Aa
Jumping off methadone
First let me tell you a little bit about me. I'm 50 years old, male and have been on methadone for the last 10 years. I'm an alcoholic who quit drinking 29 years ago. I don't do any other recreational drugs whatsoever as opiates have scratched that itch quite well. A few months back after tapering down from 80 mg a day to 20 mg per day , I signed out of the clinic and walked away. I was determined that with the small stockpile I had at home I could continue to wean myself off. I called a good friend of mine who has also been on methadone for over 10 years , although not at any particular Clinic and told her I was done. She happened to be horribly dope sick that day and begged me for a few wafers. I personally have great empathy for other Junkies who are sick and trying to keep it together, hold a job, pay a mortgage Etc ...
To make a long story short I picked the wrong time and the wrong parking lot to meet my lifelong friend in and soon I was in jail. I didn't stay in jail long as I do have some savings and means to post bond. I hired the best attorneys that I could and continued to cut my dose down as my court date approached. Last Wednesday was my court date and my attorneys worked out a no felony deal that knocked the drug charge down to a misdemeanor and more importantly the gun charge down to a misdemeanor (I live in a state that allows registered guns in your car) I also got 12 months of drug tested probation and it's because of this that I decided to jump off and go clean from 10mg of methadone a day. I've been doing opiates for 17 years and I've went the same route that a lot of you guys have. A bad back injury led to a prescription of Lortabs then to Percocet to Roxy's, oxy's, lollipops, pain patches and smack if nothing else was around. My last dose was Wednesday morning(10mg) a week ago. I was drug tested the day after I went to court , called in at random they said.. what they really wanted was a Baseline so that they could see if the numbers went down nanograms/ decaliter wise. Therefore I don't have the luxury of taking benzos to sleep or even the most innocuous of prescription meds if they're not prescribed to me, it would be a violation Of course and I'd end up further entwined with the justice system. Here is how it's went:
I noticed nothing Thursday except for anxiety.
Friday was a bit worse but still nothing I couldn't work through.
Saturday I could tell I was going into the beginnings of a somewhat serious withdrawal. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night and the joint pain centered itself in both ankles. Sunday I knew I was in trouble, the nausea started , digestive troubles bubbled away painfully in my gut and sleep escaped me no matter what I tried. I was sweating like a w**** in church and more anxious than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was a very rough day.
Monday it appeared, at first at least , was going to be a great day . Somehow Sunday night I had managed to sleep four and a half hours and my mind had tricked itself into thinking the worst was over . I Knew by noon that it was certainly not over. The mystery sleep had simply been one of those strange gifts that happened from time to time and not anything more. I decided instead of being crestfallen about the situation I would instead be grateful that somehow, somewhere, someone had allowed me that rest. No matter how rough Monday was I resolved myself to be in a grateful State of Mind for the nearly five hours of blissful sleep that I'd received. It's currently Tuesday evening and I'm feeling pretty rough. my face is so flushed , my body stinks , my ankles feel like they've been run over by semi truck, I am utterly exhausted but it's the small things that keep me moving. I want to be clean. I want to put this hellish chapter behind me. I no longer want to be a Slave to the Grind of this disease The constant Hustle and Flow of opiate addiction has left me exhausted emotionally, spiritually and financially. Wish me luck, say a prayer and hopefully you'll hear from me again
Regards , Dave
To make a long story short I picked the wrong time and the wrong parking lot to meet my lifelong friend in and soon I was in jail. I didn't stay in jail long as I do have some savings and means to post bond. I hired the best attorneys that I could and continued to cut my dose down as my court date approached. Last Wednesday was my court date and my attorneys worked out a no felony deal that knocked the drug charge down to a misdemeanor and more importantly the gun charge down to a misdemeanor (I live in a state that allows registered guns in your car) I also got 12 months of drug tested probation and it's because of this that I decided to jump off and go clean from 10mg of methadone a day. I've been doing opiates for 17 years and I've went the same route that a lot of you guys have. A bad back injury led to a prescription of Lortabs then to Percocet to Roxy's, oxy's, lollipops, pain patches and smack if nothing else was around. My last dose was Wednesday morning(10mg) a week ago. I was drug tested the day after I went to court , called in at random they said.. what they really wanted was a Baseline so that they could see if the numbers went down nanograms/ decaliter wise. Therefore I don't have the luxury of taking benzos to sleep or even the most innocuous of prescription meds if they're not prescribed to me, it would be a violation Of course and I'd end up further entwined with the justice system. Here is how it's went:
I noticed nothing Thursday except for anxiety.
