Aa
So conflicted on my next steps with tapering :(
Today I just realized something.... When I first started my taper off of 15/Norco day, I was hurting bad. I kept thinking...
"I'm at 6 Norco/day and feel this sh*tty. That's still a pretty high dose. What's wrong withe me? I must be weak. What's going to happen when I hit 3 Norcos/day. What am I going to do when I take the jump to ZERO!?!"
The anxiety was paralyzing at times. The withdrawals were toying with my emotions and burning through my body. Recently I posted a question about Suboxone because I have an entire bottle of it here at home. In between my knee surgeries, my doctor gave it to me to help with the pain. Not knowing what I was doing really... I continued my ongoing 15 Norco/day habit and ON TOP started taking 4mg of Suboxone a day. I didn't realize how potent it was. I mean I had read online that it was strong, but since it didn't give me any sort of high - It seemed sort of "fake" to me... I felt like it was harmless and wouldn't affect me in the long run. I thought my Norco addiction was my only devil. For 2 -3 weeks leading up to my last surgery, I took 4mg of Suboxone everyday. After I had my procedure, I stopped the Suboxone CT. I didn't think a thing of it. Now I wonder if part of my withdrawal symptoms have been because I took this medication. I mean, I quit taking it 3 weeks ago, so maybe now, that too is seeping out of my body. Perhaps I'm wrong - because I only took it for 2 weeks... I just don't know.
So now, on Day 6 of being at 6 Norcos/day - here's where I am:
I got through the entire night without waking up or needing a bath... YES! I think that means I'm heading in the right direction, right? I hope so... I still hurt A LOT in the mornings and off and on throughout the day. I still have lots of cravings... And the anxiety - sometimes I wonder if that will ever go away. but I can deal with it and I got to keep going. Now I need to figure out when I should taper to 5 Norco/day and I'm SO torn what to do.
I just got 2 cortisone shots this morning and was told I'd be in pain for a couple days or so, I also have 3 grueling sessions of physical therapy this week, AND I have to go to a full-weekend function in Pebble Beach for my husband's company on Friday — where I'll have to hob-nob like I'm "normal" with all the executives. UGH!!! Now, I'm thinking I'll do my taper to 5 Norco next Monday instead of this Wednesday as I had planned.
I hope that doesn't make me weak. I hope prolonging the taper for a bit longer than I had planned doesn't mean I'm not committed. I hope I'm not mind-screwing myself to think... "Oh I'll taper later because I can't cope with less Norco this week" I feel like I have genuine reasons to hold off on the next taper. But I also feel like ALL addicts come up with an excuses not to keep pushing through.
I'm disappointed in myself right now. Maybe I should cut down to 5 Norcos on Wednesday regardless of my post-surgery knee pain, regardless of my travel obligations, regardless of the physical therapy. Ugh... I don't know what to do... Haha, I don't know why I'm even posting this... I know my problems are minor to other people's issues. I just needed to VENT. That's all.
I hope you all are having a great day! xoxoxoxo
"I'm at 6 Norco/day and feel this sh*tty. That's still a pretty high dose. What's wrong withe me? I must be weak. What's going to happen when I hit 3 Norcos/day. What am I going to do when I take the jump to ZERO!?!"
The anxiety was paralyzing at times. The withdrawals were toying with my emotions and burning through my body. Recently I posted a question about Suboxone because I have an entire bottle of it here at home. In between my knee surgeries, my doctor gave it to me to help with the pain. Not knowing what I was doing really... I continued my ongoing 15 Norco/day habit and ON TOP started taking 4mg of Suboxone a day. I didn't realize how potent it was. I mean I had read online that it was strong, but since it didn't give me any sort of high - It seemed sort of "fake" to me... I felt like it was harmless and wouldn't affect me in the long run. I thought my Norco addiction was my only devil. For 2 -3 weeks leading up to my last surgery, I took 4mg of Suboxone everyday. After I had my procedure, I stopped the Suboxone CT. I didn't think a thing of it. Now I wonder if part of my withdrawal symptoms have been because I took this medication. I mean, I quit taking it 3 weeks ago, so maybe now, that too is seeping out of my body. Perhaps I'm wrong - because I only took it for 2 weeks... I just don't know.
