Just sick of this like you are...

[motherprayforme]

I have spent several hours over the last 6 months reading about everyone on this site and found a million people just like me.  So instead of watching I thought I would say something.  I am so sick of being a slave to pain killers.  The longer this goes on and the many times that I have quit only to return have taught me that each time gets harder than the last.

Now here I am again struggling to get away.  I'm trying to taper down for fear of the terrible WD.  Please pray for me this next week as I try to walk away again and I promise to pray for each and everyone of you.

I'll be checking in over the next week.  My plan is to taper down as best as I can for the next two days and then flush my stash minus 5 - 10 pills.  And then stretch them out to ease the WD.  I so sick of this.  

[Ella789]

I hope that you are successful with your quit.  Post often and ask questions and if no one answers then post again.  Some one will come along and help or talk and give you their thoughts and encoragement.    You know the routine and what you're in for with the w/d so be prepared and God bless.

Ella

[cathy5841]

have you tried the amino protocol and the thomas recipe?  you can find thm in the health pages to the right...you can do this.  takes committment and determination....

[motherprayforme]

Thank you Ella,

I'm just hoping to ease the WD as much as possible.  My tolerance level is pretty high right now and I wake up in the morning each morning in so much mental pain that it just seems unbearable.  I know God loves me and wants what is best for me but I seem to be my own worst enemy.

God I hate the WD.  I've quit and gone through it 3 seperate times in the last 4 months and one would think that you would not go back but I guess I'm just week in character when it comes to this drug.  I'm getting really scared that I am losing control over the fight.

I'll check back I promise.  Good luck to everyone and thanks for your posts.  It is sad that so many of us are fighting this bondage but it helps to know that I may be alone in the house but not in spirit with all of you.

God Bless

[motherprayforme]

Thanks Cathy,

I checked the amino protocol and will print it out to take to the GNC tomorrow.

I might need some translation help with it!!

Anything I can do to get healthy again and become the old me again sounds good to me.

Peace

[Ella789]

It's true that once through the w/d then comes the "mental rollercoaster" that we have to ride for awhile.  Alot of people on here have tried to quit many times before they have stayed clean along time.  I know, exactly how you feel, the call it has on us mentally, but it is doable, not easy at all, but doable.  Try not to beat yourself up over the past.  Talk to your dr. about something to help hold yourself together, clonidine and tranzene will help so much.   Perhaps you know all these things, so I will close for now.  You will be okay, we are here,  someone will come along who knows more to help you and I will be pulling for you.

Ella  

[jollyman069]

well if you didnt want to stop you wouldnt be posting,,,like you 44 days ago i was sick of pain meds ruling my life, i am in less pain now then when i was on pain meds i was on them for 4 years..really addicted the last 2 years  so it's not easy but you can do it you will love your life so much more when your free of the drugs..good luck God Bless i will be praying for you and your recovery...brian

[outotown]

Good luck my friend and keep posting we have all been where you are, and we will support and help all we can and remember there are no dumb questions ask whatever you need to ok Good Luck to you

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Post as much as you can - ask questions or just for support - maybe even to vent if things get rough .... you arent going to be able to come up with anything that will surprise anyone here.  As Cathy said - check out the Thomas Recipe and the Amino Acid Protocols ...... they are valid.  Watch your hydration if you have bathroom issues -its easy to get low on fluids and its important to maintain levels .... white grape juice and warm flat 7-UP are well tolerated .... Use a heating pad or electric blanket for restless legs or abdominal muscle cramps .... WalMart has a product called Hylands Restful Leg that some say worked for them. I liked benadryl (diphenhydramine) for sleep and its OTC...  two days isnt much of a taper - maybe should just stop right now?  Whatever you choose - good luck to you.....  many here have done it .... it can be done ....  and your life will be so much better when you get it back on track .....  Time to get strong and stay strong .....  Stay in touch - -   Peace.. (through superior firepower!!)   eagle

[addict3]

You have had some good advice listed above, plus you have been through it before......so here is wishing you well, sending lots of support your way!

                                         Good Luck!!

