Aa
Starting over
Well most of you know me. I have to admit that i have been useing heroinfor the last 3 to 4 weeks. Not smoking it iv been shooting it up. Iv let myself down my wife and family. I need serious help. Iv not eat anything in that time. I just bumped into that bad crowd again . I would understand if you guys dont want to help me or worth helping me. I feel worthless.Maybe i was born to die an addict. I also think stop going to my meetings helped me fall back into my old waysIm a waste of space and probibly your time im sorry. If kim finds out i think she will leave me for good i deserve that.........J
Best Answer
I'm here for you James.. I find it hard to believe that Kim does not know with you loosing so much weight and your personality changing.. you may not think it does, but it does.. You are going to have to be honest with her James.. she has meds that can help you with the wd if you can not get your seizure meds.. ya got to get rid of your rig and you got to get your courage up.. even though you have been using 3 to 4 weeks your body recognizes what you are feeding it and it will let you know when you stop.. when do you want to stop ? James you are such a great guy with a wonderful sense of humor and I know you can go through the wd after all you quit after 14 years.. you just have to get it in your head the meetings will become a part of your life and you have to fill the time in between so you are not running into your drug buddies.. I will be here every step of the way with you.. get the things you need so you are prepared but James you have to be honest with Kim.. she will recognize wd when she see's it.. do not add another deception ok.. warm hugs for my Brother
Hey James.. it is not forgiveness from us that you need.. you have our acceptance, now that you have graduated how are you hiding the tracks from Kim ? are you wanting to stop and if you are when ? The AA meetings are not going anywhere James but you are... I have no need to ask what made you pick up the needle but I do need to ask are you ready to put it down.. do you have your seizure meds if you were to go into wd.. what is ti you want James ?? Do you know ? I love you as a Brother and I'm pained too read this but I stand by you.. Only in your mind are you a waste of space.. This is what the B-itch Heroin offers you.. it is sad that you fell but not impossible to pick yourself up.. I'm here for you.. letakos
you should keep trying...go back to the meetings. Don't use the day you go and pick up a white key tag. Then count the minutes if you have to.
All you can do it try to control yourself at this point - how anyone reacts is not your issue it is theirs. That doesn't make it easy.
I can't imagine shooting up, but heck, I know someone that snorts my doc (tramadol). I can't imagine. I'm trying to quit and a while ago I was feeling like maybe I would take that step backward. Then my sig. other got up and turned on the heat. That made me a little mad and I got out of bed and stomped around and I feel better!
its okay to be mad if it helps you fight. Keep fighting! God be with you, and I mean it. Peace & Love
All you can do it try to control yourself at this point - how anyone reacts is not your issue it is theirs. That doesn't make it easy.
I can't imagine shooting up, but heck, I know someone that snorts my doc (tramadol). I can't imagine. I'm trying to quit and a while ago I was feeling like maybe I would take that step backward. Then my sig. other got up and turned on the heat. That made me a little mad and I got out of bed and stomped around and I feel better!
its okay to be mad if it helps you fight. Keep fighting! God be with you, and I mean it. Peace & Love
I dont knowhow this happened well i do i got in with the wrong crowd. And yes i want to stop Letakos or i know im going to die. I have not eaten for 3weeks heroin seems to be my breakfast dinner and supper I was asked to leavemy doctors 4 weeks ago so i dont have any meds. I also love you Letakos as a sister.Letakos i need help I want to stop assoon as poss as kim will walk if she finds out and i cant blame her. Maybe it would be theright movefor kim to leave me. I want to live a clean happy life and fight for my son but how can i fight ppl who are better educated than me. I wold not know were to start I need your help Letakos if you can help me ,,,,Hgs James
People would be more willing to champion a cause when you are clean James for then they can see the true depth and love you have for your son.. it does not take a great intelligence but it does take a sober mind finding the right people to ferret the truth out...