So now, on Day 6 of being at 6 Norcos/day - here's where I am:
I got through the entire night without waking up or needing a bath... YES! I think that means I'm heading in the right direction, right? I hope so... I still hurt A LOT in the mornings and off and on throughout the day. I still have lots of cravings... And the anxiety - sometimes I wonder if that will ever go away. but I can deal with it and I got to keep going. Now I need to figure out when I should taper to 5 Norco/day and I'm SO torn what to do.
I just got 2 cortisone shots this morning and was told I'd be in pain for a couple days or so, I also have 3 grueling sessions of physical therapy this week, AND I have to go to a full-weekend function in Pebble Beach for my husband's company on Friday — where I'll have to hob-nob like I'm "normal" with all the executives. UGH!!! Now, I'm thinking I'll do my taper to 5 Norco next Monday instead of this Wednesday as I had planned.
I hope that doesn't make me weak. I hope prolonging the taper for a bit longer than I had planned doesn't mean I'm not committed. I hope I'm not mind-screwing myself to think... "Oh I'll taper later because I can't cope with less Norco this week" I feel like I have genuine reasons to hold off on the next taper. But I also feel like ALL addicts come up with an excuses not to keep pushing through.
I'm disappointed in myself right now. Maybe I should cut down to 5 Norcos on Wednesday regardless of my post-surgery knee pain, regardless of my travel obligations, regardless of the physical therapy. Ugh... I don't know what to do... Haha, I don't know why I'm even posting this... I know my problems are minor to other people's issues. I just needed to VENT. That's all.
I hope you all are having a great day! xoxoxoxo
Best Answer
We were typing those last two posts at the same time lol. You typed faster!!
This event is a once a year thing... and his company had to pay a LOT of $$$ for us to be there and we committed to it a year ago. It's the Pro-Am Golf Tournament in Pebble Beach and a plays major role in the advancement and good graces of his career, because of all the executives that are there. It's a great honor that he's invited to attend each year. If this stupid thing weren't such a big deal, I wouldn't go. He is a sweet man and said if I am feeling awful, I don't have to attend the events. So... we'll see... maybe I'll skip it and just sit on my couch connected to my icing machine and sulk! Really, how can I walk around the golf course anyway... I have to use crutches right now if I go long distances. Me = Party Pooper!!! :)
IBKleen, lol, I think my long responses have to do with the fact I'm on day 33 only, I decided what the heck and quit my Anti depressant and ADD meds as well, so my thoughts are racing everywhere! Normally, I write well, but now I can't seem to articulate!
Ann, I only mentioned cleaning the social calander because of the anxiety Miss Creative is already experiencing. It's different for everyone. My physical wasn't so bad, but the anxiety was paralyzing. Reading back then how you chaired a meeting was incredible to me!
Where are you traveling to pill free? Congrats!
I canceled my girls weekend away for this month, still to nervous. But, I have suffered anxiety all my life, and have been through spells like this lasting up to 6 weeks in the past. ( Thank heavens for FMLA) it may be a coincidence it's happening at the same time.
And to the OP, is there and end to your pain in sight? A fix? I certainly hope so!
Glad your hubby's on board, though asking you not to go down is strange, unless this type of event is rare, and not an every month thing?
This was actually an informative post to newbies, an inspiration..
Because I'm with you at only day 33, I would dread such an event right now. But remember back when I would have looked forward to it, and seeing IBKleens post is a reminder to all of us that we can look forward to stuff like that again once we are clean after awhile, like IBKleen is!
Ok there's my book lol!
Good luck, and I hope you do at least enjoy the event.
Ann, I only mentioned cleaning the social calander because of the anxiety Miss Creative is already experiencing. It's different for everyone. My physical wasn't so bad, but the anxiety was paralyzing. Reading back then how you chaired a meeting was incredible to me!
Where are you traveling to pill free? Congrats!
I canceled my girls weekend away for this month, still to nervous. But, I have suffered anxiety all my life, and have been through spells like this lasting up to 6 weeks in the past. ( Thank heavens for FMLA) it may be a coincidence it's happening at the same time.
And to the OP, is there and end to your pain in sight? A fix? I certainly hope so!
