I think I'm going to take a valium

[dove3053]

I'm so upset with everything today I want to take a valium to calm me down. I know this is not a good idea because the few left are for emergency use only. Like before the plane crashes.

Dove

[feohmoon]

I believe greebo made extremely valid points.  I can relate to your situation with your boss, as I feel I had something similiar - which resulted in me being terminated from a position that I was overly devoted to, hadn't missed a day in almost a year, went above and beyond - for nothing.  
As you said, we were drinking buddies in a sense...I really was not a 'drinker', we 'partied' a little here and there (my fiance, me and the office group)...once we went to the clinic and stopped partying at all - I was treated like a different person.  These people were all shallow, egotistical, judgemental, prejudice yuppies...unlike any group of people I had ever encountered.  Ultimately, I was terminated - my manager didn't even have the courage to tell me...he allowed a peer to fire me - and he thoroughly enjoyed it.  They lied regarding my unemployment, the hearing is finally scheduled and this all transpired in Nov.07.  Even though we were devastated upon the loss of my job  - my fiance was a little relieved because I had been enduring more harrassment than I would have allowed in the past.  It ended up being a blessing in disquise...by no means am I saying you need to lose your job...but you DO NOT deserve to be treated the way that you are being treated by your boss.  He sounds like he could have some controll issues - terrible trait for a superior.  With my boss, it was easy to analyze...his wife runs the show in his home life,  he had no control over her so he took out that aggression on the females at the office (myself & one more).  To further add to the problem of his attitude and moodiness, he is a functioning coke head (for now).
Sorry...didn't mean to ramble on that personal story there...I still feel anger about the situation especially because they knew that we have 2 children and depend upon my income - yet fired me WITHOUT REASON right before Christmas.  I would not do that to someone that I didn't like.  
Bottom lline is we all deserve respect and at times, that means demanding it.  I am very nonconfrontational, I am all about peace...but that doesn't mean that we do not stand up for ourselves.
Regarding the valium, I know that you know what to do...I know it is difficult, but you can do it.  Besides, if you are feeling down, something like that will bring you down farther mentally.
There are so many people who care about what you do...you have come too far to step back!

[worried878]

lol.....maybe when you feel stronger you can get some resumes out...start looking

[dove3053]

If I made money I wouldn't care that much. lol.

Dove

[worried878]

I hope you are making a butt load of money for what you have to put up with from your boss!  LOL   no seriously...a job can be a major stressor....as far as running for the valium every time I am not happy, we gotta quit that...I was a hydro user but that behavior of wanting to take apill to solve everyrthing is still there for me....it never solved anything...benzos make me too tired thank goodness so i didnt take many during WDs....I am finding I need to cope with things in a different way...for sure

[dove3053]

My boss just came in and started yelling and I didn't say anything. I just went about doing my job. I will continue to let him yell and vent. I won't react. He just left and I'm going too.

Dove

[Greatgreebo]

Good for you. It's hard-I know it. Just remember-our stress is caused by our inability to let go of the fact that we have no control over other people's actions. Once we accept we can not control them-only ourselves-it makes things a whole lot more pleasant.
You're boss must be very unhappy about something----how very sad for your boss. Don't make it your problem and don't take it personally. Your boss is freaking out probably because they feel they do not have control over something (you? their life? ???) Just treat them with compassion and don't waste your time.
Focus on you. Live your life cuz only you are going to die your death.
Don't yell-it just gives the other person more 'power' over you because it becomes obvious to them that they are getting to you. Your boss is nothing to you in the big scheme of things. Remember that when talking to them-just smile and take the high road. That is a great feeling in and of itself!!
Keep posting. You don't need any drugs-you have you-and you are much better than any drug at calming you down!!!
(that's a lot of "you" 's don't ya think?!?)
Greatgreebo

[dove3053]

Thanks for your imput. I have been trying to difuse the problem by not yelling back, but that's hard.

Dove

[Greatgreebo]

here's my two cents worth:
It's none of your bosses business who you live with or what you do with your private life. Put that out of your mind. The past is the past and you can't change what has happened. You can not change how your boss acts or feels about you. The only thing you have control over is how you respond to your boss. You have a couple of choices when dealing with difficult people. You can 'react'  to them-which tends to be a knee jerk sort of reaction and leads to stress all the way around (kind of like what you are doing now) or you can 'respond' to them. This involves looking at the situation, sizing it up, making a plan on how you will deal with the person and then moving forward. While responding to your boss you need to keep it in mind that you have NO control over them or their emotions-only over yourself and your emotions. Don't over think the situation. Figure out what you need to say to defuse the situation and move on from there.
There are two things you can do with your time: spend it or waste it. Either way, you can't get it back. Don't waste anymore of your time stressing about your boss-this makes everything worse. Spend some time figuring out how to deal with the situation. I'm not trying to be condescending or anything here-I fully understand how horrible it is to be stressed out and worried about how other people are acting. Sometimes it really does help to step back and look at the situation a bit more objectively. Remember: you have NO control over anyone else's actions or emotions-you only have control over your own. Figure out what you need to do and then do it. Don't stress-don't take someone elses yelling, threatening etc. to heart. The person acting like that must be fairly unhappy-don't feed into it. Treat them with compassion and do NOT let them waste your time. This approach really does work-trust me.
Pills are not the answer-you know this in your heart of hearts.
Take care of yourself and decide how you want to respond to this.
You can do it!
stay strong,
Greatgreebo

