Aa
Adult Children of Alcoholics? For Addicts?
I am the adult child of a severe alcoholic and am a recovering opiate addict. I have not spoken to my father in 3 1/2 years, I had to cut him off to prevent him triggering me in my own recovery. I have been so absorbed in my addiction recovery, I didn't even think of Adult Children of Alcoholics as something that may help me. I have sought every form of recovery over the last year and tried it all, but somehow didn't even consider ACOA. I keep feeling like I should call him, I have a hard time giving up on him for some reason. I have tried to forgive him for such a crappy childhood, and he said, "I don't know what you are talking about, I only have good memories." I guess all the bad stuff happened when he was blacked out. I don't think talking to him will help anything, so I need to let it go.
I am thinking of writing him a letter, each month or so, that I won't send. It's useless to mention opening the door to get on the school bus and he flopped on the threshold, as if he were dead. He doesn't remember back handing me and knocking my breath out. Throwing me off a high bridge into water at 6, exposing me to hard drugs, sex, and violence and on and on....The memory of sleeping under a pinball game stands out for some reason. At 8, maybe younger, he'd take me to the local bar. I jumped every time the door opened, I knew he forgot I was there. He left me at a auto part store for eight hours one time, my mom helped him trace his steps to remember where he left me. I tried to hide it when he hurt me or did something stupid. I was the child who worked extra hard, hoping I could make life better. My nerveous breakdown could have been a life of overachieving and trying to fix the world, not me. I was full of hate the last time we spoke, I think I may be partly depressed from it. I have to let him go without him caring or knowing.
I work all the addiction recovery I can, do you think that meetings of ACOA would add to that.
I am thinking of writing him a letter, each month or so, that I won't send. It's useless to mention opening the door to get on the school bus and he flopped on the threshold, as if he were dead. He doesn't remember back handing me and knocking my breath out. Throwing me off a high bridge into water at 6, exposing me to hard drugs, sex, and violence and on and on....The memory of sleeping under a pinball game stands out for some reason. At 8, maybe younger, he'd take me to the local bar. I jumped every time the door opened, I knew he forgot I was there. He left me at a auto part store for eight hours one time, my mom helped him trace his steps to remember where he left me. I tried to hide it when he hurt me or did something stupid. I was the child who worked extra hard, hoping I could make life better. My nerveous breakdown could have been a life of overachieving and trying to fix the world, not me. I was full of hate the last time we spoke, I think I may be partly depressed from it. I have to let him go without him caring or knowing.
I work all the addiction recovery I can, do you think that meetings of ACOA would add to that.
Hey Weaver. I too am the adult child of alcoholics. I can't really speak about my father. He abandoned me when I was very young, but over the years as I would periodically attempt to reconnect I was told that he was so no good id be better off without him. For all I know he could have been a heroin addict. He died in 1998 and I found out in 2008 during an internet search.
My mom is an alcoholic. She had always been a drinker, but in 2009, at the age of 72 she decided to retire and become a full time dedicated boozer. She drank about a fifth of brandy a day. That first year she was hospitalized twice, had a large knot on her head, detox, and broke her shoulder. All fall related. Also 3 stints in a nursing home that year. By the end of that year, she had alcoholic encepholopathy. Dementia that she gave to herself. Wet brain. So she lives alone, insists upon it, and accepts no help. I've had her
walk out of doctor/surgeon appointments that I took her to. She throughs
out the home health aids, cleaning professionals and anyone else I send over there. She will not bathe, wears dirty clothes and will not allow me to clean? her place. She sits on the couch and watches TV all day, every day. She has found a way to continue drinking by ordering wine up from the pizza place. Till the ss runs out the first week. She is destitute from making bad decisions and my brother manipulating and robbing her. I'm the only one who takes care of her, buying food for her and her cat and paying several large bills per year. I still feel guilty. That she is like this, that I chose to numb myself out with pills because it was so bad and therefore I did not take proper care of her. It just kills me. But I keep at it, being the enabler, because I am truly all she has. I forget your question actually, but my kids are straight, so yes I hope it skips a generation.
