Looking for reasons please

[user4]

This may just be the thoughts of a drug abuser, but what is the point in stopping the abuse?  I make enough money to continue the habit, have no family to damage, and enjoy my time on pills.  I've only been clean 24hours from a 3 year hydrocodone addiction, but I'm looking for a reason to stay with it.  I keep telling myself I'll feel better if I get off them.  I think I'll feel worse knowing that I have to go the rest of my life sober. What do you sober people look forward to?  That is my scariest thought.  What can possibly make you happier than drugs?  Sorry for being pessimistic, cynical, and a general jerk.  Please tell me I'm wrong.  I have to be missing the big picture.  

thank you guys for listening.  

[dominosarah]

I look forward to everyday waking up sober.  Your money will go, your tolerance will increase, your life will spiral downwards, your job will be gone, you will end up dying.  Stay on this side and keep going pill free.  You will be amazed at how great being clean really is.  Others will be here to tell you the same thing.  Keep an open mind.    sara

[ochooked]

When your desire to get and be clean is more than your desire to justify why you want to use, then you will get clean.  Until then you will continue to use, but what you don't realize now is that you only have a 3 year addiction --- wait until the drugs don't satisfy you any more but you still must take them just to keep the W/D's away -- you will get depressed, see everything and every emotion through a haze of drugs.  You will escalate your use in a never ending effort to get back to that High you remember but you won't quite make it.  Then you may (if you are not in the grave or have a wrecked body) decide to quit.  When you are really ready you will find the strength to cut off your supply and do some real suffering to get clean.   We all wish you the best we have all used the same logic you used many times ourselves  -- Please keep reading this site and see what lies ahead for you ---  Unless you really believe that (like so many of us did) that these folks are just the losers and you will not wind up like they did.   Self deception is part of the disease you have.  Good luck -- hope you will keep posting.

[laurel453]

yeah, i've been where you're now, user...all of us, addiction leads you through these stages..until one hits rock bottom, you'll know when you're there. and it is not a good place. it takes some time to reach there.

and  as the posts above said ( i agree 100% with them) "..  when your desire to get and be clean is more than your desire to  justify .." ..yourself and your addiction, one gets clean then  ( as ochooked said ...) because " ..your life  spiralls downwards  " ( as sarah said ..).

you can learn this from all of us or you can learn it  by yourself (  but i do wish, i really wish you to be so smart to learn it  from us...

good luck , user

[cathy5841]

hi welcome to the forum.  every addict looks for a reason to use.  and can find one if you look hard enough...  it really does not sound like you are ready to get off the pills...you will get there one day...too bad it will probably be when you have spiraled out of control...please just stay stopped now...

[user4]

Guys and Gals,

I really appreciate the encouragement you are giving me.  I honestly have no one I can talk to about this.  No one knows.  I am a very closed person and seem to not share even the smallest thing. I'm 25 and think I'm young enough to just have a good time.  Drugs give me that good time.  I've had many types of narcotics and I'm thankful at least that I didnt get hooked on anything harder. I'll tough it out and stay off the pills if I can keep it in my head that one day I'll have something to look forward to other than being high. I guess we all fear the unknown.  I'm worried I'll come to a point where I get past the pills and think to myself; Now what?  I've stopped the only thing I find pleasure in. Wish me luck on this eventful weekend I have ahead.  I've just got to MAN UP!  something like that

[ochooked]

User - some of us were brutally hard on you above -- but it is just that we all were where you are -----  You can continue the fight now to stay clean and I would bet a years salary that in ten years you will be remembering the time you almost fell down a well of despair but you stopped in time (even though you just had to have faith in someone else's logic) and got away from the drugs.  We all know that if we had only stopped our drug use years ago, we would not have created such devastation in the lives of those we loved - nor would we have created such pain in our own lives --- we just didn't see it (much like you now) until it was too late.  The drugs, my friend, are a liar --- they do not tell you the truth.  Man, you are 25 -- do you know that your sex drive will suffer almost irreparable damage?  It will not be important to you in a short time -- Did you know that (if you haven't already) you will soon not be able to feel real emotional pain or be able to cry.  I mean why does one need to cry -- all we have to do is take a pill and we feel such a good feeling - right?  Those times of almost indescribable joy will also be gone --  joy doesn't come to an addict as easily.  Everyone of us who have been where you are wish you well and that you will wake up in time and see the cliff you are jumping off of if you don't quit NOW.  Man, in a few short months or years you will be so consumed with chasing that original high, and you will wish so badly that you had heeded the wise words of those who had nothing to gain but  seeing you happy.  Hope you will stay on the site and keep posting.

