Oxycontin

[CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!]

Hello everybody...I just wanted to put a quick question out there. As many of you already know I quit using Oxycontin Friday March 9th. Life has become much different during these past few weeks. I find myself sad and depressed one minute and on top of the world the next. I have been going to NA meetings on and off. I really havent had a good experience with the program. I call my sponcer and he doesn't return my calls. That hurts because I thought that NA was there to provide unconditional support. I get temted to use on a daily basis. The good thing is that I have a choice. I am not dope sick anymore and for that I am forever greatful! My question is this.........Many of us have been using for a very long time. We have to look at life in a whole new way. They say take one day at a time. I understand that but how do keep from falling back to our regular ways? You see when we stop using our minds tell us that we need to get our lives back on track. Get a job, do things around the house, reconnect with friends and family ect., ect. The point is thatI find myself really pissed off at the fact that I have wasted so many years just spinning my wheels. I have no direction and would really like some guidance. Any words of encouragement would greatly be appreciated. I know there are many of people out there just like me. Quiting using was the easy part....Now is when I need help. I just need a glimmer of hope! I belive that it takes tremondous support to change a persons life. My whole exsistance has been centered around drug use. How do you change a person like that? I look at every situation like how much better it would be to be high. I hope this make sence to some of you. I am really in need of help right now. I look forward to chatting with you guys. Maybe we could start up some more direct support system for ourselves. This board has helped many, many people. I think it is good to post our feelings because I think that alot of people can relate. My prayers go out to each and every one of you! Thank you in advance for your continued support! Chad

[doc00]

Yes she was pregnant by this guy but miscarried. Maybe that in itself is some kind of sign!  I'm trying to keep my chin up, it is just so hard to see her every two weeks knowing where is going when she leaves, to another man!!  It would be so much better for me to move, but I just can't do that to the children.  Meanwhile, must get dressed for church.  Take care all and God bless!!

[cindi]

I kind of figured the kids were yours but didn't you say she was also now pregnant by this other guy?  if not, please forgive me...i must have read wrong...i know how you feel about her being a full time mom and leaving...but like i said...she really does not sound as though she is in her right mind...whoc could be to leave her kids///Hopefully my friend she will turn around....and realize what she is doing....hats off to you....love to all  cin

[doc00]

For the recored, the children are mine,  just the fact that she could just go from full-time mom to every two weeks is just beyond me.  I love her and hope that she comes around.  Not only for me but for the kids.  Maybe she will see that what  I did was what I thought was the best thing for the family, instead of ":stabbingh her in the back".

[cindi]

after treatment we usually (if we take their advice) attend 12 step meetings  90 meetings in 90 days....we meet people that we share alot with, people who share with us...we have addiction in common..this causes us to feel this connection...and unfortunately those we love are feeling "left out"  because even though they lived through our addiction with us, put up with our ****, lying etc...they still feel they are not part of our recovery because of our "new found friends" sometimes they are jealous of our sponsors, or we may meet a person of the opposite sex we bond with..talk with..   we are always sharing or listening to other people, on the phone, at meetings etc....this is not an uncommon thing to have happen after rehab....that rehab high....and the ones we love are left in the dust....she is probably unsure of herself...what she is feeling....probably more confused than you even think she is....like i said by no means am I defending her infidelity...i have my own personal issue with infidelity not in my marriage but one very close to me....I have my own set of morals and values  as we all do and here on this forum is not the place to share my feeling on that nor judge anyone because of that....i can only tell you what happens in early recovery,from experience....I went through all the feelings...luckily I was not married...,,,the rehab romance, the rehab high and in alot of cases the ending of a marriage,,,something that is always very very sad..especially when the decision is really one sided,,,where on person still very much loves the other and then of course the children.....that is why alanon or naranon may be cood for you   give her time....obviously you would be willing to take her back,,raise her child even though it is not yours....what a good man you must be,,,,and you my friend have definately earned a spot in heaven....do what you need to do so you can be ok...she is going to do what she wants to do...hang in there and keep coming back we are here for you     Love to all  cin

[susanlea]

I have to agree with Cindi and Wiz. My former boyfriend of over 5 years was an addict over the past 2 years. He lived with my two small boys and myself. During his addiction to oxy's and now methadone life with him became sheer hell. He left us almost 3 months ago, said he couldn't take it or me anymore. We, the ones who love them, become people we don't like. We start obsessing about the addict, what they're doing, with who, are they using. Last year he went into detox, I really thought he would stay clean, didn't happen. He lied stole, everything to keep me in the dark. Like Cindi said, maybe they're together as an excuse to abuse. Most addicts don't make it the first of several attempts. I know from experience that an addict loves the drug more than us. As Wiz said, they can not show or feel love while abusing. Get some information about endorphines, neurotransmitters, dopamine levels. Get to an Al-anon meeting, this will help you understand, and don't beat yourself up....You did not do this to her, or give her an excuse to do what she did to you. It's not your fault. I have to go, but I will return later and will respond if you like....everyone here will help you.....Love Susan Lea

[doc00]

Thanks cindi,  my guess is that she has just forgotten what it was like to me happily married.  We had a rough couple of year due to the drugs.  It just staggered me as to how quickly she bonded with someone else.  I guess that is the evidence that gives your insight great merit.  I suppose that when the "fog" lifts she will see what she left behind.  Thanks for your insight and please keep sending any info you can.  The more I understand, regardless the circumstances, the easier it seems.  The hardest part is having no idea why she is doing what she has done!