Glad your hubby's on board, though asking you not to go down is strange, unless this type of event is rare, and not an every month thing?
This was actually an informative post to newbies, an inspiration..
Because I'm with you at only day 33, I would dread such an event right now. But remember back when I would have looked forward to it, and seeing IBKleens post is a reminder to all of us that we can look forward to stuff like that again once we are clean after awhile, like IBKleen is!
Ok there's my book lol!
Good luck, and I hope you do at least enjoy the event.
Hi BarbRTR - To answer your questions, yep - my husband knows and keeps my arse in line... I have no control over my pill intake anymore! I decided I wanted to quit taking pills because I'm DEPRESSED and I just lost it one day - I was shaking and crying to my husband that I had lost myself... I lost my identity. I used to be in ballet for years, then I became an aggressive runner. While I did drink socially and party when I was younger, my "high" for the last 8 years was my running, hiking, hell walking around the mall and shopping gave me joy. Granted I did do some of those things on Pills RX'd to my husband, so I do know I have an addiction to the feeling of them as well. But man, I LOVED to run and it actually helped me get off pills in the past. Now look at me... unable to walk without a limp for 8 months and told today I may never run again. I decided to get off the pills for GOOD in part because I'm losing my mind. Haha! And also so I can have a baby... and focus on the joy of a family my husband I really want to have. The problem with a steep taper, or any withdrawals - as you know is the aches and lethargy. So, going to my PT has been soooo hard. I hurt everywhere on top of my knee pain (which I'm sure is intensified because I have a stupid dependency)... anyway, that's me in a nutshell. WOOT WOOT! Thank you for your long, detailed message. You guys are lifesavers!!!! xoxoxo
Thanks Everyone!!! I'm an addict. I make up excuses. AND THANK YOU FOR CALLING ME OUT ON IT!!! BTW, I'm never taking Suboxone again - I'm just wondering if that's why I'm still feeling so damn crappy, because I'm getting that out of my system too.
Now to be fair, I am actually going against my Orthopedic's wishes being in any sort of pain during my physical therapy. I have a serious condition where I develop scar tissue at rapid rates. My PT is crucial to be avoiding another surgery... I went last Friday and because of my taper, I was unable to perform my exercises :( My physical therapist was upset and insisted I go get cortisone shots or do something, so that I can push through. The tissue in my knee gets so swollen it pushes on my nerve endings. My thigh muscle is so weak from atrophy of not using for 8 months, that my knee cap scraps into my femur bone every time I extend it. My surgeon gave me ANOTHER script of Norcos today to help in my rehabilitation. I gave the script to my husband to hold immediately. He is the one in charge of my pill intake... and he is strict about it. Honestly, this weekend is soooo important to his business, he wants me to keep on the dose I'm on so I don't have a panic attack or get the runs while I'm talking to the CEO.
Now, LOOK. Look what I've done.... I'm still giving excuses not to cut back more through this weekend. I LOVE all the support I get on this site. I want to follow your advice as you are all free of this narcotic nightmare!!! But, regretfully, I might have to stick to the 6 Norco/taper until next week.
A. I don't want to mess up my physical therapy... ugh I should have told my doctor that I'm scared about my dependency on Norco I take. BTW, I DO take 600mg/day of RX Advil to help control my inflammation and pain management. It hasn't ever helped me. I did it after my first surgery and still needed a second one...
B. I don't want to ruin my husband's weekend. I want to be there for him. And as is, I'm still feeling sh*tty as hell and it could be little rough. Haha!
Anyway, there's my confession. So be it. Now if I'm feeling good this weekend and can skip a pill with no issue, trust me I WILL!!!! Promise. I just had to be honest with you all...
IBKleen... you're right. I sound like a brat. Here I am going to watch a celebrity golf tournament and I can't be happy about it. Thus is issue with addition and of course, an injury.
BOO ME!