My mom is an alcoholic. She had always been a drinker, but in 2009, at the age of 72 she decided to retire and become a full time dedicated boozer. She drank about a fifth of brandy a day. That first year she was hospitalized twice, had a large knot on her head, detox, and broke her shoulder. All fall related. Also 3 stints in a nursing home that year. By the end of that year, she had alcoholic encepholopathy. Dementia that she gave to herself. Wet brain. So she lives alone, insists upon it, and accepts no help. I've had her
walk out of doctor/surgeon appointments that I took her to. She throughs
out the home health aids, cleaning professionals and anyone else I send over there. She will not bathe, wears dirty clothes and will not allow me to clean? her place. She sits on the couch and watches TV all day, every day. She has found a way to continue drinking by ordering wine up from the pizza place. Till the ss runs out the first week. She is destitute from making bad decisions and my brother manipulating and robbing her. I'm the only one who takes care of her, buying food for her and her cat and paying several large bills per year. I still feel guilty. That she is like this, that I chose to numb myself out with pills because it was so bad and therefore I did not take proper care of her. It just kills me. But I keep at it, being the enabler, because I am truly all she has. I forget your question actually, but my kids are straight, so yes I hope it skips a generation.
Oh..okay. It took me a minute but I figured it out and what the other name was. You confused me!! I didn't see the post you made...stay "safe"!
Vic yes I did! I thought I mAde a post about it to yAll but I can't find where I saved it! Anyway I got wind of some folks I know where researching stuff on this forum too and my handle was a little too close to home. Lol
I've talked with him bama, he didn't know what I was talking about and I doubt he remembers the conversation at all. This healing has to take place without him. He's the type that gets slobbering, cramp your pants on bed kind of drunk daily. Even if you talk to him in the morning, he gets so wasted shortly after, he losses any memory of the few hours he drinks coffee in the morning. Talking recovery to him would be like finding someone living under a bridge with a box of wine and listening to them rant and make rude jokes. Had I not set him up, he would probably be living in his bus/house at a KOA, until the kicked him out or arrested him. Talking to you folks about it has helped a lot. Hearing how each of us found ways to cope inspires me, even when I can't do it that way. I could talk with him and then leave, he might invent what we were talking about and walk around telling everyone I was out to get him and how he supports me and I cheat him. It wouldn't be the first time, people warned me about his slander. That was the last straw, he but that hand that totally set his life up and made it easy. Heck, I flat have him my 7 acre farm. He was angry I left him with a mortgage, but I put 2 houses on it he can rent out. He makes money off of it. I resent him. My anger has passed mostly. I just lump him in my heart were corruption and injustice are. I'm always working on those, my biggest triggers.
I swore as a kid I would never be like my dad. I am not as destructive as him and I care about more than myself, so my generation made progress. My kids are educated and have seen first hand what happens and that people do recover and what that process is. Maybe my grand kids won't use. My dad says he likes being drunk and he likes smoking and plans to do it until one of them kills him. He is so wasted he doesn't have enough of a heart to want more. From a man who surrenders to alcohol, to my kids being aware and discerning, I think I have started a new lineage in old jeans. I use everything until it's plum wore out, but these jeans might just have several more generations on them. I am the last male of my family name, other than my son, so like Abraham who left Babylonian influence and started a new tribe, I am building my name a new. Name in Hebrew can mean essence, presence, who you are, not just the name of a human animal. I left the drugs and am wandering toward the promises land. Abraham nor Moses ever drank the milk and honey, but their family eventually did. I am now seeing the Big Picture more easily in moments of frustration. I am disappointed in my father and proud of my son, I was a necessary step and maybe I resent my dad for that. I thank God that I can see it now, family is heartache and joy.
I weep with the sad and I laugh with the joyous, do it all with love.
Thanks you guys, I will keep working on this resentment.
I swore as a kid I would never be like my dad. I am not as destructive as him and I care about more than myself, so my generation made progress. My kids are educated and have seen first hand what happens and that people do recover and what that process is. Maybe my grand kids won't use. My dad says he likes being drunk and he likes smoking and plans to do it until one of them kills him. He is so wasted he doesn't have enough of a heart to want more. From a man who surrenders to alcohol, to my kids being aware and discerning, I think I have started a new lineage in old jeans. I use everything until it's plum wore out, but these jeans might just have several more generations on them. I am the last male of my family name, other than my son, so like Abraham who left Babylonian influence and started a new tribe, I am building my name a new. Name in Hebrew can mean essence, presence, who you are, not just the name of a human animal. I left the drugs and am wandering toward the promises land. Abraham nor Moses ever drank the milk and honey, but their family eventually did. I am now seeing the Big Picture more easily in moments of frustration. I am disappointed in my father and proud of my son, I was a necessary step and maybe I resent my dad for that. I thank God that I can see it now, family is heartache and joy.
I weep with the sad and I laugh with the joyous, do it all with love.
