Please Help Me

[Scaredandalone1981]

First of all, I am so glad that I found this site for support. I hate that everyone here has/is going through something so awful but at the same time I get comfort knowing that I'm not alone in this battle. I have been on Hydrocodone for right at 4 years now and I know I have a problem. I started out taking them only as prescribed for my migraine headaches. After a few months I wasn't only taking them for headaches, but I'd catch myself taking them just because they were there and I knew they'd make me feel good. You should also know that I just recently (within the past month) broke my 7 year addiction to Xanax. It was harder than I couldv'e ever imagined but I knew it was time to stop taking them. I was prescribed 1mg tablets and was supposed to take them 3 times daily for my nerves. I never really abused the Xanax by taking more than prescribed, but if I didn't take it on time, I had horrible panick attacks and withdrawal which is what made me see that I had a problem and needed to stop taking them. I stopped cold turkey. Withdrawal lasted a few days, maybe a week. It wasn't easy by any means but now that those are gone, I'm half way done with my battle! I still get the script for my Hydrocodone once monthly (only one refill left though) and honestly, I take them way too frequently (1 of the 10/500 every 2-4 hours throughout the day/evening while I'm awake) my refill isn't due for a week and I'm having major withdrawal. I guess I am just on here looking for support and people that can relate to what I'm going through. Does anyone have any recommendations on what I can do to get through this without relapsing? I do not want to take other meds to break this addiction. I want to be totally clean! God I am so scared. I never thought this would happen to me. I'm so ashamed that I can barely look at my son or husband. I'm only 12 hours clean right now, and honestly, if I had some here I know I'd take one just to stop the withdrawal. If you all could just give me some encouraging words, anything really would be wonderful and greatly appreciated. I hope and pray that I can stay clean and that in a week when I can get my refill, I have the strength to call the pharmacy, have it voided out, and never look back!!!

[Scaredandalone1981]

I'm doing a little better today. I got more sleep last night than I have since all this started so that's definetely a plus. My stomach issues have eased up a little bit. The Immodium is helping alot with that part. I've also been taking Benadryl and Gingeroot capsules 4 times daily and they seem to help the nausea a little. This has been SO hard but it is getting a little better with everyday that passes.

[Jimmy1975]

Hi how about a report about yourself ?  Jim

[Scaredandalone1981]

Still here and going strong. My stomach issues have eased up a bit today which is great. I think I might actually be able to get a couple hours of sleep tonight. I've made it 72+ hours clean so far!!!

[eringobragh]

You can do it!! I normally would take up to 25 vicodin es a day wen i could i am trying tappering w/darvocet. good luck!!!!!

[Scaredandalone1981]

50 hours clean now and while it's still very rough, I am so proud of myself for making it this far! The people I've met on here are so amazing. If not for you all, I honestly don't think I'd still be sitting here clean :)

[Jimmy1975]

How are you doing now ? I`m sorry you don`t have the full support of your husband . Hopfully he will come around. I know if my wife was suffering threw anything I would be there for her as she would threw me . You know you have our support and we will be here for you just about 24/7  . Hang in there and take care  ....Jim

[Scaredandalone1981]

Thanks again everyone. I'm still hanging in herre and hoping for the best. I talked to my husband last night. I got kind of a mixed reaction. I told him that he didn't know how bad my addiction is and I explained to him that I've taken at the very least 10mg of codeine every single day for 4+ years now. That I had never made it 24 hours before, that last night was the first time. He said he was glad that I found this site and really am trying hard to quit. That being said, when I felt like I was dying last night, when I was crying and my bodywas hurting and jerking all over, the only thing he said was "sit down and relax." He hoestly didn't make an effort at all to try and help me and at one point he said exactly what I knew he would..."I told you a long time ago to quit taking them and that you had a problem." He is right, he did tell me that, but I really want...No, I need, his support right now and he's shown that he's not really going to help me through. I know I have to do this for myself but I think it would help to have support around me at home. Even though when I'm not on here, I'm alone in this, I won't give up. I want to quit with all my heart and soul so I'm going to keep pushing through!

