Starting over

[stilltrying1965]

Well most of you know me. I have to admit that i have been useing heroinfor the last 3 to 4 weeks. Not smoking it iv been shooting it up. Iv let myself down my wife and family. I need serious help. Iv not eat anything in that time. I just bumped into that bad crowd again . I would understand if you guys dont want to help me or worth helping me. I feel worthless.Maybe i was born to die an addict. I also think stop going to my meetings helped me fall back into my old waysIm a waste of space and probibly your time im sorry. If kim finds out i think she will leave me for good i deserve that.........J

[stilltrying1965]

Im sorry if i offended any one who was addicted to pill,s. I was wrong maybe as i had a fever w/ds day2 Maybe in my mind i thought it would be easier to come of pill,s like i did when 16 50 to 100 dihydrocodeine. But addiction is addiction its all hard. Maybe Ritch was right its the stigma ppl looking at ppl like me as we werethe scum of the earth,,james PS i wantto say a speciol apolige to Vicki if you will except my apolige again im sorry Vicki and Med help addicts

[rt35630]

I will admit something. I really do not have any understanding of the hell you are going through. I haven't hit rock bottom I don't think, and I feel in control.

I KNOW that if I don't really surrender and work the program sooner or later it will be some other drug and the cycle will start over. It's done it before.

Call 911 and get to a hospital if you can. Call a friend to take you. I pray that you make it through this but when you do you have to WORK to stay clean. You can do it! I love you.

[Richjess2226]

James.

How you doin? your the first person I've spoken to this side if the Atlantic.

Started reading your post the other day but didn't feel like talkin about the ol smack as was havin a bad day. Soz.

Just wanted to say a couple of things.

1. I know where your at mate. There's no point in arguing about which drug is the worst cuz they're all bad in their own way (I've taken and come off most of them). I was a junkie from a v young age and started on heroin at 14, I'm 29 now and still suffering. The thing about heroin is the way it ruins you life much worse than pills. Mainly due to how society sees a junkie as dirty f*****g scum.
2. I read you mentioning suboxone. I started on sub to get off heroin 9 years ago. I am now 10 days clean from it and I wanted to worn you how hard it is to come off of. BUT, when I got on it I was in a bad way, living on the streets and some thought not far from death. I had lost everything and was my only hope.
I feel subs saved my life, it's a hard one to come off and can have wd's for up to a month but they allowed me to sort my life out and get things together.
If you constantly keep relapsing and find it hard to stop heroin it could be a good idea. I feel it's better than methadone for that because most people I knew used to use still on meth. With subs you can't use, their is no use and it seemed to curb my cravings.
If you fancy a chat or need any help you can message me. Hope your ok buddy, chin up.

[care0]

Only you can make the difference....bottom line.
No one else can do it!

[stilltrying1965]

I apoligise to you. You are right addiction is addiction weather pill heroin coke.I dont want pity ionly want to keep trying and im sorry about the nurse comment.I hope you can accept my apolige again in so sorry i guess i was feeling sorry for myself ,,,james

[vicki595]

   I'd argue about what's stronger than what but it really doesn't matter. It's ALL bad.  Okay?  Poor you!  You have the worst addiction on the planet,it's sooo hard,no one understands... and don't bring my being a nurse into your equation. I know what I know and I KNOW you can get passed this IF YOU WANT TO.

You have my pity. Please get yourself straight;for YOURSELF!

And what you said is: "H. is a different BALLGAME".    No it's not.  It's an addiction.
I'd love to fight about this all day...you've got me in the mood...but I have better things to do.

Just stop this junk,James.

[stilltrying1965]

you read my comment right i never said pain pill w/ds are easier i only said heroin is a much stronger drug your a nurse dont you patronise me one thing im not rude ok and if you look right i wasd venting or am inot allowed to vent james

[vicki595]

GIVE ME A BREAK JAMES !!   Don't you dare downplay play pill addiction as though we're a bunch of cry babies!!   I personally DO take offense to that ********!!  But,I know one thing: I'm clean.

I'm out of here now to proceed with a lovely day. Not even you can spoil my happiness.

You're rude among other things...

[stilltrying1965]

Am a scot Angie and fight is our middle name. ppl cry about pill,s and yes it must be hard but heroin is a different ball game. me a really dont care if i live or die.,,,,,james just venting no offence ment

[ang_811]

I learned along time ago I can't control sum elses addiction... U have to want this for urself...I really hope u know ur worth the fight...

[vicki595]

James~ You make your situation appear absolutely impossible so I don't know what you expect everyone to do or say. Our faces are blue from talking to you!

You may not realize this but today is a major holiday in America. It's Thanksgiving Day.
Many of us are giving thanks for our lives and all that we have and have accomplished...

When you post about your dire situation,it's extremely frustrating. There is nothing anyone here can do for you. You did this to yourself and you need to find your way out of this.

