Methadone is NOT a lifesaver people!!

[Sweetness91]

I get so infuriated when I read a post by someone who is talking about trying to get off methadone and in comes a commenter who sings it's praises and acts like its holy water. Those are the ones who have obviously not had it affect their body negatively yet, or affect their life I a negative way. So let me tell you what you can expect, should you decide that methadone is going to save your life.....

When I was put on methadone 8 years ago, I too, thought it was a "wonder drug"....I didn't have to take much to be pain free, of course I knew nothing about a drugs half-life at that time either. (No wonder it worked so well at first...half-life of methadone, up to 60 hrs...half-life of Vicodin, approx. 4-5 hrs..) So I started out at 20 mgs a day and did fine...for about 3 months. Then it was increased. And again it only helped a few months and had to be increased...again and again.

During the time I was on it, I had chronic bronchitis, and pneumonia at least once a year (at the ripe old age of 32) and landed in the hospital for days with the pneumonia. I also suffered from double hernias, because I didn't realize how far I was pushing my body, so had surgery to repair those. Then a few years ago, became very ill with stomach issues. Ended up having exploratory surgery to find that I had a collapsed lung, peritonitis and that my appendix had ruptured. All for methadone. Great huh?? The surgeon told me that my colon was bigger than a softball, and normal size should be about the size of a tennis ball...another great effect of the opiate. He also told me if I stayed on the course I was on, that I would NOT live to 60. That absolutely scared the hell out of me...but yet I stayed on it another 3 years because I was afraid of living w/o it and afraid of the withdrawal. But let me say, the exploratory surgery recovery was far worse than I'm experiencing now.

Now lets talk about how it affects you mentally....at first, nothing can touch you...oh yeah, because it "saved your life"....but soon....very soon...it grabs ahold of all your emotions and feelings and hides them away to where YOU can't even find them. Then you start leaving the house less and less. But that's ok, still got the methadone right? THEN, you don't leave the house at all...unless you absolutely have to! You stay up all night and sleep til noon or later every day, then when you do roll yourself out of bed, you plop your a$$ in front of the tv all day, because surely the house will clean itself...but even if it doesn't, who cares??  Then your family starts to wonder what's happened to the person they once knew...and they start begging you to bring that person back...but once again, who cares?

And THEN, that moment of clarity...that moment when you realize how different things are than they were before the methadone...and how different they COULD be...that moment when you realize just how jealous you are of ppl who get out and live their lives to the fullest.  And you know it's just within reach....but ohhhh the terrible withdrawals you would have to go thru to be like them.

I'm here to tell you, it's not as terrible as it sounds. Sure, everyone gets on here and moans n groans about the w/d's, but this is like our bit€hfest page...it makes some feel better to just SAY how bad they feel, but it really is like a bad case of the flu, an extended flu, but the flu! You sat in front of the tv all day while you were on methadone, why not sit there while you're getting off it and recover?

I know I tend to ramble, and write books, lol, but it really does irritate me when someone tries to push methadone here...this is for ppl wanting to get OFF the crap. It is not ok to sing praises of a "wonderful drug" to someone who is stating they want off drugs!!  Sorry ppl...just had to vent!

[Sweetness91]

Progress over Perfection....damn I like that! I've never heard that before...and at the moment, it couldn't be more true! One day, when I'm out of the woods, I'm gonna go back and look at all mine...or maybe I'll do it tonight. Lol. I love this site and all my friends here...y'all are truly a big reason I still have my sanity (or what's left of it...lol) today!! Thanks to every single one of you! It's so amazing to have someone to talk to who knows exactly what you're talking about, someone who has been there n done that. There's such a wide array of ppl here...I always know that there will be someone who can help me. :) Hugs to all!!

[weaver71]

I'm sure glad I'm always emotionally and mentally stable. lol This post encouraged me to go back and look at my posts from the beginning. I won't apologize, but I will say thank you to those who put up with me and my frustration, anger, fears, tears, anxiety, and well, general addiction insanity. I can't afford to dwell on it, I'll have a mental relapse and maybe worse. Everyone who is upset should give themselves a break, everyone else is.

Progress over Perfection!!!

That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it!!!

[Sweetness91]

Thanks guys...it's all good...hopefully there's not any one person who is really upset by it...I hate conflict...even on a computer screen. Lol.

And Pat, I'm gonna drive down by that fellas house today and see if anyone knows anything. His son lives right beside him, which I didn't know until after the fact...but he wasn't home when it happened anyway. I just hope he's ok! It's hard to wrap your head around something like that...it's the kind of stuff you see in movies! I can't imagine what it must have been like for you to have to witness something so terrible. And you're right...not knowing is the worst part.

[kkcopacetic]

Im one of the ones who chimed in early in your post.......our opinions differ somewhat but i was really surprised by all the hoopla....its all good from where i stand......you are fine...just expressing yourself........be well................kk

[nursegirl6572]

I agree sarah...and that's why you shouldn't feel bad, sweetness...it ended up being a good discussion, and you were very honest and humble that this is how you feel, and you acknowledged that everyone is different.  As long as anyone coming along takes the time to read the whole thread (rather than reacting to the initial statements)...people will get a lot of good info.

We've had the exact same discussions about sub a million times...people who hate it, people who love it...and the truth and the facts are usually somewhere in between.  :0)

[Pat1956100]

When I was 17, I moved to the big city.  We were at a major intersection walking downtown and an ambulance went through a red light.  A car hit the ambulance and it bounced over and hit 2 people who were standing beside us.  One was an elderly lady who was knocked unconcious and another was a young man who was just screaming about his leg.  I will never forget that and I still wonder about the lady.  I looked in the paper for weeks at death notices but of course I didn't know her name and will never know what happened to her.  It still haunts me to this day and whenever I am walking and an ambulance goes by, I freeze and expect the worse.  I seriously never feel safe.  
I just think that you need to find out what happened to him. You will alway wonder and it is very upsetting.  We don't need to be haunted by things like that.  I am weird and thing like that make me retreat into myself and want to hide.  Even at 17 I was always vey fearful of life and the bad things that could happen.  It makes me mad because I should have been taking on the world without fear back then.  
I just know how traumatic it was for you and hope that you can find out that he is okay and make peace with it.