Off to the doctor, Time to get honest.

[Pat1956100]

I am so tired of doctoring myself.  I have managed to achieve feeling so sick, depressed and lots of anxiety so I guess it's time to listen to my doctor.
First time I am going not seeking opiates.  Hopefully I took my last today.
Had to take something just to get out of bed and be able to go to the doctor.
Day 1 will begin again tomorrow, no matter what.
Really, really sick and tired of all of this.
Rock bottom?  Yeah I think so.

[Brightfutureahead]

I'll remember that Pat lol. I read thru this thread....just wanted to say seems like you are doing great :)

[Pat1956100]

I managed 3 hours sleep.  Here's a tip I have never read on medhelp.
Don't make a huge pot of chili  and eat it for 3 days before starting withdrawals.
Yeah you heard it from me and I had to test it before I posted it.
It's now a proven fact.

[Pat1956100]

144 days sound like lots to me.  When I get 144 days I will feel like a champion and I'm not kidding.  Seriously that's fantastic and you are doing something that works.
Please pm me with anything that you think I am missing.
I want to do it right this time and my mind is wide open.  I appreciate all your advice.

[clean_in_ks]

Well, babe, I don't have LOTS clean time, but I'd be happy to share with you anytime, anyhow........I'll PM you if you please??

And crunched.......I'm with Pat.....enjoy your movie and see how it goes tomorrow.  ~~

[Pat1956100]

Aww sweety, stay strong.  You don't need pills.  Snuggle up with the dog and enjoy the movie.  Tomorrow will be a better day.

[Pat1956100]

Ugh I didn't know you had to deal with the benzos as well.
I will be very careful.  
Thanks for you support and congrats on your clean time.  I know you have battled this for awhile and I know how hard it is to get there.
I am so disgusted with myself for having so start over again but I know I don't have any control over them.
It's nice that they aren't around me anymore calling my name and I don't have to think about her next script coming in.  She even offered me 40's before she left and I said No.  Just pack your bags and go please lol.
I had gotten percs off of her and really went to town with them so I am going to suffer the consequences now.
I think I have finally reached the point of being done with them.