At least YOU can be thankful you have electricity and internet service where you are.You can get heat and food,too. You know you can.

Good luck~

[stilltrying1965]

i so sore i have no energy. i cant get to hospital my whole family dont even care Thanks for the advise hugs james ps i st wish this misery would end i have no fight in me

[vicki595]

This is your rock bottom James.  Don't punish yourself. Get some help. Get a doctor.
Go to the hospital. Just go.  No food,no heat...you won't last long there.

GET TO A HOSPITAL.  I mean it.

[stilltrying1965]

iv been evicted from my house by kim tomuch arguing. im in my own house no heating nothing to eat. kim threw herr wedding ring back at mebt i regret putting it down a sewer. me and kim are finished she called my mom and two sisters names,that hurts i know now kim does not love me. There mst be easier ways lifs ****. i will never break a pinjie promise ang we also do the here LOL well im not feeling to good keep sneezing being sick. it so hard V i understand about sub but i dont have a doctor could only happen to me. iv locked myselw awayin my house but its so cold,,,,james

[ang_811]

Come on here and talk to us James...

[vicki595]

Are you doubting that you can stay clean?   That's a bad sign,James.   I know you well now. That's your code for "I'm going to use as soon as I get my hands on some $hit"...

Think hard and long James. Call your therapist. Go to a meeting. If you want to stop this crap,you'll stop. You have to want WANT it,though. I have a feeling you just "hang on" hoping the cravings go away.  That's why I think Sub would work for you. But,my thinking can't fix you.  You need to go after it...at least meet it half way...

xo

[gnarly_1]

Hey James just seen you post now....sorry to here you relapse I could tell from your mood tracker you have been struggling ....im glad to see your getting up dusting yourself off
and giving it a go again...James you can do this....but not without a plan...I hate to see you have to detox only to have to do it again...its time to get off the mery go round you need to stick with the conslors and stay with the meetings...when we quit going it only a mater of time till we relapse ...you have the ability to do this you have strung together some clean time b/4
you can do it again....remember we dont shoot our wounded here ....I just want to see you get well James your worth the fight   the next few days will be ruff but you have our support
I will encourage you as much as I can...hang in there bro...our friend Mark

[ang_811]

Pinky promises r serious and also law binding! I looked it  up n my law book.. : ) ... I don't make the rules!! So we have to stick with it....

How r u doing tonight?? Hope u r well...thinking of u!!! U have so much support here..! We r all pulling for u...ur freind Angie  

[vicki595]

Hey Handsome~  I'm with you as well!  Now, here's what you do:  Start drinking your fluids. Force them down! Drink tea with sugar.  Soup,crackers,toast,you need some food...   Soak in a hot tub and dress warmly.  Keep posting and keep talking. Get with your therapist ASAP!      People relapse. It's because we're addicts. It's not a shameful thing. The shame would be in doing nothing,James.   If I have to come over there to personally help you,it might cause a national incident!   I would be required to go through
the airport screening via x-ray, I would refuse, based on my constitutional rights, and would thus cause a major scene. I would be willing to go through this for you but my arrival would be delayed depending upon how much bail money I'd have to post!  So,I'll have to do my best from here...

You made a "pinkie promise". That is legal and binding. So,be good and go forward!!

Your Nurse  xo

[avisg]

Ok u have to get intensive treatment u have tried this over and over on your own you tried a cousler and meetings it hasn't been enough. h addiction is the hardest drug to come off of . Stop worrying about letting yourslef down and help your self out. It turely your choice if u die . I hope u choose to live. Rember nothing changes if nothing changes.

[stilltrying1965]

As i said i used last this morning and im starting to feel the pace. I was so stupid to go back but it was a set of circumstances. Im starting to feel hot sweaty and iv been sick a few times but im going to stick to my guns my life depends on it. So its starting now. This will be a long dark tunnel bt i know there is light at the end of it ,,,,James

[10356]

My tracker is ahead of me !! I'm always trying to catch up to it :)) I really have no clue how to fix that.. maybe you can speak to Sara our Emily could help you to reset it.. I'm glad to read you are getting it started again James.. It takes a lot of Courage to come out and speak the way you have and I have nothing but respect for you...

[stilltrying1965]

Letakos evertime i try to start a new tracker it keeps saying im 267 days clean. Could yo help me to start a new one im having trouble getting my tracker to start from today. I would be very greatful for the help ,,,,,       Hugs James

[10356]

Of course I will help you James.. we all will help. I had a feeling Kim knew what was going on but she knows no matter what she says you will not get clean till You are ready to.. I'm so grateful for her understanding and that she is there to support you. I'm just a key board away.. have always been just a key board away.. You can do this and I know it is scary but you are Strong of Will and Determination.. I will send you a pm ok