[Dezdon]

Well, Congrats! I have been following your post closley and I have to say, your awe- inspireing. I love the way you keep coming back and reposting. It brings back the feelings of last time i tried to quit.
  I know what you mean by the feelings in your stomach and ribs. i get them in my back and arms bad, kinda twisting feeling. I found laying on my side in bed helped them alot. I also got out of bed and walked around the house alot. If it wasnt for that twisting feeling, my w/d's arnt too bad. I also took alot of asprin and Lyrica as prescribed. It makes me relax and feel sleepy.
  I didnt catch what your husbands reaction was when you had the talk. I hope it was suportive, how can it not be, your trying to better yourself.
  Now, Im no angel, but I will relay what has been said on this board over and over.."After-care" is SOOOOOOo important! catch a meeting and stay close to this board. I am blown away by the suport that is given here. There are some awsome people here.
  Keep up the good work and keep coming back!
peace,
-Dez

[andie15]

I am so glad to hear you are doing a little better and every hour that passes you will feel even better still, keep up the good work, we look forward to hearing from you.

[gizzy32]

good for you. you won't regret this and sound to be in good spirits so early on. you right, being positive can make all the difference in the world. good luck on your recovery, be proud of yourself for doing this.

[Scaredandalone1981]

Well. I made it through the first day and now I'm officially on Day 2 :) The crazy part is that in like 11 hours I'll be 48 hours clean. Thank God I slept a little last night. I woke up off and on alot because my legs were so restless, but sleep wise I'm definetely feeling a little better today that yesterday! I'm to the point now where I'm kind of just going throught the motions. Hitting the 24 hour milestone was a big deal for me and it gives me hope that I really can do this! I just keep looking at my son and coming on here for support and encouragement. Everytime I start to get a craving or am having bad w/d, I just tell myself, "Don't throw away the last 37 hours" "Look at how much you've already been through" "Do you really want to have to go back to square one?" and that helps a little to get me through. Today is cleaning day, then watching movies all night. Whatever I can find to pass the time has become my new bestfriend! I will make sure to update everyone later today. I hope everyone is doing well! Keep your heads up and I know it's hard but try your best to stay positive. :)

[sissynumy]

So many great people that give support , I wish you continued success. It helps to read all these stories and motivates me even more with my tapering even though its only day two of tapering. It does help to know there are so many people that help and care and have been through it. Keep it up you are doing wonderful.

[Mandapanda17]

I'm so proud of you!!! I might just jump in and go cold turkey with you tomorrow... therefore I would take no more pills.... took my last pill about an hour ago. I just feel like I'm mentally already done.. I've been trying to taper recently and have a quit date of august 24th. the anticipation is killing me.. I want it sooner. hope you have an ok night! you can do this, you should be so proud of yourself :)

[Scaredandalone1981]

Well I made it to my first goal...24 HOURS!!! Actually right now I'm at 27 hours. This evening I completely broke down and lost it. My body was twitching, kind of like a jerking feeling really in my ribs and stomach. It hurt so bad and I was seriously on the brink of cracking but I just laid down and watched a movie and cried it out. I went through a few panick attacks where it was hard to breathe, but seeing/feeling my body and mind going through the withdrawal only makes me want to quit that much more. I'm going to try to get a little sleep tonight since I never went to bed last night. I tried to lay down a bit ago and the restless leg part has kicked in full force. I was just laying there kicking my feet/legs up and down on the bed. Ah this too shall pass. I'm off to bed, or at least my attempt to try and get some sleep. Lol. Thanks so much for being here for me everyone. You all are great. I will be back on in the morning to update on me and check up on everyone. Goodnight all. :)

