need advice

[kstill5549]

Hello all.  i hope i am posting this in the right place.  I just joined this site.  I have been battling with vicodin addiction for probably close to 3 years now.  Sometimes it's not as severe as other times, but I must say what I'm going thru now is one of the more severe times.  I average out at about 20, sometimes 30, 7.5 or 10's (not sure of the apap) daily...I drink heavely and also take xanax and ambien for sleep.  Im scared i'm going to overdose one of these days but I feel like I just can't stop.  My dr just changed my dosage to reprain (?) 5/200, ibuprofen instead of apap.  I have an appt Friday and I'm so scared to tell him of my problem cause I know he will take them away and I'm just not ready. I know I can talk him into giving me a heavier dosage and thats my plan.  I just cant seem to fight it.  it seems like no matter how much i take of either 3 drugs, they dont give me that "happy" feeling. I struggle with horrible deppresion and hydros are the only thing that seems to make me somewhat happy, so I keep taking more and more.  Anyone going thru anything similar?  I'm only 26 and have a lot going for me...I don't know what my problem is...

[kstill5549]

Hello friends!  I just wanted to say thank you SOOO very much for all of your support!  I'm still not sure what I'm going to tell my dr.  I took my last vicodin or vicoprofen....not even really sure what it is.  It's reprain.  I think thats what its called.  I've taken 6 or 7 already and its only noon....and had about 4 beers, on my last one now.  I know, that's horrible.  But atleast I don't have a horrible headache!  Gosh, I never dreamed I'd be in this situation.  I also just took 4 xanax so maybe i can sleep a bit.  We'll see.  Just wanted to check in with everyone and say a quick thank you before I lay myself down for a nap.  It's so nice knowing I can come here and be honest and talk to others who have been in my shoes!!  Hope everyone has a good day!  I will get back on later and report how the rest of my day goes. I just called for a refill on my reprain, they said they had to get the "ok" from my dr to fill it early.  I'm sure I won't get it so today will be my day one of hell.  Wish me luck.  and best of luck to everyone else who is struggling.  I have one question though, has anyone ever tried hypnosise (sp?)  I'm thinking about trying it to help kick some of my bad habits.  I'm so headstrong on everything...maybe they can retrain my brain to be different. Any input on this would be great.  I'll check back later!  and Thanks again for the support

[sky_is_the_limit]

That sounds like a horror story. There are some serious underlying issues that must be addressed before the addictive behavior will stop. The depression is very understandable. I don't know how I would feel if I were to be betrayed by family like that. I have been in the same boat as far as the meds go. Tried Percs and vicodin when I was about 14 and now I am 32 just realizing that it has consumed most of my life. You can do this but you are going to need alot of support. This is a great forum and there are many helpful people. Glad to see you joined and keep posting! We are here to support addicts trying to recover. Like I said I am also an addict. But the SKY IS THE LIMIT> Keep your head up. It WILL get better if you are determined.

                                                                                 Sky_is_the Limit

[gnarly_1]

HI.....WOW you got a lot on your plate....well you came to a good place for help we wont judge you here.....you got quite a habit gong on there....when it gets this bad its time to stop
your getting to the toxic levels of use and its getting dangerous....I know what it like to be trapped in addiction and know all to well the hopeless feelings but there is a way out of this
and we can help you along the way....you say your not quite ready yet...keep reading the other posts on here and post often for support you may not be ready today but something brought you to our forum...I think deep down you know its time to deal with this...there are 2 approaches you can taper down a little at a time or just jump C/T and get it over with in about a week...try not to let fear into the equation it only makes things worst and its always worst in our minds then it turns out to be...prepare your self for this look on the right hand side of the screen and look up the thomas recipe pick up the stuff it suggests decide on witch way you want to do this...tapering is difficult for addicts thats why so many go C/T and just jump...go into this with a positive attitude when its all said and done you wont be chained to a pill bottle any more...remember this is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental be ready to fight on both fronts....some of the things in your life are going to require therapy to deal with...lets get the big monkey off your back first then you can seek out the consoling for the other stuff....when your ready to get started let us know....there are things we can recommend that will help you as you go threw it
your not alone any more we can help you threw this...please make this a priority in your life b/4 it takes yours....your scating on thin ice here you need to act soon....good luck and God bless......Gnarly        

