Aa
I need help.. I want to get better for my kids
I need so much help rite now. I'm currently addicted to codeine about 80mg a day habbit and roxys when I can find them. I don't know how my life ended up this way.. Every day I wake up and I have to take another pill and worry if I have enough or where in going to get the next batch from. I'm so depressed at this point I don't even want to take the pills I just feel like I have to so I can feel normal. I have three beautiful wonderful loving kids. They are my whole world and I would go to Hell and back to make sure they are safe and sound. And I have a wonderful husband who would and does do anything for me. I don't even know where to begin... My husband doesn't know about my addiction and I couldn't bare to tell him. I can't put up with the horrible wihdraws I have three kids I take care of all day I am a stay at home mom. How can I face this?? I want these pills out of my life I forget how how it feels to be normal!! I'm so scared to detox .. I know I can't hide withdraws.. Please help me I'm desprate and I want my life back for over 4 years not a day has gone by where I havnt taken something for pain. Any advise will help thank you for listening.
Well, I'm glad you're reaching out for help and recognize you have a problem. I know that's not easy to admit and that's the first step to beating this addiction. But, as others have said, this is not something you can do on your own. So, I really hope you'll consider telling someone about this problem. I know a lot of groups that help with addictions set you up with a mentor of sorts. Then they can help keep you accountable-which might be helpful with a trip like the one you may be taking today. So, maybe look into something like the Salvation Army and the Lighthouse Network-they both have treatment assistance available and a helpline you can call (you can look them up online). Or you could even see if a church in your area has a group called Celebrate Recovery. They're support groups held in churches throughout the U.S and might give you some assistance in working through this problem. So, just a few ideas to consider. In the meantime, I'll be praying that you'll find the strength to continue on this path to recovery and find lots of love and support to help you during this time! Let us know how your trip went, OK?
I havnt taken anything since yesterday at 3 in the afternoon. I'm very weak and tired. All the kids are awake and in full swing already. I feel horrible to say the least and I know the worst is still yet to come. Honestly I hope I'm strong enough. I have a question that I need help with. Tomorrow I will be making a 4 hour trip out of town to where my dad and all my family live because my grandpa is having surgery Monday morning to remove cancer from his colon. I am scared to be around that many people and feel worse then I do rite now. I dont want to make excuses for myself honestly I don't but I wonder if a taper plan is ok for this weekend and then try starting cold turkey Tuesday. I don't know what is best I've never tried to quit before so I don't know the pain that is coming.. Can I handle it? And yes my husband and i both smoke.
I am glad you have found this forum, it has been a lifeline for me in my recovery. Listen, I was you. I have a wonderful husband, albeit not always the most empathetic to other's plights, 3 children, stay at home mom. I am the good daughter, sister, the one everyone can depend on. You get the gist. I let fear keep me in chains for a long time. Fear of rejection, what others would think of me, what might happen, etc, if I told my secret. But eventually it was not a secret anymore, anyway. I had gotten so deep in my addiction, I was barely holding it together at the end, and people knew. Everything may be somewhat manageable right now, but trust me, sweetie, it is only gets worse. It is the nature of the beast.
I know you are scared, I get it. I was terrified of everything. When the truth was finally out, I had more support than I knew what to do with! Lol. My husband has been my rock, and I did some pretty awful things to him when I was using. I thought he would never understand, because he can be judgemental and intolerant at times, but he loves me. I don't know your husband, but I have to second what Kyle said. Telling your secret is so important, for so many reasons. Honesty is one of the most important things in recovery. For me, once my secret was out, I didn't have to hide anymore, or lie, there was a thousand pound weight lifted off my shoulders. It also gives us accountability. If no one knows you quit, who will know if you start up again?
I applaud you for reaching out, I know this is so hard. I wish you all the best on this journey, it is more than worth it.
Allison
I know you are scared, I get it. I was terrified of everything. When the truth was finally out, I had more support than I knew what to do with! Lol. My husband has been my rock, and I did some pretty awful things to him when I was using. I thought he would never understand, because he can be judgemental and intolerant at times, but he loves me. I don't know your husband, but I have to second what Kyle said. Telling your secret is so important, for so many reasons. Honesty is one of the most important things in recovery. For me, once my secret was out, I didn't have to hide anymore, or lie, there was a thousand pound weight lifted off my shoulders. It also gives us accountability. If no one knows you quit, who will know if you start up again?
