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Jumping off methadone
First let me tell you a little bit about me. I'm 50 years old, male and have been on methadone for the last 10 years. I'm an alcoholic who quit drinking 29 years ago. I don't do any other recreational drugs whatsoever as opiates have scratched that itch quite well. A few months back after tapering down from 80 mg a day to 20 mg per day , I signed out of the clinic and walked away. I was determined that with the small stockpile I had at home I could continue to wean myself off. I called a good friend of mine who has also been on methadone for over 10 years , although not at any particular Clinic and told her I was done. She happened to be horribly dope sick that day and begged me for a few wafers. I personally have great empathy for other Junkies who are sick and trying to keep it together, hold a job, pay a mortgage Etc ...
To make a long story short I picked the wrong time and the wrong parking lot to meet my lifelong friend in and soon I was in jail. I didn't stay in jail long as I do have some savings and means to post bond. I hired the best attorneys that I could and continued to cut my dose down as my court date approached. Last Wednesday was my court date and my attorneys worked out a no felony deal that knocked the drug charge down to a misdemeanor and more importantly the gun charge down to a misdemeanor (I live in a state that allows registered guns in your car) I also got 12 months of drug tested probation and it's because of this that I decided to jump off and go clean from 10mg of methadone a day. I've been doing opiates for 17 years and I've went the same route that a lot of you guys have. A bad back injury led to a prescription of Lortabs then to Percocet to Roxy's, oxy's, lollipops, pain patches and smack if nothing else was around. My last dose was Wednesday morning(10mg) a week ago. I was drug tested the day after I went to court , called in at random they said.. what they really wanted was a Baseline so that they could see if the numbers went down nanograms/ decaliter wise. Therefore I don't have the luxury of taking benzos to sleep or even the most innocuous of prescription meds if they're not prescribed to me, it would be a violation Of course and I'd end up further entwined with the justice system. Here is how it's went:
I noticed nothing Thursday except for anxiety.
Friday was a bit worse but still nothing I couldn't work through.
Saturday I could tell I was going into the beginnings of a somewhat serious withdrawal. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night and the joint pain centered itself in both ankles. Sunday I knew I was in trouble, the nausea started , digestive troubles bubbled away painfully in my gut and sleep escaped me no matter what I tried. I was sweating like a w**** in church and more anxious than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was a very rough day.
Monday it appeared, at first at least , was going to be a great day . Somehow Sunday night I had managed to sleep four and a half hours and my mind had tricked itself into thinking the worst was over . I Knew by noon that it was certainly not over. The mystery sleep had simply been one of those strange gifts that happened from time to time and not anything more. I decided instead of being crestfallen about the situation I would instead be grateful that somehow, somewhere, someone had allowed me that rest. No matter how rough Monday was I resolved myself to be in a grateful State of Mind for the nearly five hours of blissful sleep that I'd received. It's currently Tuesday evening and I'm feeling pretty rough. my face is so flushed , my body stinks , my ankles feel like they've been run over by semi truck, I am utterly exhausted but it's the small things that keep me moving. I want to be clean. I want to put this hellish chapter behind me. I no longer want to be a Slave to the Grind of this disease The constant Hustle and Flow of opiate addiction has left me exhausted emotionally, spiritually and financially. Wish me luck, say a prayer and hopefully you'll hear from me again
Regards , Dave
To make a long story short I picked the wrong time and the wrong parking lot to meet my lifelong friend in and soon I was in jail. I didn't stay in jail long as I do have some savings and means to post bond. I hired the best attorneys that I could and continued to cut my dose down as my court date approached. Last Wednesday was my court date and my attorneys worked out a no felony deal that knocked the drug charge down to a misdemeanor and more importantly the gun charge down to a misdemeanor (I live in a state that allows registered guns in your car) I also got 12 months of drug tested probation and it's because of this that I decided to jump off and go clean from 10mg of methadone a day. I've been doing opiates for 17 years and I've went the same route that a lot of you guys have. A bad back injury led to a prescription of Lortabs then to Percocet to Roxy's, oxy's, lollipops, pain patches and smack if nothing else was around. My last dose was Wednesday morning(10mg) a week ago. I was drug tested the day after I went to court , called in at random they said.. what they really wanted was a Baseline so that they could see if the numbers went down nanograms/ decaliter wise. Therefore I don't have the luxury of taking benzos to sleep or even the most innocuous of prescription meds if they're not prescribed to me, it would be a violation Of course and I'd end up further entwined with the justice system. Here is how it's went:
I noticed nothing Thursday except for anxiety.
Friday was a bit worse but still nothing I couldn't work through.
Saturday I could tell I was going into the beginnings of a somewhat serious withdrawal. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night and the joint pain centered itself in both ankles. Sunday I knew I was in trouble, the nausea started , digestive troubles bubbled away painfully in my gut and sleep escaped me no matter what I tried. I was sweating like a w**** in church and more anxious than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was a very rough day.