[Kova]

OMG, you sound just like me about one year ago!!!  i can' tell you how much i went through that phase...give me a reason to stop.  well, now that i have i can tell you that life itself is infinitely more pleasing to me than any drug induced high. you don't realize when you're using how much it changes your personality.  and also, do you want to be a slave to a substance?  do you want to go through life with drugs being your only sense of happiness and pleasure, not to mention getting sick if you don't have any?

i hope you decide to stick with it.  real joy is so much better than any artificially induced short lived euphoria.

love and light,
Kova

[Kova]

also ochoked is right about the sex drive.  i cannot believe the difference in how it feels now.  when i was using i didn't care if i ever had sex or not.  not so anymore!  my  husband better keep taking his vitamins to keep up with me.  and music as well...  and everything i have ever enjoyed or been passionate about.  the passion is back in full force.  as my favorite author Tom Robbins puts it, i have my "syrup of wahoo" back.

Kova

[10356]

Your Liver might Thank you by lasting a long time.... lesa

[worried878]

kinda sad? the question asked about what do sober people look forwward to?  lots of things...and it sounds like u might be in the depression phase to even be thinking these thoughts..and that is normal after u quit and lasts up to months unfortunately for me..getting my endorphins going with exercise and the aminos saved me from thoughts like this lingering...cos i do remeber i had them as well...what is the point? as i felt so unmotivated  ...but this passes and u need some support..keep posting...r u doing aftercare?  what were the reasons u quit...cos if u were ecstatically happy, then u probably would not have quit?

[troubleinohio]

you've gotten some GREAT advice by everyone already. The only thing I can think of to add is.......you need to find out WHY you feel you need drugs to enjoy life? What is missing in your life? Do you suffer from clinical depression? You need to take a good close look at yourself inside and figure out why you cant seem to have fun without being high.
good luck to you and keep reading and posting here!

[sobermommy]

You have gotten great advice for sure. All I can do is share a bit of my life with you. My addiction was meth...and life was not fun anymore. Sure...there may have been bits of fun...but there was always pain...heartache and chaos involved too. I really couldn't remember when partying was only fun. My live was spinning out of control and I tried to make changes but couldn't seem to do it on my own. I cried out to God and asked for his help to get my life right. The next day my husband and myself were arrested. We ended up spending 2 years between county jail...prison...and prison boot camp (treatment program). Our kids were placed in foster care with my brother. It was a very sad thing. I had a hard time coming to terms with having caused so much pain and misery for the people that I loved so much. My kids had every right to hate us.

We have been out of prison now since Jan 06 and sober since going in Jan 04. I know in my heart that God answered my prayer that day. I couldn't do it on my own so He helped me get my life right. Now it is up to me to keep it that way. When you ask what sober people look forward to...for me, I look forward to waking up in my own bed...next to my husband of nearly 23 years. Who, by the way still loves me and I still love him. I look forward to talking to my adult kids everyday...and knowing that even though they have every right to hate me...they don't...they love me and we have a great relationship. I look forward to having a steady job and not having to worry about passing a drug test. I look forward to paying my bills. I know it sounds weird but after so long of struggling and spending money on dope...it is a huge thing to be able to pay them...on time...and still have some extras to do the little things.I look forward to living life my way...and being free to make choices for myself. Yes...life is simple and some days boring...but it is mine and I love it...I wouldn't want it any other way. I know this is my life and my not relate to your situation. I do hope you are able to find something to look forward too. It is hard to find sober activities to replace your high time..but it is not impossible. Fishing...camping..canoeing...taking walks...crocheting...spending time with family. You would be shocked at how nice it is to just do nothing and be able to be happy about it. I like my simple life...without all the chaos of my past life.  The most important thing...was to want it to be different. Good luck to you...God bless...Lynn

