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CANT GET PAST DAY 3
To anyone who reads this and following my story, I can't get past day three. I know where I want to be, that i want to be clean but I fail EVERYTIME. DAY 3 is the hardest and when your in between fear and sobriety its rough. I made a step further and called the outpatient help center to get info on it but yesterday I got paid, in the middle of the night I made the stupid desicion to fall back again. Addiction is not a game and for anyone that is confused and Dont know what to do seek all the help you can get!! From the person you trust the best to professional help I tried cold turkey from 10 one day to none the next and relapsed took 4 one day and none the next I can't say that's an excuse or its right or wrong so to hopefully not make withdraws terrible and my mental state worse in this I have what I have and it will be the last bit I buy. I will settle for what i have and cut down daily and when I'm out, I'm out. Even though your still on them will outpatient help you get off? Anybody know?
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Drake, I read your post but haven't read the reply posts so if I re-state something please understand. I had several day 3's where I just couldn't take it anymore so I went back out to the Land Of Oxy's not to be confused with the Land of Oz!!lol. I did the same thing you are doing and I'm here to say you can get clean and you can be free of drugs. I would suggest that you go into a detox facility to get over the physical nightmare. You would spend between 3 to 6 days in a safe facility where they will take care of you and it makes the detox process a million times easier. I did this and it saved my life. after detox I went through an Intensive 6 week Out Patient Program and it was totally worth it. I could still go to work (except for the detox time) and people at work did not need to know a thing. If you follow up and take the outpatient classes serious you can live a clean happy drug free life. You need to get into some type of long term program like NA or AA. There are other programs that could also be helpful like SmartRecover. Whatever works best for you is the best thing to do. I have had so many day 3's to only be so sick of being sick I went back to the instant hollow solution which was a Diet Coke and an 80 mg oxy. I've been clean and sober since 3/13/13 and that is the most important date in Big Dad's History. You can be free from the chains of addiction. Get yourself into a detox center and get your life back brother. Peace, BD
That's cool and understandable. How about you just go for it and ring the outpatient clinic you found?
I can't take time off cause life don't stop for nothing I wouldn't be able to afford it and I really wish that I couls just like get into a,detox. Center for three days or something to clear my mind and start the hardest days in a facility or something omg this just sux I can afford to get help though and go to meetings just not any kind of inpatient.
Most addicts don't get and stay clean the first time. What matters is that you keep trying. It really IS so true that you need to have help with this...meetings, sponsors, you cannot do too much. You CAN however not do enough. Recovery takes work work work!
I agree that 10 pills isn't enough to do anything except torture you and prolong the inevitable. It's not enough for a proper taper. My advice would be to flush them and start anew!
You can do this!
I agree that 10 pills isn't enough to do anything except torture you and prolong the inevitable. It's not enough for a proper taper. My advice would be to flush them and start anew!
You can do this!
Drake. Can you take time off work to be admitted to a facility?
All your fears, anxiety, confusion etc etc you can take with you along with your addiction.
These pills have turned off all your senses, you have no insight into how unwell you are. Tou write and respond to a post as though you do understand. However when you send a post it is crystal clear that nothing we are posting is being retained. You just can't think straight. It is heartbreaking Drake.
Drake stop trying if you could do it at home you would have because it's obvious you don't want to be a prisoner these pills. You just can't stop.
You have got too far in. You need to trust what a lot of us have suggested, take yourself to hospital. You have insurance. All you need is yourself, your insurance and everything can be sorted out there, things will become clear while you are there.
All your fears, anxiety, confusion etc etc you can take with you along with your addiction.
These pills have turned off all your senses, you have no insight into how unwell you are. Tou write and respond to a post as though you do understand. However when you send a post it is crystal clear that nothing we are posting is being retained. You just can't think straight. It is heartbreaking Drake.
Drake stop trying if you could do it at home you would have because it's obvious you don't want to be a prisoner these pills. You just can't stop.
You have got too far in. You need to trust what a lot of us have suggested, take yourself to hospital. You have insurance. All you need is yourself, your insurance and everything can be sorted out there, things will become clear while you are there.
Drake. This is an easy one. If you have ten, you will take ten. Of course, I advise flushing them. If not, you are just torturing yourself. People w/ years of sobriety would feel tormented w/ 10 in their possession. You CAN'T resist them. I don't understand why you are torturing yourself. So flush em or take em and start again.
