clean for 36 days but. . . . .

[Peg626]

I've been off hydrocodone for 36 days as of today (don't applaud just yet). . . . . Without explaining too much, let me say that I'm on an island in the middle of NOWHERE, in a 3rd world country & will be here for the next 28 months. Aftercare is not an option where I currently am. Now, I went off my DOC for me but also b/c someone very close to me could not stand the thought of me being on them. He was instrumental in my recovery & had he not been there applauding my efforts & telling me how proud he was of me, I would have given in when I started to go through the horrible w/d process. . . . and it was a week of sheer hell, trust me. My family seemed to completely blow off the realization that I was addicted, not to mention my w/d process. If anything, they were my enablers. I have a Rx of hydros that I could get someone in the states to send me. . . . it's been sitting at the pharmacy for 36 days now (at least). This is going to sound very juvenile but. . . . This very close friend of mine & I are in a horrible fight & I don't know if things will ever be the same. I cannot imagine my life w/o this person. I want a pill so bad right now, I can't stand it. I just want the pain of losing this person to go away. I don't want to take the whole bottle of pills. . . . just one or 2 so that I can have a few minutes of not thinking about this problem & being miserable. I know, it always starts w/1 or 2. I haven't wanted a pill this bad in a VERY long time. I've actually been amazed at how much better I feel & how much "smarter" I am, off of the hydrocodone. But it's times like right now. . . . . that I want to make that call, have the pharmacy fill the Rx & have someone send it to me.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Congratulations, Peg - - You are learning the addiction game first hand.  Remember that "tug"  and remember that you must always resist it.......

[Peg626]

This post is LONG overdue. . . . .just wanted to thank all of you for your support!!! When I'm "down," I rely on this forum a lot to keep me clean. I can't thank all of you enough. I did NOT call the pharmacy & get the refill. As for the issue that brought me almost to the breaking point, it too has been resolved. I know drugs don't ever fix anything but it's those really hard times when I'd like to turn to my DOC again. It's that "tug" that I'm sure I'll always have. I'm 40something days clean & doing well. This is my first time at trying to be/stay clean & I hope it's my LAST time too. I can't imagine relapsing. Thanks again everyone!!!!

Peg

[refusingbondage]

How freeing might it be to call that pharmacy and tell them your an addict and instruct them to toss that refill.  If your stuck in the middle of nowhere and your refill is no longer an option then you have no choice but to not use.. you can use that to your advantage..

[carr]

1 is too many and a 1000 isnt enough. Need I say more?

[dominosarah]

There is no substance that will take away the pain you are feeling right now.  Face your pain and deal with it.  I know it is easier said than done but if you add a pill to this equation you will have alot more problems then you do right now.  Call and cancel that script.  Keep talking with us         sara

[twolve]

I have to agree as you probably expected..I was four months clean, never happier in my entire life..and i decided to do one more..here I am about a year later and in worse shape than I was before I quit the first time..But I am going to beat this again..and I hope you don't lose all the hard time you have put in. What country are you in? What are you doing there? If you dont mind posting the details, if not you can always message me...Good luck

[ronny3]

please dont....i made that same mistake in march and didnt listen theres no such thing as one and it sent me in the worst roller coaster in my life worse then before.  thank god im living a free life right now...

its still early in your sobriety please be strong its times like this, that if you can fight it will make you even stronger...

also youd be suprised there are meetings in every part of the world...keep posting and talking, it will help you, just be strong for yourself and save the pain of going back to that hell because theres no way out of it if you choose to pick up..

im here for you if you ever want to talk...please be strong!!

[CATUF]

just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2 just one or 2

if i had a dollar for every time i just wanted just one or 2 and ended up shaking my head a week or so later asking myself "HOW DID THIS HAPPEN (AGAIN)?" . . . . well, i'd have a lot of dollars.

"just one or 2" is the CLASSIC voice of the disease.  we don't want to go back to that full blown addiction business, we just want one or 2.

the problem is that that full blown addiction business ALWAYS starts with just one or 2.  not every time, but sooner or later (and usually sooner), when we use we end up right back where we were.

once we get clean, if we use (at all) we reactivate our addiction.
CATUF
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