[worried878]

somehow life has a way of turning things back on us?   why can i enjoy life?   it is something we need to answer and adjust....God is always there but only to turn to..For me He has never fixed things for me/only made me aware/not sure how/that i needed to do some work...He has taught me to stand strong for something/or everything else life would just keep knocking me down///and i was very very tired of getting knocked down...just know for me HE is always there...if u r not religious then u must just believe in u///kinda nice to have HIM as well tho

[dominosarah]

Many of us are knocking on the door of 50 yrs old(sorry if i offend anyone by the way) and we just dont want to see others suffer what we have.  You have a chance at leading a long productive life.  Our losses are great, we have had tragedies, relationships gone bad, family members estranged from us, financially ruined etc........all because of our drug abuse.  We just dont want to see you go down that road at 25.    sara

[laurel453]

it is a good thng that you asked us about it and feel free to ask whatever, we're all trying to really help yu so that you don't make the "whole mistake" path , you see ?

and it's true you'll have to work on your personal issues and learn how to feel good just by doing nothing, i e., to fill the time  with healthier options to you ( a good thing that will lasts with you longer than that feeling from drugs )...

addiction has a desillusional and self deception stage ( ohh yeahh ) beat it, get over this phase and save yourself from what lays ahead.

again, all the luck and stay here, post whatever you feel like and you'll get honest answers ( this is the best thing we can find  when we arrive here: honest answers. From these asnwers it is up to each one of us doing the hard  work  ( a so rewarding work :) ).

[troubleinohio]

just to expound more on this...

you wrote:
""What do you sober people look forward to?  That is my scariest thought.  What can
possibly make you happier than drugs? ""

what about being able to meet your soul mate, getting married and raising a family? is that in your long term goals? If it is, good luck obtaining that if you go down the destructive path of drugs. You will have difficulty sustaining any long term good relationships when all youre fixating on is your next dose of pills.   You said you dont have any family to damage....do you not want any family at all, ever? I think that is one of the main things that IS missing from your life that is causing you to get high all the time. Maybe Im wrong, but I think that may be a large part of it..

I could go on and on but i need to go myself now and make breakfast for my kids =)
I sure hope that you do come back here and read all these wonderful responses youve got here. The people here are great and it shows, doesnt it?

[ochooked]

Hi User ----  Man, I've never seen a thread where so many answered and gave heart felt solid advice -- hope you will read it and not be one of those who just disappear into cyberspace and do not benefit from such good words.   Stick around and post - tell us what you are thinking and your plans.  All the best.

[Willy486]

Its all Good, every single minute of it. I wanted my life back and got it..You are young and have never really lived your life yet. Drugs are your life, too bad.....

[howie77]

I felt a lot like you a year ago. If you continue to use you will look back in a year with such regret. Its amazing how fast this stuff can take over. I never thought it would happen and didnt even see it happening. I still cant believe how fast the spiral sucked me down without even knowing it until it was way too late. You said you have no family to damage, what about YOU?  Maybe you should post a question to all who have been where you are now (which is most of us)---""What  if you could go back to the stage addiction I am at right now, knowing what you know now, What would you do?""   You posted for a reason, and look at all the responses youve gotten. You found this forum early...take full advantage of it.
God bless
~howie

[laurel453]

i agree with your opinion...i think it's a great thread to keep it up for him and for others with the same questions ..

i hope too he won't dissapear in the space but nevertheless he has got our answers, he has got more than before so that he can make up his mind with HIS answer  ( sooner better than later :) ) But if he disappears for a time  i truly feel that he will remember our words one day or the other..and for the other people just reading..think  pls that THIS is always the best moment to stop and it can be done.

it is our point here ... for staying  here and giving our answers and sharing our experiences... a sort of weed and a good point, i should think :)

[laurel453]

oh yess.... and i love feeling this " syrup of wahoo" back as kova so right said .. lol love it!

[laurel453]

OH MY GOD, seed... i meant seed, a good seed....not weeeed ( this old wayssss shhhh ) hahaha

[avisg]

this is a very good post I think alot of it will find it very helpful lets try to keep it up here for a bit

[ochooked]

Definitely one of the best threads I have appreciated so much. Sure hope User4 comes back.  Would really like to hear what he did.