doctor's visits, call ins, and **** tests.
Lately with my mother being hospitalized and me myself feeling better and better everyday, I've thought less and less about the things of old and more and more about what really matters. I can only thank God that I began my recovery when I did and that I was well enough to make the five-hour round-trip to visit with my mother and support her. Just 60 days ago I don't think I could have accomplished these things. There was a time, a few weeks back, when I couldn't even stand for more than 15 minutes without becoming exhausted and nauseated. Remember that? I do...
Tomorrow go back to do more volunteer work. The work is being done at a local Recovery House which is in dire need of the renovation it's receiving. I am certain that I will be able to work 5 strong hard hours. I'll be tired when it's over, I'll be exhausted when it's over , but I'm sure I'll be able to do it. My confidence has grown so much from this small volunteer job. It's been worth every hour I have put in.
Welp, it's been three hours since I started writing this post. I got interrupted by a phone call saying that my elderly mother and her somewhat elderly sister were having a major argument inside my mother's hospital room...
So now I'm certain that all the nurses think we're a bunch of backwoods rednecks. (We are but I didn't want them knowing it)
My aunt, who's rude anyways, is addicted to pain meds prescribed for L4-L5 back surgeries.
Too many pills and she loses touch with any empathy. What follows is snippy rudeness disguised as curt observations.
Not good to be snippy with my mother. This is a woman who escorted the meter reader off her property via a 12 gauge after she witnessed him pepper spray her Dogs.
Anyways, it's so unfortunate that my family is showing its azz but hey, I've been showing mine for 15 yrs...
So there's that'
Gotta get some rest. Everyone have a blessed weekend..
-Dave
Day86
5:30pm.
For 15 years my life revolved around opiate use. For the first 60 days of my recovery, life revolved around freeing myself from that usage. But as of late, I'm realizing my life is beginning to revolve around other things. Life is incredibly complicated and immensely diverse and it involves much more than pills, doctor's visits, call ins, and **** tests.
Lately with my mother being hospitalized and me myself feeling better and better everyday, I've thought less and less about the things of old and more and more about what really matters. I can only thank God that I began my recovery when I did and that I was well enough to make the five-hour round-trip to visit with my mother and support her. Just 60 days ago I don't think I could have accomplished these things. There was a time, a few weeks back, when I couldn't even stand for more than 15 minutes without becoming exhausted and nauseated. Remember that? I do...
Tomorrow go back to do more volunteer work. The work is being done at a local Recovery House which is in dire need of the renovation it's receiving. I am certain that I will be able to work 5 strong hard hours. I'll be tired when it's over, I'll be exhausted when it's over , but I'm sure I'll be able to do it. My confidence has grown so much from this small volunteer job. It's been worth every hour I have put in.
Welp, it's been three hours since I started writing this post. I got interrupted by a phone call saying that my elderly mother and her somewhat elderly sister were having a major argument inside my mother's hospital room...
So now I'm certain that all the nurses think we're a bunch of backwoods rednecks. (We are but I didn't want them knowing it)
My aunt, who's rude anyways, is addicted to pain meds prescribed for L4-L5 back surgeries.
Too many pills and she loses touch with any empathy. What follows is snippy rudeness disguised as curt observations.
Not good to be snippy with my mother. This is a woman who escorted the meter reader off her property via a 12 gauge after she witnessed him pepper spray her Dogs.
Anyways, it's so unfortunate that my family is showing its azz but hey, I've been showing mine for 15 yrs...
So there's that'
Gotta get some rest. Everyone have a blessed weekend..
-Dave
Day83
9:35am.
Very, very busy but doing well. My mother's hospital stay has been trying. For starters, her hospital is 4.5 hrs round trip from me. Secondly, the hospital doesn't seem to know from day to day what the plan is supposed to be.
It is very frustrating to say the least.
My recovery seems to be picking up a bit of momentum as of late. Some mornings I wake up and simply feel...Well, Normal.
My sleep seems to have evened out at about 5 hours a night. Unfortunately, that leaves me feeling that I need more sleep. But I've discovered that it doesn't do any good to try to lie back down and pick up another couple hours. It's simply not to be had and I end up wasting time in bed for nothing.
But, if I'll get on up and get in motion, within an hour or so the sensation of being sleep deprived will evaporate.
All in all I'm very satisfied with where I'm at in my recovery. It hasn't went smoothly or perfectly by any means but I've made progress and the progress I've made is tangible and irrefutable. I am undeniably much better than I was 60 days ago.
It's just so easy to forget how far I've come and concentrate instead on the little things in my life that are still out of focus.
But fear not I am still trudging along making progress and getting better. Hopefully things will calm down soon and I'll be able to post more frequently.
All my best to everyone,
Dave