Friday was a bit worse but still nothing I couldn't work through.
Saturday I could tell I was going into the beginnings of a somewhat serious withdrawal. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night and the joint pain centered itself in both ankles. Sunday I knew I was in trouble, the nausea started , digestive troubles bubbled away painfully in my gut and sleep escaped me no matter what I tried. I was sweating like a w**** in church and more anxious than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was a very rough day.
Monday it appeared, at first at least , was going to be a great day . Somehow Sunday night I had managed to sleep four and a half hours and my mind had tricked itself into thinking the worst was over . I Knew by noon that it was certainly not over. The mystery sleep had simply been one of those strange gifts that happened from time to time and not anything more. I decided instead of being crestfallen about the situation I would instead be grateful that somehow, somewhere, someone had allowed me that rest. No matter how rough Monday was I resolved myself to be in a grateful State of Mind for the nearly five hours of blissful sleep that I'd received. It's currently Tuesday evening and I'm feeling pretty rough. my face is so flushed , my body stinks , my ankles feel like they've been run over by semi truck, I am utterly exhausted but it's the small things that keep me moving. I want to be clean. I want to put this hellish chapter behind me. I no longer want to be a Slave to the Grind of this disease The constant Hustle and Flow of opiate addiction has left me exhausted emotionally, spiritually and financially. Wish me luck, say a prayer and hopefully you'll hear from me again
Regards , Dave
Day57
1:05pm.
I'm back working on the truck. This time new spark plugs and wires. $85.00 worth. Geez..
Still have this lingering sinus headache. I've had it since Sunday. I started thinking crazy stuff like, maybe I've got a brain tumor or, maybe I've had an aneurysm... then I remembered what I fellow solider who's marched this path told me. He said his withdrawal process almost turned him into a hypochondriac. So much stuff happening in our bodies and we're no longer numb to it.
I'll tell you the gods honest truth, I'm so thankful for everyone who's offered advice and support. It's meant the world to me and at times its kept me on track. This methadone withdrawal is much more like a War than a back room boxing match. In a boxing match you fight until one combatant takes too many shots and is counted out..
In a War, especially a great War, You fight until one side begins to lose and goes into retreat. But even in retreat they still fight on...
Firing bullets, mortars and bombs, hiding booby trapped surprises, looting towns, cities, and villages in their wake.
But above all, the retreating army, that vanquished foe, is taught to destroy all things infrastructure. Bridges, Dams, Roads, Ports and Utilities. A dastardly parting gift..
This is a good summation of how I feel Methadone has left me.
I have my city back but My God, it's a mess.
I'm not depressed at realizing this, just surprised that I dealt daily with this enemy and remained unaware of it's capacity for ruthlessness.
Today I'll be grateful for seeing the true extent of the damage done. Even though it hurts to see your city crumbled..
1:05pm.
I'm back working on the truck. This time new spark plugs and wires. $85.00 worth. Geez..
Still have this lingering sinus headache. I've had it since Sunday. I started thinking crazy stuff like, maybe I've got a brain tumor or, maybe I've had an aneurysm... then I remembered what I fellow solider who's marched this path told me. He said his withdrawal process almost turned him into a hypochondriac. So much stuff happening in our bodies and we're no longer numb to it.
I'll tell you the gods honest truth, I'm so thankful for everyone who's offered advice and support. It's meant the world to me and at times its kept me on track. This methadone withdrawal is much more like a War than a back room boxing match. In a boxing match you fight until one combatant takes too many shots and is counted out..
