Oxycontin

[CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!]

Hello everybody...I just wanted to put a quick question out there. As many of you already know I quit using Oxycontin Friday March 9th. Life has become much different during these past few weeks. I find myself sad and depressed one minute and on top of the world the next. I have been going to NA meetings on and off. I really havent had a good experience with the program. I call my sponcer and he doesn't return my calls. That hurts because I thought that NA was there to provide unconditional support. I get temted to use on a daily basis. The good thing is that I have a choice. I am not dope sick anymore and for that I am forever greatful! My question is this.........Many of us have been using for a very long time. We have to look at life in a whole new way. They say take one day at a time. I understand that but how do keep from falling back to our regular ways? You see when we stop using our minds tell us that we need to get our lives back on track. Get a job, do things around the house, reconnect with friends and family ect., ect. The point is thatI find myself really pissed off at the fact that I have wasted so many years just spinning my wheels. I have no direction and would really like some guidance. Any words of encouragement would greatly be appreciated. I know there are many of people out there just like me. Quiting using was the easy part....Now is when I need help. I just need a glimmer of hope! I belive that it takes tremondous support to change a persons life. My whole exsistance has been centered around drug use. How do you change a person like that? I look at every situation like how much better it would be to be high. I hope this make sence to some of you. I am really in need of help right now. I look forward to chatting with you guys. Maybe we could start up some more direct support system for ourselves. This board has helped many, many people. I think it is good to post our feelings because I think that alot of people can relate. My prayers go out to each and every one of you! Thank you in advance for your continued support! Chad

[doc00]

I must say that all of you guys are great.  Long story short, wife was addicted to oxy.  With help from family got her into detox and a inpatient rehab for 12 days.  She in turn meet someone in detox and after coming out of the hospital she has since move in with him and gotten pregnant by him.  Mind you we are not even legally divorced yet.  For whatever reason she is unwilling to attemp any kind of reconcilliation.  She has two beautiful daughters.  She blames me for the falling out due to verbal mistreatment from me.  Howver the verbalness was due to the lies, disappearances, "misplaced" money ( and alot of it), etc...  From all of the literature I've read I understand that this type of behavior is pretty expected during the early-going of a recovery.  Will this behavior subside?  When or will she ever decide to work on our ten year marriage or can I pretty much write this one off?  She came out of the hospital Feb 12 this year.  So she is going on 3 months of being clean.  Looking for some kind of information.  There just doesn't seem to be any logic behind this.  By the way the guy she moved in with is also a recovering addict, no driver's liscence (DUI), and lived with his parents at the age of 30 until they got an apartment together.  Where is the logic in leaving a sensible, christian  man that first of all forked out alot of $$ to get her off the stuff second of all loved her more thatn life (though didn't express it often enough if you asked her) and has two beautiful daughters together.  Could someone please shed some light on this situation?????  Beacuse I don't understand it!!!!

[susanlea]

Yes God is always, A loving God. I have never been a religous person. Oh, I attended church as a child, learned the bible. But I had never really felt God inside of me. Recently I have changed my idea of this. Until I went through the hell of his addiction the past 2 years, I would read or hear about what happened to OTHER people. I would feel sorry, even concerned. But it didn NOT affect me, It didn't happen to people like me.  WRONG! Now I can see a little clearer.....I believe it takes a personal pain, a life changing experience for us to be understanding and compassionate about others. Now because of what I went through even though it's comparably insignificate  compared to what other's go through, and live through. I believe I have become a better person because of it. Nolonger can I read, see or hear about some tragidy and not be touched by it. God gave man free will....he gave us the choice and ability to do anything, unforunately that includes evil, harming others.. I used to pray to God, for all the good things. Money, Love, A Big house.  Really stupid materialist things. Now I ask God for guidence and compassion. I give what I can to him, when I can nolonger handle it. Now I do feel God inside of me. I have always taken from others and maybe give alittle back. Now I just want to give. Sometimes I thank God for everything he's given me, both  material  and spiritual. And Sometimes I thank God for Unsnwered Prayers.......Thank you my Friend.....Love Susan Lea


ps. how is your wife?

[pelle1985]

Star -- thank you for your story.  You, like many here, have had a long and pain-filled journey.  I believe that you know, in your own heart and soul, your own level of commitment to your recovery, and I would never be the one to call it into question.  My peace and blessings to you as you begin following your path to recovery.

Lea -- your post to Star was, as usual, compassionate and caring.  I disagree with you on only one point, and I realize I am going out on a rather precipitous theological limb here, but this is something I feel I must share, albeit as my opinion only.

