I'm at my end and desperate

[bama88]

So I came home this evening an everything went to he$& in a hand basket. I lost it....when I came home from work and stopped to use bathroom my husband was normal...came back from picking up my daughter from band and my husband was high as a kite...stratosphere.  And for the first time I went crazy angry...I know I know he was too high to even comprehend it...worst is my daughter seen it....I'm spit fire mad...I've had enough..and now he's passed out.  Getting high really makes me angry, what grinds my skin off is the fact he can't won't admit it...won't even tell me what he took....that's really maddening. Of all people why can't he talk to me?  Instead he spouts off "I've seen you worse, I put up with for a long time". Gues what dipshzz I'm not like that no more...haven't been like that in over two years...come to think about it closer to three...and THIS AINT ABOUT ME....I want to kick him out. I want him otta of here...problem with that, this is his house...and he won't go anywhere...he's like a mule, he will dig in...ugggg ughhh...

I hollered he neede to go to rehab..and he said "don't you think I don't know it". Where was a recorder when I need one..I see first hand how stupid one looks like staggering around the house tripping on ones own feet and nodding out on the porch then to pass out...he a selfish sick prixx.  I'm so mad hurt then disappointed then mad hurt all over again.

It's truly instantly at its grandeur.  And to top it off I think he's selling things that's worth money...now I don't see his prized possession of arrow heads...it's now completely out of control and so is my patients tolerance is gone...I am REAL MAD...
I want to somehow load him up in the car and plop him right in the rehabs driveway and drive off. Leave a note attached to him saying "you deal with it! I can't and won't.  We went from sometimes messing up to lots of times...he got busted last week, or maybe the week before at his sisters house.  Then this.  And I don't have a sticking clue what he took cause he is lieing out his mouth.  I've lost all respect or hope on him after tonight.  Now I know what it's like on the other side of this....we cleaned up together but do to his pain levels he went back on pills....constantly running short.  Making deals to get thru a week of nothing..basically buying pills. And because I won't let him have money he sells things now...jewelry of his is gone tools who knows....over a stupid little pills.  And he's already dumb from all the concussions he had in his wreck along with over 40 years of pot smoking and pill popping and ....he's so dumb if he keeps it up I'm gonna commit his so the doctors can see and put him in an facility cause I can't handle him anymore.  I gotta work..somebody has too...ooooooo am I on fire mad....I'll roll tide him in the tide....right to rehab.  Should I call there and see if we can do this?  I'm serious.  Can I drive him either to a rehab or a mental illness treatment center at the hospital and say he's overdosing...cause he might be....he doesn't respond when you talk to him...he just snores.

I just want my husband. And not like this.....please please help me figure this out.  Would it be possible to drop him off and drive off. And so how long do they have to keep him?  Please help me.....

[dominosarah]

Just be very careful you 2 especially when the rage presents itself.  I have done some really messed up things when i used to get into that mode.  I was always going to "show them" who was in charge.  We talk alot about having a plan in place when we are faced with medical issues.  The toxic situations you are both in requires a plan also.  Find some healthy outlets.

[msdelight]

Me too!

[bama88]

Ms delight we can't drop them off at rehab together...I know rehab won't cure you if you don't have the desire but a break from this would be oh so nice...we'll work is done....I feel for you, I can't stand to be around a drinker, it takes too long for them too pass out..lol....at least with these xanaxs I only have a hour of super duper nerve racking issues.....gonna hunker down and stay to myself today I'm not ready to have that conversation.  Still mad...and no so more than ever cause he can't find his pills and think I've took them.. If I could find them I'd flush them...

I will say this, after you get cleaned up for awhile and get to see another person messed up, it really changes your perspective.....keeps you straight.  Or it does me.  

[msdelight]

Bama I so understand too. And also have to agree with IBK. My husband is a raging alcoholic.  Saturday I came downstairs at 10am and he had a glass of red wine in one hand and a Bourbon on the rocks in the other. You can only change you. I'm so fed up after 25 years of this.  If you find a place we can drop them off with a note please let me know. I'm in!

[Doodlebug87]

Hi, I am new to this Forum but not new to addiction.  I am in the midst of kicking an oxycodone habit but years ago I was addicted to cocaine and alcohol.  I went through hell and took everyone else with me.  My parents along with everyone that loved me wanted me to get help but sad part is....the Person really has to WANT sobriety.  Babe, I know you want sobriety for him because you see what the drugs are doing to him, you and the family but even if you dropped him off and they took him in for weeks or even months, if he really didn't want sobriety and felt like he was forced into it, he would come out and be right back at square one.  As for me, it took the Good Lord to wake me up and I've been clean from that stuff since 2012.  Goes to show, those of us that have addictive behavior will always find something to cling to whether it be drugs, shopping, sex, other people etc.  I suggest you pray for him, at the point God will be the only one that can change his heart and mind.  I hung out with an old friend this past Friday night and she reminded me of myself back then which made me say "Thank God I quit doing that stuff" and really wonder if I looked like that when I was using.  Seeing someone else in that shape will make us think harder the next time we get the urge to take a pill etc.  God Bless, I will be praying for you and your family!

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

I will be praying a lot for you today and will ask God to watch over you and the children and will add an additional prayer that your hubby wakes up (mentally) and realizes that things have to change.  I was never really religious until my hubby almost died waiting for a liver transplant.  To this day I believe it was the power of prayer that kept him alive.  Prayer is a very strong and powerful tool in my belief.

Get your work done, try as hard as you can to not stress out too much.  In order to help your children and to try to help him you need to be strong and healthy too.

