My sobriety driving my husband away...

[Kelseago]

I feel my husband is getting tired of my insomnia. He's distant now. I've barely slept in days and can barely keep my thoughts together.  I know he's unhappy. It breaks my heart. I hate that I do this to him.  He finally gets to a point in his career that he's feeling good I start falling apart. Yes he's happy that I'm cleaning up but I don't think he knows what to do with me. I'm sure his feelings are hurt because I won't lay in bed with him at "bedtime" but I can't lay there for hours staring in the dark. Idk what to do to have him smile at me, some affection...

[Stevo977]

How well does your husband understand addiction? Only asking because it might help him to come on here and read the many posts of others in early sobriety suffering the same.

My wife always told me that she didn't care about anything else but me staying sober and understood that sleep would evade me for awhile. She didn't even like when the first couple of months that I used sleep aids. I did eventually stop those as well because they only compounded the problem.

As addicts, we find that sleep in the early stages is difficult next to impossible. I used to lay in bed for hours trying to go to sleep listening to my wife snore and it drove me nuts. Regular sleep did finally return after a couple months. Eventually, your body will recover; it just takes time.

Remember that the most important thing is sobriety and when your sleep does come back, it will be enjoyable. I really love going to sleep sober as I really rest well, have good dreams again, and wake up clear headed.

[allmymarbles]

Find out the cause of your insomnia. You might try going to an endocrinologist since the problem is often glandular. I had worsening insomnia for 30 years and no doctor could figure out what was wrong (though I am sure some simply thought I was neurotic). It turned out to be an iodine deficiency. I started taking iodine and - bingo - I started sleeping.

The way to please your husband is to get cured. That would be pretty good for you too.

[Kelseago]

He does understand. He was (is) an addict before we met 10 yrs ago. He slipped here n there but he was always able to just stop after one. He has done anything in yrs. I think he understands but at the same time doesn't. It wasn't this hard for him he said.  He can't understand why it's so hard for me.  We have different issues though. Grew up completely different. We have different inner demons. He was the "rich" kid that just got sucked in, I'm the very low middle class that wanted to stop thinkung

[Kelseago]

We just can't afford a doctor right now. No insurance on me.  I have a list of things I'm gonna try till something works.  I tried sleeping pills and I just don't like how I feel in the morn.

[vicki595]

Kels--One of the most important things to do is to keep all your "good" routines. This means go to bed at "bedtime".  Your brain will reset in time but you need to help it a long.

I sure know how this is. You won't fall asleep but maybe he will,you know?  Then you can get up and pace around!

Are taking anything OTC for sleep?

[Stevo977]

I never did well on sleeping pills either due to tolerance issues and the pill popper in me always took more than indicated. You could try melantonin as it's all natural. It's available at any drug store or Wal-mart and is relatively inexpensive.

[Kelseago]

I was taking otc sleeping pills (just half) but I hated the way I felt the next day. I never really handled any kind of "downer". I always feel crappy

[Kelseago]

Stevo- that's on my list of things to try. Thanks :)

[petroglyph54]

This will work out. It's incredibly hard to watch someone you love suffer. Part of my "mental" issue is being sorry my dear wife has to witness this. I don't sleep for days sometimes because of pain. That's hard to take if  you love somebody. I don't think you have anything "wrong" that requires some other doctor, do you? It's probably the disease and you are getting better. One of the tough parts is we just don't have patience, and that's what it takes...time. You are already better, just not sleeping well. I sometimes do what Vicki suggested above, and maybe who knows maybe you'll fall asleep one of these times or something even better! Hang in there

[dominosarah]

Why not go lay down with him when he goes to bed.  Curl up next to him and just focus on the 2 of you for a bit......If you still cant sleep then get up.  Try this for a few nights and see how it goes....

[j34]

One thing I learned in a treatment center was if i am thinking what you are thinking,how can i be thinking of myself, point is we dont know what others are thinking and if we are always think we knwo what they are thinking we are missing out on loving, heathy supportive relationships,communication is the key , For me I always start out with I am not You are cause when we start with YOU the other will get defensive no matter what the rest of the senctence is.another helpful hint is always put yourself in the others person shoes what woudl you feel like,if you were seeing the person you love , living in agony and such and not reaching out and trustin you????hope this helps blessings j34

[Lewney2n]

As my mind is racing and I can't sleep, I could have written your post word for word! You wrote exactly what I was thinking. This forum amazes me that all the time that I thought I was alone there are other people going through the exact same thing. To all giving feedback, thanks not only for the person writing but also the readers. I will definately try this melatonin as soon as I can as it has been recommended quite a few times. I hope it works. If you can't sleep and just need to vent, send me a message or you can even call me. I feel your pain! Guilt seems to be a driving force in this process.