I applaud you for reaching out, I know this is so hard. I wish you all the best on this journey, it is more than worth it.
Allison
Me again...wanted to add another thing. If your husband is home on the weekends then I would suggest making Friday your first day of cold turkey. Days 2-4 seem to be the roughest days so that way he is home to help you with the kids. Plan on no sleep for the first 5 days too! This is only a suggestion.
Welcome to the forum! I am 9 days clean, cold turkey, from a 20 plus a day Norco habit! This was not my first attempt at quitting! Has it been easy...no! Has it been worth it...yes! Could I have done it without my friends here...no! Now, I understand your fear of telling your husband, but you will need to tell someone close to you. Everytime I tried to quit without telling anyone is when I failed! Its very hard to hide our addiction when someone is holding us accountable! How will you explain to your husband when you are going to aftercare? You can always allow him to read the posts on here to get a better understanding of addiction! We will all support you whether you tell him or not but the majority of people here will say that telling is the best way to go. Also, please wuit now while your children are young! I just had to admit to my children what was going on! It was beyond embarrassing as my kids are 14 and 10! They knew mommy took pills when happy, sad, angry, bored,...etc! Don't let it get to where you have to tell yours! I am a single mom so I had to just do what I could do around the house and let the rest just wait! I would rather be a clean mom then a clean house mom! It really was like a bad flu! The thought of withdrawals were worse then the actual withdrawal! I wish you the best of luck! Stick close here and ask questions when you have symptoms! This place saved my life! Hang on tight and don't give up!
Hi and welcome to the forum,
So many of us could have written your post, word for word when we first found MedHelp.
You have received excellent, life changing and life saving advice here.
Please don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions. We've all been through it and some of us more than once.
Keep posting for support.
So many of us could have written your post, word for word when we first found MedHelp.
You have received excellent, life changing and life saving advice here.
Please don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions. We've all been through it and some of us more than once.
Keep posting for support.
You've already taken a huge step in the right direction, by reaching-out to the good folks on this forum. Many of these same people were right there to support me through my detox and recovery. I do agree that you need to open-up with your husband, or someone close to you, so you have accountability to someone, other than yourself.
If you're serious about going cold-turkey, you MUST get rid of all your pills and cut-off your sources. This is scary, but that's the addiction causing the fear. Liberate yourself by flushing the drugs - all of them.
Just prior to my detox, I saw a doctor, who gave me some meds to ease the symptoms, so I was actually somewhat functional... but it's no walk in the park. I arranged to take a week off work. There are also some great over-the-counter products (Immodium is essential). Make sure to have a plan, and stay determined.
Keep on posting.
If you're serious about going cold-turkey, you MUST get rid of all your pills and cut-off your sources. This is scary, but that's the addiction causing the fear. Liberate yourself by flushing the drugs - all of them.
Just prior to my detox, I saw a doctor, who gave me some meds to ease the symptoms, so I was actually somewhat functional... but it's no walk in the park. I arranged to take a week off work. There are also some great over-the-counter products (Immodium is essential). Make sure to have a plan, and stay determined.
Keep on posting.
Hi there! & Welcome,
Congratulations on reaching out. You CAN do this! Four of our biggest enemies are: Fear, Secrets, Shame & Despair. My heart goes out to you & I want you to know that you're NOT alone & though your situation is difficult, it's not unique, as there are many moms & dads who have successfully kicked here at MH.
It's great that you realize that you won't be able to hide your w/d's. You'll also need support. What I've come to realize in my 9 + mos. @ MH, is that when we open up about our addiction to those around us, it's rarely the fact that we're addicts that bothers them but the fact that we didn't come to them sooner -- that we didn't trust them! The way you describe your husband tells me that you're one of the lucky ones. Imagine how terrible it would be for him to find out b/c you ended up in the hospital or in jail, etc instead of hearing it from you. He deserves to know & to have a chance to be part of your recovery. Also, when we tell those near & dear to us, we get the support we need & we are 'witnessed' by someone other than ourselves when it comes to staying clean. (I mean, think about it. If you could do it on your own w/o telling anyone, you wouldn't be here, right.) I promise you that telling him will be such a relief & will level the playing field for you.