I hate you are having such a hard time it Damm sure aint easy but you just have to want it real bad for me I read alot of post of people saying hang in there it gets better well when I was in the first stages of w/d I didnt think it was true but trust me I woke up one day and I can say they were right I mean it was like a big weight came off my shoulders on day 4 now I do have bad moments here and there what im saying is if you can stick it out just keep thinking everyday that tomorrow will be better It helps me to right my progress down in a notebook this has to be one of the hardest things a person must face but probly one the most rewarding also I feel it is gonna make me a better person
I have 10 left. I feel so terrible I don't even wanna take them but if I don't I know i Wiill feel terrible I gave thought about all day just tomorrow waking up fresh and start this day one over but If I know their there I won't want to. All day iv been debating and writing on paper to express these mixed emotions.. But here I am gaining the fear of days to come...
Drake
You have gotten great advice! I too think that tapering is nearly impossible for most of us! If the pill is there Id take it!!!! You have to do what is right for you but you also have to be honest with yourself! You have to want this more than anything else! If it takes going inpatient then do it!!! You can do this...its not impossible as all of us here are a testament to! We are no different than you are...we just had enough and did it!!! Im praying for you that you find the strength to make the right choice!!! Keep posting!!
You have gotten great advice! I too think that tapering is nearly impossible for most of us! If the pill is there Id take it!!!! You have to do what is right for you but you also have to be honest with yourself! You have to want this more than anything else! If it takes going inpatient then do it!!! You can do this...its not impossible as all of us here are a testament to! We are no different than you are...we just had enough and did it!!! Im praying for you that you find the strength to make the right choice!!! Keep posting!!
Hi drake, how many pills do you have left? Are you going to take them all or turf them? You have spent an awesome amount of time on here!!!
Iv asked myself that a few times cUz when I'm with her I feel she Is like starin at my eyes every time cuz obviously they change. I don't know it just suxs! Its very sh!!tyyy. I just feel like I can't escape!
Drake, I jumped off after posting last night so I missed out on the conversation of telling your sister and taper versus not tapering. IMO if you are even remotely close to your sister than I bet she knows a lot more than you think. This makes me chuckle because I thought I was so sneaky. I thought "hell ya, no one knows I'm taking seven to ten 80mg oxy's a day. No one knows I'm taking enough Xanax to kill a horse. I bet your sister already knows my friend so don't use that as an excuse to not get clean. She's your sister so if she doesn't understand than don't worry about it. This is about you and your life so don't worry about her. A few people advised that you taper. IMO that is a huge mistake. You have to walk through the Valley of Death and be sick for several days. Tapering is just going to prolong the hell your living in and chances are you'll be tapering and your addict brain will say hey Drake you've been doing great for 24 hours so it's time to reward yourself with a double dose. You need to stop making excuses and take your life back. How many old addicts do you know. How many addicts live into their 60 or 70's. There are not any because they are 6 feet under in some cemetery. You need to start loving yourself enough to say enough is enough and I'm done with this sh#t. If I did it you can do it. Your ten 10mg pills a day was just an appetizer for me and I don't say that thinking I'm cool. I hurt a lot of people I love but I've been 100 percent clean since March 2013 and I have the rest of my life to make up for being a crummy husband and dad. Before drugs I was a awesome husband and dad. During my addiction I was a peace of Shiiiiit husband and dad. All I wanted was oxy's. Today I'm healthy, happy, and my future is bright. Take your future back Drake. God Bless You.
well I caved twice before made it 24 hours the first time ,48 the second time now I'm In day two again . Feel like crap can't sleep and my legs hurt so bad and im freezing.but I keep trying . I know how you feel.we have to cut sources and go to after care.I have a doctor on board and a shrink they want me to taper.I tried that to and failed.I also think I would be better off in rehab which still considering.it's hard isn't it?I wish we didn't have to go thru this but there's no choice its our pay back I guess .need anything PR to talk send me a message.
10 a day last three years... Its hard to taper off and cold turkey itThank you for advice I almost feel that I cant do either when I think of taperin I feel that lead to jus countin down with fear I know I said that in above post that I could but I just am thinking to much I think and gotta just cut all sources no matter what . and gnarly is,right my addict thinking doesnt has a lot to d with this! Its scary... And I don't have a doctor so I can't just have the doc cut me off its all literally in my control. And its hard and stressful and so overwhelming
Sarbie, can drake "legally" be a drug addict, or "legally" get them from the doctor to take, not as prescribed? Sometimes the means to an end can be overlooked.
