What to do, What to do?

[Needhelp59]

Here I am again for all that remember.  Still having a terrible time with my sister.  I honestly think she may now be mentally ill.  Can drugs do that?  I have never seen anything to top the disturbing behavior she is exhibiting.  And the heck of it is that because I had a previous problem with xanax, whenver I try to talk with her, she has the attitude "who do you think you are?  You are no better than me."  While that is true, I am not and her problem is no worse than mine was (addiction is addiction right, just the substances differ!) What can I say to get thru to her?  I don't want her to feel I am judging her because I am not.  I am just at such a loss and feel so bad for her kids!  I am doing all I can for them on that front, but it never seems to be enough.  PLEASE HELP!   Love to all.

[Decisions]

If she is locked in with her child, and you are concerned, I think a call to the police would be my first order.
You cannot risk it.
IF all is well she will be angry, but if not, you may have save her and the baby,who knows...

Goodluck with this.

[lovepat906]

How far  away is she? If you can get there quick or contact your nephew - check to see if a neighbor has a key- break a window if necessary. Call the police- or 911 if you are far away... and the neighbors can't help.

[Needhelp59]

Pray it isn't too late - I just posted another post.  My nephew called, she is locked in house and won't answer door.  deadbolts locked and her husband is out of town.  Baby not at day care today.  I AM GOING NUTS!  What do I DO?

[Needhelp59]

THanks.  Again I know you are right.  I have been off of xanax for almost 2 years - I was put on it by my dr when my mom died.  Unfortunately i was given 6 refills and by then it was too late.  Finally after 5 years I got off with my doctors help.  I think she resents me for that - she says that my issue isn't comparable because mine was perscribed and hers was coke.  I say addiction is addiction.  I don't know.  I am in a good place though - feel really strong and just stressed but other than that very very thankful.  And thankful for all of you!!

[addictedme]

I would try and connect with her on a personal,nothing about drugs level. Maybe let her know your concerns but without bringing up drugs.Possibly if shes using she"ll break down and tell you shes not crazy she"s using and if she"s not then eventually she"ll see for herself the change and ask for help. The children thing is a whole nother issue and theres others that can help you with advice on that. Take care of yourself though,,I know shes a loved one and you feel the need to help but you spent alot of your life using drugs and all the things that go with using,,you dont want to experiance all those things again just not the using part.gl

[Needhelp59]

I know you are 100% right.  I guess what confuses me so is the way she is acting and not on any drugs.  I don't know if you ever read my original posts, but her original doc was cocaine.  THen later I found out along with that she was mixing everything - xanax, valium, vicodin.  She was evidently a walking pharmacy.  She does drug tests at home now and they are clean.  I guess I had hoped once the stuff got out of her system, things would eventually get back to normal.  She is more withdrawn than ever.  I am so worried.

[addictedme]

There comes a time for all addicts when we KNOW what were doing is wrong and we look around at other people and the way their living their lives and we want that. Maybe we havent reached our personal bottom and arent ready to quit but we see these people daily,,going about their lives happy and we know thats what we want but how? You can only be one of those people that have the life she really wants (an attraction) and be there for her when shes ready. In other words live your life,drug free,happy and hopefully and probably she"ll come to you one day and ask how you do it,,,,then you help her.

[Needhelp59]

THanks Decisions.  I agree about the depression - that is why I think a doctor visit would help, but she refuses.  She is so angry and bitter and has just withdrawn from everyone.  I can accept that for now for me, but I am having a really difficult time because of her kids.  Just so dang sad.

[Decisions]

...well, that's more of the story.  
I know it must be very hard to watch your sister like this. It appears she is struggling with depression.  At least to me, she is.  She needs something to make her come out of her funk.  I don't know what that is, or would be, but certainly all  you can do for the moment is help like you  are.

I wish you strength and well wishes...
~R

[Needhelp59]

Thanks- crazy thing is she isn't using anymore.  Not anything!  She even came off her cylexa and blood pressure meds (doctor doesn't know).  She lost her job, has no interest in finding another (and believe me she needs to for monetary reasons!).  She takes no interest in the kids, and last time I saw her, 2 weeks ago, she was in her 3 car garage playing with Barbie dolls. I s--- you not.  I was floored. There was her 3 year old whose hair didn't look like it had been washed in a week, and she is playing with barbies.  She had hers from childhood and had ordered more off of ebay?  I just picked the baby up, told her dad I was taking her and brought her home with me.  If it weren't for her dad, she would still be there I am certain - my sister would not have gotten her.  It just breaks my heart.  I know I am so careful not to come across as harsh or judgemental.  I told her I missed her, and that I thought maybe a doctors visit would be in order - even told her I would make and appt and go with her, and she looked at me like I was nuts.  I am just freakin heartbroken.  I can't even think about it without crying.

[Decisions]

.. by the way,  
I don't think necessarily she is mentally ill.  Of course there is no  way I can know this, but when you are using, you rationalize the reasons for using.  The "reasons" are compelling, and difficult to overcome.
Her decisions and actions may make her look/appear mentally ill to you, and hopefull that's all it is.

take care.

[Decisions]

I don't think "nagging" anyone will help. Not that you are doing that but she may see it that way.  Unless.  UNLESS she is willing to quit of her own accord, there is not much you can do.  
I realized this going into only a few days off of my problem drug.  AND I can only hope to stay strong.  

I hope she sees you are only trying to help her.  But in the end, she must make the decision.

Best wishes...
~R

[cathy5841]

hey glad you posted again. the sad truth is you cant help her...til she wants help.  the fact that her attitude is who do you think you are, says she is not not ready.  rock bottom is different for all of us.  i do hope she reaches out soon.  you know how to reach me if you need to chat.