I will tell kim today, you are right when i start w/ds kim will know. I got rid of all my works this morning. Letakos i want to stop asap or it will just get harder and harder.Aftre my w/ds i will go back to my meetings i promise my sister that. Thank you for your kind words and for the offer to help me yet again. But to be honest imnot looking forward to this c/t. But happy you Letakos will help me. I know i have to put the workin thank you againLetakos. I know if i dont get clean and stay clean i know this drug will kill me,,,,,Hugs James
This is my fear James.. Heroin has a way of graduating us to reach the limit of our endurance.. all it takes is one batch not cut as much and you have a OD.. It would break my heart if you were to go out this way.. You have so much you can teach others about addiction and the ruin of ones life.. ya got to get back with your counselor again also James for we have to walk the path to Freedom.. I'm so Proud of you for coming forward.. and for telling Kim although I know it will not be pleasant this is addiction.. You can beat the odds James You have it in you.. You can not be alone during your wd in case you have a seizure we both know what is on the line here.. I'm sorry for what you have had to deal with these last weeks as I know what pushed you but James do not give your power up anymore ok You have given enough..
I also fear i will leave my loved ones behind like this.And thats not fair One strong batch and im gone i want to live. I will fight harder than i have ever fought before. Do yo really think i can turn this round, i would love to help others but first i must help myself.I will phone my counselor today. I had to tell or i would never have stopedI can beat this Letakos cant i.I do have it in me but will it beharder this time i think it will. I hadmy last hit this yesterday morning and im feeling really unwell.Ill try and have someone with me when i go c/t as i dont want to seziures they are dangerous I promise my sister i will not give my power up know more Thank you Letakos ,,,,,Hugs,,,,James. Ps pll are going to not like me for going back to heroin but i dont care as long as my sister is with me
Thank you for your mood it means so much to me, now im stck for words ,,,,,James
James, I sure do hate reading this. The main reason is because I'm worried that if you don't stop you will die. I just want you to keep trying to get and stay clean. It's worth the effort!
Hugs and love......
Hugs and love......
we all understand addiction here james... none of us are promised we will not relapse..You do have it in you !! You have already begun to put it behind you.. calling your counselor is a good thing as we need to talk while we are in wd and after as our emotions come bubbling up to the surface.. I have Faith in you.. From the first night we talked I had faith in you.. 14 years is a long habit and you have stumbled a couple of times but it is not a reflection on your success.. You can do this.. You have learned the tools you need to get and stay clean.. I'm not making excuses for you but old habits are hard to break and new routines take a lot of discipline.. Committing yourself to being clean will be a part of your life for the rest of your life.. and James you are so correct it would not be fair to your family if you were to OD.. we play Russian Roulette every time we slam heroin.. I'm always with you in Spirit..
TH thank you for your comment they all mean a lot im going to put a massive effort in.
Letakos I willcall my counsilor at 10am Im scared Letakos at what will happen to me if i dont stop. The emotions have all ready started.Ialso know that when we first talked we had a connection and that has never changed. Yes i agree old habits die hard. But i need a life forme myfamily.I also agreewedo play with our life,s every time we shoot up. Am i worth all the help you myfriends and sister offer ,,,Hugs,,,,James.ps Icando it but not so sure i can have someone with meall the time Andmy spirit is with you is it not your bed time and ican talk to you tonight
Letakos I willcall my counsilor at 10am Im scared Letakos at what will happen to me if i dont stop. The emotions have all ready started.Ialso know that when we first talked we had a connection and that has never changed. Yes i agree old habits die hard. But i need a life forme myfamily.I also agreewedo play with our life,s every time we shoot up. Am i worth all the help you myfriends and sister offer ,,,Hugs,,,,James.ps Icando it but not so sure i can have someone with meall the time Andmy spirit is with you is it not your bed time and ican talk to you tonight
James you are worth everything... I will be going to bed in a lil while as it is almost 2am here.. Where is Kim now ? but you know I will be here for you in the days ahead.. you need to start to nibble on something and sipping water Get a head start on the wd.. I'm going to post something I have in a journal in hopes it will give you courage and knowledge you are not alone.. I attribute it to my climb from addiction. The worthlessness you feel James is induced bt Heroin for we were given a Spirit.. One that was meant to soar...
~Spiritual Warrior~
Life offers us the opportunity to become a Spiritual Warrior.