Thanks ALL - MUCH LOVE! xoxo
Now to be fair, I am actually going against my Orthopedic's wishes being in any sort of pain during my physical therapy. I have a serious condition where I develop scar tissue at rapid rates. My PT is crucial to be avoiding another surgery... I went last Friday and because of my taper, I was unable to perform my exercises :( My physical therapist was upset and insisted I go get cortisone shots or do something, so that I can push through. The tissue in my knee gets so swollen it pushes on my nerve endings. My thigh muscle is so weak from atrophy of not using for 8 months, that my knee cap scraps into my femur bone every time I extend it. My surgeon gave me ANOTHER script of Norcos today to help in my rehabilitation. I gave the script to my husband to hold immediately. He is the one in charge of my pill intake... and he is strict about it. Honestly, this weekend is soooo important to his business, he wants me to keep on the dose I'm on so I don't have a panic attack or get the runs while I'm talking to the CEO.
Now, LOOK. Look what I've done.... I'm still giving excuses not to cut back more through this weekend. I LOVE all the support I get on this site. I want to follow your advice as you are all free of this narcotic nightmare!!! But, regretfully, I might have to stick to the 6 Norco/taper until next week.
A. I don't want to mess up my physical therapy... ugh I should have told my doctor that I'm scared about my dependency on Norco I take. BTW, I DO take 600mg/day of RX Advil to help control my inflammation and pain management. It hasn't ever helped me. I did it after my first surgery and still needed a second one...
B. I don't want to ruin my husband's weekend. I want to be there for him. And as is, I'm still feeling sh*tty as hell and it could be little rough. Haha!
Anyway, there's my confession. So be it. Now if I'm feeling good this weekend and can skip a pill with no issue, trust me I WILL!!!! Promise. I just had to be honest with you all...
IBKleen... you're right. I sound like a brat. Here I am going to watch a celebrity golf tournament and I can't be happy about it. Thus is issue with addition and of course, an injury.
BOO ME!
Thanks ALL - MUCH LOVE! xoxo
Don't let the anxiety and fear of the unknown get the best of you... I tapered and stayed focused. As far as social events it is actually the fear of the unknown that is worst than anything else.. Really you could attend the function and be semi social : ).. I know when I had to chair and present at my meeting without a Vicodin the apprehension leading up to the actual meeting killed me ( in my head) my meeting was actually fine no different than those I would have taken a Vic for.. Also, the social aspect isn't that bad either I managed a business lunch with a client and colleague my 2nd day after taking nothing once my taper ended.. I actually tried to come up with every excuse as to why I was going to blow off the luncheon portion and ended going because my colleague/ employee stopped me in the morning and reminded me about lunch and I had anxiety all morning and wanted to get out of going.. Dropping from 6 to 5 won't be that bad.. You will be fine.. As for the suboxone try to stay away from that; I don't know much about it but it kind of scares me.. PS I just booked my travel plans for March totally opiate free and I feel relived that I don't have to count my prescription and book travel around refills LOL it is actually liberating.
Ann
Ann
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
I know your future plans are to go from 6 norcos to 0 and you'd like to be off all narcotics in 2 mos I think you said. But aren't you really just starting the taper now? Seems like you kinda radically JUMPED from 15 to 6 and are now talking of doing a slow taper? Don't know....maybe I didn't get that right.
I think its possible that you are having more pronounced w/drawal symptoms right now because you were on 4 mg of suboxone at the same time you were still taking 15 norcos/day even tho you said you only took that combo for 2-3 wks. You didn't know much about the subs when you were taking them so you didn't know that the suboxone was binding to your pain receptors, therefore blocking most of the effects of those 15 norcos every day. Also, sinced you started asking about subs in the last few days, you have learned the ratio of subs to norcos of 1 mg = 60 mg.
So while you were taking 4 mg subs (240 mg) and 15 norcos (150 mg) you were putting about 390 mg into your body each day!! So that's why I think by stopping the 390 mg and going to 150 mg and now down to 60 mg you are having such a time of it, girl.
Now that you have more information about all this, you can attempt a slow taper and see if that's something you can do. Remember as you do your PT, your shots, your taper and all...that you pain level will not be the same as when you are totally off pain meds for awhile. After my accident and then my following back surgery, my pain actually got WORSE before I finally got off the hydros. It takes time to heal pain receptors and neurotransmitters....as we've been jackin w/ them for a LONG time.
Hope this helps....you definitely have put yourself thru some extremes in the last 6 weeks......give yourself time to level out and heal some.
Have fun in Pebble Beach......soak up some sunshine for me~