Thanks you guys, I will keep working on this resentment.
Weaver I've gone to several
Of those meeting many years ago. If you were new to this whole world, id say go for it. But you are already in such a strong place and have such a good understanding of this disease I don't know how they will help you. You have detached and necessarily so. As long as you don't feel saddled with blame from him, it seems you may already be far enough along in your own recovery that it make duplicate what you already know to be true. I wouldn't discourage you, just saying, you seem to be in a really good place.
Of those meeting many years ago. If you were new to this whole world, id say go for it. But you are already in such a strong place and have such a good understanding of this disease I don't know how they will help you. You have detached and necessarily so. As long as you don't feel saddled with blame from him, it seems you may already be far enough along in your own recovery that it make duplicate what you already know to be true. I wouldn't discourage you, just saying, you seem to be in a really good place.
Oh weaver, my dear sweet weaver....my mom is a raging alcoholic. I have no good memories. I bet you and I could swap stories....we always could you know...lol. I swear your my twin on a lot of ways...
So, I read and I hear something's that trouble you.. Have you really truly deep down inside forgave your dad?
It took me a lot of therapy sessions to forgive my mom. I still ponder that thought. I've lead her to some sort of hope tho, by talking about my own issues. All my siblings fight substance abuse. Every last one of us. Apple doesn't fall far.
So, mom checked in. Mom stayed with me. Mom is mom. Mom drinks. I sent her a big book. Told her to help me. Asked her to read with me, I begged her for help. I feel I am doing my duty as a child to try to show her... Can lead a horse to water sort of thing.
And by helping her I was able to see her the different set of eyes..Not just my mom but another addict, another human trying to find her way..
Did it save her, no... But it sure saved me. And somewhere in the middle of this whole huge mess forgiveness came about. I wish that for you. The weight lifted...
I don't know how I would have made this much progress without talking about this to her. I had to start the conversation.
As far as the letter thing, that's a thing that will help you start. You can at least put down your feelings. What you do with the letters are up to you. Will he read them? Don't know.. How receptive is he about admitting his own responsibilities is another and that my dear friend is NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY,,,
My mom is a work in progress just like me. She fails more times then I'd like. I use her failures as a reminder of what I don't want to feel....like the other day....the friend thing. Do you ever think of your dad on those very bad days? Do you use his situation to your advatage instead of against you? For motivation....am I saying to much?
What do you have to loose this far in life? This is your recovery and you gotta work this thing from all angles.
I wish you the best in this...your friend Bama...
So, I read and I hear something's that trouble you.. Have you really truly deep down inside forgave your dad?
It took me a lot of therapy sessions to forgive my mom. I still ponder that thought. I've lead her to some sort of hope tho, by talking about my own issues. All my siblings fight substance abuse. Every last one of us. Apple doesn't fall far.
So, mom checked in. Mom stayed with me. Mom is mom. Mom drinks. I sent her a big book. Told her to help me. Asked her to read with me, I begged her for help. I feel I am doing my duty as a child to try to show her... Can lead a horse to water sort of thing.
And by helping her I was able to see her the different set of eyes..Not just my mom but another addict, another human trying to find her way..
Did it save her, no... But it sure saved me. And somewhere in the middle of this whole huge mess forgiveness came about. I wish that for you. The weight lifted...
I don't know how I would have made this much progress without talking about this to her. I had to start the conversation.
As far as the letter thing, that's a thing that will help you start. You can at least put down your feelings. What you do with the letters are up to you. Will he read them? Don't know.. How receptive is he about admitting his own responsibilities is another and that my dear friend is NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY,,,
My mom is a work in progress just like me. She fails more times then I'd like. I use her failures as a reminder of what I don't want to feel....like the other day....the friend thing. Do you ever think of your dad on those very bad days? Do you use his situation to your advatage instead of against you? For motivation....am I saying to much?
What do you have to loose this far in life? This is your recovery and you gotta work this thing from all angles.
I wish you the best in this...your friend Bama...
Well, I sensed that others might be as inspired as me about this idea, but never expected such heart felt responses, thanks everybody. Sooo, I looked into it and there is no ACOA meetings within a couple hours drive. I will read the suggested books and start to research this recovery option on my own. I suppose this is a different way to work my fourth step. If anyone has anymore authors or books they were inspired by, please share them for all of us who don't have good resources locally.