Please, start telling yourself in every moment of every day that you've got to fight that fear -- that's keeping you from accessing the clarity & strength that are already within you (Yes...they ARE!!) & from leading the kind of life that you so want for yourself, your children & your husband. W/d's are a small price to pay for this. YOU deserve it & so do they. Start telling yourself this & try to look at your upcoming detox as an unpleasant but necessary initiation into the life of self-respect & love that you all deserve. Break those Shackles!!
Please, keep posting. We're here & we're in your corner.
I
Congratulations on reaching out. You CAN do this! Four of our biggest enemies are: Fear, Secrets, Shame & Despair. My heart goes out to you & I want you to know that you're NOT alone & though your situation is difficult, it's not unique, as there are many moms & dads who have successfully kicked here at MH.
It's great that you realize that you won't be able to hide your w/d's. You'll also need support. What I've come to realize in my 9 + mos. @ MH, is that when we open up about our addiction to those around us, it's rarely the fact that we're addicts that bothers them but the fact that we didn't come to them sooner -- that we didn't trust them! The way you describe your husband tells me that you're one of the lucky ones. Imagine how terrible it would be for him to find out b/c you ended up in the hospital or in jail, etc instead of hearing it from you. He deserves to know & to have a chance to be part of your recovery. Also, when we tell those near & dear to us, we get the support we need & we are 'witnessed' by someone other than ourselves when it comes to staying clean. (I mean, think about it. If you could do it on your own w/o telling anyone, you wouldn't be here, right.) I promise you that telling him will be such a relief & will level the playing field for you.
Please, start telling yourself in every moment of every day that you've got to fight that fear -- that's keeping you from accessing the clarity & strength that are already within you (Yes...they ARE!!) & from leading the kind of life that you so want for yourself, your children & your husband. W/d's are a small price to pay for this. YOU deserve it & so do they. Start telling yourself this & try to look at your upcoming detox as an unpleasant but necessary initiation into the life of self-respect & love that you all deserve. Break those Shackles!!
Please, keep posting. We're here & we're in your corner.
I
I don't think you're lost, otherwise you wouldn't be here. And you didn't answer my question about your husband smoking, etc.
There are hundreds of stories about addiction on this site; a couple are horrid. But when we get to this point, that is, when we know we have to stop, know that we're killing ourselves or know that we've let the addiction take the place of our children, then the past makes no difference. You have to let that go. And please, take my word for it, the hell I went through during detox is nothing compared to the heart break around the years lost that I should have been a father and been there for my children. I'll take detox any day...
I think that not telling your husband may be a mistake, but you know your limitations. If there is a friend or family member you can trust, then tell them about your addiction, getting clean, etc. You'll need a support system. And you have to get to meetings.
The addict's mind is very, very powerful. If you don't do things to help ensure your recovery then you will relapse. Maybe not right away, but in a month, year, who knows.
You are strong enough to get and stay clean, but you will never "beat" your addition. None of us do. The longer we're clean the better we manage it, and for true addicts, that's all we can hope for.
So, go cold turkey. Buckle up for a wild ride, but know that all will be over in a few days. Look at your children if you ever doubt what you're doing.
We'll be here for you.
K
There are hundreds of stories about addiction on this site; a couple are horrid. But when we get to this point, that is, when we know we have to stop, know that we're killing ourselves or know that we've let the addiction take the place of our children, then the past makes no difference. You have to let that go. And please, take my word for it, the hell I went through during detox is nothing compared to the heart break around the years lost that I should have been a father and been there for my children. I'll take detox any day...
I think that not telling your husband may be a mistake, but you know your limitations. If there is a friend or family member you can trust, then tell them about your addiction, getting clean, etc. You'll need a support system. And you have to get to meetings.
The addict's mind is very, very powerful. If you don't do things to help ensure your recovery then you will relapse. Maybe not right away, but in a month, year, who knows.
You are strong enough to get and stay clean, but you will never "beat" your addition. None of us do. The longer we're clean the better we manage it, and for true addicts, that's all we can hope for.
So, go cold turkey. Buckle up for a wild ride, but know that all will be over in a few days. Look at your children if you ever doubt what you're doing.
We'll be here for you.