[worried878]

like eagle said..staying ydrated is so important..the runs takes tons of fluid from ur body and many are a bit nauseated during detox so oral intake is low..many feel horrid wds when in fact they need fluid as dehydration feels worse than wds..most do not trhow up unless heavy use is in play...but the runs r common..imodium and fluids can save u lots of pain and suffering...getting ur game plan together/write it out//save 5 or ten like u aid and flush the rest..go on and do this taper plan soon..tomorrow if u can/wopuld be glad to help...get the xtras out of ur house pronto..having someone hold ur pills during a taper is best..as addicts we dont taper well as a rule//i was a big fat cheater and it really made me feel like a big fat loser!  humiliating and when an addict tries to control a taper it is a very rude awakening..cos we have no control over narcotics..tis the definition of an addict..pm me if u need help..tell me ur daily dose, DOC, how many you take at a time, ur peak level of the day where u use the most./some are day users others are night time users, and ur quit day as well as how many pills u have to work with..flush extras and cut off ur supply..find a meeting near u and u gotta a plan that will work if u r truly dedicated to quitting..let me know if u need any help

[motherprayforme]

I never thought it would help so much to talk with all of you but it really makes me feel like I am no longer in the shadows.  I'll keep posting and let you know what I am up to but as for now I'm going to sleep.  Be safe everyone and I promise to help back to others once I get through this.

Thanks so much for your thoughts it really does help.

[worried878]

cool!  so u r gonna stick around!  great cos the forum needs more old timers..many come here, seek the help they need..never to be heard from again..and that is cool too..that is what the forum is for..but sticking around to help others with the experience and wisdom u have to offer will help u and also help tons of people who need the help so desperately... keeps reasons to stay clean in ur head/fresh/when u continue posting after detox...glad u r gonna join us mother (:

[Totsie59]

If not for this forum I would have never made it..Stick around..there are some great people here...

[motherprayforme]

Well its a new day otherwise known as day 1.  It would be great to not take one today and that is my goal.  Hopefully the body aches etc won't push me to hard towards my last few otherwise its cold turkey.

Praying for all of you and I know you are for me as well.

Peace

[Beenerkitty]

you can do this. im now day 25 off percs and vicodin. the first 5 days are the hardest physically-as you know and then the mental sets in. im still struggling with that now. this forum has been a huge support. stay on here and keep posting. i also found it helpful to keep up a tracker. i look forward to filling it out each day and also journal. i wish you all the best. im here if you need any support. i also tapered and then went cold turkey cuz it seemed to drag out the withdrawals-just something to consider maybe. im praying for you.
bkitty

[BenHawk]

Hang in there. That's what I'm doing now. I'm at the tail end of a taper. I've done it all alone mostly. Until last week when I told my girlfriend. That has helped take a tremendous burden off my shoulders. I was beating myself up over and over and over. And felt so inferior. Well, she supports me 100%. I try to tell her daily how I'm doing, and I always feel better afterward.
About a month ago, I was at 15 norco (10/325 hydro) per day. Now, I'm down to 1/2 norco per 14 hours. I haven't slipped once. I haven't struggled with cravings as much as I have the mental rollercoaster. And, physically, I've been pretty fine. I tapered my dose every 4 days. I would add an hour between doses. Then, I cut down from whole pills to half pills to get used to smaller doses.

Anyone have experience with this?
I don't know if I really want the answer...But, I need it...
;-)
I'm assuming that I'll have some physical wds when I finally stop, but by tapering like this, did I probably flatten out my mental rollercoaster a bit.
I'm hoping so. But, I want to be prepared too.
This is the first time I've ever really been able to be open with someone (my gf). And, it's helped by being able to tell her what I'm feeling and why.

And, motherprayforme, I'm just like you. I've been on and off for 5 years. Longest I've been off is about a month and a half. But, I've never felt more determined than now.

