One Big Huge Step

Question

So, I spent the morning on the phone, and went through my insurance and have obtained a female addiction specialist counselor. She is going to call me back today with my appt. Im actually really excited about it, (unless she turns out to be a b****) we will have to see. Talked to an old party buddy who is clean now and he told me what meeting to go to and that I will know a lot of people there, which I don't think is the greatest thing, but im going to try it at least once .There are some people I just don't want to see for various reasons. I feel my past will be haunting me in a major way which will bring on more shame and guilt and I have that in spades already. So all in all a productive day so far, was going to go out now I want a nap. XOXO Carrie

ScarrieAnne · Answer

Yes! and its really sad, scary and depressing, but they have one of a doctor telling you how to get through it with certain supplements like amino acids, and certain medications, it was pretty informative. The other videos were video blogs of sub w/d and some are really heartbreaking, not many are positive, One of the ones I watched was a guy that jumped off at 32mg and has been hallucinating. it was hard to watch but kind of like a car crash, you just cant resist sometimes'. I just wish that poor guy the best of luck, no dr. should've let that guy jump off at 32mg that's 4 8mg a day, I don't even know how that kid functioned! Anyway it just reiterates that all these sub doctors are money hungry liars and don't give a sh** about us, When my w/d is over I am going back to my sub dr to tell him what I have been through and to stop lying. I have A LOT to say, and I cant wait til that day gets here! off my soapbox, lol. xoxo Carrie

kellygirll · Answer

OMG they have videos of that?? holy crap!!!!

dominosarah · Answer

You are setting yourself up for success!!  Great job!!

ScarrieAnne · Answer

Thanks for the links I will definitely check them out TODAY, I did look up SMART but that is out of Houston, which is an hour drive with no traffic. I am also going to ask my counselor for some advice on that, Im hoping she has some sort of group situation, I would feel most comfortable with that, the more I think of walking into na , alone, and possible having to speak, I feel like I want to throw up. At this very moment I don't feel brave enough to do that yet. Im already out of place in this town, I don't feel I can face being judged anymore right now. I need some more time under my belt. I am super emotional right now and cry at dumb sh++ all day. Hopefully that will pass soon! Thank you all for your outstanding advice, I have some advice of my own: DO NOT go on youtube and watch videos of people in suboxone withdrawal. BIG MISTAKE!!!!! lesson learned, xoxo Carrie.

EvolverU · Answer

Hey there! :)

I think it's great that you're exploring these options. Re: the 'shame & guilt': I think that finding a good counselor/therapist of some type that is also familiar w/ addiction would be a really, really good starting point!  Good on you for making the calls & for being proactive like this. 

I agree w/ Spider that maybe that particular NA group might not be a good idea for you (particularly right now, early on). There's also the option of AA. I always preferred AA to NA for several reasons. You might also want to look into groups like SMART recovery, Rational Recovery, SOS [Secular Organizations for Sobriety & Cognitive Behavioral therapy [in general]. Because I'm also familiar w/ some of your feelings & beliefs:

http://************.com/blog/archives/2013/09/05/4-holistic-ways-to-fight-drug-addiction/

A Huge Hi-Five & a Hug to you on 2 Weeks Clean! :) Well done Carrie Anne!

ScarrieAnne · Answer

yeah not sure what to do about my old druggie crowd and NA, I may just go to one further away, I found one about 25 minutes away. Those people I spoke of are always relapsing, I hear on facebook or through the grapevine, so I know its dangerous for me at this time. Its way too new!

ScarrieAnne · Answer

Spider that is my gut reaction! He gave me a list of people that we both know that go the that particular meeting. I did drugs will ALL of these people at one time or another. get some addicts together in one room and one of them is bound to figure out how to go get high and bring the rest along for the ride. My saving grace is that most of them work and I will be able to go to a noon meeting ,on a lighter note I GOT MY APPT!!!! My therapist just called me back and my first apt, is Monday at 11. I wish it were sooner but I could do NA til then. She sounds super nice and I cant wait to meet her. Before I got on this site I never thought in a million years I would even consider aftercare. Now I see its part of why I never stayed clean for that long, Thanks for listening Spider, youre a godsend!

dedicatedtostop · Answer

I agree, I think it may be best for this " New You " to stear away from that crowd. Congrats on taking the step to see the counselor!! I am so very happy for you!!