[nic374]

also Im not familar with the painkiller of 5/200 but keep in mind that ibprofen will mess u up like i said i was taking vicoprofen 7.5/200 30 some a day and it will for sure hurt ur stomach and with drinking and other meds u might rupture ur gi system and bleed out without warning so please be so careful or go to the norco 10/325 until u talk to ur doc, the ibprofen thinned my blood so bad that when i cut myself it was like water and a light red i thank god that i didnt have a ruptured stomach from it, I hope u pull thru u might need help on the benzo's and the alchol but the pain meds u can self detox at home

[nic374]

Ive got a little differnt outlook on this i went thru the same thing 2 months ago I was doing 30 pills a day of 7.5/200 I took my self down to 9 pills within in one day now ive switched to 5/500 a lower does vicdon and take 7-8 its a  work in progress but im good now, before it was like i wanted to die and nine pills did nothing for me i went thru all the w/d's that u would if u stopped c/t, however i feel like im pretty much clean now(almost) and ask my self before i take one if i really needed it or not, i wouldnt tell ur doctor quite yet see how u do on a very, very, reduce dose, I always told my self Never again wouldnt be real with me it seemed to much so this is how i did it i dont lie to myself and take a extra pill and say that doesnt count because it does, now i never every drank liquor expect one or twice a yr so i cant help there but think what your best corse of action is I was considering stopping the pill madness yrs before i made a change because its a huge decsion and yes it is so so hard words cant decribe the tears of pain to odd behavior u go thru in the w/d stage but u will survie, good luck!

[wesinbama]

Most of us had to hit rock bottom before quitting, but you don't have to. Being sick and tired of being sick and tired can get you there. As the saying goes, I was using to live and living to use.  If you are ready to quit it can be done, and we can help you, but you have to make the call. Are you ready to tell your doctor and cut off all ties to your connections? It is scary, but so worth it I promise!! I was just tired if it all. Think about if you are ready to make the leap.

[gizzy32]

It`s not hopeless like you said, but that is what active addiction does, it makes us feel hopeless and defeated, but that is the lie of addiction. I think you need to talk to someone (therapist) about these issues. Using drugs is only a symptom of this disease. I am sorry for what you have been through, but you CAN heal and be happy.

Please be honest with your dr and he or she can help. Tell them about the depression. I just saw you have a son, that is a reason to fight this, for him and you. There is hope, trust me. Life is waiting for you:)

[kstill5549]

I'm going to try and answer all the questions you guys have asked but if i miss anyones, let me know.  Wesinbama, my dr has prescribed me 30 ea with ususally 3 refills.  I told him they were making me sick so he would prescribe me a diff dosage because i knew he was going to cut me off soon.  so i had refills on the old and the new.  then i was in a car accident and got more that way....then hurt my back and got more.  when i run out of my scripts i get them off the street.  I have spend and unreal amount of money on them.
Gizzy32...yes, i have had severe depression before the pills.  i was raped when i was a little girl by a family member and actually was just raped again about 5 months ago.  i have horrible nightmares.  my depression has gotten to the point where i feel like i just don't care about anything.  sometimes i wake up in the morning disappointed i woke up.  I'm being brutally honest, so please noone judge me.  I want to get better and i almost am jealous of the people i know that don't have to take pills everyday to get out of bed and be happy.  I stay at home, when I'm not working, which I just lost my most recent job the day before yesterday (my boss was coming on to me and it jst brought back too many memories), so I quit.  plus the other guy who raped me worked there and i just couldn't bare seeing him everyday.  about 3 months ago not only was i taking the same dosage off all the pills, I also got mixed up with meth.  Thankfully I kicked that habit and won't ever touch it again.  It just feels so hopeless.  thank you all so very much for all the support you've given me alreadyl  Its nice to know I have somewhere to go that I can be honest about my problems.  you guys are going to be a blessing I can already tell
1  :)  thanks again

[loveJwhite]

"It's gone forever"......how true.

[Back_2_life]

I'm going through the same thing right now. I'm doing 200 mgs of oxy a day. I got 63 oxy 20's on October 7th and today I took the last one and am now taking the oxy 10's I get for breakthrough pain. The fact I blew through a 3 wk supply in just 6 days sickens me. I keep hoping that high will come back but although I know it never will I keep doing them. It's craziness!

Please don't get anything stronger! You and I are already flirting with disaster and the fact is we could die. I'm going to the doc Friday and telling him and hoping he helps me. One thing I might ask about is doing a quick 14 day suboxone detox. I can't taper at all from oxys but hopefully sub will be different if the doc thinks it would be a good idea. We need to say enough is enough and take our lives back. Only we can do it.

