Off to the doctor, Time to get honest.

[Pat1956100]

I am so tired of doctoring myself.  I have managed to achieve feeling so sick, depressed and lots of anxiety so I guess it's time to listen to my doctor.
First time I am going not seeking opiates.  Hopefully I took my last today.
Had to take something just to get out of bed and be able to go to the doctor.
Day 1 will begin again tomorrow, no matter what.
Really, really sick and tired of all of this.
Rock bottom?  Yeah I think so.

[YesLife4Me]

Buddy, Isn't it weird how quickly our brains pick right up where they left off with these drugs?   Sorry you are feeling so crummy.  

Pat~ We have all been where you are at.  Starting over isn't easy, but it is a new beginning, right?   You have us, and we won't give up on you.  

D

[selfinduced]

Chin up, arched back, and then get humble. Your two determined people and have done enough of the hokey pokey (one foot in and one foot out), time to pull out all the stops whatever those may be and turn this bad boy around before it takes you both down. Let us know what Dr. advises. This should bring you much peace.

[Fireby29]

I want to second what self is saying here.  You guys can do this, it's time to draw a line in the sand.

Bryan

[Teresa1717]

I couldnt agree more and echo what Self said!!!

[Pat1956100]

Thanks so much for all your kind words.  It means so much to me.  I am so glad you aren't giving up on me.  
My tenant (main supplier) has gone away for the winter, YAY!!! Also my other guy hasn't called here since the last time he stopped over to see if I wanted any percs so I have no temptations in front of me.  This is such a perfect time to do it.

My doctor visit went as well as it could.  He is just so hard to talk to.
I had a list so I wouldn't forget anything but he still is so damn dismissive, I felt he could hardly wait to get away from me lol.

I have to do more blood work to follow up on the high white blood cell count and low potassium.
He increased my Effexor which should help with the depression and anxiety.
He wanted to do that months ago but I thought I knew more than him.
He upped the Lyrica and wants me to take it for the pain.  I told him I no longer wanted to take any narcotics for pain but I didn't say I was an addict.
I really wanted to but I knew he didn't have the time.  
He gave me .5mg Ativan per day but I am only going to take them for panic attacks.
I think I covered everything.  Pain, anxiety, depression and NO NARCOTICS.
I do feel more positive and I have no excuses to self medicate anymore.

I know it's going to be a rough few days and I am going to need your support.  I just feel so exhausted from fighting this and am really ready to just let it go and whatever will be, will be.  Que sera sera.
Get that out of your head Sonrissa.  The Doris Day version.

[Pat1956100]

Now I can't get the hokey Pokey song out of my head.