Getting clean... Again

[On2better]

Hi friends, I was a regular on this forum back in July. I had 30 days clean from hydrocodone. I was attending NA meetings, and feeling better than ever. Then i threw it all away for "just one pill.". Well here I am again, humbly, at day 1 after taking 20-30 mgs hydro/day for the last 2 months. I've been through w/ds before and pretty well know what to expect. Im going to start some counseling with an addiction specialist next week. Thanks, as always for the support and encouragement, I'm feeling pretty low.

[dede2121]

Hey welcome back. Dont feel bad. I am the QUEEN of relapses. I am one day 5mg now and feeling better. I think well in my case I need to figure out why I keep relapsing. I am getting into counseling hoping to find answers. Your know what to do and expect. You can do this.

[buddycrunch]

I just came back here yesterday, hadn't posted since june 2010, (made it a year and a half).   I slipped from a doc giving me a script of only 20 hydros back in december 2011 and just quit oxy's from an evil sorce on september first 2012, when my son announced his ingagement.  I can't be a drug addict father-inlaw!   It took seven weeks of hell to get up the nerve to come back here admit my mistake and look for support.

Pain relief is one nasty seirene, that never stops haunting for your weak moment.   I'm glad we came back here.  Be strong!

[Sarah11212]

Chin up, feet forward!

I fell too and have just come back to the forum this week.
It will be a great lesson for me and one that I will never forget because it truly was my "bottom".

You can do this!

If you read some of my current posts, you will see why I say that I hit my bottom.
Please don't let it get to this.

Stay strong and keep posting!

Sarah

[YesLife4Me]

I know how you feel.  Focus on the fact that each day gets you one step closer to putting the first few days of w/d behind you.  I had to go to work too, but I think that helped so I didn't sit at home dwelling on how awful I felt and why did I do this to myself again.   There's been some good suggestions on here for sleep.   I found if I kept busy enough I wore myself out enough to sleep some.   Ambien helped me get over the hump and a couple nights I took Nyquil to help with the sneezing, runny nose, watery eyes too.   I couldn't stand the being tired part.   Constant yawning and having absolutely no energy or motivation was the worst.   Well, that and the runs, but at least immodium helped with that.   My mouth had cracks on the corners from yawning so much and my bottom was sore from going to the bathroom.   I never never want to go through that again!!!    Keep us posted...this helps.  

[On2better]

Thank you so much or your reply and congrats on day 3!

[On2better]

Thank you and congrats on day 7! You've really turned a corner :) So far I'm feeling a lot of guilt, shame. Asking "how could I do this to myself again!?" I'm so mad at myself! I know better. But here I am. And I'm so anxious I can't sleep! I'm Supposed to work a 12 hr night shift tonight and all I can think about is this darn addiction. Ugh!

[HappyDays2Come]

I'm sorry that you're back here but it's so awesome that you're calling out for help and recognizing that you have a problem. I'm only on day 3 and was taking at least double what you are and the withdrawals were worse in my head than in reality. You can do this! Good job on day 1! Just keep looking forward!

[YesLife4Me]

Hi and welcome back.  I'm new here myself.   I too have suffered many relapses such as yours and now am on day 7.   Funny how our mind tricks us each time into thinking we can handle just one or two.   One or two is our ticket to addictive addiction as you well know.  I'm rooting for you.   If I can do this after 3 yrs, you can do this after a few months!