My friends i failed... what now?

[duluthguy]

I did it, I was cleaning out my truck and found 2 percocet, I took them so quick I didn't even think about it... I cannot believe I did that... What do I do? I'm just shocked and mortified, 21 days down the tubes... I can't believe I'm even posting this... oh my...

[Toby1863]

For DuluthDude,
Again, I'm so happy you're going to a meeting!

Substitute the 'word' oxy, or oxys for percs or whatever the DOC happens to be at this very real moment.
This WAR poem is For you & your family.............and I know you love your family, it's time to love yourself as well, just as they love you.......

We few, we soulful few, we band of addicts;
    For he to-day that sheds his oxy with me
    Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
    This day shall gentle his condition;
    And gentlemen in the throes of addiction now-a-bed
    Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
    And hold their manhoods cheap whilst any speaks.....
    That fought with us upon our oxy deliverance day.

Apologies to Shakespeare.....T

[dede2121]

duluth, the good news is you only found 2 and that was it. luckily you didn't find a whole bottle of them. that would not have been good.
you said those 2 didn't make you feel anything but tired. so there you go. you dont need them. you wont have to detox from 2. just pick yourself up and dust yourself off.

i dont know if you can but you should try going to meetings everynight. i have been to at least a dozen meetings since i quit. a couple times i went to 2 meetings in one day. i have only spoken once. you never have to say anything if you dont want to. i just enjoy listening. everybody has a story and i learn a little about myself from each of them. so please get to one as soon as you can. i plan on going to 90 meetings in 90 days.

big hug to you,
dede

[duluthguy]

Thanks once again my dear friends. I can honestly say I never thought I would ever touch a pill again when I quit 21 days ago. I was strong and resilient, but oh so weak and fragile. The cravings just started in earnest on Friday or Saturday, although in reality the cravings were always there just in remission. I have the best friends in the world, you all, the ones that TRULY care. Though there is distance between us, I can feel each of your earnest advice and I can even feel your hugs, i'm humbled and boy did it give me strength. I want to be just like each of you, putting up a battle when I get the cravings, and I need help. I will go to the NA meeting tomorrow because I need every bit of help available. I want to be free, come what may, whatever it takes. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, I just want to give each of you a huge hug, consider yourselves hugged with an extra squeeze of love. I have new heroes in my life, each of you, I will post in the morning and as often as it takes- a new day of being pill free one baby step at a time. Pray for me.

Your humbled, fragile, weak but not broken friend....

[worried878]

Relapse is always hard...u end up right back where u started or worse,,no one knows the feeling of using and forgetting for a while how disappointed u r in urself///but it hits u now and then and u feel so doomed and depressed cos u cant control..and u use again and the feeling goes away...tis a viscious cycle

Breaking it is hard as addiction builds spider webs in ur brain which do not go away just cos u quit..the pills become like food or water if we r not careful

Relapse is so common among addicts that is is disheartening unless u take it by the ears and fight hard.  For me it was first, feeling stupid for using when I was going broke, attempts to taper unsucessfully, then a final...I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!  I was done..being frugal, I was losing everything..and I felt stupid...and I am not stupid and one thing I hate is feeling stupid!  LOL

I know for me, educating myself on everything I could about addiction helped tons cos I knew what to expect and why I felt the way I felt.  The health pages r full of great info!
I bought the supps in the thomas recipe and made a plan..I cut off all supply, told my doctor..exercised my 4 days off work which got longer each day and kept on.  I was excited I had quit and went to meetings every night.
Then about 2 weeks later the doomers hit me, depressed, not motivated to go to the gym..had to do rocket shots every am to go to work!  I was sinking into the couch...I was losing my entire social life cos I was so DOWN.  My physical wd was nuttin compared to this..PAWS I guess.  I used 100 plus of hydro for 5 yrs when I quit
I started craving...had stiopped my nightly meetings cos I thought I was home-free.  I was wrong as the worst was yet to come..I did not plan for this...this dreariness that overwhemed me..so I had to plan once again
I looked at the thomas recipe and followed it to the T.  For me, tyrosine helped me the most cos it gave me energy that was badly needed.  I also looked up other safe avenues to help my nrg that were non-addictive
Anyway, I got my nrg back and hit the gym daily and my meetings nightly...I made it!

it is a tough road to cleandom...it is do-able tho...as hard as it may seem,,,what u r doing now is much harder..using tears u down, it ruins ur soul..it ruins the part of u that has control and makes u who u r...worse thing for me as using also hurts those who love u as well

I can only say...if one relapses, they need to re-evaluate their plan...what did u leave out, what did u not exclude?  what coul;d u do differently next go-around?  We usually know these answers quickly yet those lil extra things are the avenues we resist
letting go is hard
And I wish u all the luck in the world

[Nicole1105]

(((Hugs))) I can relate...I've screwed up so much in the past few weeks myself. It stinks, it makes you feel like sh!t about yourself, and it makes you want to give up. But don't. Just brush yourself off and move on. These things happen. If it were easy to quit and stay clean, none of us would be here right now! :)

At least you didn't feel good or high when you took the pills. Try to remember that rotten feeling you got and keep that in your mind. Taking pills is NOT fun and it won't make you feel great. That's just wishful thinking. Now think about how good you've felt while you're clean. *That's* the feeling you want to hold on to!

[MV77]

And we are so lucky to have you as a friend also HUGS HUGS and more hugs coming  your way whenever you want and need them.  

Good night my friend and we shall talk again in the morning.  mv