[Kelseago]

Thanks so much guys. You're simply amazing. All great things to try. I snuck in and just cuddled it really is quite comforting n theraputic. Gnight

[LAM49]

Someone on here suggested Melatonin and my fiance got some for me the other day and that was it, they work, I'm able to sleep about 5 hours with one and actually this morning wanted to sleep more but had to go to work, maybe that's why I'm feeling tired, but didn't take it until about 1:00 in morning when I was wide awake after sleeping on my own for three hours, I fell asleep within a half an hour and slept for 5 hours.  Directions say to take one 1/2 hour before going to bed, I'm going to do that tonight.  The first time I took it I took it too early and found myself awake in the middle of the night, so tonight I'm going to take it later in hopes to stay asleep through the night, but 5 hours is better than no sleep.  It's over the counter and a natural product.  Try it, you might be surprised like I was.

[lonelyguyy]

try to talk to him and every week find some place to go with him, i had been a addiction and insomnia for 3year + everytime i did not sleep with my ex wife and both of us have to work so we don have much time to talk and slowly my wife leave me, so i had u will get better god bless u

[Kelseago]

That's the hardest thing in the world to do is talk. He knows that. I've always been this way. I am so much better writing things down, which I do with him. Right now we are unable to afford to go out and have alone time. So many life probs...brk down car, recently move, me not working, etc....  I honestly wouldn't make it without him. That would ruin me...

[dominosarah]

Our actions speak louder than words......wrap your arms around him and give him a kiss, just becuz~~~~~~~

[Kelseago]

I do that, i guess I just feel like I'm not enough anymore. It's probably just my insecurities crawling out

[dominosarah]

Yes it is just your insecurities right now and that will get better with time.  This is a slow process but you will get to the point where you like what is looking back at you in the mirror~~sara

[atthebeach]

hi i am the wife of a recovering addict. he will be clean for 1 year on feb 23rd.hope that worked out for you. laying with him until he goes to sleep and then get up.  the sleep took many months  to return to him to have a 6 or 7 hour sleep.. have you tried exercising ? this will help your natural endrophines to start flowing and it will also make you tired. buy sleepy time tea and you can get valerian root from a health food store, it is drops you can add to your tea. definitely try to keep a routine. take a hot shower or bath to relax yourself.
living clean will be different at first but slowly you will beable to do things that you didn't do before. start communicating and talking with him for  ten or 15 minutes a day. it will get easier each time. share your feelings and let him do the same. i will remember you in my thoughts and prayers.
God bless,
debbie

[Kelseago]

Thank you so much. I use to work out 2 hrs, 5 days a week. I haven't been able to get my routine since moving and quitting.  I will try and lay with him tonight.  I haven't been able to get the tea n stuff I want to try. Hopefully this wkend

[ImDONENoMore]

Try to go easy on yourself now kels.  I remember feeling exactly the same way, but I think because I was so wrapped up in what I was going through, I forgot that he was going through it too!  So the same way it will take time for you, it will for him too.  You'll both find each other again and all will be good again you'll see.  :)

[Kelseago]

I hope so....I miss us. I miss happy

[Crys833]

I know how you feel about your husband, I experienced something similar. He got clean a week before I did, and his wd's were over in 4 days, where as mine took a good 14 days, and I'm at day 27 now and I still feel some subtle wd's with my legs and arms at night, I barely notice it, but it's there. Sleep is much better for me now, for at least a week I didn't sleep much at all. My husband can't understand why I still feel yucky sometimes. I did way more than him which I reminded him, and I think men are just able to put it out of their heads easier than women, men metabolize substances differently than women, that's my opinion, don't want to offend any of the male addicts here. I think once you feel pretty much all back to normal and are sleeping better things will start to get better with you and your husband. You're just not you right now and maybe he's just waiting for you to get better :)