In a War, especially a great War, You fight until one side begins to lose and goes into retreat. But even in retreat they still fight on...
Firing bullets, mortars and bombs, hiding booby trapped surprises, looting towns, cities, and villages in their wake.
But above all, the retreating army, that vanquished foe, is taught to destroy all things infrastructure. Bridges, Dams, Roads, Ports and Utilities. A dastardly parting gift..
This is a good summation of how I feel Methadone has left me.
I have my city back but My God, it's a mess.
I'm not depressed at realizing this, just surprised that I dealt daily with this enemy and remained unaware of it's capacity for ruthlessness.
Today I'll be grateful for seeing the true extent of the damage done. Even though it hurts to see your city crumbled..
2 Comments
I'm at 3 months still have days where I have No energy what so ever. Then I have days where I feel ok. for the last 2 nights I have been able to fall asleep and not wake up till 3 our so That is new! The Extra Anxiety is just about gone. The confusion is gone although I still have memory lapses.. I started on the methadone a 40mgs spent the last 2 years adjusting the dose down to the 10mg I was on then walked off before that I walked off 2mg ativan with a 2 week taper (I do not recommend this) I think it is taking me so long because I have been a drug addict these last 45 years. I honestly thought because the dose was so low that I would be off in 6 weeks our so lol lol
You are doing Great Dave! You have kept a Good outlook even though hell as been nipping at your heels! I'm Proud of you!! lesa
You are doing Great Dave! You have kept a Good outlook even though hell as been nipping at your heels! I'm Proud of you!! lesa
1 Comments
Thank you so much Lesa.
Day53
10:50am.
Well I woke up early this morning with that odd, post-activity, energy surge. So I went out and cleaned up a huge mess that the dastardly racoons had made in the drive with some well used peanut oil. Then, still feeling good, I changed the fuel filter, oil filter and changed out the old oil with some full synthetic. It's been so hot that the old truck deserves the treat.
Then I went to get a soda from the fridge and the soda was warm.
Oh no...
Luckily I knew what caused it (my wife's frozen food fetish had blocked the circulation vents again) and I knew how to fix it- A few screws, some towels, and a hairdryer and we were back in business.
Funny how you seem to draw energy by expending it the day prior. That's odd but I've found it to be true. One of the few rock solid truths of this whole experience.
Ya Gotta Move.
Hope everyone has a beautiful day. I know I'm going to.
10:50am.
Well I woke up early this morning with that odd, post-activity, energy surge. So I went out and cleaned up a huge mess that the dastardly racoons had made in the drive with some well used peanut oil. Then, still feeling good, I changed the fuel filter, oil filter and changed out the old oil with some full synthetic. It's been so hot that the old truck deserves the treat.
Then I went to get a soda from the fridge and the soda was warm.
Oh no...
Luckily I knew what caused it (my wife's frozen food fetish had blocked the circulation vents again) and I knew how to fix it- A few screws, some towels, and a hairdryer and we were back in business.
Funny how you seem to draw energy by expending it the day prior. That's odd but I've found it to be true. One of the few rock solid truths of this whole experience.
Ya Gotta Move.
Hope everyone has a beautiful day. I know I'm going to.
Yo Dave, i've been reading through your thread and it is strikingly similar to myself - haven't drank in 27 years, 48 years old, 90mg... At 36 days I sneeze often, sleep 4 hours a night (w an occasional afternoon nap blessing). Most of all it's the shear lack of energy to which I feel so alone. Even in meetings I don't think they understand... I feel no one "gets" it except here in this innocuous world. I hope one day to have my life back, my hands to the plow...
1 Comments
I get it brother. Let's both keep fighting for all we're worth. Going back isn't an option. Onwards and upwards my friend.
Hi Dave and Congratulations on your time so far!!