A warrior is one who bravely goes into those dark areas within
themselves to ferret out the Truth of their being.
It takes great courage, stamina and endurance to
become a Spiritual Warrior.
The path is narrow, the terrain rough and rocky.
You will walk alone: through the dark caves,
up those steep climbs and through the dense thick forest.
You will meet your dark side. The faces of fear, deceit, and
sadness all await your arrival.
No one can take this journey but you.
There comes a time, in each of our lives,
when we are given the choice to follow this path.
Should we decide to embark on this journey,
we can never turn back.... Our lives are changed forever
On this journey, there are many different places we can
choose to slip into and hide. But the path goes on.
The Spiritual Warrior stays the course, wounded at times,
exhausted and out of energy. Many times, the Warrior will
struggle back to their feet to take only a few steps before
falling again.
Rested, they forge on,
continuing the treacherous path.
The journey continues. The Spiritual Warrior
stays the course. Weakened, but never broken.
One day, the battle, loneliness and desperate fights are over.
The sun breaks through the clouds; the birds begin to sing
their sweet melodies. There is a change in the energy.
A deep change within the self.
The warrior has fought the courageous fight.
The battle of the dark night of the soul is won.
New energy now fills the Warrior.
A new path is now laid before them.
A gentler path filled with the inner-knowing
of one who has personal empowerment.
With their personal battle won, they are filled with joy.
A new awareness that they are one with the Spirit beams
as they go forth to show others the way.
They are not permitted to walk the path for others.
They can only love, guide and be a living example
of the Truth of their being.
Author Unknown
~Spiritual Warrior~
Life offers us the opportunity to become a Spiritual Warrior.
A warrior is one who bravely goes into those dark areas within
themselves to ferret out the Truth of their being.
It takes great courage, stamina and endurance to
become a Spiritual Warrior.
The path is narrow, the terrain rough and rocky.
You will walk alone: through the dark caves,
up those steep climbs and through the dense thick forest.
You will meet your dark side. The faces of fear, deceit, and
sadness all await your arrival.
No one can take this journey but you.
There comes a time, in each of our lives,
when we are given the choice to follow this path.
Should we decide to embark on this journey,
we can never turn back.... Our lives are changed forever
On this journey, there are many different places we can
choose to slip into and hide. But the path goes on.
The Spiritual Warrior stays the course, wounded at times,
exhausted and out of energy. Many times, the Warrior will
struggle back to their feet to take only a few steps before
falling again.
Rested, they forge on,
continuing the treacherous path.
The journey continues. The Spiritual Warrior
stays the course. Weakened, but never broken.
One day, the battle, loneliness and desperate fights are over.
The sun breaks through the clouds; the birds begin to sing
their sweet melodies. There is a change in the energy.
A deep change within the self.
The warrior has fought the courageous fight.
The battle of the dark night of the soul is won.
New energy now fills the Warrior.
A new path is now laid before them.
A gentler path filled with the inner-knowing
of one who has personal empowerment.
With their personal battle won, they are filled with joy.
A new awareness that they are one with the Spirit beams
as they go forth to show others the way.
They are not permitted to walk the path for others.
They can only love, guide and be a living example
of the Truth of their being.
Author Unknown
Letakos thank you so much I understand every verse . It also brings tears to my eyes. Goodnight my sister ,,,Hugs James X PS Kim is still sleeping and i promise my sister i will nibble on somthing and start to drink i have just finished the last of my heroin, I could not flush it Letakos ,,Hugs your brother James Thank you for your mood support as i know i cant do this alone.I know some ppl will slate me for this
You have a New day tomorrow James.. Nobody here has room to judge another for we all have knowledge of the power of addiction.. I'm just glad it is gone and you are starting to fight for your life again... sleep well tonight and make sure you eat something.. Kim will be angry but a part of her may be relived you were honest with her.. warm hugs letakos
Thank you Letakos i did not think anybody would care as i keep failing.I will rest today as i will start my w/dstomorrow Thankyou for being there for me Letakos.I meanthat with all my heart.Letakos go to bed plzil beok till tonight and i willeat and drink somethng ,,,Hugs your brother James
Hi James...it breaks my heart to read this...i really hate this disease.. It brings good people down like u and me..I had a feeling something was going on when I didn't hear from ya...but I'm really happy to hear ur gonna pick urself up again. Also happy to see u post.. U have alot of support here....we will get thru this and come out stronger ok? Let's do this togeather...deal?