K
I'm going to start cold turkey tomorrow. And I know there is no excuse that is going to make it rite for me not to tell my husband but I just don't feel like I can. When I was 13 I started doing cocane and ran away and was a addict for 5 years doing other drugs that stemed from the cocane use. One day I just hated my life and knew I had to stop so I joined the army and never looked back just quit cold turkey. Now there were a lot of painful things that happened to to me and I put myself through durring those 5 years of being a addict but I was strong enough to get past it. I hope I can do this again and it won't be that hard because I have more to live for now. My husband has been known to hold my past against me but it was a horrific past so I don't really blame him. So I just don't think telling him is a option. Even though never once as god as my witness have I ever touched another illegal substance since. I never turned back to that. Its so hard to think that I have another addiction to fight this time that I never meant to pick up. Even when taken responsibly these pills ruin lives. I have no other choice but ti face thus head on and pray that I am strong enough to beat it. Thank you so much for talking to me I'm just so lost.
Helplessmommy...you are not alone! There are other moms and dads on this forum. I have spent months reading these posts and talking with these people a bit and they are SO amazing! None of us MEANT to get addicted...I can tell you that. Unfortunately, it's quite simple to get access to the meds and it doesn't take long to gain a dependence. But I totally understand what you are saying about feeling 80. My body is falling apart right in front of me. It's the pills!!! I am about to start my detox this month because of this forum. Stay here, take there advice, do what's right! It's going to be hard but you're not alone and you have support and knowledge here!
Does your husband smoke? Does he have or ever had a weight problem?
Has he ever obsessed over anything? Hobby, sports team?
Clean_in has a great suggestion, but if he's ever done any of the above, especially smoke, then he's been given a peek in to your situation.
My wife has never had any problem with any kind of addiction, thus when I told her about mine, she really couldn't understand. And really, if your husband isn't an addict he'll never understand. What my wife DID understand, and so should your husband, is that addiction is real; it's all around, and just because you are an addict that makes you no less of a person.
You need to do three things in order to get and STAY clean -
first, you have to cut all of your sources. You ask about tapering; well, most of us can't do it without help. We need someone there to give us our meds per the taper plan and then hide them. So, like me and many others, you may have to go cold turkey. It isn't fun, but it IS over in a few days.
So, cut your sources. Tell your doc, dentist that you are an addict.
Next, tell your secret. You have to get your husband involved. A trusted friend or family member. If you don't you will use behind it.
Finally, get after care. Go to NA meetings and find a sponsor.
Look, I've been an addict all my life - almost 30 years. The first 15 was booze, the last 15 was pills. Read my Children vs. Addiction post. That tells you everything. As of today I'm 21 months clean and life is wonderful.
You are young, but more importantly, your children are young. Why waste another moment putting your pills before them? At your age I thought nothing about the future. My addiction was now. Getting high was now.
Today I look back and wish I could somehow talk to that young man. But I can't. I look back and wish all the years I wasted when I should have been enjoying my children as they grew up could be saved. But they can't.
You are at a very important turning point. Don't be like me. Stop. Your children should come before your addiction.
K
Has he ever obsessed over anything? Hobby, sports team?
Clean_in has a great suggestion, but if he's ever done any of the above, especially smoke, then he's been given a peek in to your situation.
My wife has never had any problem with any kind of addiction, thus when I told her about mine, she really couldn't understand. And really, if your husband isn't an addict he'll never understand. What my wife DID understand, and so should your husband, is that addiction is real; it's all around, and just because you are an addict that makes you no less of a person.
You need to do three things in order to get and STAY clean -
first, you have to cut all of your sources. You ask about tapering; well, most of us can't do it without help. We need someone there to give us our meds per the taper plan and then hide them. So, like me and many others, you may have to go cold turkey. It isn't fun, but it IS over in a few days.
So, cut your sources. Tell your doc, dentist that you are an addict.
Next, tell your secret. You have to get your husband involved. A trusted friend or family member. If you don't you will use behind it.
Finally, get after care. Go to NA meetings and find a sponsor.
Look, I've been an addict all my life - almost 30 years. The first 15 was booze, the last 15 was pills. Read my Children vs. Addiction post. That tells you everything. As of today I'm 21 months clean and life is wonderful.
You are young, but more importantly, your children are young. Why waste another moment putting your pills before them? At your age I thought nothing about the future. My addiction was now. Getting high was now.
Today I look back and wish I could somehow talk to that young man. But I can't. I look back and wish all the years I wasted when I should have been enjoying my children as they grew up could be saved. But they can't.