I started looking for new recovery ideas a couple weeks ago, my therapist and I concluded she had done all she can for me for now, so I am no longer seeing her. My program changes constantly, I think it is due to how many different kinds of issues I have. Addiction, bad child environment, Bipolar 1, traumatic experiences, I am a prime candidate for what they say are predispositions to addiction, all of them. My therapist said she has never met anyone in 26 years of practice who functioned so well for so long with all my issues. Apparently I have a different take on the world and that has helped me manage to stay alive this long. I have knocked on deaths door many times, not just from drugs. I thought I was just a bipolar addict, but I developed many coping skills naturally, healthy and unhealthy ones. I think the number of healthy coping mechanisms I discovered on my own is why I appear different to my therapist. I just want to be better and better, always have, even in active addiction, but I am focused on progress over perfection, so the journey never ends.
Anyway, thank you all so much for your comments, WE can do this.
I started looking for new recovery ideas a couple weeks ago, my therapist and I concluded she had done all she can for me for now, so I am no longer seeing her. My program changes constantly, I think it is due to how many different kinds of issues I have. Addiction, bad child environment, Bipolar 1, traumatic experiences, I am a prime candidate for what they say are predispositions to addiction, all of them. My therapist said she has never met anyone in 26 years of practice who functioned so well for so long with all my issues. Apparently I have a different take on the world and that has helped me manage to stay alive this long. I have knocked on deaths door many times, not just from drugs. I thought I was just a bipolar addict, but I developed many coping skills naturally, healthy and unhealthy ones. I think the number of healthy coping mechanisms I discovered on my own is why I appear different to my therapist. I just want to be better and better, always have, even in active addiction, but I am focused on progress over perfection, so the journey never ends.
Anyway, thank you all so much for your comments, WE can do this.
One thing I learned in the process is that it's fine, for me, to be angry and unforgiving. I learned I don't have to forgive anyone for their behavior toward me and that I won't die or go to hell or be a mean, cynical person. I DO accept it though. I recognize it and tuck it away and I just don't allow it to be a part of my everyday life.
I can't help but believe that a lot of the anxiety, substance abuse, illness... crippling us as young (or older) adults is related to family dysfunction in childhood. Thinking about it is just so damn sad so...on to better mental health!
I can't help but believe that a lot of the anxiety, substance abuse, illness... crippling us as young (or older) adults is related to family dysfunction in childhood. Thinking about it is just so damn sad so...on to better mental health!
Yes, Weaver, I do believe you would benefit from this fellowship. I go to AA, went to Alanon for a brief period, and also ACOA. BECAUSE, the fellowship helped me understand how to detach from my father with love. I am 50 now, and I live with my parents as their caregiver. Some days I still feel like 10 under his control. Alanon, ACOA, Alateen, help folks evolve in their OWN life. It is very freeing...
weaver that is such a great post i too am a child of alcoholic and heroin addicted parents they are both sober now and i have a great relationship with my dad alway have and my mom well she's my mom lol but i think i have worked thru lots of my stuff had a lot of abandonment and neglect issues some sexual abuse by my grandfather me and my sister and i had to raise my sister from the time she was 2 (i was 7) till i moved out with my dad at 16 my mom would still call me when my sister would run away looking for answers from me hey she aint my kid be a mom!! i didn't want to be bitter anymore I'm worth way more than that and deserve way more too i think i will look into acoa too and check those books thanks for the post weaver I'm sure it will help lots of us
God bless you all.......similar experiences here............I am learning everyday that more and more of us are just as broken as I feel.........prayers of healing energy and love out to you all.....xo
I grew up in a pretty average home and had parents who took care of us. I read these posts and they broke my heart. Every child should be raised with love, strength, hope, and support. How is someone suppose to give their kids everything they deserve if they have never had that themselves. I take my hat off to you folks who are breaking the chain of emotional and physical abuse. Our kids, kids, kids deserve it.
Hello there. Your post hit home in so many ways. My parents r not drinkers at all but have all abusive ways like addicted behavior. In matter of fact ministers so and drugs alcohol all forbidden. But as we all know those r only symptoms. I'm 55 now had to move with them take care of them they r both health issues. So Omg I have major issues with them. Their memory is just a loving God home which is so far from truth major abuse in every area is reality. So I'm going to say to u what I'm trying to do. Forgiveness. Yes extremely hard. I had a counselor tell me write a letter to them on every horrible hurtful thing happened and u remember. Extremely hard. No one has to read it except u. Great way let all out. Lots of prayer
Thanks Vicki, I for one and going to check those out. Hopefully they are available through IBooks.
