Off to the doctor, Time to get honest.

[Pat1956100]

I am so tired of doctoring myself.  I have managed to achieve feeling so sick, depressed and lots of anxiety so I guess it's time to listen to my doctor.
First time I am going not seeking opiates.  Hopefully I took my last today.
Had to take something just to get out of bed and be able to go to the doctor.
Day 1 will begin again tomorrow, no matter what.
Really, really sick and tired of all of this.
Rock bottom?  Yeah I think so.

[smiles4eva]

I have told you from day one I will always support you and I mean it. It must be a huge weight off your shoulder to be getting rid of that tenant!
Be careful with the benzo, I never knew what people meant and then I learned.  It's a whole nother mental battle that you don't need!  Wishing you all the best!

[Pat1956100]

Let me know what doors you don't think I'm ready to close because I am willing to do whatever is necessary to stay clean.
I have tried to do it my way many times and it hasn't worked so I am ready to do it the right way now.
I have to get through the withdrawals and I know that's the easy part but I am still afraid of them.  I am also afraid of what happens after but I can't overwhelm myself of I will start with the anxiety issues.
I am very open to any suggestions or help that people with lots of clean time have.  
Thanks for your support.

[clean_in_ks]

Glad I didn't get on here until tonight.  Now I'm up-to-date on your news!  I've had you on my heart constantly knowing you were seeing the dr. today.

You've been hangin here for long enough to know what was missing in your recovery plan b4. And I already hear you becoming willing to try things that scare you.  The drug addiction therapy AND going to NA sound FABULOUS!!  "Fear will NEVER be our friend".  

You don't have to share at an NA mtg your first time, or ever for that matter.  You just need to "suit up and show up" and let God take you from there. You will be encompassed in LOVE!  The therapist can help with the grieving and deep seeded stuff and the NA group can help with 12 steps and friendship and laughing and on and on.... skin on support and new friendships with people who want to stay clean, too.  You definitely will stop feeling so ALONE.

When I read your posts above, I still picked up on a few doors you aren't ready to close ALL THE WAY.....progress not perfection, right?   I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT PAT!!
Love & hugs to you dear one~

[vicki595]

Sarah gives us all strength Pat!!

I'm proud of you for making the attempt to get this recovery going!  The devil we know is ALWAYS easier to hang out with...

[Pat1956100]

Yes I have finally learned that it is necessary and you can't hide from it.  It just won't go away.
You give me strength lady.  

[Pat1956100]

No I can phone tomorrow and get an appointment.  Hopefully it will be soon.  I shouda woulda coulda done this a LONG time ago but I really freaked when they said the first time was a group.  I guess I still wanted to hide.  I don't know if all of the therapy will be in groups but the initial assessment is.  I didn't go any further when I heard that so I don't know what all is involved but I think it's what I need to do.
I think this will help overcome my fears and then I will be able to go to NA.  Even if I can get to a meeting and sit down without shaking like a leaf, it will be progress.