Monday it appeared, at first at least , was going to be a great day . Somehow Sunday night I had managed to sleep four and a half hours and my mind had tricked itself into thinking the worst was over . I Knew by noon that it was certainly not over. The mystery sleep had simply been one of those strange gifts that happened from time to time and not anything more. I decided instead of being crestfallen about the situation I would instead be grateful that somehow, somewhere, someone had allowed me that rest. No matter how rough Monday was I resolved myself to be in a grateful State of Mind for the nearly five hours of blissful sleep that I'd received. It's currently Tuesday evening and I'm feeling pretty rough. my face is so flushed , my body stinks , my ankles feel like they've been run over by semi truck, I am utterly exhausted but it's the small things that keep me moving. I want to be clean. I want to put this hellish chapter behind me. I no longer want to be a Slave to the Grind of this disease The constant Hustle and Flow of opiate addiction has left me exhausted emotionally, spiritually and financially. Wish me luck, say a prayer and hopefully you'll hear from me again
Regards , Dave
It certainly is two steps forward one step back. Sometimes I too wonder if it's motivation or true lack of energy. Finally getting back won't be an ah hah moment for me unfortunately... I still never feel "right" but sometimes I forget that. It seems little things can be great or really leave me in a funk. Chipped my front tooth which I'd NEVER have felt on methadone. Now I feel it. Kinda sucks. :). kava may help w your headaches - many studies show it the second best natural pain killer next to the poppy.
1 Comments
Unfortunately I've got teeth problems too friend..
Good to see improvement... sleep seems to be such a challenge. It's not just the lack of it but the solitude it brings.
Day67
8:45am.
Yesterday was a good day. Went to work on the old home I'm helping with and worked really hard for 4 straight hours. For comparison, two weeks earlier I'd lasted only two hours. The guy I was hanging drywall with was actually the one who suggested we call it a day. I was thankful though. Hanging drywall, especially on ceilings, is Tough.
So I guess this means the rumours are true- I am getting better. It's just such a slow process that it's easy to miss the incremental improvements.
Sure feels good to know I can go half a day at full speed. I also went back to the job that I'd collapsed on way back when and worked for 3 hours Thursday with no ill effects.
I'll be grateful for the comeback. It makes me happy...
8:45am.
Yesterday was a good day. Went to work on the old home I'm helping with and worked really hard for 4 straight hours. For comparison, two weeks earlier I'd lasted only two hours. The guy I was hanging drywall with was actually the one who suggested we call it a day. I was thankful though. Hanging drywall, especially on ceilings, is Tough.
So I guess this means the rumours are true- I am getting better. It's just such a slow process that it's easy to miss the incremental improvements.
Sure feels good to know I can go half a day at full speed. I also went back to the job that I'd collapsed on way back when and worked for 3 hours Thursday with no ill effects.
I'll be grateful for the comeback. It makes me happy...
Day61
7:15pm.
Another low energy day in combination with this nagging headache. I woke up feeling rough. I managed to only take one decongestant pill today since I'm somewhat convinced that they somehow trigger an acuteness in my waning W/D symptoms.
I will say that I felt better this Monday on one sinus pill than I did last Monday on a handful of them. So there's that'
Hopefully I bounce back soon. I'm tired of feeling under the weather. It's very exhausting.
Nevertheless, I'm hanging in there for the long haul. I enjoy being clean. There was a time when I thought opiates were liberating but the worm turned and now I find freedom in being detoxed from them. I'm no longer a Slave to the subtle madness that is active addiction.
I'll be grateful for that..
7:15pm.
Another low energy day in combination with this nagging headache. I woke up feeling rough. I managed to only take one decongestant pill today since I'm somewhat convinced that they somehow trigger an acuteness in my waning W/D symptoms.
I will say that I felt better this Monday on one sinus pill than I did last Monday on a handful of them. So there's that'
Hopefully I bounce back soon. I'm tired of feeling under the weather. It's very exhausting.
Nevertheless, I'm hanging in there for the long haul. I enjoy being clean. There was a time when I thought opiates were liberating but the worm turned and now I find freedom in being detoxed from them. I'm no longer a Slave to the subtle madness that is active addiction.
I'll be grateful for that..
DAY 60
HOORAY.
Well I've made it to day 60. I'm pretty excited about the accomplishment. It's been a much wilder ride than any kick I've ever done but I'm damn glad I did it.
I've suffered from exhaustion all day today. I got Zero Energy bounce back for my efforts yesterday. But in all fairness, I probably overdid it a bit. Plus we had the grandson up so that wears on a body a too, in a good way but still...
All in all Saturday was my most productive day yet.
Hope everyone else's weekend went great too. I'm gonna wind it down and catch some R&R...
-Dave
HOORAY.
Well I've made it to day 60. I'm pretty excited about the accomplishment. It's been a much wilder ride than any kick I've ever done but I'm damn glad I did it.
I've suffered from exhaustion all day today. I got Zero Energy bounce back for my efforts yesterday. But in all fairness, I probably overdid it a bit. Plus we had the grandson up so that wears on a body a too, in a good way but still...
All in all Saturday was my most productive day yet.
Hope everyone else's weekend went great too. I'm gonna wind it down and catch some R&R...
-Dave
4 Comments
Congrats Dave, 60 is a huge milestone.
Thank you so much..
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