[worried878]

and after a while u wont be counting hours..it will be days then weeks then months...and u quit counting!...the addiction tracker comes in handy then....migraines are not always best treated with narcotics altho i know people who claim everything else gives them a headache so they have to take the narcotics...managing migraines with 6-8 hydros a day can almost turn into an excuse and can actuall cause headaches....admitting u have a problem and stepping up to the plate to fix it is so admirable...a chronic headache sufferer who manages her pain with narcotics...60 mg a day/or more...actually was negative to me about trying cymbalta for chronic pain..i tried lyrica and it did not agree with me....scared me with the fact that i will have to fo thru severe withdrawal from it...gosh i hope not bu i know it has to be better than narcotics and i will try it for a few weeks and at the lowest dose...we just gotta try and be safe in our decisions

[andie15]

you're doing great and I bet after you talk to your husband and you have his support you will feel even better.  Your 8:00 is my 7:00 and I will be watching for that 24 hour post and rooting for you every step in between, good luck with your talk tonight.  

I'LL SEE YOU AT 8:00 P.M.   BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

[Scaredandalone1981]

Whoa. I jipped myself quiet abit of time last post. Guess I looked at the clock wrong. :) I was at I was at 20 1/2 hours not 18 1/2!!! Now I'm at 21 hours 20 minutes!!! I can't believe it. When my clock hits 8pm I will have hit my 24 hour clean goal!!! 2 hours and 40 minutes to go till I can move onto my next goal of 36 hours!!! I ill definetely update at 24 hours! :)

[andie15]

I hope that you will consider changing your screen name, because I hope that you realize you are not alone.   Hang in there.  I am pulling for you and thinking about you often.   Just know that someone is thinking about you and how you are doing alot and soon your husband will be too.  You will have so much support you won't know what to do with it
all ;)

5 1/2 HOURS LEFT, YOU ARE SO CLOSE NOW!  YOU CAN DO IT!  I WANT AN IMMEDIATE UPDATE AT 24 HOURS, YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME THAT.

All the confidence in you in the world,
Andrea

[Scaredandalone1981]

Oh my. Believe it or not I'm still here. I feel like I'm going insane, but I'm here. I will definetely try watching some movies. Lucky I keep tons of my favorite movies in the house at all times so I will definetely give it a shot! Thank you all so much. You have no idea how much support you have been to me today. If not for you all, I know I wouldv'e broken down and already made the dreaded "fix" phone call but I am still here and adding up the hours of being clean! 18 1/2 hours now!!!

[Jimmy1975]

Exactly ! There are alot of people in all stages of W/D s on here and we stand together to help one another . You are one of us now .Jim

[rue10]

Could you watch a movie?  Believe it or not, I watched movies and sort of was able to "forget" the w/ds for a while.  It really did help to get my mind off how awful I felt.

[Scaredandalone1981]

A bit over 17 hours now and this is AWFUL. This has been such a lllooonnnggg day but I know I'll get through it, especially with the awesome support system I have here!

[andie15]

I just read your last post and I want to let you know that you can use us for your support.  Like I posted before, my husband does not know what I'm doing..  Just today he asked me why I was in such a good mood and I said, "I don't know, I just am" and the next thing he asked me was if I had pills, and I could finally answer "no" and mean it, that was such an awesome feeling!  I want so badly to tell him how good I feel I am doing but I can't and that's why this place is a God-sent for me.  So if you ever need support or just someone to tell how great or how lousy you are doing, you let me know.  And you are doing great, don't let ANYONE tell you you're not.

[Jimmy1975]

Hello , Im Jim and im on day 16 and im at work and feeling GREAT ! My worst W/D now is the cravings that come now and then . I just get up and do something when it hits . I`m telling you this to see that there is a BRIGHT light at the end of that long tunnel your looking threw now . Soon you won`t be counting hours it will be days ! Then weeks and months and you will be feeling not only physically better but the world will look better then it did before you feel into this trap ! What I do to keep from going back to Mr. Vicodin is I FOCUS on the Hell I went through to get were I am and I stay on this forum with all these great people and thire support. You do the same and soon you`ll be helping others more then yourself just like alot of us do . Keep strong and we will help you threw the nightmare ......Jim