Big hugz to you...you've already been to hell and back again...it can't be easy to have to face it all again albeit from the opposite side.  You've proven you are a strong woman.....but don't try to do this alone.  Just like you needed aftercare for your addiction you also need care and support to keep yourself grounded.

[bama88]

Thanks for the reply last night I had to step out and leave....I called some girls from na and we had coffe to think of a way to do an intervention...I know it all up to the hubby but I am going to really reach out.  I'm getting ready for work, gonna be a long day.

I know I'm him and I know he's me...that's the problem.  We both addicts, codepentanrs, and just two basically messed up people with many issues.thats the kicker....and that's hard....
I see no positive effects while taking pills....none.....in fact I hate drugs...I know I was bad, oh I know but I'm not there anymore.  I made a choice. Maybe not in the beginning when I was under the influence, had to have some time to think with a clear head....and that's why I want him to go back to rehab.  I know under all those mess he desperately wants to change, we've had many conversations.
I can't watch many more times...he can't even wake up today...ugh I know he binged out on Xanax. No other thing makes him sleep like that...he will sleep two days now.  
I still want to plop him at rehab.
I feel like we're both walking on different paths and that is very sad. I don't know where this is going but I know where I've been....it's a hard knock life today

[Sonrissa]

Bama, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You know that you can not force your hubby to get clean. No one can. I agree with all of the above. Stay focussed, and take care of you. Do not let yourself fall back into that hole. Take some deep breaths and try to remain calm. Get yourself to some Alanon meetings. Do you have a sponsor? Call them and talk about this.

Take care honey. I will keep you in my prayers.

[jifmoc]

Agree 1000% w/ IBKLEEN!!!!!!

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Oh hun.  Damn....I know this isn't easy for you at all.  I didn't go through it with a partner...but I went through it with my father.  The one thing I learned is that we can't help them any more than we could be helped.  He can only help himself.  All you can do is take care of yourself and your children....if you can get away for a day or two with the kids so you can really think things through clearly.  Make the right decision for your kids.

I agree al-anon will help you too....you need to talk to others who have been through this.  Whatever you do...don't do it alone...you need some support...not just on here...but in person.

I will pray for you strong and hard!

[atthebeach]

Bama I never worked outside our home. I was raising our 4 children. I had no where to go. I asked my husband to leave for 4 years. He said he pays the bills and wasn't going anywhere. We lived in separate bedrooms. We were roommates nothing more. I didn't know not to argue with him, or try to reason with him. I didn't know about al-anon. I lived in complete isolation. I didn't expose his addiction to family or friends for a few years. I was embarrased for myself and my children. He finally left. We were separated for a year, his addiction got worse, he was suicidal. he was finally ready and went to a Christian men's program for 3 months. He has now been clean for 4 years and 7 months.
You know until  he is ready he won't get clean.
Have you gone to al-anon? How old are your children?
I had all my children in counseling for years through my husband's addiction
Do you have someone you can confide in?

[Merri123]

Same place. Except is is my house so I made him leave last time he was like that. It has been over a year and he is still doing it. But it is not in my life or my girls' lives. He know not to come over high to visit. Keeps saying if wants to stop but hasn't done it yet.

So anyway you can pack up and leave with the children? Maybe that is what he needs. To see what he will lose. Know you are serious.

[atthebeach]

Oh bama  huni believe me I know what your going through. I am so sorry. I so understand the flood of emotions, hurt, hate, mad, compassion, fear.

You know arguing with him when be is high doesn't get anywhere.
If you can get him in the truck yep take him to the ER and say he is unresponsive. What about calling the ambulance?

Please keep talking to us.
Hugs,
Debbie

[IBKleen]

I have to tell you lady (and you will hate me for this) look back on your old posts. YOU are HIM. Now, take a step back..look again..it's YOU. What do you need to do? You need to take car of you. If you cannot leave the house right now for whatever reason..then stay and work on YOU. Make a plan to go if you need to. You cannot change him. Don't fall back in that hole honey because you were in it for so long. Keep talking to us girl...

[Ejm7263]

My husband is an addict & alcoholic. Many people cannot deal with the temptation. In 1996 when I cleaned up from street drugs I could not & relationships caused me relapses. I really had to grasp the serenity prayer.
GOD grant me to accept the things I cannot change (my husband, until he's sick & tired of being sick & tired I can't) the courage to change the things I can (the way I respond every single time he salts like an a** and the wisdom to know the difference.
This, for me is the hardest part because I love him & I'm not leaving so I have to learn to look at & respond to him differently. NOW if he puts any of us in jeopardy he can so sit in jail because I'm the one who will call them. He's just never put me in danger. If he did or my kids or grandkids that's a DEAL breaker. He would have to leave until he was ready. I cannot & will not enable him to die.
Praying for your family.

[motye51]

I so hear ya! My husband is still using and it *****!!! Walking into n/a mtg as i type....will type in an hour! Hang in there girl and dont kill him (just yet, lol)...

[bama88]

Sad part is my kids gave up on dad.....they won't fight for him like they fight for me it's like they've accepted it because I run so much interference.  Or as my daughter and son said he's too far gone thinking he needs the pills...he can live in a tent if he needs pills.

I'm so hurt guys, I'm the one that should. Understand.  Of all people I don't judge him...I want to help him.  I lead by example so I don't do that anymore.  And after seeing what it looks like...by the grace of god I hope I never look and act like that again...he now lies when he's high about what he's taking.  Nobody passes out from two somas and a 20mg oxy...naw no way..not buying that fried ice cream to day.  I know what this mans tolerance is..he's took something else...just don't know what.

[bama88]

No I am not using.......this just keeps me that much sober....I'm gonna video tape him to show him how dumb is dumber