You state a view held by many, and that is that God does not give people more than they can handle.  That may be so, but very often life -- not God -- does.  God does not hand out pain and suffering, nor stand idly by while it is occuring.  Although this is not my idea (I believe it was first brought forth in the book "When Bad Things Happen To Good People", by Rabbi Harold Kushner), the concept exists that God must be *either* All-Powerful or All-Loving, but NOT both.

This is fairly simple to grasp, at least for me.  With things such as the Holocaust, mass starvation, plane crashes, and all the things we read about in our daily news, the idea of God as All-Powerful -- that is, *able* to stop such things from happening, but *unwilling* to do so -- is not conceivable to me.  I cannot imagine a God who, for whatever reasons, would stand by and allow such suffering to take place.  For those of you with children, could you imagine allowing your child to run in front of a speeding car if you could prevent it, even if you had a divine knowledge that, as a quadriplegic, your child's words and work would one day inspire millions?

The God of my understanding is one who is not All-Powerful, but is indeed All-Loving.  He does love us all,  and even though He cannot dictate us (thereby taking back His most precious and Godlike gift to us, our free will), he is the ultimate recycler.  In other words, any experience -- good, bad, awful -- can and does get completely used.  There is nothing in our lives that cannot be examined, learned from, and ultimately lead to our growth, no matter how painful or bitter it may be.  This is His greatest gift to us -- the design of a world, a solar system, a universe, or a human soul in which ultimately nothing is wasted and everything is one day restored.

Peace,
Pelle

PS -- thanks to all who took the time to read this.  Keep in mind that these thoughts are simply the way I perceive things and not "The Way It Is", necessarily.  I did not and do not intend to turn this into a "religious" forum, by any stretch, and hope none will see an intent to do so -- but these are questions that I find frequently occur to those in recovery, not only from drugs and alcohol but from lives filled with hurt.  Again, peace be with you all.

Pelle

[susanlea]

You are a very strong woman. You have come to a point in your life where you know what you need to do, to survive. I applaud you, for your courage, your strength and your determination. It really takes guts to come to where you find, you need to take the road less traveled. I can't imagine losing someone like you did, I lost mine but not in death, but in addiction. He chose his habit over us. I wish you great success in the road ahead. Everyone here will be with you and here for you anytime you need us. Like you said, everyones rock bottom is different, and you did not want to lose everything. Pray for help and guidence, God will be there step by step, one day at a time. He never gives you more than you can handle.  I will keep praying for you, you have made a remarkable decision. God Bless Love Susan Lea

[Stargazing]

In my previous message I stated that I was not in a position to go into rehab and by this I mean that I do not have any medical insurance and I can not afford this type of debt. My son has a state sponsored insurance plan and therefore he can get into a rehab. I have examined my motives for quitting and when a person reaches a point where they know that they have exhausted all their living funds and therefore has to make a decision on whether they are willing to give up their home and other possesions for the drugs then that's when I made the decision to quit. I think for me getting to this point financialy was in a sense "hitting rock bottom". For about a month I went through a lot of soul searching and that is when I knew that I had to make some sort of decision. A few years ago I lived through months of watching my husband die and for me that experience made me realize that there are times in your life when you can pull something from within yourself and endure situations that normally you would never be able to live through. That period of my life was the most dificult and the worse time that I have ever had to live through. So for me it has not been as difficult a decision to quit because when I start to think twice as to whether I really have it in me to go through with the withdrawals I just sit back and remember the time I went through with my husband and know that if I could live through that period then I can make it through this. I know that I have ended up in this place now because of what happened then and I hope to be able to find some kind of counseling that I can afford and some support groups. I do not have any close family other than my 2 children and therefore I don't have anyone other than myself to fall back on financially. So I know that if I lose my home and belongings then I will end up on the streets and that will NEVER happen. Sometimes a person has to "hit bottom" in what ever way that it is for them before they can begin to think about quitting. It has helped me a lot to be able to write this out as like I said I do not have family or even close friends with whom I can talk to about this. Thanks to anyone who responds to me and any help and encouragement will be greatly appreciated.

[Wizard]

What great words of encouragement you both have given to Pelle and really all of us. Even when I know we ALL are having some rough moments all of you never fail to rally round when someone is crying out.  I'm amazed at the speed the responses come here. It doesn't seem to matter what time it is Someone is ALWAYS here:-)!!!!!! You are really "ANGELS" on our shoulders...
On behalf of all of us I thank you! God bless us all,
Wiz