You are at a very important turning point. Don't be like me. Stop. Your children should come before your addiction.
K
Welcome to the forum! Understanding addiction might help...it sure did explain a lot to me. Sounds like it might benefit you, your hubby and your Mom to gain some more understanding of what makes an addict different from a non-addict. I'll put two links down below that helped me TONS....the hbo site has 6 tabs at the top that drop down and give you valuable info as well as some short videos you can watch on the r.h. side.
The other link is to a video by a doctor...who became addicted....lost his job as a flight surgeon in the military and spent time in prison. He has devoted his life to helping others understand addiction. Here ya go...hope these may help:
http://www.hbo.com/addiction/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Hz6-2NwRzE
The other link is to a video by a doctor...who became addicted....lost his job as a flight surgeon in the military and spent time in prison. He has devoted his life to helping others understand addiction. Here ya go...hope these may help:
http://www.hbo.com/addiction/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Hz6-2NwRzE
I love my husband the problem I'm scared about is my mom is addicted to pain Medacine and is open about it and my husband doesn't understand her and thinks it would be so east to just quit. That's why I have stayed in the dark about this for so long. I'm not as bad off as my mom is but a addiction is a addiction no matter how bad it is. I want to be open with him but I'm so scared that he won't understand. And my family looks at me and admires me fir being such a great mom that I don't want to change there perception of me. I can't handle the guilt anymore I want so bad to just go back in time and refuse pain management.
"I feel so alone rite now. I feel like a failure and like I let my whole family down."
Your definitely not alone. AND...your not a failure nor have you let your family down. At this point though....now that you have realized and admitted your addiction...you need to do something about it ASAP. If you continue on in your addiction...you may very well be letting your family down in the future.
If you have access to a doc, ask whether a taper or cold turkey would be best in your situation. See...nobody here knows your full medical history and even if we did....were not docs so it wouldn't make a difference. Many have been successful both routes though. You just have to find the safest most efficient for you. (That involves your husband)
Your definitely not alone. AND...your not a failure nor have you let your family down. At this point though....now that you have realized and admitted your addiction...you need to do something about it ASAP. If you continue on in your addiction...you may very well be letting your family down in the future.
If you have access to a doc, ask whether a taper or cold turkey would be best in your situation. See...nobody here knows your full medical history and even if we did....were not docs so it wouldn't make a difference. Many have been successful both routes though. You just have to find the safest most efficient for you. (That involves your husband)
I just don't understand how I got here. I never imagined I could get addicted to pills it never crossed my mind until years after starting I realized I was taking a lot more and felt worse then when I first started taking them for Arthritusad scoliosus. I feel so alone rite now. I feel like a failure and like I let my whole family down. I want to remember what it feels like to be clean and sober. I am only 25 but from what I remember when I first started taking these pills 4 years ago my pain wasnt horrible but now from all these pills my body feels like its about 80. But not from my condition from my dependancy on these stupid pills. The one thing I want more then anything is to be here for my kids and be healthy and not be foggy all day and not remember all good memories we will have together. Should I taper down or should I just quit cold turkey.. Is that safe?
Hi mommy! First, congrats on wanting to get your life back! Second, welcome to this amazing forum. I'm 24 days clean from pain pills. I couldn't have done it without my angels on here. I am also a stay at home mommy. My son is a beautiful, healthy 19 month old baby. I had to detox/ go through withdrawals while watching him. Before I went cold turkey, flushed my pills, I told my husband and family that I became addicted to my pain pills. We all had a heart to heart and cried. My hubby and family are my biggest support. I really think you should talk to ur husband. You can't do this alone. We are here for you but, you need someone physically to be there for you. After the first week of detox, look into aftercare AA/NA, church, whatever- you need to really want this. If you need anything, please let me know. Good luck and god bless
It's a scary time, but a manageable time. I could not do it alone and I was in a lot of denial with how sick and addicted I was to the stuff. Once I accepted this I was able to get help with support from loved ones... Maybe even a good friend if you can't fess to your husband. I know exactly what you are going through and I got help and got better. You can do. Just be honest. Just telling my family "my secret" was so healing for me. All that shame and guilt was relieved. I get being scared, vulnerable, ashamed. If you weren't I would be concerned. You can do this.