For me, I had to weigh the consequences. I tried to taper, which made my wife mad, when I found the stash she held and took lot extra. I tried cold turkey, made it 9 days once, if I remember right. I spent a couple of years trying to get free. I was very stubborn, didn't believe I would be one who died or devoted my whole life to drug use, so I had to be real close to death to finally decide, "I will do WHATEVER it takes." By the time I found this site, even though I didn't believe it would help, I was willing to TRY everything that was suggested. Even doing that, it was a hard road, but the one thing I did different this last time was to ask for help and accept it. I don't go to all the aftercare that we talk about here, but I tried them all, that is why I am alive today to write to you. That is why I can see addict thinking and insanity similar to mine. I don't believe we can simply choose to quit, not addict like me anyway, but we can choose to get help and support, which ultimately is what helped me to stop using. I kept hearing, "What works for one doesn't necessarily work for another." That is why I tried it all.
As for embarrassment and people finding out about my secret, well that was a huge obstacle. I resisted in my heart and mind, but forced my body and voice to share anyway. As time passes, and it is obvious to everyone I am not using, my pill days are a chapter of the past. I think I resisted sharing my secret, because I didn't want the accountability. In my small town, if I started using again, there is no way I could hide it now. That would be horrible, if I wanted an escape plan, the ability to secretly use. Anyway, once I was totally done and confirmed that in my heart, then talking about it was no longer embarrassing, why would it be? I knew I was done, it was just a matter of time before others realized it too. I am not a major criminal, though I have done plenty of illegal things. I only share those things with my therapist and a select few. I am not keeping secrets, but also don't want my past to harm anyone, so I am careful about who I share with, but not so much about what I share. I think in all my support combined, someone knows pretty much everything about me. It's liberating and there have only been good consequences, the opposite of what my secrets were causing.
So, what you have been trying isn't working, you keep going against your own decision to quit. What are you going to change. NA has a couple of sayings that are simple and true. "Nothing changes if nothing changes," and "Do whatever it takes, that's what it takes."
As for embarrassment and people finding out about my secret, well that was a huge obstacle. I resisted in my heart and mind, but forced my body and voice to share anyway. As time passes, and it is obvious to everyone I am not using, my pill days are a chapter of the past. I think I resisted sharing my secret, because I didn't want the accountability. In my small town, if I started using again, there is no way I could hide it now. That would be horrible, if I wanted an escape plan, the ability to secretly use. Anyway, once I was totally done and confirmed that in my heart, then talking about it was no longer embarrassing, why would it be? I knew I was done, it was just a matter of time before others realized it too. I am not a major criminal, though I have done plenty of illegal things. I only share those things with my therapist and a select few. I am not keeping secrets, but also don't want my past to harm anyone, so I am careful about who I share with, but not so much about what I share. I think in all my support combined, someone knows pretty much everything about me. It's liberating and there have only been good consequences, the opposite of what my secrets were causing.
So, what you have been trying isn't working, you keep going against your own decision to quit. What are you going to change. NA has a couple of sayings that are simple and true. "Nothing changes if nothing changes," and "Do whatever it takes, that's what it takes."
Hi....well if you still want to do this tapering is a option but I have followed your posts and like I said in my last post your addict thinking is the problem not the pills you are experiencing addictive behavior and that is what is driving you to use your going to have to treat the addict to get over this N/A treats the addict and the addictive behaviors once you do this you will loose the desire to use even if you go to rehab most will tell you your going to need a progam to get threw this all I know is we all want to see you get help I have worked on this forum for 5yrs we know what to look for I dont think tapering will work for you get to a treatment center most are only 30 days what is one month compared to the rest of your life?? as for the secrets they keep you sick your going to half to quit trying to save face and stop worring about what others think
I dont know your age but your posts tell me your young get this out of your life wile you can...I hope to see you clean in the near future recovery is possible and today I have a amazing life you can to..Gnarly
I dont know your age but your posts tell me your young get this out of your life wile you can...I hope to see you clean in the near future recovery is possible and today I have a amazing life you can to..Gnarly
Okay seriously, there really are people besides spider that can taper. Don't assume anything man,.....I failed more times than I can count. Tapering happened to help the last time.
Sarbie, I do agree w/ you about tapering, I doubt Drake could do it. I haven't met anyone yet who can. (Well, except Spider!:) IF, by some miracle an addict could taper, sure, that would be great. But, the nature of being an addict is that we can't control our using. Also, in Drake's case (I thought Drake was a guy?) he/she would have to keep going to a dealer to get enough to taper with. That is not a good idea obviously.
Well, I'm sure Drake will come on here shortly.
Well, I'm sure Drake will come on here shortly.
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