Reading your post brought back many memories for me. Back on Sept 2012 at the age 59 I went c/t off of a very long ride on Methadone too, however, I started to add a upper drug to it and a downer drug at night, so it was a cocktail I came off of. The detox seems to go through stages, as we balance back physically & mentally let alone spiritually. Recovery also goes through stages, as we do get better & better with more & more insite. I spent lots of hours studying Addiction and the Brain, what substances affect what area of the brain and how all of this highly whacks out our brain chemistry. The energy thing seems to be one of the last things to come back, but the brain chemistry does take time to balance back, as it does, you do notice that you will start to feel happier and can think with a real brain and not a pill brain.
I had so many bad ups & downs at first because of the detox, but during this whole time I had lost both parents and my Dog, let alone a few other loved ones in such a small amount of time, so this sent me into a sort of detox feeling too, I also found out I had a silent heart attack and had to have 2stents put in. On and on... but I stood Strong and got Stronger and Stronger and by the Grace of God. This site and my MH Friends really helped me and also did those AA/NA meetings, but more so because of my friends here who helped me along the way. I do like AA even if I had not drank in over 12yrs or so back then. Support is a BIG one. To this day I had really, really surrendered to my Lord and am involved with my Church and Bible study. I have New Clean Friends now. Anyway, hang in there, you are about to get off that boat ride and walk in the sand. Always keep you self redirected as much as you can and Yes the Sun really helps, because of the vit D too.Not to much time in that sun. Exercise and Music will also help stimulate those Brain signals once again. Just know we knocked or whacked out so much up stairs that it does take time to balance out, and you will feel the affects physically too. Your post also brought out alot of the old-timers on here. Ha! Good to see they are still here. Eat healthy and take some good vit/min along the way. Stay Strong and Positive at all times. It does get Better & Better all around. Happy Trails to You!!!
Bless U
Vickie
Reading your post brought back many memories for me. Back on Sept 2012 at the age 59 I went c/t off of a very long ride on Methadone too, however, I started to add a upper drug to it and a downer drug at night, so it was a cocktail I came off of. The detox seems to go through stages, as we balance back physically & mentally let alone spiritually. Recovery also goes through stages, as we do get better & better with more & more insite. I spent lots of hours studying Addiction and the Brain, what substances affect what area of the brain and how all of this highly whacks out our brain chemistry. The energy thing seems to be one of the last things to come back, but the brain chemistry does take time to balance back, as it does, you do notice that you will start to feel happier and can think with a real brain and not a pill brain.
I had so many bad ups & downs at first because of the detox, but during this whole time I had lost both parents and my Dog, let alone a few other loved ones in such a small amount of time, so this sent me into a sort of detox feeling too, I also found out I had a silent heart attack and had to have 2stents put in. On and on... but I stood Strong and got Stronger and Stronger and by the Grace of God. This site and my MH Friends really helped me and also did those AA/NA meetings, but more so because of my friends here who helped me along the way. I do like AA even if I had not drank in over 12yrs or so back then. Support is a BIG one. To this day I had really, really surrendered to my Lord and am involved with my Church and Bible study. I have New Clean Friends now. Anyway, hang in there, you are about to get off that boat ride and walk in the sand. Always keep you self redirected as much as you can and Yes the Sun really helps, because of the vit D too.Not to much time in that sun. Exercise and Music will also help stimulate those Brain signals once again. Just know we knocked or whacked out so much up stairs that it does take time to balance out, and you will feel the affects physically too. Your post also brought out alot of the old-timers on here. Ha! Good to see they are still here. Eat healthy and take some good vit/min along the way. Stay Strong and Positive at all times. It does get Better & Better all around. Happy Trails to You!!!
Bless U
Vickie
1 Comments
Thank you for taking the time to weigh in and comment. It's appreciated and feel free to chime in whenever you like.
Dave
Dave
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi Dave, now that i can get on here(comp troubles) again i was so happy to see your 7 weeks clean!!! We do seem to pick up viruses very easy during this period as our immune system has been compromised during wd. Hope you start to feel better. I am really proud of you~
1 Comments
Thank you...
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