Life

[Dane74]

Hi all, I am pulling myself up from my slump.  After my relapse, i became very depressed and anxious to say the least.  I am doing all the nessary things i need to do to take control over the situation.  I went to my primary care dr, confessed to him about my love affair for the pills told him about my relapse and wow, the saying goes"the truth shall set you free"!!  Well i felt better getting that off my chest, and as a result i was put on an anti depressant, i am not liking this idea but i do believe its necessary.  So, hopefully in 2 weeks i will notice some improvement.  I am currently on day 8 clean now, i would have been around 80, but its time to forget that mark and just work from day 8.  I cannot begin to stress the importance of AFTERCARE, i found an addiction therapist, she is a blessing, and i see her once a week.  Not going to lie, after one hour in that session, i walk out of there drained.  We all use or used for a reason, basically to escape reality, well, now i am in the learning stages of coping.  The only way  i know how to cope is to take a pill so i really look forward to embracing life and see what its all about clean and sober.  YES, its scary, but its a fact of life.  

[Dane74]

I do go to church regularly, but i am the one that sits in the back and keeps my mouth shut, i do love my pastor, but he does not even have a clue as to who i am.  I am not involved in the church, i just show up for worship.  I did look up the info you gave me and i will do it again tonight, i cant go at nights because hubby is home, so i need to go during the day.  I promise i will look into it again, to be honest i forgot what i even read about it.  The ENEMY, is more powerful right now and i am fighting against him but im losing:(  I am going to my therapist on monday AM and she is taking me to AA, i dont want to go there at all!!!!  I heard the cliental is not for me...I am trying here and just feel like im at a loss.

[ImDONENoMore]

The wine and klonopin is making me a little nervous for you girl.  A benzo can make you feel down (xanax was mine for over 12 years and I was constantly depressed) - and adding wine?  That scares me a bit.

You've come so far - WE see it in you to get past this - only now it's your turn to start to believe that.  It doesn't happen overnight so I totally get why you're feeling down - it's a process and a long one.  Most of the time I was NOT in a good mood and yes, I was sad - just mourning the loss of my "best" friend (the most deceitful AND hateful friend I ever had) and yet I mourned.  Believe me - this passes - it just takes TIME.  A word all addicts hate - we want what we want and we want it NOW right?  Only I'm finding out that real life doesn't work that way.  The good stuff kinda sneaks up on you when you least expect it.  Well, anywho....

Hang in there honey - and please - try to stay away from the klonopin - I think that drug might be triggering you more right now.  Just my opinion.

You know how I feel about you so please I mean this from my heart.  Just trying to look out for you - you remind me so much of myself...and I KNOW you can do this.  :)

[atthebeach]

dana,
it happened and there is nothing that can be done now. we only have today. dooming and glooming over it yes will only set you further back and into a downward spiral. the mind is very powerful. you need to speak positive thoughts to yourself constantly. dont let the discouragment set it. get rid of it. now. there is no condemnation  to those in CHRIST JESUS. dont believe those lies of the enemy. he is there to steal,rob,destroy and kill. dont give him a foothold.
you rise up and stand firm.
you are still healing. did you look at the celebrate recovery website?
did you go to the meeting yet, that is close to you?
have you counseled with your pastor and been going to services on sunday? do everything you can to help speed along the healing process.

[Dane74]

Does this depression or guilt ever go away?  Today was an another doom and gloom day, and i am freaking out that i am already setting myself up for failure.  Why do i want those darn pills so bad?  Is it the chase im looking for or what?  My mind is all over the board here.  When i was clean for 70 plus days i did not feel this way its ever since the relapse and now its worse than ever.  Most of you have said the detox is the easy part, and the mental part of it all and staying clean is the challenge.  Well, back then i thought y'all were just full of it, and now i get it completely!!!!  I am a slow learner i guess, and i have to experienced for myself to really understand it all.  So my question is this, does relapse make you feel this way? Sorry to all my friends that brought me to where i a today, i see myself heading back to the way i use to be back in Jan.....UGGG sorry for all my issues but it does help me to post and get the feed back from yall. Sorry guys, i know i am the high maintenance addict. sometimes i doubt if i even am an addict, you see my mind just loves to play games with me:((

[dominosarah]

Walk thru those doors with your head held high.  There will be other women there.  Sit and listen.  You will feel an energy like no other.  Let us know how it goes.

[Dane74]

attthebeach, thats for all your words of encouragement, i just pray i dont see anyone, its a small town for sure, i am traveling 30 minutes away so i can avoid running into someone.  But you are right, they are there for the same reason, i just dont trust people, and i am afraid it will be all men in there, i feel it  is more excepted for a man than for a women, i know i have warped views....