Okay, here are two books you'll want to read:
Toxic Parents: Overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life
by Dr.Susan Forward
Adult Children of Alcoholics
by Janet Geringer Woititz
Toxic Parents: Overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life
by Dr.Susan Forward
Adult Children of Alcoholics
by Janet Geringer Woititz
Since I was about 19 yrs old I have been working on "some" aspect of recovery. I am the adult child of an alcoholic, the sister of several alcoholics, the granddaughter of an alcoholic, the ex-wife of an addict, the step mother of an alcoholic, the aunt of several alcoholics...on and on it goes....plus a recovering opiate addict myself.
It seems I have been earnestly seeking answers most of my adult life through literature and going to meetings in Al-Anon, AA and ACOA.. which were stepping stones that led me to other endeavors in my life.
I have daily meditation/affirmation books for ALL of them.....I have read them off and on for years and have received great help and healing from them. Amazon has MANY books available (for cheap...LOL) for adult children of alcoholics. I have read many of them in yrs past....Melody Beattie has a good one called "The Language of Letting Go" and I've read several of Claudia Black's books too. The thing I like about Amazon is that I can read reviews and get an idea of what I'm buying....and if I don't want to buy a book...usually one of my libraries around here have it. The only thing about that is I can't underline and highlight and write notes in the margins....hahaha! (Yes, I'm "one of those"...LOL)
Imo, anything ACOA would be a great addition to your recovery process, Tony. If your Dad was on morphine as a little one (I think you said age 2 to 10 yrs old or something like that?) his brain chemistry was altered VERY early on. He is a very sick man. And we become sick, too just growing up with them. I am glad to see you considering this....imo, I couldn't do enough to empty my old baggage, learn to take the thorns of resentment out of my hands, and find all the ways available to heal my wounded heart.
I personally don't think we can ever do TOO MUCH recovery work.
The rewards pay HUGE dividends~
It seems I have been earnestly seeking answers most of my adult life through literature and going to meetings in Al-Anon, AA and ACOA.. which were stepping stones that led me to other endeavors in my life.
I have daily meditation/affirmation books for ALL of them.....I have read them off and on for years and have received great help and healing from them. Amazon has MANY books available (for cheap...LOL) for adult children of alcoholics. I have read many of them in yrs past....Melody Beattie has a good one called "The Language of Letting Go" and I've read several of Claudia Black's books too. The thing I like about Amazon is that I can read reviews and get an idea of what I'm buying....and if I don't want to buy a book...usually one of my libraries around here have it. The only thing about that is I can't underline and highlight and write notes in the margins....hahaha! (Yes, I'm "one of those"...LOL)
Imo, anything ACOA would be a great addition to your recovery process, Tony. If your Dad was on morphine as a little one (I think you said age 2 to 10 yrs old or something like that?) his brain chemistry was altered VERY early on. He is a very sick man. And we become sick, too just growing up with them. I am glad to see you considering this....imo, I couldn't do enough to empty my old baggage, learn to take the thorns of resentment out of my hands, and find all the ways available to heal my wounded heart.
I personally don't think we can ever do TOO MUCH recovery work.
The rewards pay HUGE dividends~
I think checking into ACOA is a wonderful idea. I am also a child of an alcoholic father. He passed away 6 years ago due to his alcoholism and I still struggle with a lot of unresolved emotional stuff because of this. I may also check into this. Thank you for sharing Weaver. Also, I believe the letter writing is an excellent idea. There have been several times in my life where I did this. The act of writing it down and baring/purging your soul is therapeutic, even if it never gets delivered, or read. I have even written letters to people, then burned them. It gave me a sense of closure and was very helpful and symbolic. I really hope that you find some resolution/closure, and peace.
I too, am an adult child of an alcoholic. My dad never admitted he was an alcoholic, but he was. He would go months or sometimes years without taking a drink, but when some unknown (unknown to me as a child) thing would trigger him, he was out of control. Mostly, he was a "happy drunk", and as kids, me and my sisters loved it. We would get extra hugs and love and sometimes toys. However, there was also the dark side. He could get angry and violent. I can also remember being back handed in front of my friends, and being more embarrassed than actually hurt. I also remember me and my younger sisters being left in a hot car for hours, while he was in Sears. I remember my parents going on vacation for a week and leaving us kids (I was the oldest at 12) home alone. One time we went to Reno, and my parents left us in the car over night in the parking lot, while they went to a show and spent the night in a casino. I'm sure there is lots more that I have blocked out. My mom to this day is in complete denial about all of this stuff. They eventually divorced, and she blames my dad and his drinking for everything, but denies that she was ever a part of anything.
