STAGNANT life, I Want To Break Free

[troubleinohio]

Im dealing with a new situation here....Im getting STRONGER by the day and not sure thats a good thing or not. As each day passes that Im clean longer, and my antidepressant is working more, I feel stronger emotionally. You ask why is that a problem? It should be a good thing right? Normally I suppose it would but of course nothing is normal in my life lol. Things keep getting worse in my marriage here and not sure what to do. My husband used to be the strong one, the one in control of everything, the boss. Now, he is slipping worse into his depression and laziness and bad attitude. I am not coping well with it. its been a couple weeks now and he still hasnt done a lick of work inside or out of the house. He lays around non stop, moping and grumbling and in such a bitter foul mood, snapping at us all. Bills are due soon and he also wont let me get my antidepressants refilled. Since we lost our insurance he says he wont give me the $ to fill my meds for it as he doesnt believe in such meds. I have been secretly looking for a job i could possibly do from home in order to earn some money on the side. He found out yesterday and is pissed. Says I dont need money. I beg to differ for many reasons. Im also furious that he doesnt care that our two young children have no health insurance now. He doesnt think its a big deal. I DO. It scares the **** out of me. WHat if they get sick or seriously injured?? I worry about it every day and night. I want more stability for my children, our family.  So  I am trying to find some work. I used to do medical transcription from home and would like to do that again, but so far there is not a single job opening for it at all. Ive looked into freelance article writing for magazines (I can write when I put my mind to it and love it. Used to want to be an author years ago and penned a few fiction stories). The problem with that is, its not quick cash. have to go through the submission process, and then they sometimes dont pay until after publication which can be many months or up to a year even!
ANyhow, the bottom line is, Im sick if being STAGNANT here and feel trapped. And I feel I have the strength now to be able to change this in my life, but he is meeting me with great resistance to this. It seems my husband just wants us all to be miserable and stuck in a rut forever.  And btw if you are new here and not familiar with my situation, my husband is not a drug user, never has been. never even smoked  a cigarette so its not drugs making him this way.
Any advice what to do? Im beginning to wonder if this marriage can be salvaged even at this point. RIght now I cant stand the sight of him most days as he lays in the recliner bithcing his head off about everythign under the sun while I bust my *** cleaning the house and all that. Helpppp      

[anewbeginning]

r2r is right, you CANNOT stop taking the anti's. I am so glad that you got the money. Make sure you keep the information when you pick up the refill, so that you & your hubby can read it. Before i became a Pharmacy Tech, i stopped taking my anti-depressant, & I wanted to literally drive off of a cliff & had NO IDEA why. I have never been suicidal or depressed so bad that i cried for like 1 week straight. It is a very bad idea & should always be slowly discontinued. Good Luck & stay strong. I am also having husband issues & this was my biggest fear coming true.

[VicUser]

If love and sweetness doesn’t work, I say give him a swift kick in the rear. It is the man’s responsibility to care for his wife and kids and to provide for their needs and there is no excuse for not doing so. Well maybe being bed ridden would count, but that’s it. I know this doesn’t help in reality, but my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[troubleinohio]

thanks you guys for the advice and support! And yes I do think he feels threatened by me now. I used to be weak, meek, and totally dependant on him for everything. NOw that Im growing stronger and feeling more self confident, and have motivation to improve our future, he must feel intimidated for starters...and no he wasnt always this way. He used to be a total workaholic!!! He does go through phases at times though where he doesnt do anything like this, but this has lasted way longer than any of the other times, and its also much more severe too.
Btw, I ended up calling my mom and explaining the situation to her as much as I could without him hearing the conversation, and she lent me 50 bucks so I can get my refills, god love her. SHe says I dont have to pay her back but of course I am going to. Ive never been one to leech off my mom and as soon as I sell some junk on ebay I will pay her back. Im definitely going to pursue this freelance writing thing and see how that works out. As I said it will take a long time before I see any fruits of the labor but once i get the ball rolling it may pan out to be worthwhile, not to mention something I enjoy doing. My creativity was smothered out when i was on the drugs and now that Im clear headed again, Ive found that I enjoy writing again and even dug out some of my old unfinished fiction stories I wrote long ago and started working on them again.

for the immediate though, Im not sure what to do with the husband. I really dont want to up and leave him, nor pursue a divorce, I really dont. But I also cannot stand back and live like this either. He needs a fire lit under his ***, pronto! I wish he would consider counseling- either for us both or individually but he refuses to. I think it would help so much.
One good thing to update since this morning- he did actually go outside a half hour ago or so and is still out there! Maybe somethign will get him interested in working out there again. The boys are out stomping in the mud puddles in their boots having a blast right now (we had that snowstorm last week, then it hit 50 again, poured rain and thundered last night , melted all the snow and its flooded like crazy!! I hate this weather!)