It seems so selfish to sit here crying because someone is being painfully honest with me but the truth is I need it. I don't want to loose any time with my kids they are the just important part of my life. I would do anything for them and I need to do this. They are so young and wonderful. It amazes me every single day how much they love me and how much they show it. I'm so scared.
I understand about not wanting to tell your husband. You are ashamed and dont want to let him down. These are natural and normal feelings. But from your post, it sounds like your husband is a stand up guy and I bet if you were to tell him that you developed a problem with addiction and you needed his help...he would be there for you.
You cant do this on your own. Many have tried and failed before you. Its good you have reached out on this forum. Most of us here have either been through what your going through now or are still going through it.
Putting it all out on the table is your best bet at getting better. You said " I know I can't hide withdraws"....then dont! Secrets damage relationships not to mention if you were to pull it off...whose gonna hold you accountable in the future? You married your husband because you love him....keep him a shot at being there for you.
The children thing...I get it. Nobody is saying you dont love your kids cus your using. Many find themselves in addiction by accident after trying to teat chronic pain. Do this for yourself and all the other stuff will fall in place.
Dont get clean cus your love your kids....get clean because you love yourself.
You cant do this on your own. Many have tried and failed before you. Its good you have reached out on this forum. Most of us here have either been through what your going through now or are still going through it.
Putting it all out on the table is your best bet at getting better. You said " I know I can't hide withdraws"....then dont! Secrets damage relationships not to mention if you were to pull it off...whose gonna hold you accountable in the future? You married your husband because you love him....keep him a shot at being there for you.
The children thing...I get it. Nobody is saying you dont love your kids cus your using. Many find themselves in addiction by accident after trying to teat chronic pain. Do this for yourself and all the other stuff will fall in place.
Dont get clean cus your love your kids....get clean because you love yourself.
Hi! You have come so far in just admitting that things need to change. This will be on of the toughest things you will do BUT YOU CAN DO IT! For me, it took professional help and being completely honest with my family. I felt absolutely humiliated and hopeless....How the hell did this happen to ME???
I was shocked at all the love and support I received. Odds are that they already "know" something is going on with you. My family was somewhat relieved when I fessed up what was going on. "It explains a lot of things" is what they told me.
It will be incredibly difficult to do this alone and we are here for you. I would recommend going to see a doctor who can medically help you withdrawal and manage the symptoms. The first 3-4 days will be the worst but just think of it as having the flu. I have masked withdrawal from my family in the past (when I wasn't being honest) with telling them that I was sick with the flu.
My advice to you would be to see a doctor, be honest with your family, and have faith that you will get out of this. It's so dark and desperate for you now, I know, I have totally been there BUT it does and will get better if you get the help. Be kind to yourself. you are an amazing person and don't forget that.
I took me awhile to realize that I wasn't a bad person, I just made some bad decisions.
Be well,
Bob
I was shocked at all the love and support I received. Odds are that they already "know" something is going on with you. My family was somewhat relieved when I fessed up what was going on. "It explains a lot of things" is what they told me.
It will be incredibly difficult to do this alone and we are here for you. I would recommend going to see a doctor who can medically help you withdrawal and manage the symptoms. The first 3-4 days will be the worst but just think of it as having the flu. I have masked withdrawal from my family in the past (when I wasn't being honest) with telling them that I was sick with the flu.
My advice to you would be to see a doctor, be honest with your family, and have faith that you will get out of this. It's so dark and desperate for you now, I know, I have totally been there BUT it does and will get better if you get the help. Be kind to yourself. you are an amazing person and don't forget that.
I took me awhile to realize that I wasn't a bad person, I just made some bad decisions.
Be well,
Bob
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
I KNOW because I did it for over 15 years. I will bring up the post I wrote this past Saturday titled Children vs. Addiction. Read the post and the responses from other parents.
You are scared of the detox; can't tell your husband, on and on. These are all just excuses not to do what you know has to be done. Your head is in control; you are letting your addict mind run and ruin your life.
You will get more help; other's will be along. But for now this is the what I can offer you...One day you'll wake up and your kids will be gone; out of the house, married, off to college, whatever. And all the years that you put your pills ahead of them will flood back and break your heart. And you can never get that time back. So I urge you, please stop. Don't waste another minute.
You've danced with the devil so pay him his due and move on. For your children.
K