Pls be careful, the combo of opiates,benzos and alcohol is a very risky one and you need to ask your doc for help. If you wait til your ready you might not make it there.

Once you do detox get into aftercare. I quit awhile back and could not do aftercare because my selfish ex wouldn't let me. I got rid of him and even if I have to pay a sitter I will just so I can go. I believe I'd be celebrating my 6 month clean date around now instead of being in the sorry state I'm in if only I could have gotten the support I desperately needed. I also suffer from horrible depression and in order to stay clean I'll need to finally face some issues that are the root cause of my addiction. Once I get off these pills I'll do everything I can to stay clean this time. I want a better life as I'm sure you do. We are young and have a great life ahead of us if we can shake this monkey off our backs and reclaim the life we lost. Your in deep like I am but we can get out and we have to. I don't want to die but the reality is our bodies can only handle so much and some nights I'm scared to go to sleep. Lately I get a lot off heart palpitations and it's got to be related to the pills.

Please tell your doc. That discussion will save your life. Don't let your addiction kill you. Pls keep posting and we will do this!! Our very existence depends on us being strong enough to say no more!!!

[Ballgame]

If "you're not ready" when will you be?
You're plan is to talk him into giving you stronger meds?  Then you say you can't get that "happy" feeling.  You're an addict! We all are.  I think you're mindset is wrong with this.
Maybe I'm in a bad mood or something but you need some tough love.  Go back and read your post. One point you say this drug problem is "severe" but your plan is to talk your dr into giving you stronger meds? How is that going to help? The sad part is you'll never get that happy feeling. It's gone forever, that's what makes us addicts.  
Don't mean to sound rude

[gizzy32]

Welcome to the forum. I would suggest being honest to your dr about this and tapering off these pills, but since you said your not ready, I am not sure if you are gonna do that. Most of us here are addicts and have been through this over and over. After awhile the drugs start to make us feel sick and unhappy and depression sets in, but I promise that life is so much better clean, it just takes some work at first and getting honest with ourselves. I needed help to get clean and there is help out there.

Did you have depression before taking the pills. Mixing xanax with the booze and pills is very dangerous, very dangerous. Your so young with your whole life ahead of you, chose life. How can we help you. Keep posting, you will find a lot of support here:)

[struggling_college_student]

Basically you are going to have to decide if you wan to quit sooner or later because eventually you WILL end up having to stop!  Im in the same boat as you haveing been addicted to hydro's and graduating to snorting oxy.  Believe me I never wanted to become an addict but I have come to accept that I am.  I quit cold turkey 8 days ago off a 250-300 mg's of oxy a day plus other pills.  It was hard.....alot harder than when ive quit in the past.  Basically I just decided I had had enough of my life being controlled by these pills, I really wanted to get back to my old self......I had become such a hermit, I liked getting high and staying hm.  

I encourage you to just take the jump and quit cold turkey.  Do it for yourself and for your family.  The withdrawal is hard, yes, but it wont kill you and once you can see the light at the end of the tunnel it is Awesome!!  If you're scared about the wd look around on this site for the thomas recipe......alot of great suggestions on easing discomfort during this stage.  Hot showers were the best for me.  

Anyways I hope you find the strength to make the commitment to get your life back.  I know that Im glad that I did, every day is getting better and better!  Keep posting and let everyone here know how you're doing, the support here is amazing.  Good luck and God bless

Jeff

[wesinbama]

Been there! Sounds like a familiar story I lived. My only question is how do you get that many from a doctor? Are you prescribed 100 a week?
      This site will help you alot. Read a few posts. There are many people here who can articulate better than me, but you are not alone, and can get alot of support here. You have to decide for yourself that it is time to quit. But we can help through the process. I check in daily here and it helps.

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

Sadly, if you keep on like this, all that you have going for you will be taken away. You need to find something to help you with the depression and pain medication is surely not the answer.

I don't know what you are telling your doctor that you need the pain meds for but if you ask for a higher dose now, the time will come real soon that you will be cut by him. Then what? Then you go to the street and buy them. That is where you will lose everything, if you don't lose your life before hand.

this was meant to scare you btw. I hate to see someone so young and with their life ahead of them just throw it all a way chasing a "feeling" that isn't there.

Please consider speaking with your doctor when you see him and getting honest. He may surprise you and help you out.

I'm glad you found your way here. Stick around listen to the members here. It is a great place for support.