[VicUser]

When he gets you going just close your eyes, deep breath and picture yourself on a beach with your own cabanna boy. It may not help, but will make him wonder what's going and if your ready to snap. Then you can chuckle inside.

[dove3053]

I can feel my blood pressure going up. I just don't know how to handle my boss. We use to be drinking buddies a few years ago but since I stopped drinking. I think he feels he's loosing me. To make matters even more complicated he does not know who I live with. We all use to work together and they did not get along. Just another secret I have to keep. They say we are only as sick as our secrets.

Dove

[VicUser]

Are you near the water? If so you could learn to scuba. I love to swim with the fishies, and still breath, it's very relaxing.

[vicluvr28]

Thank you for the advice.  It really is a mental mindfu*k right now. all I keep thinking is, I've made it through 6 days, I can have 1 vic today and not want another one...which I know is a lie.  I am in some pretty decent physical pain today as it is raining here and bad weather always makes my arm throb.  I just keep telling myself to make it through 1 more hour, not even 1 more day.  I was hoping to get some p0t, hard to believe that its easier to get pills than pot nowadays.  I have some coming to me tomorrow, thank goodness.      

[dove3053]

I haven't smoked a joint in decades. Never knew how to roll them.

Runners high I can relate to.

Dove

[VicUser]

One of the ladies that works for me lost her husband to a heart attach because he didn't like the way the meds made him feel. We all care for you and want you around for a long time, at least for the next 50 yrs or so.

[CleandUP]

I know what you mean on just wanting to be high once the physical w/ds are all gone. It just seems life is boring w/out being high on something. I know. But please..no benzo's they will end up being worse than opiates and you will regret it more. Plus it does damage to the brain which I am sure you don't want. My suggestions are doing sudoku puzzles when you want to feel high, or go work out because you can actually feel a little runner's high. If this still doesn't work out, then smoke a joint. I know it seems bad but it will be better than benzos/opiates/and alcohol as far as addictions go. Be careful, it is still illegal

[dove3053]

The best part is I have already detoxed. No tummy troubles, just have to get things in order.

Dove

[Chi_Chi_Lover]

There are going to be rough times in life that suc* we can't turn back to the pills when those things happen. We have to find new ways to deal with pain, hurt depression etc. I don't know what the answer is to what you are going through but I know it isn't a pill. When the pill wears off the problem is still there. When it comes to stress in my life I just don't handle it well at all but I know pills are not the answer for any of my problems anymore.

[VicUser]

How about the 2 step, less steps for me to remember.....LOL

[dove3053]

You read my mind. I have high blood pressure and I was just hoping to calm down and not take life to serious. Mine has been as high as 120/210. I'm not even over weight. They did put me in the hospital for that and lectured me on the dangers of high bp. I have taken several kinds of bp meds but they all made me feel sick.

Dove

[vicluvr28]

I feel your pain!  Yesterday (day 5) I needed a xanax for day and a valium for night.  Just 5 mins ago I took 1/2 valium to get me through work.  I'm just not used to working without being high.  Its so strange, the physical w/d's have all but passed (except for some sweating and shaking) but yesterday and today it has been all mental!  

Good luck, I hope you are stronger than I am today!

[lostmarbles]

you can't have one... and don't forget we have a 'date' to chuck, chuck and do the jig... remember?

dove, i know you are going through a bad time at the moment and your work problem is awful..is there anything anyone can do to help you resolve your work situation?

[VicUser]

I think I need one as well, do they help with lowering bloodpressure too?

[dove3053]

You all are correct. I have already gone down the benzo path with xanax and had a seizure so I do know that.

I dealing with the boyfriend thing at home and the boss thing at work. And I need this job but not the yelling and the threats. At least my boyfriend doesn't yell at me.

Dove

[lostmarbles]

the thing is we have to learn to curb those feelings.. it's those feeling that get us in trouble..we could all be popping things if we feel stressed, angry, tired, sad... we have to learn to handle these feelings but taking a pill to make you feel better is just a temporary solution to a bigger problem,, please don't take it.. you really can do without it... be strong.. we are here for you