Hey you!! Just knock it off right now!! Get back to the meetings. Maybe get a job.
You just can't sit around thinking about this all day as you do! Quit trying to kill yourself slowly! Not eating? WTF! Do you have a death wish??
Consider this an a$$ kicking from me!! We all fight this demon everyday! It's lifelong James. Have you ever thought about going on Suboxone? It's not my favorite but if anyone could benefit from it,you could! Stay in touch here. Isolating is so wrong!
xo
You just can't sit around thinking about this all day as you do! Quit trying to kill yourself slowly! Not eating? WTF! Do you have a death wish??
Consider this an a$$ kicking from me!! We all fight this demon everyday! It's lifelong James. Have you ever thought about going on Suboxone? It's not my favorite but if anyone could benefit from it,you could! Stay in touch here. Isolating is so wrong!
xo
Hello James...Remember me? Almost 11 months clean for me...Keep trying you can do it!
G
G
Ang its a deal we will do it together. I will pick myself up and go again, i know i can do this I will also have to get back to my meetings. I called my councilor todayand iv got an appointment monday so i cant wait for that. Thank you Ang yor friend ,,,,James
Vicki i feel i let a lot of ppl down first and formost myself and my family. I really do deserve to get my a$$ kicked. Suboxone could help me i agree.I also wont isolate myself anymore I will ask my councilor to see if she can get me on sboxone. Thank you Vicki ,,,James
Vicki i feel i let a lot of ppl down first and formost myself and my family. I really do deserve to get my a$$ kicked. Suboxone could help me i agree.I also wont isolate myself anymore I will ask my councilor to see if she can get me on sboxone. Thank you Vicki ,,,James
I would like to apoligise to anyone i offended with my post. If i new how some of you felt i would never have written the post. I would not have mensioned the groin thing.Im so so sorry to have offended so many ppl. It was not my intension to offend anybody or anyone. I hope you can acsept my apoligy as i mean it frommy heart Again im really really sorry. I hope you can forgive me, as no way did i want to cause anyone any pain suffering and i hope you all can accept my apoligy ,,,,,James
Hey James...should we make It official by doing the ultimate pinky promise? I take those very seriously.... : )...my pinky is n the air right now...we will get thru this and come out stronger... No more putting it off...I can relate with what ur feeling right now.. I still have guilt from using and relapsing. I still feel like I left every1 down and most importantly myself...I'm glad to see u got an appt with ur counselor.. Mine helped out more then I could imagine.. He helped me see y I was using again...I know ur going thru a bunch of crap right now and I feel for u I do..im kinda going thru the same thing.. We have to face our demons head on from here on out...ok? Let me know when ur ready for the pinky promise deal...I'm here for ya...ur freind Angie....ps.. I was begging for a a$$ chewing also.. They help!!! Take care James.!!!
The pinkie promise is here i have it in the air. We also have pinlie promises and i dont break a pinkie promise. Ang we need toget this done once and for all. I cant live like this or it will take my life. Im sorry i let myself down and my family. But you got a deal Ang we will do it together and we will come out the dark tunnel and into the light. Our freedom is so important and i want both of to sucseed .We cant take drugs for the rest of or lives. Its not possible, wecanot poison our bodies anymore. Thank you Angie rember pinkie promises cant be broken. With strength courage willpower and determination. ,,,James
James....my pinky is the air on the count of 3 shake ur pinky..1...2...3...promise has been made... Enough is enough...we will figure this out togeather! Big hugs to ya for getting back up...starting today u r gonna break out of this pit amd rise above this..take a stand and start walking this path of sobreity with me... Btw u have no choice u already pinky promised me... : ) netime we r struggling we will talk about it on here and to each other ok?...ur freind Angie! <3
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