Take a listen to this song by SIXX AM...It's called Accidents Can Happen.
I'm assuming most of you know who Motley Crue is? Well, their bassist/brains Nikki Sixx has a pretty incredible story. Read THE HEROIN DIARIES. Well, he made a soundtrack to the book with a new band called SIXX AM. It's all about his being ****** up, getting clean, and relapsing...He's been clean for a long time now!
Well, the song hits pretty close to home...
Check the youtube link...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nan4Kdtz-9w

It's all about the struggle to get clean. Don't beat yourself up for slipping. That's all part of it. We all slip. But, that doesn't mean we're back to square one. Don't let the drugs tell you that. Don't let yourself tell you that. You've worked so hard, and slipping doesn't erase that work. It's still there. Build on it.
Some other great tracks to check out are TOMORROW, PRAY FOR ME, & LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.

God bless...
Hope that hits you like it did me...
;-)

[jollyman069]

Tapering the way you have the w/d's shouldn't be real horrible i quit moraphine and percs cold turkey and they were bad also i am on dialysis so it was harder on me then most but your almost there so no turning back now..remember lots of hot baths for body aches and look at the health pages on here and they have suggestions to help you .But you should be in good shape the way you tapered plus i admire you for doing thet i never would have had the will power that you had ...says alot about you

[onecoolchick99]

just wanna say good luck, it can be done and reaching ur goal will feel awesome, I cant wait to feel free from this addiction. I have a long road ahead but its nice to know there is a site like this  where people can support each other.

[Captnj]

I have been clean for over 15 years. Check out Narcotics Anonymous. It works.
    http://www.na.org

  Jerry

[motherprayforme]

Well the weekend did not work out like I thought it would.  Having them around when you start feeling really bad it just too much temptation.  Knowing you can end the suffering by just taking a handful of little pills is too much to try and fight with.

It's obviously going to have to be cold turkey which is really going to suck.  It's been 18 hours since my last dose.  I'm averaging 10 - 15 oxycodones per day.

I'm really nervous about this.

[BenHawk]

Hey...Don't get down about that. How long did you go between doses? And, you're at 18 hours now? That's awesome! Keep it up!
You've won a big battle by spacing out your doses!
You can't win the war over a weekend!
It doesn't happen over night!
Don't beat yourself up...You're on the right track!
Keep on it.
You did a lot of work over the weekend...You're not back at square one.
The drugs and your body are trying to tell you that. That's what the drugs do.
But, you're closer now than you were 4 days ago.
Build on that.
You can only do so much. Again, don't beat yourself up!

[Shelwoy]

It is really important for you to realize doing this on your own has a dramatic disadvantage. I am not a avid AA/NA person, but I do feel some assistance medically and emotionally will be of great value to you.
Tapers need to be long and supervised. It is virtually impossible to trust yourself to do the right thing because all your brain wants is to not be experiencing pain,so you will do what you have to do to avoid it.It is not a weakness of self, it is merely the brain being distorted by the drug- so I really encourage you to work with someone who has experience with quitting successfully.

[motherprayforme]

Thanks Ben,

It's really hard to concentrate and be at work like this.  I know it's only going to get worse as time goes on.

[BenHawk]

If you said you were taking 10-15 oxys per day, and if you have access to enough, you can successfully taper and minimize some of the withdrawl symptoms. that's what i'm doing with hydro now. and, i'm down to 5mg every 16 hours...almost there! can't wait to take my last one.
but, don't get too anxious! make a plan and stick to it. i allowed my body 4 days for each dose until i tapered down. and, i you have the resources, i suggest you do the same.
now, as many will tell you, they CANNOT taper! and that's just reality! some people (actually most people) have it worse than i do. but, if you can do it, i suggest (like i did), every 4 days adding an hour between your doses. you have to give yourself a few days on one schedule to stabilize.
at first i was deathly scared that "dragging it out" would only mean that i wouldn't be able to do it. but, for me, that's not the case. each day...each dose...i felt stronger! i could do it that once, why not again. the mind is a powerful thing. you have to tell yourself you're going to do it. and, when you believe yourself, then you will!

and shelowoy is right. don't beat yourself up. you're not weak. the drug is strong. and it has turned your body and mind against you. you're not a bad person. this disease is real. and, it's hard to do what he know deep down is right when our mind is altered. give yourself and your mind that chance.