and Hey i love the idea of selling one of his toys, LOL. You have NO IDEA how many he has!!!!! THose pics I sent were just the tip of the iceberg! He has soooo many dirtbikes, ATV's, snowmobiles, go-garts, street motorcycles, tractors, cars and trucks its not funny! ANd then there are the RC ones (remote control) high dollar helicopters, airplanes, cars, trucks etc!!   And no we are NOT rich!! He's just collected them all over the years and the fact that he is a super smart and talented mechanic- he's been able to buy vehicles for cheap and fix them up into something nice. I could make a fortune if I sold all his stuff LOL

Ok sorry for getting so long winded here. Im so excited that he's out of the house now though and I can freely type without him pestering me, lol  

[road2recovery]

I am so sorry to about his whole situation..First off i want to tell you that you can't just get off of a anti-depressent....Maybe you should goggle the one you are on, then show him the warning on there..
Second you can't get off because they are working for you...my husband is very anti-medicine any kind, hates to take tylenol...and he didn't want me on this med
( lexapro) either, saying it was in my head, and there is not enough research on it..Well i showed him lol  i got off for a while, and he was the one to go get my refill..
I know it is very expensive because even with my insurace i pay a great deal..
i also understad about having no insurance, that is not a good thing in this country today...And the kids should have something..
WHY do you think he is being this way????
Was he always lazy?  or did this just start?
I remember your post one night u were exhausted and he didn't do anything to help..
This is not fair..to you or your kids...
You can go out and make money if you want, this IS your life, this is not back in the day or LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRARIE,, although they all look so happy :)

Girl u have come so far, you can not worry about anyone but yourself...Staying clean, staying focused, providing for you kids...
U have only one life and i can tell my your pics with your kids what is important to you....SO dont let anyone or anything stand in your way
He will come around when he sees this..
i think he thinks you HAVE to depend on him....
good luck
r2r

[toxictome]

Hang in there girl. There are a lot of good suggestions on here....
Whatever you do...you need to keep moving forward and focusing on your recovery and your children...don't let hubby bring you down.....

I like Lizzie suggestion...sell a toy to keep your sanity....  :)
Keep posting....

[avisg]

When we take the pills it makes us numb to our problems ,I sure know I did .Then when you get clean you see just how bad things are . Somtimes they get better sometimes they dont ,The fact that he does not want you to have money is a huge red flag for me .This does not sound healthy hun .If you ever need to talk my E mail addy is on my profile ...... I am here for you .
A

[LIZZIE LOU]

aaawwwhhh sweetie...i am so sorry things are rocky right now...this is not what you need.

first off, let me say that you need to get your prescription filled...regardless of what he says.  you do whatever you have to...i dont want to see you start sinking back into that doom and gloom.  you have come way toooooooo far to take a step backwards.

i know that you have already talked to him about how you feel...so i wont even go there. i guess if he doesn't want you to spend the money on your anti's...then he wouldnt dream of going to the doctor himself???????  how selfish.  you went through hell to try and make things better for not only yourself...but for your family.  do you think that maybe he is now a little intimidated by you?  maybe he feels threatened in some strange way by how strong you have become, ya know?

big hugs sent your way,
kim

p.s.  i got your email yesterday and went to your page...omg...your boys are so beautiful :)    i also noticed that there are alot of "big boy" toys around...my arse would sell one of his toys if that is what it took to get my meds...

[oxyaddict420]

Yes, it is a great thing that you are getting stronger everyday. Just because he decides to do nothing and is happy with being misrible, does NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO!  You have made positive changes in your life to make you better. Now you are wanting to start changin other things in your life for the better as well.  That is all positive.. You need to have a serious sit down with him and start off by saying this " I NEED TO TELL YOU SOME THINGS THAT MEAN ALOT TO ME, AND I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO EVERYTHING AND PLEASE DO NOT INTERRUPT. AFTER YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT TO ME AND I WILL NOT INTERRUPT YOU OK?!"

And then make sure to get it all off your chest. Every last bit of it. Even write a letter if you have to.  It will even feel good just to wirte it and get it all down.. It will feel better to let him know how this is all affecting you.  Then after you have talked and said everything you need to say, and then hear what and how he decides to respond, then maybe you can make a better decision on what to do from that point on..

I HOPE THIS HELPS!

YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT!

YOU ARE DOING GREAT!

I DO CARE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR RECOVERY!

[oxygirl487]

im so sorry u r going thru all this...sounds like hubby needs an antidepressant lol....wish there was somthing i could say or do....just hang in there....dont let this get to u......