Need support

[Sharon0255]

I am going to try on go cold turkey again tomorrow using a variation of the Thomas recipe and I'm scared and alone   I am on 50 to 60 mg of oxycodone and can't take one more minute of this hell I did this a month ago and made it 8 days and went back please I really need support. I have taken Monday off and my husband is home and not working right now so I'm going to say it's the flu. I am so disappointed in myself. I was sober for a long time and was diagnosed with breast cancer in 09 had a total mastectomy and chemotherapy and here I am I have come off these at least ten times in 2 hrs and everyone in my family is in recovery and I've been able to hide this. The worst part is my youngest son just came clean with his habit and here I am lying this is killing me. My son has 28 days. I'm crying as I write this praying someone responds I'm in rough shape. I have enough pills and see the Dr on Tuesday. If I don't do it now I have 2 weeks off from work in December and I could do it then but I'm afraid something really bad is right around the corner I've been reading these boards for a month the last time I detoxed all these posts helped so much but because I have not joined the community I had no encouragement last time I detoxed. My question is can someone please support me through this I don't feel strong like I did last time. I took high doses of Valium and it wasn't that bad but my habit was less and I stabilized for awhile at 40 mg. Sorry I'm going on and on it's thanksgiving and I'm cooking for my family and feel like a piece of crap.

[Sharon0255]

I'm sleeping because of the Valium and the Ambien I feel like such a phony substituting one drug for another. Iwas able to stop the V last time after 5 days. Hope I can again then the abbien haven't had booze and pot my drugs of choice in 23 years. My addiction wants me to feel guilty about the benzos so T say screw it may as well take Oxys.

[gnarly_1]

YOUR doing good so far Sharon normally I tell people to detox then start the 5http and tryosine you all ready feel out of sorts you dont need anything else throwing you off some people start it right away but I think you shold get on level ground then treat the symptoms good to dee your still going at it another couple of days and you will be free it also great to here you do A/A that will be extremely helpful hang in there post when you need to I need sleep bad been up all night at work but check the forum to see how people are doing thern come on for a couple of hr b/4 work I will check back how did you sleep by the way???
good luck and God bless.......Gnarly

[10356]

Hi Sharon.. Congrats on 2 days. I have read this whole thread First Congrats on beating your Cancer. You are a Survivor.. 2nd Congrats on getting it together for those 11 years They are not lost for You have grown during them. Also so Proud and Happy for your Son and thru him You. For his Strength he learned from you. all Survivors are a Inspiration.. I'm glad that the physical is not your dominant pain but very sorry your emotional is. Guilt is a very damaging emotion I know this for I lived with it for a very long time. It took so much joy from my life and made everything I did a chore. It took therapy for me to be able to release that guilt and the Courage to tell a lot of truths to a lot of People. It took getting honest with myself. you have been in the AA program for a long time and you know in your heart that the truth is what is holding you down. Get honest !! Get Support !! You did not beat freaking Cancer just to end up in addictions clutches.. You are Human You became addicted to a much needed medication.. Speak to your Dr. he will be so proud of you and you will get medical support.. Your Husband will understand. we fool ourselves thinking nobody knows for they all see a difference.. Your family has much experience with addiction. lean on them. Breath freely for the first time in a long time it feels good. Give your family something special to celebrate You and your Son's Freedom. I do not mean to sound harsh. I only want for you to Live.. Take very Special care of yourself for you are a very Special Lady.. warmly lesa

[laurel453]

i would  wait for the Ltyrosine.... It can make some people jittery and if you are already with anxiety, i don't think that it would help you now. i started with it after the first week when most of my physicals wds were gone and the lack of energy hit me like a ton of bricks.. I took it together with the 5htp ( for the mood ).. always in the mornings the tyrosine and start with the lowest dose and see the effects it has on you before increasing it, ok ?

[Sharon0255]

When can I start the mood supplementsn5 http and the tryosine?

[laurel453]

Sharon, we are all very emotional in wds... don't worry... valium can help but never if you take too much, how much you have taken ? i think you are so ansious that you are taking it even if you are not feeling very bad, we try to avoid wds and i can understand it but to a certain extent there is nothing that will wipe away the wds, ride the wave.... try to relax, please..... What are your symptoms right now ?