Starting over

stilltrying1965

Well most of you know me. I have to admit that i have been useing heroinfor the last 3 to 4 weeks. Not smoking it iv been shooting it up. Iv let myself down my wife and family. I need serious help. Iv not eat anything in that time. I just bumped into that bad crowd again . I would understand if you guys dont want to help me or worth helping me. I feel worthless.Maybe i was born to die an addict. I also think stop going to my meetings helped me fall back into my old waysIm a waste of space and probibly your time im sorry. If kim finds out i think she will leave me for good i deserve that.........J

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10356

I'm here for you James.. I find it hard to believe that Kim does not know with you loosing so much weight and your personality changing.. you may not think it does, but it does.. You are going to have to be honest with her James.. she has meds that can help you with the wd if you can not get your seizure meds.. ya got to get rid of your rig and you got to get your courage up.. even though you have been using 3 to 4 weeks your body recognizes what you are feeding it and it will let you know when you stop.. when do you want to stop ? James you are such a great guy with a wonderful sense of humor and I know you can go through the wd after all you quit after 14 years.. you just have to get it in your head the meetings will become a part of your life and you have to fill the time in between so you are not running into your drug buddies.. I will be here every step of the way with you.. get the things you need so you are prepared but James you have to be honest with Kim.. she will recognize wd when she see's it.. do not add another deception ok.. warm hugs for my Brother

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10356

This is my fear James.. Heroin has a way of graduating us to reach the limit of our endurance.. all it takes is one batch not cut as much and you have a OD.. It would break my heart if you were to go out this way.. You have so much you can teach others about addiction and the ruin of ones life.. ya got to get back with your counselor again also James for we have to walk the path to Freedom.. I'm so Proud of you for coming forward.. and for telling Kim although I know it will not be pleasant this is addiction.. You can beat the odds James You have it in you.. You can not be alone during your wd in case you have a seizure we both know what is on the line here.. I'm sorry for what you have had to deal with these last weeks as I know what pushed you but James do not give your power up anymore ok You have given enough..

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stilltrying1965

I also fear i will leave my loved ones behind like this.And thats not fair One strong batch and im gone i want to live. I will fight harder than i have ever fought before. Do yo really think i can turn this round, i would love to help others but first i must help myself.I will phone my counselor today. I had to tell or i would never have stopedI can beat this Letakos cant i.I do have it in me but will it beharder this time i think it will. I hadmy last hit this yesterday morning and im feeling really unwell.Ill try and have someone with me when i go c/t as i dont want to seziures they are dangerous I promise my sister i will not give my power up know more Thank you Letakos ,,,,,Hugs,,,,James. Ps pll are going to not like me for going back to heroin but i dont care as long as my sister is with me

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stilltrying1965

Thank you for your mood it means so much to me, now im stck for words ,,,,,James

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LeaAnn807

James, I sure do hate reading this. The main reason is because I'm worried that if you don't stop you will die. I just want you to keep trying to get and stay clean. It's worth the effort!

Hugs and love......

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10356

we all understand addiction here james... none of us are promised we will not relapse..You do have it in you !! You have already begun to put it behind you.. calling your counselor is a good thing as we need to talk while we are in wd and after as our emotions come bubbling up to the surface.. I have Faith in you.. From the first night we talked I had faith in you.. 14 years is a long habit and you have stumbled a couple of times but it is not a reflection on your success.. You can do this.. You have learned the tools you need to get and stay clean.. I'm not making excuses for you but old habits are hard to break and new routines take a lot of discipline.. Committing yourself to being clean will be a part of your life for the rest of your life.. and James you are so correct it would not be fair to your family if you were to OD.. we play Russian Roulette every time we slam heroin.. I'm always with you in Spirit..

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stilltrying1965

TH thank you for your comment they all mean a lot im going to put a massive effort in.
Letakos I willcall my counsilor at 10am Im scared Letakos at what will happen to me if i dont stop. The emotions have all ready started.Ialso know that when we first talked we had a connection and that has never changed. Yes i agree old habits die hard. But i need a life forme myfamily.I also agreewedo play with our life,s every time we shoot up. Am i worth all the help you myfriends and sister offer ,,,Hugs,,,,James.ps Icando it but not so sure i can have someone with meall the time Andmy spirit is with you is it not your bed time and ican talk to you tonight

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