day 5. now if I could just get rid of my anxiety and depression?

[30yrOldMommyOf3]

Hello. Im new here, an honestly super embarrassed posting this.. i know i shouldnt be.. but its just not prettty. I've come to the realization I have not just 1 problem but 2. I am an alcoholic,  and I'm even more dependant on Percocet, Norco, or whatever is accessible. I am on day 5 and I'm going through the horrible anxiety as well. I dont know if any of you are parents but Im 29 yrs old and have 3 kids. 2 in school and 1 at home. and thats the hardest part. Some days my withdrawals/hangover is so bad I feel like I can barely get my kids to school and pick them up, then I have my small one and can barely get up to make him toast let alone a whole meal. Everything makes me either cry, or so agitated to the point that it scares me and I have to walk out. I am really not having anymore physical symptoms anymore besides total exhaustion and back pain from a herniated disc (which i can handle) its more mental. Today is also my 2nd day not drinking any alcohol. I always drink heavily to get through withdrawals (stupid me, makes it so much worse the following day!) But I'm done. With all of it. I want to be a better mom, a better person. Im just at a point of wondering HOW am I going to get off th couch with my "crack" jk, Percocet. Lol. When I'm on meds a feel like a super mom, house is clean, makeup and hair is done, dinners ready at 5.. but then the meds run out and I'm laying around drinking for 4-5 days and a complete disgusting wreck, not a good life for my kids at all and honestly I feel like total **** about myself right now. Sorry, for my long book:) thanks!

[Sweetness91]

At the end of the day, you have to take care of you and and your babies. Maybe they didn't get to go to the park, or wherever it is they wanted to go...but they were fed, clothed, and had a roof over their heads. Don't dwell on what you could've done for them...think about what you DID do! Before you know it, you'll be taking them to the park and where they wanted to go. Right now..do what you have to do to get better. It took me a bit to realize this,..but once I did, everything sorta fell into place and I got into a comfort zone. A place where I knew everything would turn out ok...but only if I worked for it and pushed for it. You can do this. I'm sure you can!!!!!!!

[30yrOldMommyOf3]

Thank you all for your heartfelt responses! It is an amazing feeling to be able to speak out.. nobody I know has any idea.. (besides my family and friends who are mostly alcoholics or substance abusers of some sort, mainly opiates) I've tried to talk to my best friend, or close family, and say look! We need help. And its laughed off, like haha yeah were so messed up.. lets get some wine and talk about it. So I appreciate having people that take this seriously. Because I'm not happy living this way anymore.   You ladies rock!

[Amandag78]

Congratulations on day 5 xx
Ive got 6 children and im 35. I only have the last 3 in my care because of previous drug abuse !!!
Getting them to and from school and feeding them properly is extremely hard with an addiction.
It seems we only can do those things when we are under the influence of a drug.
Coming down is near impossible to try and be a mother and do what is right for them.
I spent years hating myself for what i became.
It is very scary and confusing when we are thinking about quiting. We think we wont be able to cope with everyday skills needed to live.
A mother is a very strong woman, she can do anything. She has super powers because shes a mother.
Dont under-estimate your fight for survival.
I think your strength will pull you through.
Anxiety and depression is a part of how the body reacts when it gets put through a detox. Its very normal to feel this way. I take efexor and it has helped me very much to not have those thoughts in my head of feeling sad, crying, depressed, anxious etc.
I wish you and your family well. Well done for taking the first steps. You should be extremely proud of yourself xx

[Ldytaz]

good for you,Mom.CRS is right focus on u right now.I too came off an addiction to speed when my boys were 16,13and 7.It was hard but do able.I now am coming off methadone with a 8 year old grandson here.We come accustom to our addiction and how it makes us feel.Everyday u have to get up and want to stay clean.look in the mirror and say,I am worth it.I am a good Mom.I love my kids and I will prevail.take it one day at a time.Keep us posted.get some kind of aftercare also.Whether it be meetings or whatever.Just dont try and do it alone.We are here for u!!!

[CRSeaside]

Dear mom, focus on you right now. Housework isn't important. Was is important is your health & well being. You are doing something of value.
  Expect to feel off for now. But you will heal. Your brain needs time to start it's own manufacture of feel good chemical.
Plus all the money you'll save on booze & pills can go for a nice holiday for you & the children.   Pamela

[30yrOldMommyOf3]

Thanks for responding:) day 1 and 2 are by far the hardest. I started feeling better day 3. The worst part is physically I feel pretty decent. But I'm drinking coffee, trying to get energy to do literally anything and I'm in a daze, and all I can think is I need more medicine so I can clean my house and do something fun with my kids, especially because i feel so guilty for being so awful/emotional and lazy the last couple days. But I dont WANT more. It is such a horrible trick your mind can play on you.

[jojo3boys]

I know how u feel, I am also a mother of 3, and have been there, but use this and get angry with the pills, and think of your children and stay strong. Im on day one and if I can do it, I know u can