Anyway, my dad died suddenly of a heart attack about 12 years ago. He never got any treatment for his alcoholism, and never acknowledged he even was an alcoholic. I may also check out the ACOA. It certainly couldn't hurt to get more information, for you, Weaver, or me. Thanks for bringing attention to this. Much appreciated.
Anyway, my dad died suddenly of a heart attack about 12 years ago. He never got any treatment for his alcoholism, and never acknowledged he even was an alcoholic. I may also check out the ACOA. It certainly couldn't hurt to get more information, for you, Weaver, or me. Thanks for bringing attention to this. Much appreciated.
Hey Weaver, very strong post !!!
Ive never heard of ACOA, but i think this is a fantastic idea. We have something similer in Aust called " Rainbow ", its for kids whos parents are/were addicts/alcoholics.
My dad was an abusive alcoholic paranoid schitzophrenic. My childhood was nothing but very physical abuse and memories that still haunt me today. We left him when i was 3 1/2 and then my mum met another tossa.
This time, it was sexual abuse and rape for the next 10 years for me, and more physical violence toward my mum.
So for me, this is a very, very good idea for you as i can totally relate your past trauma and the reason you may consider this a valued option in your recovery !!!
Its funny, my dad also thought anybody who questioned his parenting, was an idiot. He was a great dad to us... Yeah right : )
Thanks for this Weaver, you have made me realise maybe i need help also in dealing with certain points in my life.
xxx
Ive never heard of ACOA, but i think this is a fantastic idea. We have something similer in Aust called " Rainbow ", its for kids whos parents are/were addicts/alcoholics.
My dad was an abusive alcoholic paranoid schitzophrenic. My childhood was nothing but very physical abuse and memories that still haunt me today. We left him when i was 3 1/2 and then my mum met another tossa.
This time, it was sexual abuse and rape for the next 10 years for me, and more physical violence toward my mum.
So for me, this is a very, very good idea for you as i can totally relate your past trauma and the reason you may consider this a valued option in your recovery !!!
Its funny, my dad also thought anybody who questioned his parenting, was an idiot. He was a great dad to us... Yeah right : )
Thanks for this Weaver, you have made me realise maybe i need help also in dealing with certain points in my life.
xxx
addiction wasn't really in my childhood but SEVERE abuse was. words from a court psych 'worst case of abuse i have ever seen in 40yrs'. unspeakable. the pain is the same. i too was the one to try to please, to make them happy and the first and usually only one on the other end of their pure hatred towards me. broken bones in face at 3, broken leg at 5, and much, much worse. most of it was at the direction of my mother.
i have the same struggle as you weaver in not wanting any contact with her. she is 75 yrs old and still writes posts on my fb wall saying 'you are the spawn of satan'. i gave up. it caused more pain and anguish trying to give her the opportunity to at least STOP it, would have been too much to ask for an apology,
it has been the cause of many of my issues throughout my life. no matter how much you know better those words 'we should have thrown you in the garbage can when we had the chance', 'you are worthless pos' etc will never leave my mind. no amount of therapy can undo all that.
if your dad is anything like my mom, i probably would suggest NOT trying to get anything from him and just work on you.
you never deserved any of that and you seem that a wonderful, caring human being. the world needs more weaver's
i have the same struggle as you weaver in not wanting any contact with her. she is 75 yrs old and still writes posts on my fb wall saying 'you are the spawn of satan'. i gave up. it caused more pain and anguish trying to give her the opportunity to at least STOP it, would have been too much to ask for an apology,
it has been the cause of many of my issues throughout my life. no matter how much you know better those words 'we should have thrown you in the garbage can when we had the chance', 'you are worthless pos' etc will never leave my mind. no amount of therapy can undo all that.
if your dad is anything like my mom, i probably would suggest NOT trying to get anything from him and just work on you.
you never deserved any of that and you seem that a wonderful, caring human being. the world needs more weaver's
Hi! Yes, I think it would add to your recovery. Many addicts ARE adult children of alcoholics and their deal will focus on the anger, hurt, painful memories, etc...and what to do with it all. Most adult children never get an "I'm sorry" or any movement toward responsibility for what's happened and those "happenings" are the foundation of a child's future...
Look into it and see what you think. There are books about ACOAs and others about toxic parents. I don't remember any names at the moment but I'll look around for you. xo
Look into it and see what you think. There are books about ACOAs and others about toxic parents. I don't remember any names at the moment but I'll look around for you. xo
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